Purity
by moondancer1179
Summary: Bella's father is a religious fanatic. Will Edward and the Cullens figure out Bella's secret without revealing their own?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, I just like playing with them.

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My father and I left Mississippi two days after Christmas. Every couple of years we would move. My father would decide the town was too corrupt for me, and he would search out someplace new. Since I had become a teenager, we moved more frequently. This time we were headed to the west coast, a small town in Washington called Forks. Most of my life had been spent in the South. I enjoyed the warmth and the sun, and was not looking forward to this cloudy, rainy town.

I sat quietly in the cab of the moving van beside him, my hands folded in my lap. The radio was tuned to some AM station where a preacher was giving testimony about the glory of God. I had watched the landscape change as it flew by and glared at the clouds hovering over this place. Charlie slowed as we passed the sign that welcomed us to Forks.

"Praise God." He sighed.

I nodded and whispered a quiet. "Amen." To appease him.

As we wound through the town, I studied the buildings and people of Forks. It was similar, yet completely different from the small southern towns I was used to. I wondered if he would find a church here worthy of attending, or if we would simply worship at home again. In the back of my mind, I worried about the other students and how they would react if they found out about my father's fanaticism. In the South it hadn't been too bad, and I had even made a few friends that he approved of. I would find out on Monday. Of course, my father would prefer it if I were home schooled, but he had to work, so he begrudgingly sent me off to public school.

We pulled up outside of a modest white house. The lawn was green and well-maintained, and the forest closed in around the small back yard. The tops of the trees blocked out most of the sky, and my heart sank a little further. We sat for a moment in the truck before he looked over at me.

"Well Bella, this is our new home. Let's get moved in, tomorrow is Sunday." He exited the cab of the truck and I followed a moment later. Sunday was a day of rest, and there was too much work to do in order to get everything set up today. I wondered if any neighbors would come to help us move in this time.

I followed him into the house and we toured through it together. The kitchen was modest, and there was a small laundry area and pantry on the other side. The living room was dark, but a decent size. Up the stairs there was the bathroom, and two bedrooms. I would take the smaller bedroom on the right, and was relieved to find there were two windows in my room, so I had hope that maybe I would get some amount of light through them. As I came back down the stairs, I found him checking out the front closet, and he looked at me and nodded silently. I looked down at the toes of my boots sticking out from under my skirt, and involuntary shudder rippled down my back.

We worked most of the day moving in our belongings. There wasn't much, simplicity was important to God. I only fell twice, once as I was walking backwards with the couch, and tripping once on the stairs with my mattress. Much better than last time, I congratulated myself silently, knowing that I would be confessing that small bit of pride tomorrow.

I was setting up the kitchen, when my father came to find me. "Let's go into town and get something to eat Bella. Go clean yourself up first, you can finish when we get back."

"Yes sir." I replied and headed up the stairs to the bathroom where my bag was already waiting. My hair was a mess, so I redid my braid, and washed the sweat and smudges from my face. I would have to shower before bed tonight.

As we walked into the small diner, I felt the stares, but kept my head down. There were some other teenagers sitting at the counter and I heard their whispers and snickering. My modest dress was out of place even in the South, but they at least accepted it and understood what it meant. I had no idea how they would react here. One of the guys in the group was staring more intently than the others, and I felt myself blushing and fervently praying that my father did not see him looking at me. My prayers usually went unanswered though and I'd long ago given up hope of any sort of rescue from God, but it was habit. The boy turned away quickly and I felt my father's eyes boring into the top of my head. Fear ran through my veins as I knew what he was thinking.

The waitress came to take our order and when he ordered a salad and water for me, she paused. "Are you sure you don't want anything else sweetie? You're awfully thin."

"Gluttony is a sin of the devil." He answered for me. She cast a look of sympathy my way and hurried off to bring our waters. I knew everyone in the diner heard him. He always made sure he spoke loud enough to be heard. It was his way of _spreading the word_. When our food came we bowed our heads and gave thanks, and ate in silence. Not too eagerly, I had to remind myself, though I was starving from all the exertion of the day. Tomorrow we would fast, and this was the last food I would have until Monday morning. I tried to savor every bite without showing any enjoyment.

When we got home I made sure everything in the kitchen was put away and made up my bed. I laid my father's sheets outside of his door, I was not allowed in his bedroom. A loud noise made me jump, and I realized it was my father installing the lock on the front closet. He would set up our altar tonight as well. Taking a deep breath, I fetched my nightgown and went to the bathroom to shower. Careful not to spend too long under the relaxing water, I washed thoroughly and got ready for bed. When I came downstairs, I saw the wooden table had been set up with the white linen cloth, two candlesticks, and our family Bible sitting in the middle. I tried to ignore what was hidden under the table behind the cloth, what I would face tomorrow, and every Sunday after that until he let me leave.

I joined my father on my knees in front of the table and we prayed in unison:

_O God, I thank you for all the gifts and graces of this day._

_My God, I am truly sorry for any sin in my life today:_

_for anything I have done against your will;_

_for anything you have willed and I have left undone._

_My God, I trustingly ask your blessing tonight_

_upon my loved ones;_

_upon anyone I have ever offended or who has ever offended me;_

_upon those who have fallen into temptation._

_May I awaken tomorrow to know, love_

_and serve you still another day._

_Yet if it be your will to call me from this life tonight,_

_may I awake to the dawn of eternal happiness with you forever._

_Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit._

_Amen._

We rose and my father dismissed me to bed. He would stay up to read the Bible and plan his sermon tomorrow. It would be a long day and I needed my sleep. I sent up my own prayer for protection before sleep claimed me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Five a.m. came too early Monday morning. My back was stiff and I winced in pain as I stood up. I dressed quickly in a long denim skirt and plain brown top with long sleeves, carefully fastening my mother's crucifix around my neck. It was the one thing she left me and I wore it every day. After twisting my long brown hair into a braid, I sighed as I picked up one of my kerchiefs. It wasn't something I embraced, though it was important to my father. I also knew it was the one thing that would set me apart from everyone else with just one glance. Maybe the other students would just think I was some kind of hippie or making a fashion statement. I made my bed and headed downstairs to make breakfast. By the time my father came downstairs, I had his oatmeal and orange juice at his place at the table. We said our morning prayers and ate in silence. I washed the dishes as he read from the Bible, preparing in his own way for the day. Once the kitchen was spotless again, I headed upstairs to grab my backpack, carrying it by the handles instead of slinging it over my tender back.

Charlie sat up as I returned to the kitchen. "Bella?"

"Yes sir?"

"The school is less than a mile, but it rains here more often than not. I'm going to look at a few cars today for you because it wouldn't do for you to be walking in the rain."

"Thank you father." I replied incredulously. I never thought he would allow me to have a car. I figured I would be riding the bus, at least until I made some friends. It would be nice to have the little bit of freedom my own car would allow.

He nodded. "Today will be dry, so you can walk. I'll see you after school. Remember what we talked about yesterday. Your chastity is important to God."

"Yes sir, I will. I know." I headed out the front door after he gave me directions to the school. Charlie would be taking a job at the tire factory, but he didn't start until Wednesday.

The walk was nice and gave me time to think. I tried not to get anxious about my first day at a new school, but I knew teenagers could be so cruel. As I rounded the last corner I saw the sign that proclaimed the buildings behind it as Forks High School. It consisted of several small brick buildings that didn't resemble the schools I was used to at all. A sign over the first building declared it the Office, and I took a deep breath before heading down the shrub-lined path to the front door. I approached the counter where a large red-haired woman was sitting.

"Can I help you?" She asked.

"I'm Isabella Swan. I'm new here."

"Of course! Just a moment." She rustled through a stack of papers on her desk, eventually finding the ones she was looking for and handing them to me. "The top paper is your schedule, and the second one is a map." Then she gave me a slip that she needed all the teachers to sign and asked me to turn it in at the end of the day.

"Thank you so much." I told her as I left the office. I took a moment to look over the map in order to find the best route to my first class. I followed the paths to the building painted with a large number three on the corner. Once inside, I handed the slip to the teacher, Mr. Mason. He was a tall, balding man, and he nodded as he signed the slip. "Welcome to Forks, Isabella." He smiled.

"It's Bella, actually, sir." I felt my cheeks redden as I corrected him.

"Bella, then." He directed me to an empty seat at the back of the classroom. I had to pass by everyone gawking at me on my way to my seat, and I just kept my head down and prayed that I didn't trip. They were starting Romeo and Juliet today, something I had already read. Taking a chance to look around, I recognized a couple of the kids from the diner on Saturday. Including the one that had been staring a little too intently in my direction. I listened to the teacher drone on and read the part of Juliet out loud when it was my turn. Finally the bell rang and class was over. I was taking a moment to try to memorize the way to my next class when a shadow fell across my desk. I looked up and it was him. That same baby face and carefully arranged blond hair.

"Hi! I'm Mike. You're new here right?" He flashed me a grin.

"Yes, I'm Bella."

"Nice to meet you Bella. Can I help you find your next class?" I wanted to say sure, that would be nice, but I knew it was dangerous to make friends with the opposite sex. Not because I was afraid of them, but because I was afraid of what my father would do. Rumors spread fast in small towns, and he would know if I was seen with any one boy too long.

"Actually, I already know the way, but thank you." I smiled politely as I held my bag and headed out of the classroom. He wasn't giving up and walked beside me.

"So where did you move from?" He asked.

"Mississippi."

"Wow, that's quite a change. You don't much of an accent though."

"No, I've moved around too much I suppose."

"Why is that?" He asked. Again I prayed he would just go and leave me alone.

"We just have." I shrugged. "I really need to get to class." Giving him a polite smile I veered away from him towards my next class.

The rest of the morning continued in the same way. After the first two classes I began to recognize some of the faces in my class, which isn't unusual for a small town. By the time lunch came, I had been walked to class by three different boys and was beginning to wonder what the fascination with me was. I felt like a cracker jack prize that everyone wanted a turn with.

I walked to lunch with a tiny, curly haired girl who had been in two of my classes and she invited me to sit at their table. I noticed the three guys I had already met sitting there along with two other girls. The one I walked with, Jessica, introduced me to the others and I could almost hear the questions running through their heads. It was always the same at every new school. I sat down next to a quiet girl, Angela, and she gave me a shy smile. I answered the usual questions about where I was from and why we moved here, just waiting for the other questions that always followed. It was a blond girl I recognized from the diner at the end of the table that finally brought it up. She had heard my father that night and couldn't turn down a chance to humiliate me.

"So Bella, are you like one of those Mormons or something?" She asked.

"Lauren!" Jessica exclaimed.

I know my face must have been as red as a tomato. "No, I'm not Mormon." I answered quietly.

She huffed. "So you don't have like three moms or anything?"

"No, I do not have three mothers. I had one, and she left when I was twelve." I could hear the other kids at the table chastising her and apologizing to me, but I was too busy trying to hold back the tears to listen. It would only get worse as the semester wore on. They'd see me fully dressed in gym. I'd never be able to join them for regular teen stuff, never be allowed a boyfriend, or to go to the beach. I looked away from the table, and that is when I saw them.

They sat in the furthest corner of the cafeteria and they weren't talking or eating. There were five of them, and each one more stunningly beautiful than the next. They all looked so different from each other, but yet hauntingly similar. They shared the same flawless pale skin and dark eyes with bruise-like shadows underneath them. As I was staring, trying to ignore the whispers of those I was sitting with, one of the boys turned to look at me. His bronze hair was untidy and his features were inhumanly perfect. His eyes flickered over to Jessica and then a little more intently towards me before he turned away. I quickly dropped my eyes and felt the familiar blush creeping into my cheeks. Jessica giggled.

"I see you noticed the Cullens." She whispered, much too happy to gossip. I shrugged, feigning disinterest. "It's ok, everyone notices them at some point. They all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife. They're adopted, but they're all _together_."

I chanced another glance at the table and the tiny dark haired girl was watching me with with a frown. The bronze haired boy seemed to be upset with her.

Jessica continued. "The one that was looking at you, that's Alice Cullen, and you see the tall boy with honey-blond hair? That's Jasper Hale, her boyfriend. Next to him, the gorgeous blond, is his twin sister Rosalie, and she's with the big dark haired one, Emmett. The one on the end is Edward, but he doesn't date, so don't waste your time. Apparently none of the girls here are good enough for him." I heard envy slipping into the last part of that, as if she had been turned down by him before.

"Oh, I didn't plan on it. I don't date either." I replied, shaking my head.

Mike leaned over and decided to join in our conversation. "I was just filling Bella in on the Cullens." Jessica told him.

"Just ignore them Bella, they are freaks." He said. I looked away, not knowing how to respond. I'd been lumped in with freaks many times, and it's not a nice feeling. But they were all so good-looking, that it was hard to imagine they could be anything less than popular.

After a few moments of silence, Angela turned to me hesitantly. "Do you already have a church here Bella?" She asked shyly.

"No, we just worship at home right now. My father is pretty picky about choosing a church."

"My father is the minister at the Lutheran church. If you ever want to check it out, just let me know. I'd be happy to sit with you." She spoke so gently and had the kindest eyes. I knew Charlie would approve of her as a friend, and he might even let me attend her father's church. Maybe Forks wouldn't be too bad.

"I'd like that Angela. I'll ask my father about it." I smiled, hoping maybe I had found a friend.

"What class do you have next?" She asked.

"Um, Biology."

"Me too, I'll show you the way." We got up to put our trays away and walked in silence to the science building.

Once we were inside she took her seat at one of the black topped tables. I scanned the class, and found that the only available seat was next to the boy with the odd colored hair, Edward Cullen. I had the teacher, Mr. Banner, sign my slip and he directed me to Edward's table. He was staring at me with a look of great concentration on his face as I walked towards him. I was so flustered that I tripped on the leg of the chair as I was turning to sit and fell into the chair, my back slamming against the back of it. I winced and sat up straight as quickly as possible, noticing a slight wetness as one of the scabs on my back reopened. I heard the students laughing and whispering and tried to drown it out as I squeezed my eyes closed. When I opened them again, Mr. Banner had begun his lesson and the rest of the students were quiet. I turned to look at Edward and he was glaring at me with furious, coal black eyes. His hands gripped the edge of the table, and he was leaning as far away from me as possible. His reaction bewildered me. Sure I was clumsy and my clothes were weird, but what did I do to deserve such a hostile reaction from him? Maybe he was still upset with his sister from lunch. I tried to concentrate on Mr. Banner's lecture, but unfortunately I had already covered cellular anatomy at my last school. I kept my head down, taking notes, but I couldn't help but notice he didn't relax his stance through the entire class. The class passed much more slowly than the others had and finally when the bell did ring, he rose fluidly and had left the classroom before anyone else was even out of their seat.

I sat for a moment trying to figure out what had just happened, but decided it couldn't have anything to do with me, I'd never even spoken one word to him. So, I went through my bag and pulled out the note my father had written to excuse me from gym today along with the reminder about my clothing requirements. With a deep breath I headed out of the classroom and over to the gym. A couple of buildings down I saw Edward standing with his siblings. The little dark haired one, Alice, was rubbing his arms in a soothing gesture, while his fists clenched at his sides. The blond boy, Jasper was beside her, his arms crossed across his chest. Almost as if they could sense me looking at them, Alice and Jasper met my gaze and followed my progress across the open courtyard of the school. Alice tightened her grip on Edward, and Jasper's stare turned almost as hostile as Edward's had been in the classroom. I looked away and picked up the pace, trying to reach the gym as quickly as possibly.

Thankfully, Coach Clapp didn't press me about either note and allowed me to sit on the sidelines and watch for the day. I knew I'd be expected to participate tomorrow, though my father had tried to argue with the school in order to get me out of gym class completely. Boys and girls in physical contact with each other wearing nothing more than shorts and t-shirts was probably something he had nightmares about, I'm sure. I pulled out the copy of Romeo and Juliet that Mr. Mason had given me and started reading where we left off in class, hoping I could get a head start on my homework. I was so lost in reading, the final bell startled me. Thank goodness this day was over. I headed back to the front office to turn in my slip before starting the walk home. The walk wasn't bad, but I was hoping Charlie had found a car for me.

When I rounded the last bend before my house I saw an old red truck sitting in the driveway, and I do mean old. It had big round fenders and must have been from the fifties or sixties. But it was mine, and I sent up a quick prayer of thankfulness. I jogged the last little bit and threw my backpack in the bed of the truck so I could check it out more thoroughly. I opened the door to sit in the cab and looked over all the dials and gauges. It had a radio, and I almost squealed, when I saw my father approaching.

"I see you found your truck." He smiled slightly.

"Yes father, thank you so much. It's perfect."

"It's sturdy and in good condition. It runs well. There are some rules though Bella. You drive straight to school and back, and no one else rides with you unless I approve of them first."

"I know." I tried to keep the grin off my face, and I swear I saw his eyes sparkle for an instant.

He pulled out his wallet and handed me some cash. "We need groceries, so why don't you test it out and go shopping. I expect you to be home in an hour, so straight there and straight back, understand?"

"Yes sir." He nodded and tossed me the keys. I could barely contain my excitement as I turned the key in the ignition and the giant red beast roared to life. A smile flickered over my father's face as he watched me pull away. I knew he was only trying to do what he thought was best for me, but I couldn't help but continue on with my mental countdown until my eighteenth birthday. I had already started making plans. Only eight more months to go.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, I just like playing with them.

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My new truck rumbled through the parking lot as I drove to school for the first time. The clouds were promising rain, and I was thankful to have it, despite the stares of the other students as they watched me behind the wheel of the behemoth. As I crossed the parking lot, it felt like the eyes of every student were boring into me. Chancing a look up, the first two pairs of eyes I found were none other than Alice and Jasper. Their features perfect like expertly sculpted marble. There was no judgment or laughter in their eyes, it was something more like concentration, like they were trying to figure something out. Two of their siblings were standing on the other side of the car, but Edward wasn't there. I quickly looked down again and wondered what was going on with this family. Did I do something unintentionally to upset them?

"Bella!" I heard the gentle voice of Angela ring out from the sidewalk. Mike was standing with her, and they waved me over. I allowed myself a small smile, and a little bit of hope that I might actually make a couple friends here in Forks.

"Hi!" I couldn't help but grin.

"We thought we'd walk to first period together, if that's ok?" She shrugged nonchalantly.

"Sure, I'd like that."

"So how was the rest of your day yesterday Bella?" Mike asked.

"It was ok."

"Did you get a new truck? I thought I saw you walking yesterday."

"Yes, my father bought me a truck. I can't believe it. I never thought he would, but it makes sense with all the rain here that it's not practical for me to walk everyday." I allowed a little excitement to bubble over, because it truly meant a lot to me that he had given me this little piece of freedom.

"That's really cool." Mike grinned brightly. "So how far did you get with Romeo and Juliet last night?" He asked me.

"Almost finished." I ducked my head.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I like to read. Whenever I have free time, I try to sneak away with a book." I blushed.

"I do too." Angela looked up at me with a smile.

Mike rolled his eyes and then leaned in closer to whisper. "If you guys promise not to say anything, so do I." Angela chuckled softly and he winked at us.

We entered the classroom and found three seats together. We pulled out our copies of Romeo and Juliet as the rest of the students filed in. It was then that I noticed the little dark haired Cullen, Alice, had come into the room. I certainly remembered that she hadn't been in the class yesterday, and wondered what her sudden appearance meant. She moved down the aisle with unearthly grace, almost dancing. She gave me a warm smile and took a seat in front of Angela on my left. I looked questioningly at Angela and she just shrugged. The final bell rang, and Mr. Mason took his place in front of the class. We were in for another day of reading the play out loud. Class passed by relatively slowly as half the students were disinterested in the words they were reading, making it unbearable to listen to some of them. When Alice took a turn, I almost gasped in surprise at her musical voice, and Mike raised his eyebrows at my surprise. I was beginning to see why this family kept to themselves and why other students were quick to label them as _freaks_. There was definitely something otherworldly about them.

Again I walked to lunch with Jessica, and sat at their table. I took a seat next to Angela and across from Mike, and I couldn't help but notice that Jessica, Lauren, and the others distanced themselves from us and sat together at the far end. It momentarily dampened my mood, but I reminded myself to be thankful for what small blessings I had, one being that Angela and Mike were still sitting with me and had gone out of their way to talk to me so far.

I understood, truly I did. Religion is such a personal thing, that it makes people uncomfortable. It's easy for the other students to just ignore that part of their lives, but when you throw someone like me into the midst of them, the visual reminder is disconcerting. The way I dress is like a flashing billboard reminding them constantly of whatever they may, or may not, believe in. It makes it hard to get to know a person when their beliefs are literally worn on their sleeve. It's like a big black mole on the end of a person's nose, making it impossible for you to look elsewhere or stop thinking about it. So while it made me sad sometimes, I certainly understood. I guess I would even go so far as to say that it hurt more, knowing that I did not fully share the same beliefs as my father, yet I was forced to dress the part, so to speak. The other students really didn't even get a chance to know the real me, because they had already made their judgments from one look. I didn't completely reject my father's faith, I just interpreted the message differently. Every parent has rules for their children, and they make them with the best interest of the child in mind. Some parents give a curfew, my father insists I dress modestly, among other thing. It's all in how you look at it. I learned a long time ago that sometimes you have to accept your lot in life and work to make the best of it or to change it. There were small blessings every day that made even the worst Sunday bearable.

I chanced a look over to _their_ table, and found Alice smiling at me again. Jasper sat beside her with his arm around her, his eyes flickered over to me briefly, and then back to her. At least they didn't look angry with me, but I still felt intimidated. The other two didn't seem to have any interest in me whatsoever, but they were usually too involved with each other anyways. Edward still wasn't there, and I have to admit I was a little relieved after the way he acted yesterday.

Mike and Angela were talking about a new CD that just came out. "Have you heard it Bella?"

"Um, no. I don't really listen to much music." I replied, ducking my head.

"Well what kind of music do you listen to?" Mike asked.

My cheeks were burning. "Mostly classical, and a little bit of folk, old stuff though."

"I like classical too." Angela added. "Do you play an instrument or anything?"

"A little piano." I smiled. "How about you Mike?"

"No, I'm more of a sports guy." He winked. "I do enjoy music of all kinds though, but I can't say I really like classical, but it can be soothing sometimes, I guess."

Our little trio shared a quiet moment and I nibbled on my apple.

"So Bella." The sound of Lauren's voice filled me with dread. "Why did you move here? I mean, wouldn't you have fit in better in Utah?" She had a smirk on her face.

I tried to ignore her, but I knew the feeling of the blush that immediately stained my cheeks. It gave me away every time and I quickly looked down. _Don't say anything, it'll only make it worse._

"Lauren!" Mike chastised her.

"Oh give it up Mike. Honestly, why are you wasting your time? It's not like she'll ever let you into her pants."

Jessica couldn't hold back her giggles. "Don't you mean skirts?" Lauren snorted at the new joke.

Mike's expression turned hard, his jaw clenching. He was looking at me, and I could feel him silently pleading with me to look at him. I took a deep breath and raised my eyes to his. "Ignore her." He whispered sincerely.

I nodded and looked away from the table, breathing slowly trying to keep the tears from welling up. It didn't matter how many times this scenario played out, it still hurt, and I always had to struggle to keep the tears from falling. They'd jump on any weakness like a bunch of hyenas. Suddenly, I felt a wave of calm and confidence washing over me and I knew I would be able to maintain control. As I took one last cleansing breath, my eyes passed over their table again. Alice was watching our table, her jaw clenched much like Mike's. Jasper was holding her hand firmly, but he was looking at me with almost a tender expression on his face. He gave me an ever so slight nod, and then turned back to Alice, the other two at her table were watching her as well. This was getting odd. All of that lasted no more than half a minute, and I turned back to the table. Everyone seemed to be watching me expectantly.

"You're just jealous he's not trying to get into yours, Lauren. Not that there's much of a skirt there to get into. Really, you might want to borrow one of mine sometime, it leaves much more to the imagination. Guys like a little mystery." I flung back at her. _I am so going to hell._

I stood up, praying that I could at least make a graceful exit. The look on Lauren's face was priceless and I didn't want to screw this up. I turned on my heel and stalked out of the cafeteria without so much as a stumble. Maybe someone was watching out for me for once. As soon as I got outside the doors, I headed for the wall and leaned against it, letting out a heavy sigh. It didn't take long for Angela and Mike to join me, huge grins plastered on their faces.

"That was great Bella. Good for you for standing up to her." Mike's eyes were bright with excitement. "And you're right. She's been trying to get into my pants since the beginning of the year. Unfortunately for her, I'm not like that."

Angela pulled me into a hug. "Are you ok?" She asked.

"Yeah." I chuckled silently. "I feel great actually, but I just can't believe I said that." A giggle escaped.

"She totally deserved it. Don't feel badly about it at all. Promise?" Angela smiled as she held me by the shoulders.

I nodded as the bell rang. "I guess it's time for class." All three of us left the building and Mike walked part of the way with us to Biology.

"See you in gym Bella!" He was still wearing a huge grin as he waved and jogged off to his class.

Biology passed slowly. I couldn't help but wonder what the problem was yesterday, I wanted to believe he was just sick, but I could not shake the feeling that the rest of his family was watching me for some reason. But why would they be? As the bell rang at the end of class, I was filled with dread. Gym was next, and it was definitely my least favorite class. Today would be the first day I had to wear my _uniform_, and aside from that, I was sore and clumsy.

I found a locker in the girl's locker room and put my bag in there after I pulled out my clothes. The rest of the students wore shorts and t-shirts, but my uniform consisted of ankle length stretch pants and a knee length skirt. The t-shirt was modest enough that I could at least wear that. The other girls changed in the middle of the room, but I took my pile of clothes and headed over to one of the bathroom stalls. I could feel the stares of some of the other girls, and hear a couple snickers. I shrugged them off. As I turned around to close the stall door, I saw Alice following me. I paused, wondering if she wanted to talk to me, but she just smiled and held up her uniform, going into the stall next to me. This was starting to unsettle me, did my father hire people to watch me? Surely he'd never stoop that low. I finished changing and headed back to my locker, more snickers as the girls saw what I was wearing. _Oh well, nothing I can do to change it. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change... _

"Hi! I'm Alice." A high trilling voice startled me. The little dark haired girl was standing a couple lockers down putting her things away.

I'm sure my eyes were round as saucers. "Hi...I'm Bella."

"I know." She flashed me a grin. "My schedule got changed, so now I'm in your gym class."

"And English too."

"Right! So are you ready for class?" The girl was vibrating with excitement.

"I guess, though I'll warn you to stay far, far away from me. Me and sports don't go together too well and you're likely to end up injured if you're within twenty feet of me." I let out a little chuckle.

"Oh don't worry about me, I'm pretty good at athletics. How about I keep an eye out for you? Deflect any stray balls or badminton rackets?" She winked.

"Sure." I smiled tentatively. She'd see soon enough how much of a disaster I was in gym class. Maybe the coach would take pity on the class and let me do something else to earn my credit.

Alice walked beside me into the gym, and asked me to be her badminton partner. She didn't talk much, though you could feel the energy rolling off of her. She was nice, and sure enough I didn't injure anyone with my racket. Alice was good, and fast, which meant I didn't have to do much, which was definitely in the best interest of everyone in the gym. She followed into the bathroom stall beside me to change again, and walked with me out of the locker room.

"Thanks a lot for keep the damage to a minimum for me." I told her once we were in the hall.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." She grinned. Alice looked over and I saw her boyfriend, Jasper leaning against the wall. They exchanged a meaningful look and she nodded. He smiled and walked over to us.

"Hi, I'm Jasper." His deep voice was like silk. _Who are these people?_

I nodded. "I'm Bella."

"I know." He chuckled. This school was so small I'm sure every single student here knew my name, and these introductions were getting repetitive.

"Oh hey, is your brother Edward alright? He looked like he was sick or something in class yesterday, and then he wasn't here today." I asked.

"Yeah, he was sick. He should be back tomorrow, it was probably just something he ate." They were both looking at me oddly, and the feeling of unease settled in again.

"Well I hope he's feeling better! I've got to get home now. It was nice meeting you both, see you tomorrow Alice!" I smiled brightly, maybe a little too brightly, and headed towards the parking lot. They followed shortly after me, and met their other two siblings where they were waiting at a huge jeep. The blond one that looked like a supermodel was watching me with a bit of a glare, but they all piled into the jeep and sped out of the parking lot. I took a deep breath and drove home, going over my mental checklist of everything that needed to be done tonight.

~~**~~

"How was school Bella?" My father asked as I came in the door.

"It was pretty good actually. I've already ahead in some of my classes, so the schoolwork isn't a problem." I hung up my coat, and switched out my shoes for indoor slippers. Then I headed up the stairs to put my bag in my room. "I'll be right back."

I came down the stairs and went into the kitchen, tying on an apron. My father came to sit at the kitchen table, while I fixed us both a glass of water.

"Have you made any friends yet?" He asked.

"Actually, yes. There's a girl named Angela, her father is the minister at the Lutheran church here. She invited us to attend of course. She's very kind and I think you would like her." I smiled softly, and sat down with him at the table.

"Maybe in a couple weeks then." He seemed thoughtful. "Anyone else?"

"One of her friends, Mike, sits with us at lunch, and he seems really nice too. There's another girl, Alice, who is in a couple of my classes."

He was giving me _the look._

"I know the rules father, and it's not like that. You know you can trust me."

"It's not you I worry about."

"I know." If he wanted me to only associate with girls, then he should have put me in private school or a nunnery. It's unavoidable otherwise. "You know, if we joined a church, you might get a chance to meet some of the boys in town. You might find they aren't all as horrible as you think."

His eyes narrowed. "Well see about that when it's time. For now, just remember that while I may not be able to know your thoughts, He will."

"There is nothing wrong with talking." I insisted. "I know better than to think or do anything more. Sometimes I wish you would give me a little credit."

"Isabella!" He warned.

I immediately dropped my gaze to my lap. "Forgive me father, I should not have been disrespectful." _Eight more months, just play the part and you're free._

"I forgive you. Now do your chores and start dinner." He stood up and laid his hand on my head. I don't remember the last time he ever hugged me, this was usually the extent of his affection.

"Yes sir." I whispered as I rose from the table. Tuesday was the day I cleaned the floors, so I went to pull out the broom and dustpan. The house would need more thorough cleaning since we'd just moved in. After I swept all the floors, I pulled out the mop and bucket and started mopping. At four o'clock I started the lentil soup, so it could cook while I finished the floors. After we ate dinner, I went upstairs to work on my homework. There wasn't much, Trigonometry problems, chapter questions for Government, and reading over the information for the lab in Biology tomorrow. When that was done I took my shower, and met my father downstairs for prayers. Tonight he asked me to lead, and he knew which prayer I would choose.

_God grant me the serenity _

_to accept the things I cannot change; _

_courage to change the things I can;_

_and wisdom to know the difference. _

_Living one day at a time; _

_Enjoying one moment at a time; _

_Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; _

_Taking, as He did, this sinful world_

_as it is, not as I would have it; _

_Trusting that He will make all things right_

_if I surrender to His Will;_

_That I may be reasonably happy in this life _

_and supremely happy with Him_

_Forever in the next._

_Amen._

As I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, I thought of all the things I had to be thankful for. In spite of everything, my father _did_ love me. At least he didn't leave me behind like my mother had. School was not awful, and I had made a couple friends. I was alive and healthy, of sound mind and spirit. One day I would be free, and there would be no more Sundays with my father. It was with this last thought in mind that I fell peacefully into sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, I just like playing with them.

* * *

It was my third day at school and already my routines were falling into place, both at home and school. Very little ever changed for me. Sure the faces were different, but they didn't change a thing about my life. If anyone dared to befriend me, it usually didn't last long. However it did provide a bit of comfort while it lasted and I was thankful that I had friends at all. Angela and Mike were so nice, and understanding. They never pushed for more information or said anything to make me feel self-conscious. They were truly two good people. Under different circumstances I would have rejoiced in these friendships, but I learned to be cautious. Too many questions would be asked if I let anyone in too close. Then there was Alice, and her family. Alice was nice, but different. I didn't know if I was supposed to like her or be afraid of her. The little hairs on the back of my neck stood up whenever they were around, warning me that there was something off about them. Their unnatural beauty and grace was dazzling, which made me feel strangely at ease. The two warring emotions were unsettling.

I noticed at lunch today that _he _was back. Edward Cullen, my Biology partner. I wondered if he would talk to me today, if he would be friendly like Alice and Jasper. I guess I would call Alice friendly. She was certainly exuberant and made an effort to befriend me. As Angela and I walked through the door of Biology, I looked over at my desk and there he was. His eyes found mine and I couldn't tear my gaze away from him. Not smart when you are as clumsy as I am. His eyes were swirling storms of amber and topaz, ringed in black. Absolutely mesmerizing which started the prickling sensation at the back of my neck again. I wanted to look away, but I felt compelled to hold his gaze. I felt pulled to him. A sharp pain jolted me from my bubble as I rammed my hip into the corner of our table. _Ow._ I winced and quickly sat down.

"Of all the times to be clumsy." I mumbled.

"Excuse me?" He leaned in, his sweet breath was intoxicating.

I realized he had asked me something and snapped my head up. "What?"

"I thought I heard you say something?"

"Oh, um... I'm hope you're feeling better. Alice said it was probably something you ate." I made something up quickly, though I was sincere. He let out a harsh laugh that confused me. My hands found their way to my mother's necklace and I began playing with the crucifix as I always did when I was nervous. _Why was I nervous? We're just having a simple polite conversation. Ugh._

"I am feeling much better. Thank you for asking." He answered me and that was that. He sat back, disinterested in discussing anything further with me, and studied his notes. I was used to this treatment, but I still felt the sting, maybe a little more than usual. Probably because his sister had been so nice to me, I expected he would too.

Mr. Banner explained the lab for today and we worked in silence, making our own notes. I tried not to look at him, but I found my eyes straying to his perfectly chiseled features. I wondered if his skin would feel like marble, because it certainly looked like it. I wondered what he was thinking about. _Why do you care?_ I mentally berated myself. He's just another face in another town who either thinks you are completely weird or couldn't care less. The bell rang, and I could feel him looking at me. I had no idea what he wanted, but I turned to him, trying to think of something, anything, to say. He looked like he wanted to say something too, but then he abruptly grabbed his books and took off out of the classroom.

"Bye to you too." I whispered as he passed through the doorway, once I was sure that he couldn't hear me. _What was that about?_ _Don't even think about it, you know what would happen. _

Alice found me in the locker room again and changed in the bathroom stall beside me. Again she chose to be my partner in badminton. Once when I got a little too close to another student with my wildly out of control racket, she told me I should stay in the back corner. I knew she just wanted to help, and I wasn't offended. It was nice that she cared and that she obviously could tell gym made me uncomfortable. While we might not talk much, her actions showed me that she was thoughtful and kind. It wasn't so bad here in Forks.

The rest of the week played out in much the same manner. Life was about routines, rituals. Everything was falling into place easily. Classes were going well, and I spent my lunches talking to Mike and Angela. Edward still didn't talk to me in Biology, but his sister, Alice, continued to stay steadily by my side in gym class. The household chores fell into place as well. Each day I spent extra time on a particular room to bring it up to standards for my father. He was working now, and things seemed to be going as well as could be expected for us. New town, new house, new faces, but Charlie and I were the same as always.

Friday night I spent making sure the house was clean because Angela was coming over the next day. I knew my father would never let me go to her house or anywhere else with her if he didn't get to know her first. Since we had a project to work on for English, it was as good a time as any to introduce them.

Saturday afternoon when the doorbell rang, I almost danced to the door. Angela was going to join us for lunch and then we would work on our project for the afternoon. If anything, her presence would help take my mind of the dread that usually filled me on Saturdays. I introduced Angela to my father and then invited her into the kitchen.

"It smells wonderful in here Bella, like fresh baked bread." She beamed.

"Thanks. Saturday is baking day, and the first batch just came out of the oven." I filled the bowls with the barley and bean soup and placed them on the table, along with a basket of fresh bread.

Charlie cleared his throat, indicating he was ready to give the blessing. The conversation while we ate consisted of your general "get to know you" stuff. Angela and my father got along well. She helped with the dishes and then with Charlie's blessing we ran up the stairs to work on our project. When we entered my room, I was almost embarrassed.

"So this is my room." I blushed. It consisted of a twin mattress on the floor, one bookshelf, and a small desk. "I was going for the minimalist approach." I tried to turn my embarrassment into a joke.

She gave me a warm smile. "Don't be embarrassed Bella. It's fine. You know, out of anyone, I understand."

I gave her a tentative smile and gestured to the desk. "You can sit there, and I'll take the bed."

Both conversation and silence were easy with Angela. It was nice. We worked on our project and she asked me more about our lifestyle.

"So is your father a preacher then?" She asked.

"I guess he's as much of a preacher as any other man, but no he hasn't gone to school or anything for it. He just hasn't found a church he's completely comfortable with. There's always something that he doesn't agree with, so he prefers to stay home and teach me his own beliefs."

"Are you any particular denomination?"

"Not that I can tell." I shrugged. "My father's beliefs are more extreme than most churches, so he finds them too liberal."

"Do you mind talking about it?" She asked shyly.

"I don't mind talking about some of it. Other parts are a little too personal for my liking."

"Other than modesty and simplicity, what else do you do?" Curiosity shone bright in her eyes.

"Well, we're vegan. Which means we do not eat or use any animal products at all. No dairy, no eggs, no honey, nothing. I cook everything from scratch, and we try to eat completely organic. We don't watch TV, and my music selection is severely limited as I already told you." I let out a little laugh. "My days are filled with school and housework, and I'm not usually allowed to be idle. Which means I have no social life as I'm not allowed to just go hang out with friends or go to movies or anything like that." I frowned. "It makes it hard to keep friends."

Angela gave me a sad smile. "It must be difficult. But Bella, I'm your friend, even if it means I can only see you at school and come over here."

"Thank you Angela. That means a lot to me."

"Bella...are you happy?" She asked earnestly after a few minutes.

I shrugged. "It's not the life I would have chosen for myself if I'm being honest." She accepted my answer with a small nod.

We worked for a little while more, focusing on the project and then it was time for her to leave. I had to get supper on the table. I felt unusually tired and hoped that I wasn't coming down with anything. It was probably just exhaustion from moving in and getting settled over the past week.

"Thanks for having me over Bella. Maybe next Saturday you can show me how to make bread?" Angela asked as she was headed out the door.

"That's a great idea, it would be nice to have you over again." Charlie had joined us to say goodbye to Angela

"I'd love to." I told her. "Thanks for coming! Bye!"

"See you Monday!" She yelled as she got in her car.

I turned to my father after I shut the door. "Well?"

"Angela is very nice, I don't have any problem with your friendship."

I gave him a big grin, thankful that he approved of Angela.

~~**~~

Monday morning definitely came too soon and I felt much weaker than usual. My head spun as I sat up, and it took a moment for me get my bearings. We fast on Sundays, so I was sure that once I had something to eat I would feel better. Moving carefully, I got dressed for the day, and made my way downstairs as quickly as possible. I drank some orange juice while I put the oatmeal on the stove. The pain from my back was a dull burn, and I thought about asking Angela if she had any Tylenol when I saw her at school. My father didn't keep any form of medicine in the house, as he didn't trust modern medicine or doctors.

"Good morning Bella." My father greeted me, raising his eyebrow questioningly. _Argh, his breakfast wasn't on the table yet. _I seemed to be moving slower than usual this morning. I quickly placed his bowl on the table and poured him a glass of juice.

"Good morning Father. I'm sorry, I don't feel well this morning." I explained.

He appraised me for a minute and his set his jaw. "You will be fine Isabella. Trust in Him, confess your sins and you will be healed."

"Yes sir." I replied, through gritted teeth. We ate in silence.

I met with Angela and Mike before school as usual.

"Bella are you ok? You really don't look so good." Her expression laced with concern.

"I'll be fine. I'm just a little dizzy, probably coming down with a cold or something." I tried to reply lightly. My arms were aching from holding my books. I could make it through the day, and then take it easy tonight.

The day wore on and I wasn't feeling any better. My friends watched me with concern, so it must have been obvious that something was wrong with me. I just wanted to go home and sleep, but I knew that was not an option. At lunch I ate more than usual, trying to perk myself back up. In Biology, Edward was watching me intently, but I barely paid him any attention, laying my head on my arm as I took notes. He actually walked beside me to gym as if he was worried I was going to collapse, but he didn't speak to me. Alice met him halfway and it seemed like they were having some kind of silent conversation. I wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. I certainly did not want to participate in gym class today, but I didn't have a note. Briefly I wondered if Coach would let me sit out anyway once he saw how badly I felt. Most likely he'd want to send me to the nurse, and I knew I couldn't do that because she would want to call my father. Charlie would be furious if that happened. Alice didn't leave my side for a second, and thankfully we were just running laps today, which meant I could walk at my own pace. Mike ran a few laps and then joined Alice, walking on my other side. Then everything happened at once. I heard Alice gasp and turn to hold me in her arms. Blackness started fading in around the edges of my vision and I felt my legs give out. Mike realized what was happening and helped Alice lower me to the ground. Before the blackness pulled me under, I pleaded with Alice. "_Don't tell Charlie._" I saw her nod that she understood and then I let everything go. I was floating in a black pool of numbness.

The pain is what I felt first. Every inch of my body ached and I thought my head was going to explode. There was a loud ringing in my ears, and then a roar before I began to hear normally. My eyelids were heavy and as I started to open them, the light made me wince and keep them closed.

"Bella, can you hear me?" A smooth velvet voice asked from beside me.

My mouth was so dry, I tried to wet my tongue and my lips so I could answer. A raspy _"Yes"_ found it's way past my lips.

"Can you open your eyes?" I felt cool hands on my face.

"Lights." I croaked, and instantly it was darker. I pried my eyelids open once more and blinked a couple times, willing the room to come into focus. Realization washed over me and panic set in.

"Calm down Bella, you're ok." A trilling voice spoke. _Alice?_

Finally able to focus on the faces around me, I saw it was indeed Alice. Edward was there, and another man with the same golden eyes, but blond hair.

"What happened? Where am I? Please tell me you didn't call Charlie?" The questions came tumbling out.

Alice's melodic voice spoke softly. "Angela's mother called Charlie to make sure it was ok if you came over to work on your project. He was fine with it, and there will be no repercussions."

"What? Angela's mother...how?" I was incoherent, struggling to piece things together.

Alice sighed. "I called Charlie and set it all up so that he thinks you are with Angela. He doesn't know anything else and believes you are there. I called Angela and let her know the cover story. Everything will work out, _trust me_."

"Ok. What really happened though?"

"You passed out in gym class. Though honestly Bella, you shouldn't have gone to school today. Everyone could tell something was wrong." She admonished gently, and I started to object, but she went on, refusing to let me interrupt. "This is our father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

"Hello Bella." He was watching me with concern.

"Oh...no.. I..." _No doctors, absolutely no doctors!_ "I need to go." I tried to sit up, but the room started spinning again. Dr. Cullen gently lowered me back down.

"You really should remain laying down for a little bit. I understand that your father has informed the school that he refuses medical attention for you." His eyes narrowed. "That is his right of course. The normal school procedure would have been for them to call him when you collapsed. However, you asked Alice not to tell him. Your coach was aware of the situation and when Alice told him she would take you home, he allowed her to leave with you. She brought you to our home instead because you had not regained consciousness. There is no reason for Charlie to know you are here, and I want you to know that anything we discuss does not leave this room."

My addled mind was trying to catch up with his words and make sense of them. "So...he thinks I'm at Angela's....and everyone else thinks I'm at home. But I'm here, and no one is going to tell him otherwise?"

"Right." Alice stroked my hair gently. "You're safe Bella." I felt the tiniest bit of relief.

"Bella, when was the last time you saw a doctor?" Dr. Cullen inquired.

"I...I don't remember. Years." I answered quietly. I didn't miss their reactions, especially Dr. Cullen's.

"Alice, Edward, please leave us." He commanded.

"Bella, you are safe. You can trust us." Alice whispered in my ear before leaving the room with her brother.

Dr. Cullen had gotten up and paced over to a desk. I looked around the room for the first time, noticing I was in some kind of office. Dark wood bookshelves lined the walls, filled with books. A large mahogany desk was scattered with papers, files, and books. I was laying on a brown leather couch. He turned to look at me again with a look of deep concentration, returning to his seat next to the couch.

"Really, I'm sure I'll be fine. I should be going, I have to get dinner started and..." A cool hand pressed on my shoulder urging me to stay laying down.

"Bella, do you share your father's...ideas? When it comes to medical decisions at least."

"Um...I...I guess not. But it's not like I've ever had a choice in the matter." _I'd never had anything more serious than a broken arm when I tripped down the stairs, and he took me to a doctor then. Otherwise, I was left to heal on my own._

"What if I agreed to take you as a patient under the strictest confidence. No one would have to know." He sat down in front of me.

"I guess if I ever needed a doctor that would be fine. But, I'm fine really. I'm sure it was just a dizzy spell from not eating."

"Why weren't you eating?"

I groaned. This is why Charlie didn't want me to see a doctor. They had too many questions!

"We fast on Sundays." I replied curtly.

"Bella, tell me more about your eating habits."

"We're vegan. We eat organic when possible, not that there is a huge selection here for that. Um...three meals a day." I shrugged.

"Do you take supplements, or vitamins?" He was starting to look angry. I really had to find a way out of here, but I simply shook my head.

"No, if he doesn't believe in doctors, what makes you think he'd let me take vitamins."

He stared at me incredulously before taking a deep breath. "Bella, do you understand how unhealthy that can be?" I nodded. I knew. There wasn't anything I could have done about it. I had no money of my own, I would have had to steal them.

"If you will let me, I will help you." Dr. Cullen pleaded.

"He can't find out, ever." I whispered vehemently.

"Why? What would he do?" His hard, penetrating stare told me he already knew more than he was letting on.

I kept my eyes down. "Please."

After a few moments, he relented. "You'll let me help?"

I nodded. "Is something wrong with me?"

"I can't say for sure, as I need to do blood work. Given your diet, symptoms, and appearance though, I'm pretty sure you're most likely anemic and deficient in vitamin B12. How long have you been vegan?"

"As long as I can remember. So basically I just need to take a couple vitamins and I'll be ok, right?"

"If this what it is, then at first you will need daily shots of B12, then the shots can be spaced out. They do have sublingual tablets I can give you later. For the anemia, a supplement would be fine. I need to take blood to know for sure though. But you have to understand, than if not treated, these things can be quite serious."

"Shots? Daily?" How would I ever be able to manage that. Just the thought of all those needles made the room tilt at an odd angle.

He nodded. "Will you let me help?"

"Do I have a choice? I mean if I refuse you would probably just report us to the cops or something, right?"

After some hesitation, he replied. "I could, but I won't do that. So yes, you have a choice. But it's in your best interest to let me treat you. You really don't want to keep going down this path. All of this is completely off the record."

"Ok." I agreed.

"Can you promise me something in return?" He asked gently.

"Maybe?"

"Will you try to talk to your father about you both seeing a doctor? Maybe you can give him some literature on the dangers of these issues?"

I shook my head. "You don't understand. You don't know what he's like. If I even brought it up..." _Too much information Bella! _My mind screamed at me. I looked down, my hands nervously fidgeting with my necklace again.

"It's ok Bella. I'm not going to push you, but I hope in time you'll trust me." He gave me a knowing looking.

Nodding, I decided to change the subject. "So you said you needed to take some blood. Can you do that here?"

He chuckled dryly. "No, not here. I'll need you to come to my office at the hospital." I opened my mouth to tell him that was impossible, if anyone saw me and my father found out... "I can take you in the back and no one will see you. There will be no file with your name or anything."

"What time is it? What time am I supposed to be home?" I asked.

"It's just after four, we can have you home by five-thirty?" He supplied.

"That's fine. He doesn't get home until after six."

"Let's go then. Alice and Edward will come with us, and they'll take you back to your truck." He gently helped me into a sitting position. "Just sit for a minute and make sure you're feeling ok." After a minute, he helped me to my feet. My legs were still shaky and my body felt unnaturally heavy, but I could walk. Alice hovered by my side as I descended the stairs, just in case. She'd seen how clumsy I could be in a normal state and wasn't taking any chances.

I rode with Dr. Cullen in his black Mercedes. The soft leather was comfortable and I closed my eyes, wishing for sleep. Edward and Alice followed in his silver Volvo. The ride was short, and true to his word, Dr. Cullen took me in through the back of the hospital and we didn't come across a single person. Alice and Edward waited in the Volvo. Dr. Cullen left me in his office so he could go gather whatever he needed. The day felt so surreal. I'd been dizzy and weak all day, stumbling around in a kind of haze. Waking up in a stranger's house really threw me for a loop, and the whole time was the underlying terror that my father would find out. I've known for a long time that I should be eating differently or taking some kind of supplements. I'd tried to bring it up with my father once, and only once, and I would not be making that mistake again. I thought I would be ok until I could get out of there when I turned eighteen. Obviously, I needed help. I could not live another eight months feeling like this, and if it got worse, then I could be in serious trouble. Maybe I could trust Dr. Cullen, he seemed sincere in really wanting to help me. If this all worked out, then it would be worth it. I just had to dodge any more serious questions he may come up with, because if he knew or even suspected, then my whole plan would be ruined.

Dr. Cullen came back into the room with an armful of supplies. I gulped and felt my heart rate accelerate as I realized he'd be sticking a needle into my arm. He flashed me a sympathetic smile. "You don't like needles do you?" I shook my head, sure that my eyes were as wide as saucers. "Don't worry, it's just a pinch and it will be all over."

He pulled his desk chair over to me and started laying out the supplies on his desk. He slid the sleeve of my shirt up and wiped the crease of my elbow with an alcohol pad. "Ok Bella, why don't you look at that painting over there, you don't want to watch this. Just breathe." I felt him find the vein and I tensed every muscle in my body, squeezing my eyes shut waiting for the pain. "So, what do you think of Edward?" His question surprised me and in that moment of confusion he slid the needle into my arm. I stared at him with my mouth wide open and he smirked. "Distraction usually works."

Then I realized what he had done. "Oh..." _What did I think of Edward though?_ He was certainly beautiful, but it's not like I'd had a chance to get to know him since he refused to really talk to me. He seemed to watch me though, and I wondered why...

I felt pressure on my arm and Dr. Cullen was grinning as he put a band-aid over the small puncture. "That was quick." I said.

"As I said, distraction usually works." The corner of his mouth started twitching and I had no doubt he knew exactly who I had been thinking about. I gave him a half-hearted glare.

"So now what?" I asked.

"Well I should have the results back tonight. Can you find a way to call me or come by tomorrow?"

"I don't know. I can't use the phone at the house, and I don't have a cell. If Alice has one, I could use hers at lunch maybe?"

"That will work. We'll figure the rest out then. Do you think you'll be ok to drive?"

"Yeah. How long will I still feel like this? I mean I can't keep passing out everyday...and what about gym?" I groaned and put my head in my hands.

"It may take a little while before you feel like yourself again. If you'd like, I can write you a note for gym, or speak to your coach."

"No, that's probably not a good idea. If he knows I'm seeing a doctor...well if it ever came up, that would not be good. I'll be ok."

He nodded and scribbled something down on a scrap of paper. "Here is my number. Please call me if you need anything at all. Any time of day or night."

"Thank you Dr. Cullen...for everything." He clasped my shoulder with his cool hand and smiled.

"Call me Carlisle, and it's my pleasure." He pressed his hand to the small of my back, leading me back out of the hospital. I slid into the passenger seat of the Volvo and Edward pulled out of the parking lot, driving me back to my truck.

"You ok Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yeah. I just hope I feel better soon."

"Me too. You're not mad then?"

"Mad?" I asked.

"You're not mad at me for taking you to my dad?"

"No Alice, I'm not mad. Thank you for everything."

"Well I just want you to know we're here to help. If you need anything, or just want to talk, please don't hesitate to ask." She offered sincerely.

"Thanks."

Edward still hadn't said anything to me, giving the road his full attention. He pulled into the school parking lot next to my truck and I reached for the door to get out.

"See you tomorrow Bella!" Alice chirped.

I returned her smile. "Thank you for the ride Edward." He nodded his head in acknowledgement.

As I was getting into my truck, he rolled down the window. "Take care of yourself Bella." He gave me a small smile and then drove off.

_Well now, was that so hard?_ I thought to myself with a little grin.

I was filled with peace and dread at the same time as I drove home. Thankfully I had leftovers I could fix quickly for dinner, so it would be ready by the time my father got home.

Dinner was on the table when he came in the door, and as Alice predicted, he didn't question my afternoon activities. After I cleaned up the dishes, I retired to my room for the night, planning to work on my homework. The next thing I knew it was two o'clock in the morning and my neck was stiff from sleeping hunched over my desk. I quickly changed and slipped into the bed, drifting off to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know if you'd like to hear any other POV, or if you like the Cullens' motives being a mystery. I've written some from Edward's POV, but I haven't decided if I want to add it yet. Everything will be revealed in time, so I don't want to give too much away before Bella is ready. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, I just like playing with them.

* * *

The next morning, I didn't feel much better. Alice and Edward watched me pull in, and by the time I was exiting my truck, Alice was by my side.

"Bella, don't be mad. Carlisle already called you in sick for the day, Charlie won't find out, but we need you to come with us. You're taking a day off, doctor's orders."

"Alice, can't I just call Carlisle, or can't you just tell me? If anyone says anything to Charlie..." Truthfully, I did not feel up to going through my classes today, but the fear of my father finding out made me want to try. Alice wouldn't let me finish.

"Either you come willingly, or I will have Edward throw you over his shoulder and carry you off." She threatened. I looked past her to where Edward was standing and he motioned curtly with his head for me to come. I had no doubts that he would do just what she said if I refused.

"Fine." I hissed. I tried to storm over to their car, but I just didn't have the energy. Once again I found myself in the front seat of the Volvo with Edward ignoring me.

"Bella, we wouldn't have done it if it wasn't important." She pleaded with me.

"I know Alice. I just don't think you understand what I would have to deal with if he ever found out. I can't just go running off around town whenever I feel like it. I have rules and a schedule, and if I deviate from that..." I was rambling, and on the verge of saying too much. Why couldn't they just understand?

"He won't find out." She insisted.

"Alice you don't know that! I don't know what kind of friends he's made here or if he has someone watching me. What if he decides to go by the school and check on me?"

"I just know Bella." She murmured.

"Bella, you have to trust us. Alice knows what she's talking about." Edward's smooth melodic voice filled the car.

I huffed in response as we pulled up to the Cullen's house. They led me inside and a small woman with caramel colored hair greeted us.

"Bella, this is our mother, Esme." Alice introduced us. I was immediately swept into her embrace.

"It's so nice to meet you Bella." She gave me a warm smile. "Carlisle is waiting for you upstairs. Please let me know if I can get you anything."

"Thank you." I murmured, returning her smile. Alice led the way up the stairs to Carlisle's office.

She knocked lightly on the door, and Carlisle immediately opened it. "Hello Bella, thank you for coming, though I know we didn't give you much of a choice. We just want to make sure you are taken care of."

"It's ok, as long as he doesn't find out. So it must be bad if you didn't want to wait for a phone call." I grimaced.

"It's not worse than I thought Bella. Honestly, I thought you could use a break from school. It's obvious you aren't feeling well. Please, have a seat."

Alice waved as she pranced off and Carlisle closed the door. I took a seat on the couch, but noticed that they had made some changes to his office already. There was more equipment in the room, like what you would see in a normal doctor's office.

He sat down next to me on the couch. "I wanted to give you a full examination first, if that's okay? I just need to make sure everything else is okay before I go over your results or prescribe any treatment."

"Umm...I guess that's ok." _Full examination? Yikes._

He smiled. "Thank you."

There was really nothing to be worried about, Carlisle worked quickly and explained everything to me. As he listened to my heart and lungs with his stethoscope, I felt his cool hand on my back and a flicker of concern washed over his face. He started tracing the outline of one of the ridges on my back, before I gathered enough wits to cough, hopefully shrugging his hand away in the process. He gave me a blank smile that didn't reach his eyes, and moved to his desk. Then he went through an agonizingly long list of questions about my history. Just when I thought it couldn't get any more embarrassing, he was finished. He flipped through some papers, and then rested his forearms on the desk.

"As I suspected Bella, your B12 levels are quite low and you are anemic. Are you committed to this diet?"

"I don't really have much of an option." I mumbled.

"You are also underweight, and that concerns me. Your body is still growing and you need adequate nutrition, which you are obviously not getting from your current diet. It is possible for some people to lead very healthy lives on a vegan diet. Right now your body needs more."

"I understand." _Just get me through the next eight months._

"First, you're going to need iron supplements. I've got a bottle here for you, but I'm going to order some better ones for you. I have a different idea of quality than the hospital budget allows." He smirked. "You're also going to need to receive B12 shots, every day for two weeks, and then once a week after that until your levels are back up. Then I will order some sublingual tablets for you, and you'll need to take those every day as long as you continue on this diet."

"Daily shots?" I grimaced.

"Yes, I know you don't like needles Bella, but it's the best way to get your levels up quickly. My son, Edward, has had medical training, and I thought it would be inconspicuous if he gave them to you before school?"

"Whatever you think is best. I guess that would be easier than trying to come by here on a daily basis. You're sure he can do it?"

"I have complete confidence that he can. You could even give them to yourself if you'd like? I can give you the supplies you would need." He offered.

"No!" I almost shouted. "I don't think I could ever...do that...to myself. Nevermind trying to explain a stash of syringes if my father ever found them" I chuckled dryly. "It's only for a little while, and then I can take the tablets. I guess that works fine as long as Edward is ok with it."

"I've already asked him, and he's fine with the arrangement. You should be feeling better soon Bella. I'd like to retest in a month. We'll figure something out like we did before. I'm going to ask Edward to join us and I'll give you your first shot." I groaned. He patted me on the leg. "I know."

Before I knew it, Edward was standing in the room and Carlisle had the syringe full of a reddish liquid. "Where would be the best place Bella, in your arm or leg?" Carlisle asked.

"I guess the leg, that's the last place he'll ever see." I proceeded to pull my skirt up, blushing furiously the whole time. My father would keel over from a heart attack if he knew I was sitting here with my skirt hiked up to my thigh with two men staring at it. I held my breath and squeezed my eyes shut, waiting again for the pain.

I heard a chuckle and Edward's velvet voice. "Breathe Bella." His cool arm rubbed my arm, and as I took a deep breath, Carlisle decided to strike. They both smiled at my sharp gasp, but it really wasn't has bad as I thought it would be.

"Okay, so I guess that's not so bad. Edward, you are sure you're alright with this?" He looked a little tense, and was concentrating on Carlisle like they were having a silent conversation.

He nodded. "No problem." He flashed me an uneasy smile. "Just meet me at my car in the mornings, and we'll take care of it."

I thanked him and he patted me on the arm before heading out the door.

"That should cover it for now Bella. You have the rest of the day off, I know Alice was looking forward to spending some time with you, but if you'd like to rest I can show you to a bed. If you get hungry, just let Esme know and she'll be happy to feed you."

"Thank you so much...for everything. It really means a lot to me that you are so willing to help me."

I could feel the energy humming off Alice as she stood in the doorway waiting for me to be finished. Carlisle chuckled. "Alice, take it easy on her. She still doesn't feel well."

"I know Carlisle." She tapped her head with a smile. "Come on Bella, let me show you my room!" She tucked her arm in mine and dragged me away.

She pushed open the door to her room and pulled me inside towards the bed. "You just make yourself comfortable. I want to show you a few things."

The king size mattress rested on a dark wood platform. The lines were sleek and modern, but the bedding gave it beautiful feminine touch. Neutral colors dominated the room, with touches of chocolate brown and teal as accents. The bed was the softest one I ever remembered laying on. I nestled down into the soft comforter and waited to see what Alice had in store for me. There were pictures all around the room of Alice with Jasper in several different places. For a couple that was so young, not even out of high school, they were certainly well traveled. One picture in particular drew my attention. It was them in front of the Eiffel Tower, and it appeared to be a wedding picture. _You've got to be kidding me!_

Alice bounced back into the room and I snapped my head away from the picture. From the look she gave me, I knew she had seen me looking at it, and she dropped her eyes, biting her lip.

"You're married?" I asked unbelieving.

"Would you believe me if I told you it was just costumes?" She asked in a hopeful voice.

"Not really." I answered. "But it's none of my business." I shrugged.

She reverently picked up the photo. "He's my everything."

"So this isn't just your room, it's his too." I realized, feeling a little uncomfortable laying on their bed. I sat up and moved to the edge. She nodded. After a moment, I decided to change the subject. "So what did you want to do?"

Her face instantly lit up. "Well....I kind of went shopping, and I got a few things for you."

"Alice...I...Why would you buy anything for me?" I hardly ever shopped for myself, only when I needed something. I couldn't fathom why Alice would shop for me, someone she barely knows.

"It's just what I do. I shop for my whole family. I put together their wardrobes, decorate the house. I'd really like for us to be friends, and the other day while I was shopping, I saw some things I thought you'd like." The pure joy on her face told me this was something she really enjoyed.

"Okay...but you know, you don't have to buy me anything to be my friend. I'm really not into material things. And...well...I can't really accept your gifts. If my father saw them...he'd be really upset."

"Silly, I know that. I enjoy shopping, that's all. You can leave them here, and when you come over you can wear them, if you'd like." She offered.

"I don't know how much time I'll be able to spend here. Not that I don't like you. It's not that at all. It's just that my father doesn't let me go out much. Especially knowing you have brothers, I'm sure he would never approve." I bit my lip. I'd love nothing more than to spend time with Alice, especially at her house. Her parents were so kind, and it would be nice to get away from Charlie sometimes. I had too many responsibilities though, and he'd never let me make regular visits here, especially once he finds out Carlisle is a doctor.

"Well we'll just worry about all that when it comes up. Okay?"

"Sure."

"Good. Now let me show you what I found!" She giggled and ran into her closet. The thing was as big as my bedroom at home and packed full of clothes. I silently wondered if Jasper had any room in there for his own clothes.

Alice eventually found her way back out of the closet, with her arms full of fabric. She started putting together outfits and laid them on the bed, motioning for me to get up.

The first set she held up was a long dark blue tiered skirt. There were printed ribbons accenting the different tiers. The top was a powder blue short sleeve v-neck, with white long sleeves and fabric at the neck to give it a layered look without having to wear two shirts. She smiled when she saw me looking at it appreciatively.

"You really are good at this." I grinned at her.

"Well I know you have to dress modestly, but I thought you could still have a little fun with it." Her eyes were twinkling. "Want to try it on?"

"Oh I don't know Alice...trying on clothes just to hang around your house? I'd just have to change again before going home."

"Please?" She begged, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout.

"Sure, why not. It's not like I have anything else to do." I gave her a convincing smile. I never got to do girlie things like shopping and dressing up. I might as well enjoy my day, I'm already breaking all the rules. I laughed to myself.

Alice squealed as I came out of the bathroom. I had to admit, she had great taste. The outfit made me feel pretty, within the confines of my father's restrictions.

"Blue is totally your color." She snatched up another outfit and shooed me back into the bathroom.

The skirt was a little shorter and came to mid-calf. It was bright turquoise, but embroidered with flowers and beads all over in many different colors. The pink coral boatneck top had rouched sides, which added just enough detail to complement the skirt.

"Love it!" She exclaimed in her singsong voice. "Is the length ok? I wasn't sure if it had to be ankle length or just below the knee."

"It's perfect Alice. I've never worn anything so pretty. Thank you."

She grinned, quickly shoving another bundle in my arms. "Last one, I promise!" She chirped as she spun me around and pushed me back towards the bathroom.

This one was a longer, fuller brown skirt that flowed when I walked. The blouse was a pretty teal color in a light cotton fabric. It was so soft and comfortable. It had a mandarin neck with crocheted lace details, and embroidered flowers around the chest. The sleeves were loose, but not quite puffy, and had a cuff at the wrist. It reminded me of the type of blouse someone in the late 1800's would have worn. I felt almost...romantic.

"Perfect!" She grabbed me into a hug. "Thank you for letting me dress you up. Now let's go see Esme about some lunch."

"Okay, just let me change." I turned to head back to the bathroom.

"Oh no you don't! You can just leave that on for now." Alice looked me over appraisingly, and then quickly plucked a few strands of my hair from it's braid, letting them curl around my neck and face. "There!" She pushed me out the door into the hall.

I just shrugged and let her have her fun, following her to the kitchen.

"Bella." Esme's gentle voice greeted me. "I'm not sure what you'd like to eat, why don't you come see what we have." She gestured at the refrigerator.

"A salad is fine." I shrugged, pulling out the lettuce.

"Anything else?" I was eying the eggs, the thought of an omelet made my mouth water.

Alice sensed my hesitation. "Bella, if you want it, have it. He'll never know."

"What do you want Bella?" Esme asked.

"Well I was just thinking that a cheese omelet would be divine." I blushed, embarrassed for giving up my father's convictions so easily.

"I think you should have it Bella." Carlisle's rich voice startled me, I hadn't noticed him come into the room. "It would be good for you. Doctor's orders." He winked.

"Maybe just this once." I tried to hide my smile. _Simple pleasures_. "Did anyone else want one?"

"Oh, we already ate." Alice explained.

"I've got to go to the hospital now. Call me if you need anything." Carlisle kissed Esme and ruffled Alice's hair before he left.

Esme helped me find all the things I needed, and grated the cheese for me while I whisked the eggs. Alice flipped through a magazine while she sat at the table. When it was finished I sat down at the table with her to eat. The first bite nearly melted in my mouth and I moaned audibly. They both looked at me with huge grins. "Sorry, it's been so long, and this just tastes amazing. Forbidden fruit and all."

"Anytime you want to come over and eat Bella, just let us know." Esme patted my shoulder before heading out the back of the house.

I savored every bite, and washed my dishes before putting them away again. Alice was watching me with a smile. "What?" I asked her.

"You look happy." She said softly.

I returned her smile and shrugged, following her into the living room. Edward was sitting on the couch reading, but he looked up when we came into the room. His eyes found mine for a moment. "I see Alice got her claws in you." He smirked. "You look very nice."

"Thanks. It's completely unnecessary of course, but she does have good taste." He nodded appreciatively and returned to his book. There was a beautiful grand piano in the room, and I crossed to it, lightly running my fingers over the edge. "Does someone play?" I asked.

"Edward does." Alice offered. "Do you?"

"A little."

"Play something for us Bella, please? Edward doesn't play any more, and it's been so long. Please say yes." She was bouncing again.

"Oh I don't know..." I looked at Edward who was watching me intently.

"I'd like to hear you play Bella." His smooth voice pulled at something deep inside of me.

"I haven't played in a while. We don't even have a piano." My cheeks flamed red.

Edward stood up and crossed to the piano, pulling out the bench for me. "Please Bella?"

I sat on the bench and gently placed my fingers over the keys, just running through scales, listening to the beauty of the notes. Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply, steeling my nerves. I decided on an old favorite, _Simple Gifts_, and let my fingers begin to dance over the notes. Edward hovered over me, watching intently, making me even more nervous, but I tried to lose myself in the music. When I finished, and finally looked up, I saw Esme had joined us, her face radiant with excitement.

"Again?" Edward asked softly, as he indicated he'd like to sit on the bench with me. "Just play like you did last time. I'd like to join you."

"Okay." I said breathlessly as I scooted over to make room.

I played it again and Edward wove a more complex harmony around the simple piece. After the first round, Alice's clear, bell-like soprano rang out with the words, and on the chorus I joined in with the contralto harmony. The joy in the room when we finished was palpable. Alice was literally bouncing, and I'd never seen Edward's smile so big. I, of course, blushed furiously, but I couldn't help the grin on my face.

Esme was clapping her hands. "That was beautiful. Please, play more."

"What else do you know Bella?" Edward asked me.

"Oh just hymns really. I'd love to learn more, but since we don't have a piano any longer, I haven't been able to practice. Why don't you play something Edward?"

He paused thoughtfully and then nodded. I started to get up, but he asked me to stay. I watched as his long graceful fingers began to coax a melody from the beautiful instrument.

"Clair de Lune." I whispered. "One of my favorites."

"Mine too." He murmured.

When he finished, Esme was behind us, and she hugged him from behind. "You should play more often Edward, I've missed it." She turned to me. "Any time you'd like to play Bella, you're welcome to."

"Thank you, but I'm sure you'd get tired of my limited repertoire after one day. Besides, I'm nowhere near as good as Edward is."

Edward turned to me suddenly. "You can read music right?" I nodded. "I'll be right back." He jumped up from the piano and took off up the stairs only to return with a large binder full of sheet music. He flipped through the pages and laid it open on the piano. _Pachelbel's Canon._

"How about learning something new?" He asked with a huge grin.

I'm sure from the look on my face they thought I was about to bolt out the door. "Relax Bella, just take your time and have fun. If you need any help, just let me know."

"I've got to go organize my closet." Alice excused herself from the room. "Have fun Bella." She gave me a wink.

Edward moved back to the couch, and nodded his head at me. I spent the next hour working on the song. Edward would come over and help me work through some of the places where I was having difficulty. Finally it was time to get going, and I'd only gotten through a small portion of the song.

"That's really coming along Bella." His eyes lit up with his smile. "Let's get you back to your truck."

I found Alice in her room and changed back into my clothes. Then I found Esme and thanked her for everything. Following Edward out to his Volvo, I slid into the passenger seat and we pulled away from the huge house in the woods.

"Do you miss playing?" I asked him.

"I haven't really had any inspiration to play lately." He explained, shrugging.

"I know what you mean. I miss it. Other than reading, it was my one escape."

He glanced at me sideways. "Will you come over again to play?" He asked.

"I don't know that I can Edward." I replied with a sigh. "My father is very strict. Just the fact that Alice has brothers my age, and her father is a doctor is enough for him to refuse to let me visit. It doesn't matter if he likes her or not."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about Edward. It's not like you're my father." I snorted.

"What happened to your piano?" He asked.

"Charlie sold it. Said it reminded him too much of _her._" I scowled.

"Your mother?"

I nodded. "She taught me to play." Looking out the window, I watched the trees fly by lost in the memories I clung to of her. Wondering where she might be. Did she still think of me?

We didn't speak again until I was getting out of his car in the school parking lot.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning." I said as I closed the door. He watched me for a moment before pulling away. Whatever happened today at his house seemed long forgotten and we were back to silence.

The time I spent with the Cullens today only made my home feel emptier. They were a true family, loving and kind. Something I would never be a part of. I'd been shown more affection by near strangers in one day than my own father had shown me in seventeen years. My father controlled me, and I believe he loved me...in a way. He was too concerned with the evils in the world to ever appreciate anything good that might also exist. The length of my skirt was superficial. The true evil lurked deep in the hearts of man, not in the exposure of an innocent girl's legs. The contrast between our families was stark. Their home was filled with goodness and love. My home was sinister, darkness lurking in the corners, thinly veiled by the numbing daily routines that only carried us through until that blackest day arrived and shattered the lie we tried to believe in. But I wouldn't think about Sundays now. It was the only way to grasp the thin hold I had on my sanity. I would play the part. For another eight months, I would keep the darkness buried, and unlike my father, focus on the good in my life.


	6. Chapter 6

I was sure the entire parking lot could hear the pounding of my heart as I approached Edward's shiny Volvo. My eyes searched for anyone who may have been watching, scanning the cars parked along the street, hoping no one saw me. One rumor started about me sitting with a boy in a car alone could ruin everything. Maybe we could find a more private place to meet, because this was too nerve-wracking. I hurried the last few steps to the car and slid into the passenger seat as quickly as possible. When I looked over at him, his shoulders were shaking with silent laughter. I glared at him.

His expression quickly changed. "Sorry. You just looked so scared, like we are doing something illegal or something."

"Very funny. It may not be illegal, but it might as well be where my father is concerned. I just can't risk him finding out Edward. Maybe this was a bad idea. Is there some place else we can meet?" My words flew out as I let my nervousness take over.

He studied me seriously for a moment, all hints of amusement gone from his face. "Bella..." He started with an anguished look.

"What?" I looked up to find his beautiful golden eyes boring into mine. He wanted to ask me something, but I sensed his internal struggle and I gave him a firm look, hoping to distract him. He must have taken the hint, that I had no interest in discussing anything serious with him at the moment.

I watched his expression change as he resigned himself not to press me further, dropping his eyes as he held out a paper bag to me. "Esme thought you might like this for breakfast. You don't have to eat it if you don't want to, I won't tell."

Curious, I dug into the bag. Wrapped in foil, was a tortilla stuffed full of scrambled eggs and cheese. I flashed him a huge grin. "Your mom is the best. You know that right? Please tell her thank you." I greedily bit into the breakfast burrito and moaned. Edward smirked as he watched me eat. I devoured the rest of it and balled up my trash. When I was finished he pulled out a small black box and opened it, revealing the supplies his father had given him. I watched apprehensively as he readied the syringe.

"Bella, you look positively green. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just the needle thing." I stammered.

His expression dropped into one of regret. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." I tried to put on a brave face and started to pull up my skirt. "Who would have thought it would be Bella Swan pulling her skirt up in the front seat of Edward Cullen's car." I quipped, trying to dispel my nervousness. "I hope Lauren doesn't find out."

"She won't. Try to relax Bella, Alice is looking out for us. No one is going to see us." He tried to reassure me.

"Alright, let's do this then." I took several deep breaths trying to calm myself.

The cool wet of the alcohol pad, the sting of the needle, and it was over. He gently applied pressure to the spot before handing me a band-aid.

"Carlisle wanted to know how you were feeling?"

"A little better I guess." I shrugged, then gathered my school supplies. The parking lot was really filling up now and I wanted out of his car before anyone had a chance to become suspicious.

"Thanks Edward. I'm sorry you got stuck doing this." I apologized. Surely, the last thing a teenage boy has on his mind is sticking a needle into the thigh of a girl like me.

"Bella, really it's not a problem. Have a good day and I'll see you in Biology."

"See you then." I scurried away from his car and found Angela and Mike where they usually waited for me. The rest of the school day passed without incident, and I found that as the end of the day drew near, the sadder I became. I enjoyed the distraction of school and friends.

As I went about my daily chores, I thought about what I wanted from my life. Family was the first thing, it was what I craved most. My mother left when I was twelve, and I don't know the exact cause of why she left. I know what my father had told me, that she had strayed, her faith was broken...that she left me so I would be safe with him without her influence. She was a free spirit and fell in love with my father, but once they had me, things started to change. She wanted more out of life, and my father became more controlling and demanding as I got older. When he decided to start holding our own private sermons on Sundays, it was the beginning of the end. She became a shell of who she had been, and no matter how much I reached out to her and pleaded with her to help me, she just pulled further away from me. Then one day she was gone. He never spoke of her again, it was as if she never existed. At least until one day when I was fifteen. It was the beginning of the summer, school was out, and I was stuck in the house every single day, bored out of my mind. He came home early from work, frantic and incoherent. He rushed me over to a friend's house and I didn't see him for three days. When he returned, he never explained where he had been. Over the next week, anything that had been hers or that reminded him of her, disappeared from the house. When they came to take the piano away, I broke down, screaming and pleading with him to let me keep it. She had taught me to play, and it was one of my few pleasures in life. That was the first and only time my father struck me with his bare hands. He looked as horrified as I felt, and we didn't speak for days. He never apologized either, but one morning I woke up to a small box on my desk. Inside was my mother's crucifix, and I had worn it every day since then.

That was the summer things changed for me. I had always believed whatever came out of my father's mouth, he hung the moon as far as I was concerned. I did exactly as he asked, and I never talked back. When he hit me, out of anger, something snapped inside me. I know people make mistakes, and I forgave him, but the trust was gone. As many times as I had read Bible passages and listened to sermons, I never really spent the time to analyze or interpret things for myself. The rest of the summer I spent my days reading the Bible, along with other texts, and realized that my father saw something completely different in these verses than I did. The message I got was the opposite of my father's. Where he saw evil and sin, I found love and forgiveness. I spent hours every week in the library, researching and reading about different beliefs. I read up on some of the things he insisted on – such as diet, lack of medical care, modesty. I checked out a book about how to be a healthy vegan, but he got angry that I would question him and more importantly that I thought a human writer knew more than God. I could have argued that humans wrote the Bible, and that he was a human who was interpreting the Bible to support his choices, but I knew where I would end up for that kind of rebellion. I tried to get him to let me see a doctor for a yearly physical, and he told me only God could heal me. After many tries at respectfully disagreeing, I learned my lesson. He was set in his ways, and I could not change his mind. So, I would have to play my part, and bide my time, or I could be a homeless teen on the streets. Since that summer, I've learned more about myself and what kind of life I wanted. I would be able push all of this to the back of my mind and finally be happy once I got out of his home. This was the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, that kept me going. I endured Sundays, and then on Monday mornings I woke up and it was if Sunday had never happened. The more things I had to be thankful for, the easier it was. Forks was proving to be a quite necessary distraction as the time until my freedom grew shorter.

"Bella?" My father's voice startled me. I was confused to find us sitting at the kitchen table eating. I really must have been in a daze to not have even registered that he had come home.

"Yes sir?" I replied, completely oblivious to whatever he had asked of me.

"How was school?" His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Oh, it was fine, as usual. I'm feeling better."

He nodded and that was the extent of our conversation for the day. I learned a long time ago, the less that was said, the better things were.

After I finished cleaning up for dinner, I headed to my room to work on homework. When I opened my notebook, _'Psalms 18:16-20' _was written on the inside of the cover. Flipping open my Bible I read through the verse.

16 _He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. _17_ He delivered me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. _18 _They attacked me at a moment when I was weakest, but the LORD upheld me. _19 _He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me. _20 _The LORD rewarded me for doing right; he compensated me because of my innocence._

Who had written the note? I hadn't seen anyone near my stuff at any point. My heart was racing and I thought I was going to start hyperventilating. _Someone knows._ The thought kept racing through my mind. This was a message from someone, that they knew, and...a promise?...that I would be rescued? I knew I could easily walk into any police station or even the school office and show them the evidence and it might come to an end. But what would I gain? Living with strangers who might even be worse than my father? I had no family to take me in, nowhere to go. That's if he didn't manage to get out of it somehow. If they did not believe me and I was forced to stay with him after making such accusations, things would only get worse. I knew it was a stupid idea to talk to a doctor, to try to make friends. Somewhere I let too much information slip or someone was overly curious. What were they planning? Why couldn't they understand that I was dealing with my life just fine! As long as everyone minded their own business, everything would work out in the end.

I didn't get much homework done, and it was time for our nightly prayers before I realized it. I joined him downstairs, still visibly shaken.

"Everything alright Bella?"

"Fine, just tired." I replied.

We prayed and I couldn't get upstairs quick enough. Sleep did not come easy that night.

~~**~~

The next morning I woke up paranoid. I had to play my part to perfection and couldn't risk revealing anything to anyone. Breakfast was on the table before my father came downstairs, we prayed, ate in silence. I followed the script and escaped to school. Edward was waiting for me, but I decided that I couldn't risk anything. I made it a point not to look at him and took off for the school as quickly as possible. I was headed up the stairs to the walkway and my foot got caught in my skirt. My books scattered and I tried to brace myself for impact on the concrete steps, but it never came. Two strong arms caught me and set me upright again. I turned to find myself face to face with none other than Edward of course. My breath caught in my throat and my pulse raced as we were locked in each other's eyes. His hands on my waist made my entire body blush. It felt so right.

"Breathe, Bella." He murmured and the sweetest smelling breath washed over me. It took me a minute to get myself under control, and I finally pulled away from him, turning to gather my books, but he insisted on helping and had them picked up and in my arms in no time.

"Sorry." I whispered as turned and tried to get away.

"Bella, wait!" He followed me. "Will you just stop for a minute! What's going on?" His hand was like a cold vise on my arm as he tried to get me to stop. When I winced he let go quickly, apologizing. "I'm sorry...just...why won't you talk to me?"

"I can't Edward. I don't know how to make anyone understand. My life is not normal. I can't have friends, because they want to know too much. I'm sorry, just please, if your family cares about me at all, leave me alone." I begged. A myriad of emotions crossed his face, and I could tell he was trying to think of what to say. I wanted nothing more than to have friends and do the things normal teenagers do, but I had to accept that it could never be that way.

"What about...Carlisle?" He asked.

"If he can get the pills then I'll take them, but I can't meet with any of you again." He looked away, his jaw clenched, like he was upset, though I had no reason to think it would matter to him. "It's not that I don't want to, because I do. I like your family a lot." I whispered. "I just can't..." Then I turned into a coward and scurried off to my first class. Thankfully he didn't follow.

Alice marched, albeit daintily, into English class. I briefly looked up when she entered and her face was full of concern and determination. Keeping my eyes on my desk, I refused to acknowledge her for the entire class. I had my books gathered and my feet ready to move before the bell even sounded. Rushing from the class, I ignored her plaintive cries and kept my head down. I reached the door and turned to the right, only to collide with the solid wall of another body. Jasper. Alice was behind me and they had me cornered. I had to remain steadfast, yet I could feel my resolve slipping.

"Bella, please, we can protect you." She pleaded, reaching for my hand.

"I don't need protecting." I said, pulling my hand away from her. "Everything is going according to plan, as long as no one interferes everything will work out just fine. Please, I'd love to be your friend, I really like your family, but I can't." I could feel the tears threatening to pool in my eyes.

She sized me up, and exchanged a meaningful look with Jasper who shook his head. Alice seemed to give up then and sighed deeply.

"Ok then, just know that if you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask." Then she pulled me into a quick hug and turned away. Jasper wrapped his arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder.

_Alright, two friends pushed away, only a couple more to go. Misery, here I come._

It was easy to ignore everyone in the rest of my classes, until lunch that is. I quickly made my way through the line and found an empty table. I tried not to notice Angela and Mike staring at me with questioning looks. I certainly tried to avoid looking at the Cullen table, though I could feel their eyes boring into me from across the cafeteria. So I buried my nose into a book and ignored everything and everyone in the room. It was towards the end of lunch when someone finally decided to approach me. Angela slid into the chair across from me, watching me for a few minutes before finally speaking.

"Bella, I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. If you want to be alone, I understand, but if you need anything, just let me know." She offered quietly.

I nodded, careful not to make eye contact because I didn't want to cry. I thought it would be different here, but I obviously got too comfortable and someone was suspicious. Deep down I think I knew it wasn't Angela, but I couldn't take chances. I knew this would hurt her, but I had to keep everyone out of my life.

"I'm fine. It's just better this way...it's better if I'm alone." I muttered. Her entire posture shifted, and she was hurt, but she sat with me in silence for the rest of the lunch period.

Angela walked silently beside me to Biology. Casting me one last concerned glance, she left my side to head to her table, and I was left to face Edward. I looked anywhere but at him, though I could feel that his eyes never left my face. My pulse raced, as it always did when I was near him. Of course, of all days, today we would be doing another lab. I managed to keep our interaction to a minimum while we worked through the assignment. We finished early as usual, and the silence between us was uncomfortable to say the least. I had always felt a strange magnetic pull to Edward, so it was beyond difficult to sit beside him, knowing he wanted me to talk to him, and forcing myself to stay silent. Sure, I had enough experience suffering in silence, but this was different. Thankfully the bell rang and I rushed from the room before he could say anything or try to stop me. Alice shadowed me in gym as she always did, only in silence, and after that she and Jasper walked beside me to the parking lot.

I worked through my chores and had dinner with my father. I returned to the zombie I had been too many times in the past. Playing the part, sticking to the script, and locking away deep inside any hint of the Bella I truly was. I became the shell of myself that my father wanted to see. It was only a matter of months before I would be free, and the people I counted as my friends now would be left behind anyway. It's better this way, rather than letting them get too close and spending months engaged in friendships that are just going to end.

I cried that night. I cried for the people I had hurt, for the friends I'd never know, for the family I would never have. I cried for myself and all that I had lost – not just my mother and my innocence, but the life experiences that you are supposed to have as a child, as a teenager. Experiences I could never get back. I was almost an adult, and had been acting as an adult for as long as I could remember. I never got to play at the playground with other children, to catch fireflies in the evenings, there was no ballet or sports, no boyfriends, no beach trips, no swimming. There were endless days and nights of prayers and chores and school and homework. I cried myself to sleep.

~~**~~

School on Friday was the same. My friends continued to to walk beside me to my classes, though we didn't speak. At lunch, Angela joined me at my table again, and even Alice came over for the last part of the lunch period. The guilt washed over me as I struggled with myself to ignore them. It was obvious these people cared, for some reason, and had chosen to show me by staying by my side, as much as I was trying to push them away. I didn't want to push them away, but it was for the best. In all honesty, it was comforting that they were still standing beside me after the way I had treated them. I wondered how long it would last. Would they give up on me, or would I crack first and try to repair the friendships that I so desperately needed to brighten my days? I was fooling myself if I thought I didn't need them. Yes I would be moving on soon, but in the meantime they made life more bearable.


	7. Chapter 7

I could feel the darkness tugging at me.

It wasn't sleep, it was something else that was pulling me under. I would give anything to be able to use this time for sleep, but I knew better, it was time for prayer and reflection. The pain was enough to keep me teetering on the edge. The longer I knelt here, the more numb I felt, except for the searing pain on my back. I wanted to give into the black, because this was different. I was used to fighting sleep. I was used to compartmentalizing the pain. But the time stretched indefinitely, seemingly longer than usual. My body felt weaker, my stomach twisting in hunger, my eyes heavy with exhaustion. I was thirsty, and my throat burned for relief. Something felt wrong this time.

Then there were voices, whispering verses and prayers, random phrases, echoing through the strange hollowness of my mind. As I sank into the darkness, I felt freer, as if I had left my body behind. A strange warmth enveloped me and I could imagine I was on a beach, the sand warm below me, the sun shining above me. Cool water washed over me in waves. The voices continued in rhythm to the waves like a soothing chant, and as the water was sucked back out to the ocean each time, I felt the pain resurface. It was as if my body was being rocked between pleasure and pain as each new wave crashed over me.

The voices quieted to senseless murmurs. The bright blue sky stretched out above me, white clouds rolling across the heavens, and then the waves were gone. In their place was a feathery tickling and a soft breeze, like long grasses rustling in the wind. The scent of wildflowers thick in the air. It was peaceful, the colors were brighter than any others I had experienced, the scents more overwhelming. It was serenity and I never wanted to leave. There was no pain, only peace. Time was immeasurable, but slowly the light began to fade as the sky and clouds darkened. Suddenly the trees around the edge of the meadow loomed taller and the forest grew darker, overshadowing my bliss. Everything continued to fade to black, until the sun was the last point of light I could see. A cloud passing over the sun extinguished the light and there was nothing but darkness. The last whisper I heard was, '_We will protect you._'

Life started coming back to me in flashes. A loud crash startled me and bright light blinded me though my eyes were closed. There was the voice of an angel, melodic and tender. He was calling my name, murmuring something...and he sounded tormented. A second voice broke through the fog but I couldn't place it. Cold arms embraced me, why was everything so cold? A loud wailing sounded in the distance and the darkness reclaimed me.

The next moment of awareness was an annoying beeping. My eyes felt heavy, and I struggled to try to open them. "Bella?" It was my angel's voice again. "Bella, can you hear me?" Not an angel, _Edward_.

I tried to say something, but I couldn't. My tongue was heavy and my lips felt like they were welded together. Ever so slowly, I managed to move my tongue forward, trying to moisten my mouth and lips. The first sound that escaped from my throat sounded like a strangled cry.

"Carlisle! She's waking up." I heard his voice, too loud. The noise caused me to flinch, and my eyes opened the tiniest bit, but everything was so blurry. Something cold stroked my cheek and then everything faded away again. I wasn't as deep into the darkness as I had been. I was balancing on the edge again it seemed, floating, though my body felt incredibly heavy. I wanted to go back to the meadow.

"Bella, can you hear me?" Came another voice. "It's Dr. Cullen. You're at the hospital. Open your eyes if you can hear me."

Reality came rushing back to me. _Hospital?_ The beeping noise accelerated. I struggled to remember what had happened. If I was here, it had to be pretty bad.

"Try to calm down Bella, you're going to be ok. There's nothing to be afraid of."

I realized I was laying on my stomach, and I willed my arms to move and they did ever so slowly. I felt a sharp tug in one arm, and cold hands stopped my arm from moving further. "Careful Bella." Edward's voice floated around me. Why was he here? Why was I here? I finally forced my eyes open and blinked as they adjusted to the bright lights. As if I had asked for it, the lights dimmed and I was able to focus on his face. He was so much more beautiful than I remembered and time was lost as I memorized every feature of his face hovering mere inches from me. His brow was wrinkled, forehead creased with worry. My voice decided to cooperate at that moment. "Edward?" I rasped, and he smiled. The corners of my mouth twitched to return the smile.

"I'm here Bella. You're safe." He whispered. _Safe._ How could I be safe? Where was Charlie?

"Ch..Charlie?" I managed to croak. He looked away from me and I followed his gaze to see what he was looking at. It was Dr. Cullen. Edward and his father stared at each other for what seemed like minutes, as if engaged in some kind of silent conversation.

Finally, Dr. Cullen came to stand behind Edward and placed his hand on my arm in what was meant to be a comforting gesture. "I'm sorry Bella, your father passed away."

"What?" How could he be dead? What happened? I was alone, I had no one now, but if he was gone, that meant I _was_ safe...for now at least.

"Bella, do you know what happened to you?" Dr. Cullen pressed.

I nodded. The fact that I was on my stomach in a hospital, meant they knew everything. The last thing I remember is drifting off in the closet, which means they found me with fresh wounds.

"He whipped you?" Edward asked, a pained look on his face.

I closed my eyes, not answering.

"Bella?" He demanded. I struggled to understand his behavior. Why did it matter to him? Why was he here? "You don't have to protect him anymore."

"Water?" I asked. My throat felt like it had been rubbed with sandpaper. There was a flurry of activity that I didn't quite follow, and then Edward placed a straw in my mouth. The cool liquid soothed my parched throat and I hummed in pleasure.

"What happened to Charlie?" I asked again.

"His heart gave out." Dr. Cullen offered. I closed my eyes. He couldn't really be gone...could he? I thought about never seeing him again, and I just felt...nothing. He was my father, why wasn't I crying? I tried to remember all the good things he did for me, but they were tainted with the control and the pain. I tried to find tears for him, but there were none.

When I opened my eyes again, Dr. Cullen was sitting where Edward had been. My eyes searched for the bronze haired boy, only to find him pacing across the room, pinching the bridge of his nose, his face contorted in frustration.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" The doctor asked gently.

Too many reasons. "He was all I had." I answered simply.

He nodded. "We'll talk more about this later. How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?"

"Just sore. Can I sit up?"

Dr. Cullen and Edward helped me turn over without pulling out any of the wires or tubes and I was able to sit up.

"Can we get rid of this stuff." I asked, gesturing weakly at all the medical stuff. "A few lashes doesn't warrant a trip to the hospital."

"Bella, it's Wednesday." Edward told me, his velvet voice rough with emotion. "How long were you in there?"

"Wednesday?" My voice cracked with disbelief, and I looked to Dr. Cullen for confirmation.

"Yes. Edward and Alice were concerned when you still didn't show up for school on Tuesday, so they went to your house. They found your father, and then found you unconscious locked in a tiny closet."

"Oh." That was about all I could manage verbally or mentally. Edward and Alice found me. _Oh. Oh no. They saw that? _The stupid monitor picked up my increasing heart rate, broadcasting it to the entire room.

"You should have told someone, we could have stopped him. We could have protected you!" Edward almost yelled, suddenly angry.

Dr. Cullen grabbed him by the shoulders and firmly told him to leave until he could control himself. "She's been through enough, she doesn't need to be yelled at by someone she barely knows." He scolded Edward through gritted teeth.

After taking a moment to calm himself, Edward turned to me, a calm mask placed carefully on his face, though I could still see the torrent of emotion raging beneath the surface. "I am sorry Bella. It upsets me to know that you were suffering needlessly. I would like to come back to see you when I have calmed down, if that is alright with you?" He asked in a steady voice and I nodded automatically. Then he surprised me by reaching over and gently cupping my face, tracing his thumb along my cheekbone. We both jumped at the jolt of electricity that sparked from our touch. Though his hand was cold, the place he had touched felt warm. Dr. Cullen chuckled as the heart monitor revealed my reaction to his son's touch. My face flamed red from the traitorous blush that bloomed, and I tried to focus on my hands. The sound of the door clicking shut seemed unusually loud and now I was alone with Dr. Cullen. He sat by my bed and regarded me steadily while I tried to avoid his gaze.

"I'm not going to push you to explain anything, but I hope that at some point you'll feel comfortable enough to talk about it, whether it is with me or a professional. I understand that you had your reasons for not telling anyone. However, I do have a few questions I need you to answer. How long were you locked in that closet?"

I tried to give him an appreciative smile for not demanding answers and decided to offer what I could. Not that I had to worry about Charlie any longer, but I wasn't quite ready to lay out all my secrets just yet.

"Sunday."

He nodded. "That's what we approximated. How long has this been going on?"

"Since I was eleven."

A frown tugged at the corners of his mouth. His voice was quieter now. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. "Mortification of the flesh. Fasting...sleep deprivation..."

He didn't look surprised, and I was pretty sure he had already deduced all of that from the evidence. "The closet?" He prodded.

"Sensory deprivation." I shrugged. "I was supposed to pray, reflect, repent...that kind of thing. He believed that through all this, that one could have some kind of spiritual experience that would bring them closer to God. It's not uncommon, many religions and indigenous tribes practice it." I'm sure it seemed like I was trying to defend my father, or downplay the severity of what happened to me, but staying detached from it was how I survived.

Surprisingly I saw no judgment in Dr. Cullen's expression, only compassion and understanding. "Yes, I know. These practices have been around since ancient times. I'm actually well read on the subject. Though I will admit it is shocking to see something like this in a small town like Forks, especially with a young woman such as yourself." He leaned forward. "Did you have any spiritual experiences?"

"No." I snorted. "I have different views than my father. I don't believe true spiritual experiences come from inflicting pain and suffering. Of course, I understand the logistics of why people claim to have these episodes. This time, I experienced some odd sensations, but I know they were simply caused by my body's reaction to extreme stress. I knew something was wrong, that I had been in there too long." I shook my head. "I would never mistake _that_ for God speaking to me." Then I realized how much I was telling Dr. Cullen, and felt my face flush. Something about him just made me feel so at ease, that I could _trust_ him, and really why not? He seemed genuinely interested and didn't think I was some kind of freak. Besides, Charlie was gone.

"So what happens now?" I asked, suddenly frightened of my future.

He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not sure. I don't have any information on any of your next of kin, and really don't know much about you. Do you have any idea where your mother is? Are there relatives or friends of the family you could stay with?"

I shook my head. "She left when I was twelve. Something happened to her when I was fifteen, I'm almost positive, but my father never said anything. So, I don't even know if she's still alive. I don't have anyone else, that I know of."

"What was her name?" He asked gently.

"Renee."

He nodded, lost in thought for a few minutes before he seemed to come to some kind of decision. Pushing himself out of the chair, he went back into doctor mode, writing something in my chart, and checking over the machines.

Dr. Cullen smiled down at me. "Now, why don't we see what we can get rid of?"

"Please?" I pleaded.

He ended up removing everything but the IV and I pouted like a petulant child.

"After everything you've been through, an IV bothers you?" He chuckled, and I gave him my best glare. "You still need the IV. You're still malnourished and it's the easiest way to get all the nutrients you need into your bloodstream. Maybe tomorrow, ok?"

"I guess." I sighed.

"Do you feel like you could eat?"

"Actually yeah." I agreed.

"Are you still a vegan?" He asked with a smirk.

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "I think you know the answer to that one Dr. Cullen."

He smiled smugly. "Good, then I'll put in your meal request and you should be on the rotation for dinner. Lunch was already served, but I'll order you something to tide you over."

"Thank you...for everything." No one had been as kind to me as the Cullen family, and they barely knew me.

"I enjoy helping people Bella. Now, do you need anything for the pain?"

"Nope. I'm an old pro at this." I smiled wryly.

He looked at me skeptically. "Ok, then I will leave you for now. I will have some food brought up to you and then I want you to rest. When I have news on what is going to happen next, I will let you know." He paused, then rested his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry about your father."

I nodded and he left the room.

I stared at the generic hospital room with it's sterile walls and antiseptic smell. I was alone. There were be no irate Charlie barging through the door to take me home. There would be no loving mother to comfort me and nurse me back to health. No friends or family to visit. No flowers to brighten up my room. I had pushed away the few friends I had over the past couple weeks as I continued my self-imposed exile, yet they continued to stand by my side as silent support. Alice and Angela still sat with me at lunch every day, though they had long since given up on getting me to open up any further. Edward had been here, and I didn't understand why he was sitting in my hospital room. I assume he felt some sense of obligation since he found me. Alice had probably talked him into going with her to check on me. The last time Edward had spoken to me was when he gave me the tablets from his father with instructions on how to take them. Then again, they were worried about me, so maybe I could repair our friendships. I wondered what was going to happen to me, and wished I was already eighteen. Since I wasn't, the state would get involved and I would most likely have to endure some kind of foster care. Maybe one of the families in Forks would be interested, and then I wouldn't have to move. Moving...again. It's not like I could move foster parents into my house. I'd have to move out. What would happen to all our belongings? That saddened me unexpectedly. I didn't have much, but it was all had. Maybe a fresh start would be nice, just some clothes and a few favorite books.

I could always take off on my own. It wouldn't be long before I could get my own place if I started working immediately. Maybe Charlie had some kind of insurance or savings that I would inherit, and I could use that to move on to a new place and start over. I could avoid the whole foster care issue and just be on my own. I would have to think about that some more.

My eyes flickered over the room and I noticed the television mounted near the ceiling. The last time I watched anything was in Mississippi, it was a movie in English class. He didn't approve of television, but I didn't have to worry about his rules any longer. After a moment of hesitation, I grinned and found the remote next to my bed. Flipping through the channels, I finally settled on a movie set in the 18th century. As soon as I heard the characters' names, I realized it was the movie version of one of my favorite novels, _Pride and Prejudice._ Settling back into the bed, I enjoyed myself for the first time since that day I spent at the Cullen's house.

After a good portion of the movie had played, there was a quick knock at the door before it opened to reveal my tiny dark-haired friend, Alice. She had a big grin on her face, and her golden eyes were shining. I couldn't help but return her grin. Just coming by to see me made me happier than she would ever know.

"Bella, can I come in?" She chirped.

"Of course, Alice."

"Good! Because I brought you food and clothes!" The energy she possessed was boundless. She pranced over to the bed and grabbed my hand, suddenly frowning which looked out of place on her angelic face. "I'm so sorry about Charlie."

"It's ok Alice, really."

She smiled sadly for a moment, before her eyes brightened. "Here!" She thrust the bag into my hands. "Carlisle said you needed to eat, so I brought you something. I wasn't sure what you would like, but it's better than hospital food."

"Thank you so much." I tore into the bag, suddenly ravenous. Of course the Cullens wouldn't go by any fast food joint to pick up food. I uncovered the containers and found chicken parmesan with a thick marinara sauce, along with a salad and garlic bread. "This looks so good." I tried not to make a mess as I shoveled the food into my mouth. "Sorry!" I apologized, but continued to devour my meal. I was starving and it was amazing. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had Italian food. I blushed as I realized what I must have looked like, but thankfully Alice was preoccupied with pulling clothes out of the other bags and hanging them up.

She turned to me with a mischievous glint in her eye. "I bought you some new things. I wasn't sure if you were still going with the modest look or if you'd be branching out. Either way, what I have is much better than that awful hospital gown." She wrinkled her delicate nose.

"But Alice, you said blue was my color." I joked, and her laugh tinkled through the room like bells.

Then she was by my side again. "Are you really ok Bella?" Worry contorted her perfect features.

"I truly am. Of course I will miss him, but I am not devastated." I assured her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't see this." She frowned again.

"Alice, don't be silly. You have nothing to apologize for. I didn't want anyone to see this, it was a part of my life that I tried to keep hidden from everyone."

"You could have told me, or Carlisle. We could have done something."

"If I had told you, what would have happened to me? Without Charlie, who knows where I would have ended up...who knows where I'll end up now. I was ok, I handled it."

"You should never have had to go through any of that. But enough dwelling on the past, I suppose." Her mood swings could give someone whiplash. "So what did you decide about clothes?"

Good question. I thought for a moment. "Well, I actually feel comfortable in more modest clothes, but I don't feel compelled to follow any guidelines. I like skirts, as long as they aren't too short or tight, and I haven't worn pants since I was a child, so I don't know if I like them."

She quickly pulled out a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt. "How about this to start with? Something comfortable for lounging in bed." I nodded appreciatively. "I'll help you get dressed." She offered.

My legs were a little shaky, but with her help I was soon back in bed, and much more comfortable. I even laughed as she held up the offending hospital gown pinched between her thumb and forefingers before flinging it into the corner. "Much better." She smiled approvingly.

"I agree. Thank you so much Alice."

She waved her hand dismissively and finished tidying up the room. When she had everything the way she wanted it, she looked around once more and her face lit up with excitement. "I'll be right back." She trilled and took off out the door. Ten minutes later she was back in the room with two vases full of flowers. Once they were strategically placed in the room, she smiled and nodded. I had to apologize to her, she had done so much for me and I couldn't take the guilt any longer.

"Alice?" She smiled and sat down beside me. "I just wanted to apologize for the way I've acted towards you, and your brother. I never wanted to hurt you, but there were things I needed to keep secret and I was afraid of revealing too much. You've all been so wonderful to me. I hope you'll forgive me." I looked at her apologetically.

She flashed me a bright smile. "Of course I do! I always knew we were going to be good friends. You had your reasons, and I understand." I found myself suddenly embraced in her tiny arms. She was incredibly strong. "Alright, Carlisle wanted you to get some rest, so I'll leave for now. If you need anything, just let someone know."

"Bye Alice, and thank you."

She grinned and waved as she walked out the door. My burden felt a little lighter now, and with my stomach full, my eyelids grew heavy. It wasn't long before I drifted off peacefully, despite the unknown future I was now facing.


	8. Chapter 8

I stood at the door to my father's bedroom, warring with myself about entering. Never once in my life had I been allowed into this room. Charlie was gone, and I had to go through his belongings. I knew there were important documents I needed to find, and there might be some information about my mother or other family I may have. I wondered if I would find old love letters or pictures, or if he had really gotten rid of everything that summer.

Alice stood behind me patiently. She sensed my trepidation.

They had not found any trace of my mother or any other family yet, but it had only been two days. In the meantime, Dr. Cullen had convinced my social worker to let him take temporary custody until further arrangements could be made. He had also taken it upon himself to find out what happened to my mother. The family apparently had many contacts and resources for this kind of thing, and he was confident he would make some kind of progress. I was hoping I could find something in this room that would help.

Alice and Edward had taken time to help me pack up things I wanted to keep, and decide what would be sold. There wasn't much either way as we lived a modest life. I had been spending some time at their house, but insisted on sleeping in my own bed. They had done so much for me already, that I didn't want to intrude on their privacy any further. While they were a wonderful family, there was still something odd about them that I couldn't quite put my finger on and it left me with a lingering unease. I had a crazy theory that they might be guardian angels. They were ethereal and otherworldly, and they all shared the same strange eye color though they were not biologically related. Leading me to consider this insane idea was that they seemed to be intent on protecting me, and it was this family that rescued me and stood by to help me through the aftermath.

"You don't have to do this, Bella, if it's too difficult. I could go through it for you, or if you need more time..."

I shook my head, cutting her off. "No, it's ok. I need to do this." I flashed her what I hoped was a confident smile and willed my feet to move forward. _It's just a room._ I told myself.

Standing in the middle of the room, I decided to start simple. I headed over to the dresser and began rummaging through the drawers. There wasn't anything in there besides a small amount of clothes. Next was the nightstand which hid nothing more than a Bible and some other miscellaneous books. I checked under the mattress, and there was nothing. Disappointed, I decided to head into his closet. Edward came through the bedroom door with his arms full of empty boxes.

"I thought you might need these." He set them down on the bed.

"Thanks. Everything in the room can go, I just need to go through the closet and I'll be done."

Alice and Edward started throwing clothes in the boxes, and I stepped inside the closet. It wasn't that big, just enough for me to stand inside. There weren't many clothes hanging in there, so I pulled them down and tossed them onto the floor outside the closet. Then I tossed out his shoes on top of those. A couple of blankets were folded in the corner and I went to toss those out of the closet with the clothes, but underneath them there was a box. This was what I was looking for. I promptly sat down in the middle of the closet and pulled it towards me, staring at it like it would bite me.

I bit my lip and ripped the tape off the box, opening the flaps quickly. It was packed full of all kinds of papers. So I started sifting through them. Deed to the house, titles to the cars, bills, birth certificates. I paused when I saw my birth certificate, slowly reading over the information, my fingers tracing the raised seal. There was more paperwork, but nothing that held my interest, until I reached a manila folder. I was about to open it when I noticed Alice standing at the door to the closet.

"Hey Bella? I have some things I need to do, so Edward is going to stay with you tonight."

I glanced over at Edward and his brow was creased. "Oh, that's not necessary. You both have done so much for me already, you don't have to stay. Just go and do whatever you need to, I'll be fine." It was embarrassing to think of Edward being forced to take care of me. I frowned.

"It's not a problem Bella. I don't mind, really. Maybe we can watch a movie or something?" He sounded almost interested in spending time with me, and gave me one of his crooked smiles.

"Sure, whatever you'd like." I shrugged, though a grin quickly spread across my face as I turned back to the folder.

I couldn't explain my strange fascination with Edward. There was just _something_ there that pulled me in. I knew there was never any hope of reciprocation on his side. However, I could enjoy the time I was able to spend with him. He was intriguing and surprisingly wise for his years, and I wanted to dive into his mind and explore for hours. I felt that if we could ever break through the walls that seemingly divided us, we would find a strong connection between us. It was unexplainable, one of those things you just _feel_.

I gently opened the folder. The first document was my parents marriage certificate, and my mother's maiden name was now revealed to me. _Higginbotham_. I stifled a giggle. Of all the absurd names, my mother's maiden name was Higginbotham. Well, that shouldn't be too difficult to trace, and I hoped that she had indeed resumed use of her maiden name, since nothing could be found of Renee Swan. I solemnly laid the certificate on the floor and continued to sort through the rest of the documents.

Divorce papers.

Scanning the dates, I realized that was what happened the summer I was fifteen, when my father disappeared and then, upon his return, wiped my mother out of lives completely.

Then I understood his behavior that summer. Marriage was sacred. The vows he made to her were irrevocable, sworn before God. The idea of her wanting a divorce was unimaginable to him, as she would always be his wife, even if they were no longer living together.

I took some time to read through the documents and found that he had granted the divorce on one condition.

My strangled cry brought Edward running to the closet. "Bella? Are you ok?"

I stared at him in shock as I realized what my father asked of her...what my mother did.

"What is it Bella?" He was beside me now, and I handed him the papers that were shaking in my hands. After he'd had time to scan through them. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, reaching out to grasp my shoulder. His mesmerizing topaz eyes found my own plain brown ones, and he saw there were no more tears. Now my eyes burned with fury.

I always assumed something tragic had happened, most likely that she had died. I never imagined that she simply signed away all rights for me, effectively abandoning me to my father, knowing exactly how I'd be forced to live, what I would be forced to endure. She could have fought for me, she could have saved me. Instead she traded my life for her own freedom and happiness. The newspaper clipping that was still laying in the folder showing that she had traded me, for a new husband. And now I had a new name for Dr. Cullen to trace. I would find my mother and her new husband. The anger I felt for the three years after she left me had dissipated after I assumed she died. I forgave her. I had to. But now, knowing that she cast me off like last year's worn out coat, anger was not a strong enough word for what burned inside me. Fury. Rage. How dare she get a happily ever after while I was stuck in an everlasting nightmare. How dare she enjoy comfort in another's arms when I'd been left to suffer alone.

The contents of the box were crammed back inside of the box and I moved it to my room along with the other pieces of my pathetic life that I would be keeping.

Bitterness. That was a new flavor. One I had tried avoid through the years, always trying to make the best of what I had. Always accepting that things were as they were for a reason. I was abandoned to an unknown world now, and I was bitter. I sat on my bed and basked in it. My brain thought of all the spiteful things I could say and do to her to hurt her. Forgiveness was a concept I'd forgotten in the corner of my father's closet.

Eventually Edward ventured into my room to tell me he had ordered pizza. He wanted me to pick a movie. I followed him downstairs, but I don't remember much else. I seethed, and he watched me, concerned, but understanding. At some point I fell asleep and that was the night the nightmares began.

_A young brown haired woman was sitting on a swing hung from an ancient tree. Her hair flew out behind her as the wind rushed past. Her smile infectious, her laugh contagious as the blond man pushed her. The sky was bright blue, the sun blazing overhead. A picture perfect scene, until you looked into the shadows. There was a girl, her brown eyes wide and frightened. Her skin pale and stretched too thin over her delicate bones. Pain and anguish twisted her face as she tried to reach the happy couple. Vines bound her to the edge of the dark forest and she could not escape. Red welts covered her arms and legs from where she tried to escape. The girl's deafening screams and pleading cries unheard by the couple that were lost in each other's eyes. Blood splattered the grasses below the girl, mixing with the salt of her tears. "Mother" The girl's screams continued until her voice rasped in whispers._

I bolted upright, covered in sweat, my throat raw. Strong arms wrapped around my torso and smooth velvet murmurs whispered past my ear. The movement of his lips against my hair soothed me as I crashed back into reality.

He held me in his lap and attempted to soothe the whimpers that I could not quiet. I vaguely thought that I should be enjoying his embrace, but the pain of my mother's betrayal ripped a hole through my chest that overshadowed anything else. I fought sleep until nearly dawn, when I finally gave in as the first slivers of light began to thread their way across the horizon. Then I slept, dreamlessly, peacefully, and I woke five hours later, still in his arms. He never left my side, and we didn't speak of it. I excused myself to go shower, and when I came downstairs again, he had breakfast waiting for me.

After I finished eating I entered the living room to face the last piece of my past that needed to be dismantled. The altar. It had not been touched since that Sunday. The only piece of that set up that I considered keeping was the family Bible, though part of me screamed for it's destruction. Unsure if I would regret burning it, I decided to keep it until I knew for sure what I wanted to do with it. So I took it up to my room and placed it in one of the boxes.

When I returned to the living room, Edward was standing in front of the table draped in white linen. "Do you want me to get rid of this for you?" He asked quietly.

"It's just a table." I murmured, removing the candlesticks and handing them to him. "These can go in the trash." I turned back to the table and removed the linen cloth, following him to the large black trash bag and shoving it inside on top of the candlesticks.

Sensing his eyes on me, I turned back to the living room to find the braided leather of the whip clutched in his hands. It was kept in a lined box under the table and I had exposed it when I removed the cloth. Edward's jaw was clenched and his body trembling with rage. His once amber eyes suddenly black and frightening. The police had already gotten rid of the other pieces my father had, since they had been laying in the open in the living room when his body was found. This was the last of his instruments of torture, it was the whip he reserved for me. I flinched from the expression on Edward's face, but then steeled myself and returned his gaze with my own determined stare. We regarded each other for a minute before he stalked out of the house.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them again, the broken door of the closet caught my eye where it was propped against the wall. It had been ripped from the hinges, splintering the wood. That struck me as odd since they could have just unlocked it from the outside. I stared into the closet that had been my prison every Sunday since we moved here. Every house we lived in had one and it was nothing remarkable, nothing anyone else would even look twice at. The next family that lived here would most likely keep their winter coats and vacuum in this closet, never realizing that it once was used as a cell for a young girl who had no other choice but to submit to her father's will. There was blood on the wall. My blood. There had been no one here to clean it this time. I headed to the kitchen for a sponge and poured some bleach in a bucket of water. When I faced the closet, I halted at the threshold, my panic spiking at being in that tiny space again. Letting the anger take over, I pushed the fear to the back of my mind and knelt before the wall. The anguish of those days I huddled in this dark space washed over me anyway. I began scrubbing the wall, and as the blood began to fade, the tears escaped. By the time the wall was clean, I was sobbing. The bleach and my tears trying to erase the pain, but nothing could scrub away the invisible reminders that would remain with me as long as I lived. This life was not something you could forget, it would always be there bubbling beneath the surface, reminding me of what was stolen from me.

I felt his arms around me again and he dragged me from the closet. "Enough Bella. It is done."

As soon as I could quiet my sobs and breathe without shuddering, I stood up and went to the bathroom to wash my face. When I came out of the bathroom, he was waiting for me outside the door to my room.

"I'm ready." I told him and he nodded in understanding. We loaded the few boxes that held my possessions into the bed of my truck and locked up the house. I followed him back to the Cullen house. Alice met us at the front door with a sad smile as if she had witnessed the entire night. Maybe Edward had called ahead.

"Carlisle is waiting for you in his office." She hugged me briefly.

I headed up the stairs with the cursed box, and set it on his desk. He regarded me for a moment before standing up and coming around his desk to embrace me. A father's embrace, something I had never known.

I pulled away reluctantly. "Everything is in here."

"What did you find Bella?" He asked gently and my eyes flashed with the fury still raging in me.

"My _mother_," I spat the word, "signed away all rights to me in exchange for an easy divorce so she could marry someone else."

"I'm sure it's not what you think." I cut him off with a glare.

"See for yourself, it's all there in black and white."

"Did she know?"

"She knew, and she didn't even try to fight for me." The venom dripping off my words. Then the floodgates opened up and I told him everything.

"When my father decided that no church was holy enough for him, he took matters into his own hands. He slowly became more controlling through the years. Everything my mother and I did was watched and dictated by him – what we ate, what we wore, how we spoke. Did you know that I had a time limit in the shower? If I spent too long in there it meant that I was touching myself too much. Everything was a sin in his eyes. If I ate too eagerly then I was gluttonous, if I ate too slowly I was enjoying my food too much. There was nothing but school and chores and prayer. Then Sundays changed and I was suddenly plunged into a nightmare. We were forced to wake up at three in the morning, sometimes earlier. We were allowed nothing to eat or drink. We had to confess our sins for the week and he decided how many lashes we deserved. If he thought we did something more than what we confessed, he added to the total. How many lashes do you think an eleven year old girl can take the first time she feels a whip biting into her back? Can you even imagine the terror I felt? Can you imagine any mother who would stand by and watch her daughter be bloodied and beaten by the very man who is supposed to love and protect her? She never once tried to stop him. After he whipped me, I was locked in a tiny, dark closet for the rest of the day. Nothing to eat or drink, blood left to cake on my bruised flesh. I was a child!" I screamed. Thankfully Dr. Cullen didn't try to calm me or touch me, he knew I needed to get this out.

"She stopped hugging me. She stopped cooking and cleaning. She wouldn't even talk to me, no matter how much I pleaded with her to take us away. Then one day she was gone. She left without me and I never heard from her again. I was twelve years old and I had all the responsibilities of school and the house, in addition to being whipped bloody every Sunday. I slipped into quiet acceptance. What else could I do? So I played the part he wanted me to. I learned to steel myself against the pain, and I never cried out again. I embraced it. It was the physical manifestation of the emotional agony I had been left with. Sundays ceased to exist for me, whatever happened on that day was forgotten as I went to sleep that night."

I had stopped yelling, the rage melting into quiet fury. "Then...then when I was fifteen and I thought my mother had died...he never told me what happened, he just got rid of everything that reminded him of her. This crucifix is the only thing I had left. I thought my mother was dead and _this_," I ripped the chain from my neck, "was all I had. He thought that a symbol of God would comfort me when my own mother had abandoned me? God abandoned me long before my mother did." I scoffed. "That was the year everything changed for me. I abandoned my father's beliefs and found my own way while still playing the part and biding my time until I could escape."

I met his eyes with my own. "You want to know _why_ I never told anyone? Why I never tried to leave? At first they had scared me into believing that I could never tell anyone because I would be taken away and made to live with strangers, or worse, in an orphanage. Then later, he managed to convince me that what I had was better than the unknown. He played on my fears and insecurities, kept me secluded. We moved so often that I never had time to learn to trust anyone enough to say anything. I mean, after being abandoned by your own mother, would you willingly walk away from the one person you had left? My father clung to his religion, to his God, with every fiber of his being, because it was all that he had left. And in turn, I clung to him, because he was all that I had."

"And now I learn that she went on with her life and started a new family. She never came back for me, never tried to rescue me or fight for me. Maybe she even had more kids with her new husband. What did she do to deserve her happily ever after? What did I do to deserve all _this_?" I flung my hands up hopelessly.

He was beside me again, holding me as fumed. My skin was on fire and I was panting from my rant. "Bella, you didn't do anything. You didn't deserve any of this. I'm so sorry." He tried to comfort me. Slowly, all my emotions faded away, and I was filled with an eerie calm. It was almost like slipping back into the numbness I was so used to, only I could still feel the rage bubbling below the surface.

"Did you know that he never hugged me?" His arms tightened around me. "Alice was the first person to hug me in years." I stated blandly.

"We will find her Bella, if you are sure that is what you want?"

I nodded, and he released me. The absence of his touch making me feel suddenly hollow. "I need to be alone." I whispered and I knew he understood.

Placing one foot in front of the other I left the safety of his office and retreated to the looming forests that surrounded their beautiful home. I found a tree that had fallen and sat on the trunk. I needed to come up with a new plan. Everything about my previous plan hinged on me being eighteen. But at seventeen there was not much I could do, as I was considered a minor. Would I be allowed to go to her considering she gave up all rights to me? Did that change now that my father was dead? In order to do anything, you had to be eighteen. I couldn't even rent a hotel room. Slowly, I formulated a new plan. It was not ideal by any means, but it wasn't as if I had much of a future at this point anyway.

I'm not sure how long I was out there, but I was startled by the clearing of a throat. _Alice._ I had not even heard her approaching.

"How are you?" She asked softly as she traipsed across the forest to join me on the tree.

"I've been better." I said, forcing an insincere smile.

Her eyes narrowed as she watched me. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find her." I answered honestly.

She nodded, unsurprised. "When are you leaving?"

It was I who was surprised that she had somehow known what I was planning. She shrugged.

"When I know where she is." I whispered.

"What if she doesn't want you? Where will you go?" Her voice quiet and resigned, no hint of her usual exuberance.

"I'm not sure. That's something I'll have to figure out when it comes up."

"You won't wait until school's out?" She asked, though she already knew the answer.

"No." I breathed more than spoke.

Alice's eyes glazed over in a faraway look and we sat in silence for a while. She suddenly twitched, bringing my attention back to her tiny form, her eyes watching me intently.

"You should go. I'll help, but you have to promise me that you will call if you need anything. We'll always be here for you."

Her declaration was confusing, but I nodded. Not sure of how another teenager could possibly help me, but I trusted her. "I promise."

"Come on, let's go back to the house. I'll take you out for dinner, just me and you."

I followed Alice back to the house as she flitted gracefully over the debris littering the forest floor which caused me to trip on five separate occasions. After a quiet dinner with Alice, we returned to the house, and I insisted on sleeping on the couch, not wanting anyone to be put out by giving up their room. Everyone retired to their rooms, except Edward. He stayed behind playing the piano softly as I drifted off to sleep, and when I woke screaming from my nightmare, he was there to comfort me as he had the night before. I wasn't ready to go back to sleep, so we sat in darkness on the couch and talked for hours.

"Tell me about your childhood Bella. What is one of your best memories?" He asked softly.

"That's easy, baking with my mother. Every Saturday was baking day. We would start the dough first thing in the morning, each with our own aprons and mixing bowls. I usually ended up with more flour on me than in the bowl, when I was younger at least. We would sing together and she would tell me stories from her own childhood. Elbow deep in dough, the methodical kneading was therapeutic. Kind of like working away the troubles of the past week. The scent of yeasty dough rising, then the smell of fresh baked bread that permeated the house. It was a sense of accomplishment to pull those loaves out of the oven, knowing we were providing for our family. Sure, it was easy to pick up loaves of bread at the grocery store, but baking the bread was an experience. Not to mention, it tastes so much better. Charlie usually spent his Saturdays fishing, so it was just us two, and it was nice to spend that time together."

Edward smiled down at me, as he was still holding me. I felt safe, and right, curled up against him. "That sounds like a wonderful memory."

"How about you?" I asked. "Do you have any memories of your mother?"

His brow creased, and pain flashed through his eyes, before a breathtaking smile broke out on his face.

"Yes I do." He replied quietly. "Cookies. My mother loved to bake as well, and she always made sure there were cookies in the house. Every day when I would come home from school she would have some sitting out for me. We'd sit down together at the table and share them while I told her about my day. The house, and my mother, always smelled like fresh baked cookies. It was comforting."

I watched his face as he answered, the delight of the memory made his eyes twinkle. "What was your favorite cookie?"

His expression clouded over for a moment, as if he had a hard time remembering. "Sugar cookies I think. Simple, but with a hint of lemon. At Christmas time she would decorate the tree with them, like ornaments. Of course she would bake more every couple of days because my father and I would eat them off the tree. She would scold us lightheartedly, but that was what they were there for."

"Sounds nice."

His eyes met mine. "What about you? What's your favorite cookie?"

"I'm not sure. I honestly don't ever remember baking cookies, and I haven't had any to eat in years. Your mother's sugar cookies sound nice though."

"You never baked cookies? Not even for Christmas?" He asked, astonished.

"We didn't really celebrate Christmas." I shrugged. "Maybe as a small child, but I don't remember what it was like. Once my father started delving deeper into his religious ideals, we stopped. The Christmas season was about the birth of Christ, and the traditional celebrations had too much root in paganism and commercialism. We prayed, and fasted instead."

Edward frowned, and began running his fingers through my hair. He suddenly stiffened and dropped his hand, releasing me from his embrace.. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I just realized that I didn't ask..."

"Edward, it's fine. I don't mind. It was nice...comforting." I smiled warmly at him. I enjoyed his affection. For a little while, I could believe someone cared about me. It filled a need in me that I didn't realize was missing.

He moved to stand up. "Well you should get back to sleep now. I didn't mean to keep you up. I should get to bed too."

"Sleep well Edward."

"You too Bella."

I watched his retreating form as he headed up the stairs, then curled into the side of the couch where he had been sitting, inhaling his scent greedily. It wasn't cologne or even fabric softener from his clothes, it was unique, indescribable, and it was delicious.


	9. Chapter 9

The next couple of days were uneventful. I could not force myself to return to school just yet, not ready to face the stares and insincere sympathy of my peers. News travels fast in small towns and by now I'm sure everyone knew some version of the story, the truth having been twisted and perverted by the gossip hounds of the small town.

Three members of the Cullen family were absent during my stay. Alice told me that Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper had all gone on an extended camping trip and I felt guilty that the remaining members had stayed behind to care for me. Edward spent a lot of his free time with me, mostly on the piano, helping me learn new pieces and working on my technique. It felt good to sit close to him, and his presence soothed me. He gave me free reign over his collection of books and music since he was at school most of the day, and I spent many of those hours relaxing on the couch in his room listening to music while reading. Alice enjoyed fleshing out my wardrobe and I was pleased with most of what she had chosen. I still preferred comfortable skirts and soft tops, but yoga pants were becoming a fast new favorite. She was desperate for me to cut my hair and try something new, but it was my sticking point. I loved my long hair, and only consented to a trim. I made Esme stay in the room to make sure Alice kept her word.

Esme seemed to thoroughly enjoy my presence in the house, always cooking up something new for me, though the rest of the family hardly ever joined me in a meal. Sometimes Alice or Edward would sit with me, but I got the feeling that family meal time was not a priority in the house. I assumed everyone ate on the go, or grabbed something while they were out. Esme always made a fuss over me, never allowing me to clean or wash dishes. She insisted I needed a vacation and that I had spent enough of my young life keeping house.

Dr. Cullen spent a lot of time at the hospital, but he made time for me each day to discuss any information that been found, or to check on how I was doing. My social worker, Mrs. Warren, was looking for a family in Forks to take me on a permanent basis and Reverend Weber, Angela's father, was at the top of the list. I wasn't opposed to the prospect as I really liked Angela, but I had to take care of the bigger picture first. I had to find my mother. I wouldn't be able to move on until that was done. Dr. Cullen and my worker both wanted me to start going to counseling. The nightmares left me sleep deprived and I woke up screaming every time. I'm sure the family was ready for a decent night's sleep after three nights with me in the house. Edward was always there to sooth me when I woke and our late night chats were something I looked forward to. We had gotten to know each other a little more, and in those wee hours before dawn, I finally felt a connection to another human being that had been missing for most of my life. Talking with Edward was easy and comforting.

Finally, one week after I woke up in the hospital an orphan, Dr. Cullen came home with the news I had been waiting for. Edward stared at his father for a few minutes, as if he was reading something in his eyes, before scowling and taking off out the back door. Dr. Cullen asked me to join him in his office and I followed him up the stairs as Alice watched with a sad look on her face.

My palms were sweaty as I closed the door to his office behind me. I rubbed them on the thighs of my pants before taking a seat in front of his large desk. He opened his briefcase and slid a piece of paper and a picture across the desk to me. The picture looked like a surveillance shot of a woman who resembled my mother. She was walking out of a store, her expression worn. She had aged, but it was certainly my mother. An address was written on the piece of paper. They had found her.

I stared at the paper. Dr. Cullen stared at me, his elbows propped on the desk and his chin resting on his hands.

"So what do I do now?" I asked quietly.

"It's up to you Bella. You can try and get in contact with her if you'd like. They are ready to place you with Angela's family, and you can continue at the high school when you are ready. Maybe you can work out something with the Webers if you want to visit her. We'll be meeting with Mrs. Warren tomorrow to go over everything. You and Angela are friends, so it should be a good fit for you. We've enjoyed having you here, and you're welcome to visit any time of course. We will miss you."

I cleared my throat, shaking off the tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. "Yes, thank you so much for all your help in tracking down my mother, and for everything your family has done for me. You'll never know how much your kindness means to me." We shared an awkward moment before I got up and left his study. He looked like there was so much more that he wanted to say, like he was holding something back. The same way Alice had been looking at me since that day in the woods. Like they knew something more than what they were saying.

So, it was the Webers who would be my new family, and I felt guilty that Angela would be hurt when I disappeared. It would be nice to be a part of a good family, and maybe one day I would have my own, but right now I had other things I needed to do. I thought that maybe I should explain and tell her goodbye first, but a clean break was probably best. I'd leave early in the morning, before anyone else got up, and hopefully be far enough away before they discovered I was missing. I had a eight hundred dollars from my father's wallet. He had just gotten paid and always dealt in cash. Once I got to Phoenix, I would have to find a job immediately, because that wouldn't last long.

Was I doing the right thing? Could I just forget my mother existed and live with Angela for the next seven months? I've lived through six years of hell, surely another seven months with a nice family would be a piece of cake. I just couldn't get over this sense of urgency that I needed to find my mother now, that I had lived long enough not knowing what really happened to her. Now that I knew the story, I needed to confront her. She was my mother, she couldn't turn me away if I came to her. She would be forced to let me stay and explain herself. She owed me that much. I had friends here, support, a kind family. But she was my mother, the only family I had left, even if she gave me away. I needed to find her. I could always come back if I needed to...couldn't I?

I had found my way through the forest to the tree again. I was so deep in thought that I didn't even realize it. While the two sides of my conscience warred within me, I sat on the damp trunk and picked at the bark. A snapping twig startled me and Edward melted out of the trees, looking a bit disheveled.

"Bella, you really shouldn't be out here alone. There are dangerous animals in these woods." He chastised me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't even realize where I was going until I was here."

He crouched down in front of me and I drank in the sight of him. He must surely be an angel to possess such beauty. It hurt to look at him sometimes. I noticed a red spot on his jaw, and reached out tentatively to wipe it away with my thumb. He closed his eyes when I touched him and I could feel the electricity between us. I smeared the red liquid between my fingers and sucked in a breath.

"Edward, are you ok? You had blood on your face." My eyes frantically searched him for an injury.

His eyes darkened and he pulled away stiffly. "I'm fine. I must have scratched myself walking through the forest."

Satisfied that he appeared unharmed, I wiped my fingers off on my pants and gave him a timid smile. I was almost frightened of him sometimes, when his eyes were so dark and intense and you could feel the tension radiating off of him.

He relaxed after a few minutes and sat beside me on the tree. "I think you will be happy with Angela's family. They are good, kind people."

"Um, thanks. Angela has been a good friend."

"Are you going to find your mother?" He asked.

"Eventually." I answered, hoping to evade further questions.

He suddenly turned to me, his eyes blazing amber again. "Bella, promise me you won't do anything reckless? The Webers would be a wonderful family for you if you just give them a chance." I felt that there was more behind his words. He spoke the same way Carlisle did. Almost like they knew my plans, but they didn't want to say anything. Had Alice told them?

I looked down at the ground while my toe kicked at some moss. His long, cold fingers tipped my chin up and we stared into each other's eyes. Suddenly he gave me a crooked grin and leaned forward. I bit my lip nervously, unsure of what he wanted. His cool breath caressed my skin and smelled so intoxicating. I closed my eyes, attempting to slow down my racing heart. Then finally, I felt his lips press firmly against my forehead as his hand threaded through my hair, pulling me into him. He inhaled deeply. There was so much emotion in that one soft, chaste kiss. After he pulled back, he let out a harsh breath, and gave me a dazzling smile.

"Breathe Bella." He murmured as he gently stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers. I desperately tried to catch my breath. _What was that?_ I'm sure the shock was evident on my face. He looked sheepish. "Sorry." He started. "I shouldn't have done that."

"It's ok Edward." I smiled brightly at him and bravely laid my hand on his knee, letting him know I meant it.

His eyes flickered to my hand and I saw the corner of his mouth twitch up in what I assumed was a smile. "Come on Bella, let's get you home safely." He stood and motioned for me to go with him. As I stumbled through the forest, his arm found it's way around my waist, supporting me and keeping me from falling to the ground on a few occasions. The house loomed in front of us and I realized the one thing I would miss most about Forks was Edward Cullen, with his piercing amber eyes and dazzling smile. I was content when I was with him, his presence filling me with a warm feeling I could not name. It was almost enough to make me stay in Forks, but I had to have a fresh start and I had to find her. She was all I had left.

~~**~~

That night I settled in to sleep earlier than usual. When I woke screaming from my nightmare, Edward was there, but instead of staying up and talking, I managed to convince him to leave me and go to bed himself. He reluctantly left me, his eyes filled with a strange sadness that made me think I had hurt his feelings. Once I was sure I was alone, I got up from the couch and made sure everything in my bag was in order. I had a few changes of clothes, along with important papers I might need. I had my mother's address and picture and my father's money. Everything else that I had kept from my house would be left behind, and maybe Dr. Cullen or Mrs. Warren would put the items in storage for me.

I sat for at least an hour contemplating that this was the right decision and making sure everyone was asleep. I hadn't heard even a snore in the time I was listening. As quietly as possible I moved to the kitchen and pulled some non-perishable food from the cabinets, hating the ideal of stealing from the Cullens, but knowing that I needed to be prepared. I silently ran my fingers over the piano one last time, savoring the memories of the times I'd played beside Edward. Quickly, I let myself out the front door, and prayed that no one would wake up when I started my ancient truck. I slid into the cab of the truck and tossed my bag into the seat next to me. It was then that I noticed a suitcase, a couple of bags, a pillow, and some blankets had already been placed there. _Alice._ I looked up at the house in front of me, and I saw Edward's still form in one of the windows, his palm pressed against the glass. Tears pricked at my eyes and I fought them back. Alice's tiny figure joined him and they stood embracing each other, watching as I brought my truck to life and quickly made my getaway. I knew then that the Cullens were letting me go.

I managed to hold it together until I was a half hour outside of Forks. Then I had to pull over because I couldn't see through the tears. The further away I got, the harder it was to breathe, like a piece of me was missing. How could one small town have such a hold over me after such a short time? Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to go back, to run into Edward's arms and to go willingly to the Webers where I could live as normal a life as possible for someone like me. But my past would always haunt me, and I needed this closure. She was out there, living her happy life with her husband, and I deserved an explanation or apology at least.

Once I finally calmed down, I decided to see what Alice had packed for me. I opened the suitcase first and it was filled to the brim with clothes, of course. It was much better than the few outfits I had packed. These would last a good two weeks before I would have to do laundry. Next there was a small black satchel. I pulled out a three month supply of the supplements Dr. Cullen had wanted me to take. There were two envelopes as well. The first one held a stack of cash that caused me to gasp. I couldn't even bring myself to count it, and quickly shoved it back into the envelope and put it back in the bag. I knew the Cullens were rich, but for them to just hand me a huge amount of cash took my breath away. The guilt consumed me. They had been so kind to me, and I just took off on them. Slowly I extricated the papers from the second envelope, afraid of what I would find. A small card fell out onto the seat, and when I picked it up, I realized it was a drivers license. It was mine, except the birth date had been moved back one year, making me eighteen. I couldn't help the smile that came to my face. She had to have known how much that one detail weighed on me, and somehow she had taken care of it. One of the pieces of paper folded around it was a birth certificate, confirming my birth date. Alice was nothing, if not thorough. The other piece of paper was a letter. My hands shook as I tried to decide whether I wanted to read it now or later. My curiosity won out.

_Bella, _

_By now you have figured out that we knew what you were planning. You may wonder why we did not stop you, and it was simply because we felt you needed this in order to move on with your life. Please do not feel guilty for one second about anything. We are glad to be able to help you in any way we can. The only thing I ask in return is that you call if you ever need anything. Even if you are you in trouble, we will always be here for you. _

_You should stop in Redding tonight. Drive straight through Los Angeles tomorrow and don't stop until you reach Indio. _

_Always your friend,_

_Alice_

_P.S. Edward says to be safe. There's a can of pepper spray in the other bag, keep it close at all times._

I smiled at the thought of Edward worrying about me, and a few more tears fell because I would miss this amazing family. There was a list of phone numbers written on the bottom of the note, and I folded it up and shoved it in my pocket, making a mental note to never lose it.

The third bag was full of toiletries and necessities which included the strawberry scented shampoo I was used to and even a roll of toilet paper for emergencies. Alice thought of everything and I had completely forgotten to pack any of those things aside from a toothbrush. I grabbed a cereal bar from the bag of food I collected and then decided to get back on the road. This was the first time I'd driven further than the store by myself. The freedom was intoxicating, but the unknown was frightening. My old truck rattled like it was going to fall apart if I drove any faster than 55, so I stayed in the slow lane and watched the other cars zipping past at lightening speeds.

I found a radio station playing oldies and before long I was drumming my fingers on the wheel in time with the music. The window was down and the cold February air helped keep me invigorated as I headed south. It was surreal to be driving away from everything I'd known, completely alone in the early hours of the morning. Three hours later I watched a spectacular sunrise, the sky first lightening before waves of reds, oranges, and blues washed across the heavens like a painting. The mountains and trees were black shadows, still encased in night, the sun's rays not touching them yet. As the sun continued to rise, the landscape came alive with greens and browns, and I embraced the dawn of a new day...a new start for me.

After another hour, I stopped in Portland, OR for a break. I had to fill up with gas and made use of the facilities at the station. In an effort to save as much money as possible, I decided against buying anything else to eat and would just scrounge from what I had taken from the Cullens, but I did buy a huge bottle of water.

I stopped again a couple hours outside of Redding, CA to fill up and stretch my legs. It was afternoon now and the sun blazed high in the sky. My stomach grumbled, so I pulled out some crackers and had a snack. I was getting tired of driving, and was glad Alice suggested stopping in Redding. After ten hours of driving, I was exhausted and my nerves were shot. There were so many rude people on the highway. The remaining hours of my trip seemed to drag and I was thrilled to see the exit packed with hotels. I considered sleeping in the truck, but the idea of being completely vulnerable, parked in a strange city, was too unnerving. I would feel safer with four walls around me and locked door. Not to mention a shower and a soft bed were very appealing at the moment.

The Howard Johnson looked like a good choice. The woman behind the counter had spent too much time in the sun, her skin dark and leathery with wrinkles etched deep into the surface. She couldn't have been as old as she looked, and the light pink lipstick contrasted horribly with her complexion. It didn't take long to get checked in, just a quick glance at the license Alice gave me and my signature and the key was in my hand. I drove around to park in front of my room and hauled all my bags in with me. Once I was sure the door was locked in three different ways, I flopped on the bed.

_I was really on my own._

The myriad of emotions that ran through me was insane. For the first time in my life I was completely independent. I never had my own money to spend. I certainly couldn't spend my time as I wanted to, never being allowed to just be a kid and hang out with friends or go shopping. Now I had complete freedom and I didn't know what to do with myself.

First I decided that I was going to take a long, hot shower and I stayed in there for at least twenty minutes just allowing myself to relax under the flow of the water. I wrapped a towel around me and almost danced out to the main room, not having to worry about my modesty since I was the only one there. _Ok Alice, let's see what you packed me._ I grinned at the explosion of clothes when I opened the suitcase. There were plenty of my favorites – yoga pants, skirts, and soft, long sleeve shirts. For some reason she had packed me a swimsuit, as well as a couple of casual dresses and a pair of heels tucked in the bottom. Feeling a little daring, I pulled out one of the dresses and the heels and decided I needed a night out. I would treat myself to a nice dinner somewhere. Dressing up was fun, even if there was no occasion. The heels were not too high, so it was easy enough to walk in them, and the dress was still modest, but young and fresh. The royal blue fabric clung to me a little more than I was used to, but the skirt was fuller and long enough to be comfortable for me.

I found a steakhouse about two blocks away from the hotel and decided that would be the perfect place to go. The hostess eyed me curiously when I asked for a table for one, probably wondering why someone my age was all dressed up to eat alone. I mentally shrugged to myself as I didn't really care what she thought. I was determined to enjoy tonight. The waiter was a young guy, not much older than me, kind of cute and incredibly flirtatious. He kept flashing me a bright smile every time he passed my table. His name was Jeremy he told me, and he was clean cut with short, dark hair. For dinner, I ordered a sirloin steak with shrimp, knowing I couldn't possibly eat it all considering it came with a salad, bread, _and_ a potato, but I still wanted to indulge.

"So may I ask why you're here all dressed up and alone?" Jeremy asked, as he sat my coke down on the table.

I shrugged, feeling the blush creep into my cheeks. "I'm just passing through and wanted to treat myself to a nice dinner."

"Well I do hope you enjoy your meal. If you need anything at all, please let me know. It's always a shame to see someone as beautiful as you eating by herself."

I ducked my head and took a sip of soda, hoping he would move along and quit embarrassing me. The carbonation from the soda surprised me. It burned and tickled, but the syrupy sweetness was nice. I could understand why something like this wasn't necessarily good for you, but it certainly tasted nice. It wasn't long before I had eaten as much of my dinner as I could and asked for the rest to be boxed up. I also ordered a sinful desert of chocolate cake to take back to the hotel. I was dying to try the hot chocolate chip cookie with ice cream, but by the time I ate it, the ice cream would have definitely melted. I paid for my meal and almost skipped out of the restaurant. I was strangely hyper and figured it must be the freedom getting to me.

Once back at the hotel, I changed into some comfortable pajamas and settled on the bed with the remote. I watched plenty of episodes of a show called _Friends_ and devoured half of my chocolate cake. When nine o'clock rolled around, I tried to lay down and fall asleep, but my mind was racing and I was a little jittery. It eventually dawned on me that the two glasses of soda and chocolate cake must be the culprit. The overload of sugar and caffeine was not something I was used to. So as I lay in the dark, trying to sleep, my thoughts turned towards the Cullens. I wondered if Edward had played the piano today, and if Esme had cooked. Alice probably spent her day in her closet or with Jasper if he was home yet. Carlisle would be working long hours at the hospital, and I suddenly found I missed the smell of leather and old books that permeated his office. I missed breathing in Edward's delicious honeysuckle scent, and the feeling of the air crackling between us. I couldn't deny that my bronze-haired Adonis and I shared some kind of amazing chemistry and I wondered what might have been if I stayed. I wasn't even sure if he shared the same feelings, but if I remembered all the little things he did and said, I believed he did. Would he have become a boyfriend in time? Could I imagine myself actually going on a date, or even kissing him?

There was something off about the entire family and I was still not sure if they were human. Their skin was always so cold and harder than mine, like liquid marble. They claimed that they were not biologically related, but they were all so identical it was hard to believe. Their eyes changed from black to amber, and that amber color was certainly odd, nothing I had ever seen before. There were so many things that just didn't add up, but did it really matter _what_ they were? I was pretty sure they weren't dangerous, and that they would never hurt me. There was still an eerie feeling that pricked up the hairs on the back of my neck when I was around them. Some kind of warning, but I didn't understand it. They were the kindest and most caring people I had encountered, and I just couldn't think of them as anything but good. I mean, my father never caused my hair to stand on end and he was absolutely capable of hurting me, and did so often. Maybe they truly were guardian angels here to watch over me. It would be nice to hope that someone was looking out for me...that someone cared. And with those more pleasant thoughts, I finally fell asleep, but there was no Edward here to comfort me when I woke screaming from my nightmare hours later. My chest ached again, as if something was missing. I did manage to calm myself down enough to go back to sleep, and I slept in, meaning I missed the free breakfast the hotel offered. So, grabbing another cereal bar, I headed back out on the road again, starting another leg of my journey.


	10. Chapter 10

As much as I had enjoyed the idea of my road trip yesterday, today I realized how tedious driving could be. Hours upon hours on the road, crawling along in my ancient truck with no one to talk to. Instead, I had endless time to think, which was the last thing I wanted to do. It only cemented the fact that I was completely alone. Music filled the cab of the truck and I tried to immerse myself in learning lyrics to some of the songs I'd heard repeated over and over again on the radio. If anyone had been riding with me, I would have been embarrassed that I found country music appealing. Driving through Los Angeles was nerve wracking to say the least, it was just so big and there were so many cars. It was easy to take Alice's advice because I really did not want to deal with trying to get off the highway to stop anywhere. I was sure I would have gotten lost if I did or ended up in an accident.

I had my first taste of McDonald's for lunch and it was disgusting. I have no idea what millions of children, and adults, see in their food, and was almost tempted to make myself throw it back up.

Realization set in that I would most likely be seeing my mother in the next couple of days for the first time in five years. I had no idea what to expect and was both terrified and excited. It would be a lie to say that I didn't harbor fantasies of the ultimate reunion scene where she scooped me up into her arms and promised to take care of me and never leave me again. If anything close to that happened, I would be hard pressed not to forgive her of everything in an instant. I just wanted my mother back. Instinctively I knew that would be the least likely scenario. She had moved on with her life and I was sure my reappearance in her life would probably not be as well received as I hoped for. I didn't know what her new husband was like, or if he even knew of my existence.

The plan was to get checked into one of those extended stay hotels first. If things did not go well, then I would already have somewhere to stay. I could find a job someplace and save up money for an apartment. Maybe I would even find a roommate. I could make a modest living in Phoenix and I had nowhere else to go. The only person I had left was her, so I might as well stay close. That was about as far as I could plan for now. I'd like to finish high school and even go to college eventually. Being a teacher was something I had always dreamed of, and if I worked hard enough I could make it a reality. But there were other things I needed to take care of first.

How did my life end up at this point?

What had I ever done to deserve the things I'd had to endure?

Was I being punished because I rejected my father's beliefs?

Why would my mother had left her own child in the hands of someone like him without so much as a fight?

I had loved my father once. I remember looking up at him and feeling adoration. I remember my tiny hand in his, wild flowers, and fishing. Then everything started being stripped away. He became a cold, hard man. Then there were the rules he started enforcing. Punishment and repentance became the focus and replaced the joy and love in our lives. Everything I had learned about God's love was shredded before me.

How could a kind and loving God let a father twist His word in order to justify beating and controlling his wife and child?

How could He ever let a mother abandon the child she nursed at her breast to the monster my father became?

Everything I had ever known was gone. In the darkest time of my life, there were no footprints in the sand other than my own. There was no God there to carry me or hold me up. There was only a man to beat me down. I tried to hold onto the lessons I learned as a child about unconditional love and forgiveness, but they were slipping through my fingers more and more as each day passed. I thought I had things figured out, but now I was a confused mess, lost and alone in a world with no one, no God.

I could justify my father's behavior and believe that he was only doing what he thought was right. But then I would have to believe that about every murderer and rapist who refused to show regret over their actions. My father never showed any regret over my abuse and neglect. He surely did penance for his sins, but nothing that he did to me was ever on that list. He repented for things I was sure God could care less about. Whether we ate animal flesh or not is probably not high on His list of transgressions, but beating your daughter and starving her most likely are. However, if it is the way my father saw it, then I have no desire to put any more faith in Him, for I refuse to believe in or worship such a terrible deity. Truth is subjective when it comes to religion. Texts, written by mortal men, can be interpreted in any number of ways. There are so many religions, much older than Christianity, that I cannot place all my faith in one doctrine. The same underlying truths exist throughout them all. Lead a good and noble life to the best of your ability. Ask for, and grant, forgiveness when a wrong has occurred. Be thankful for what you have and treat yourself and others as you would like to be treated. That is the gist of everything. Anything else on top of that are just minor details, and I find myself hard pressed to believe that any supreme being or deity is concerned with such mundane details of human life as how long we spend in the shower.

Religion clouded my thoughts every time I tried to remember Charlie. I should grieve for him, but I couldn't find it within me. I was both angry and relieved that he was gone, but there was no sorrow. The briefest of flashes from my childhood are the only memories I have of him actually being a father. Everything else was tainted and dictated by his beliefs. He provided the bare necessities, and that was all the positives I could really think of. Otherwise he controlled me, neglected and abused me, both physically and emotionally. I've only been biding my time over the past few years, waiting until I could make my escape from him. I keep waiting for his death to stir some kind of sadness or grief within me, but I find myself numb, wondering if it will rear it's ugly head at some unknown point in the future. Had I already reconciled my feelings for him years ago and tucked them in some distant corner of my mind along with the horrors of what he did to me? Had my father already been dead to me for these past years? Is that why I was unable to grieve his death? The numbness I felt in relation to my father concerned me. I _should _feel something, anything. Was I so awful that I could not feel anything for the man who gave me life and provided for me? I forgave him, but was that enough, shouldn't I mourn his loss as well?

Brake lights in front of me cleared the rhetorical fog from my mind. Thankfully, my truck was incapable of speeding and I had plenty of time to stop. The highway was backed up for miles. I sighed and slumped back into my seat. Indio was not far, and I had hoped to be there within the hour. I was exhausted and hungry. After sitting for thirty minutes and only having moved a few car lengths, I noticed wisps of smoke coming out from under the hood. I decided it would be a good idea to pull over and turn off the truck. Even if I had no technical knowledge about automobiles, I did know that it could not be a good sign. Unsure of what to do, I got out of the truck and popped the hood. It was a useless gesture, as I had no idea what I was even looking at. Since I was trapped in traffic, the only thing I could do was to wait until the cars started moving, and then hope that I could start the truck and make it to the next exit. Feeling dejected, I camped out in the truck and snacked on some crackers and a cereal bar. I finished my water, and I knew I'd need a bathroom soon. Here I was, surrounded by people, and not a single one of them offered any assistance. We had nothing but time as we waiting for things to move along, yet no one seemed to even notice a young girl stranded on the side of the highway.

Of course, no sooner had those thoughts entered my mind, than a man approached my open window. Edward's plea to be safe reminded me of the pepper spray that was tucked next to me in the seat and I quickly found it. He gave me an easy smile, and I noticed a small woman with pale blond hair was with him. I held the little canister tightly, my finger on the button, but rationally I knew they most likely would not hurt me. Most ax murderers would not travel with such a beautiful woman, and we were surrounded by vehicles full of people. I plastered a tight smile on my face in greeting to the couple as they stood just outside my window.

"Good evening miss. Are you having car trouble?" His voice was like warm honey, and I felt compelled to trust him.

"I'm not sure. There was some smoke, so I thought I should probably pull over and turn it off?"

Even in the fading light, I could see how beautiful this couple was. They were dressed nicely and at first glance, seemed harmless. "Well this is a pretty ancient vehicle for such a young lady. If you would like, I could take a look at it?"

"Sure, I guess." I opened the door and slid out, deciding to trust them. After I had exited the cab, their demeanor changed immediately, and for a few moments I was scared that I had made the wrong choice. His nostrils flared and his eyes widened in surprise, then confusion. His whole body was tense, and when I looked over to the woman, she mirrored his stance. They looked at each other, and then he leaned inside the cab for a moment. When he pulled back, his eyes scrutinized every inch of me as if he was trying to solve some kind of mystery. I had backed up against the bed of my truck by this point, my mind racing, trying to figure out what I should do. "Is something wrong?" I stuttered, obviously uneasy.

The woman tilted her head to one side, studying me for a moment, then he spoke again. "I apologize if we have frightened you. We really would just like to help. I'm Peter, and this is my wife, Charlotte."

They both seemed more relaxed now, but I still felt anxious over their curious behavior. "I'm Bella."

"Well then, let's take a look." He nodded at Charlotte, who climbed into the cab and started the engine, and then he went to look under the hood. I stayed by the woman, feeling more comfortable with her. Peter took his time investigating whatever mechanical devices resided under the hood. Finally he emerged. "You have a cracked hose. You just need to add some water and she should make it to the next exit, once the traffic starts moving. In the morning you can get the hose replaced and she should be fine." He chuckled at my bewildered expression.

"I don't even know how to change the tire. This is my first car and I haven't had it very long." I mumbled, happy that it was dark so that they couldn't see how red I was with embarrassment.

"Bella? Do you know the Cullens?" Charlotte's lilting voice interrupted us. She was holding the black satchel Alice had left for me.

"Um...yes. Why?" How in the world did these strangers know the Cullens? How did they know I knew them? I was starting to wonder if I should have ever befriended the family. Things just kept getting weirder.

Peter's face lit up with a huge grin. "You know Jasper?"

"Yes. I went to school with him, and Alice and Edward..." Charlotte had a bemused expression on her face. "How do _you_ know them?"

"Let's just say Jasper is an old friend." Peter chuckled.

"How did you know that _I_ knew them?" I demanded, sure they could hear the panic creeping into my voice.

"Relax, Bella, this bag that you have? It has the Cullen crest on it." She pointed out a small pin on it that I hadn't even noticed. I grabbed the bag from her and took a closer look, still baffled.

"Ok..." The pin was just a combination of symbols and no one these days used crests anymore. How did she even recognize something as random as that?

"We've be friends of the family for a while, Bella. We'd know that crest anywhere. I'm not sure if you noticed, but each one of them wears something with this on it and they never take them off."

Charlotte's kind smile was doing little to stop my heart from racing, and I tried to remember ever seeing something like that on them. "Oh! You're right. Edward's leather cuff had something like this on it...and Alice's necklace." She nodded at my realization, and I felt a little more at ease. "Alice gave me the bag. She packed a few things for me. I stayed with them for a couple days after my father died and Dr. Cullen helped me find my mother." I explained.

"Jasper!" Peter's voice startled me and I whirled around to see he had a cell phone pressed to his ear. "Yes, it has been awhile...We seem to have run into a friend of yours...Bella?...Yes, she's fine, just some car trouble...No, no problem. Charlotte and I had plans for dinner, but we were, ah, interrupted..." His laugh was deep and rich. "Of course, Alice...We'll take care of it..." He grinned at me and held out the phone. "Alice would like to talk to you."

I took the phone from him tentatively. "Alice?"

"Bella!" She squealed into the phone. "What a coincidence that you ran into Peter and Charlotte. They are friends of the family. Don't worry, they're going to help you fix your truck and you'll be on your way again tomorrow, ok?"

"Yeah, sure. Small world, huh?" I quipped nervously.

"Definitely. So, how is the trip going?"

"Just fine. Except for my truck, of course."

"Well, no worries. It's a good thing Peter found you. We miss you." I felt a pang of sadness at being away from my friend.

"I miss you too Alice. I just wanted to thank you for everything. You really didn't have to do all that, but I appreciate it more than you'll ever know."

"Hey, that's what friends are for. You really didn't think I would send you out into the world unprepared did you? Just don't forget about us." Her voice lost a little of the usual excitement at the end.

"I don't think I could ever forget you Alice. Make sure you let everyone know I'm ok and I miss them too. Give them my thanks as well."

"Of course I will. Ok, Jasper wants to talk to Peter again. Take care of yourself Bella, and don't forget to call if you need anything."

"Thanks, Alice." I handed the phone back to Peter. I immediately felt the loss of the brief connection with Alice, and remembered what I had left behind there. All those stolen moments with Edward, and the kindness of the rest of the family. I sighed wearily.

Charlotte was giggling. "She's a hyper one, isn't she?"

"Yeah, who knew someone that tiny could harness that much energy." I offered a wry smile.

"Maybe we'll head up that way soon then....Yes...She'll be fine...You have my word...Ok...See you soon...Bye." Peter flipped the phone shut and appraised me one more time, before shaking his head. "I have been informed that we are to make sure you make it to a hotel safely and then we're going to fix your truck."

"Oh, are you sure? I don't want to inconvenience you...I heard you say you had dinner plans..."

They exchanged an amused look. "Please, don't worry about it. Our plans were already ruined, and there's always tomorrow night. We're glad that we can help, especially knowing you're a friend of the Cullens."

"Well thank you. I really appreciate it. I can pay you for your time or any parts that you need."

"Seriously, don't worry about it, Bella. Now, do you have any water?" Charlotte asked, looking around the cab of my truck.

"No, I drank the last of it just a little while ago." I replied sullenly, knowing from now on I would always keep a gallon of water in the truck for emergencies.

"Tell you what, when the traffic starts moving again, I'll go get some water for your truck. Then we'll follow you to the next exit and I'll take care of whatever else she needs there. How does that sound?"

"Sounds great." I couldn't help but let out a relieved sigh. Whatever unease I still harbored for the Cullens and these strangers was unfounded. They had been nothing but kind to me, going out of their way to help me out. Maybe it was just an instinctual reaction because I'd never been able to really trust anyone before. There were always too many secrets. Now it seemed like everyone else around me had secrets, while I no longer had anything to hide. I had no reason not to trust the Cullens, and if these two were friends of the family then I should be able to trust them as well.

~~**~~

_I was back in the closet again. The lashes on my back oozing blood and my stomach twisted in hunger. My father was outside the door with the whip, ready to tear my flesh to shreds again. He was pounding on the door and the wood was starting to splinter. I screamed and the room was flooded with light. A man stood in the doorway._

"Bella?" A woman's voice called to me. Someone was shaking me. "Bella, wake up!"

The sleepy haze finally cleared and I realized I was in a hotel room. Charlotte was on the bed next to me trying to wake me up, and Peter stood by the door. They both looked worried, and I realized that I'd had another nightmare. My screams must have scared them.

I felt all the blood rush to my face and I stammered out an apology. "I'm sorry...it was just a dream. I have nightmares."

Charlotte stood over me, her head cocked to the side. "You're ok then?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just pictures in my head." I shrugged. "Um, what time is it?" I looked around for the clock. It was just after five in the morning. "What are you two doing here so early?"

"Fixing your truck. We're early risers and thought it would be best to get it done so you could be on your way." Peter answered. I eyed the damaged door frame and he quickly assessed the damage. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." He assured me. "We thought you were in trouble. Sorry for intruding."

"Oh, no problem. Thanks for checking on me...and for fixing my truck..."

"We'll just go back out to the truck then. Peter will handle the door issue with the manager. We should be done soon." Charlotte rested her hand on Peter's chest and gently pushed him out the door. "Why don't you try to get some more sleep?" She gave me a warm smile before pulling the door shut, and amazingly it stayed closed even though all the latches and locks were broken. I knew I needed to try to get more sleep, but I was wide awake and the door couldn't be locked. With a sigh, I grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day. I'd drink something with caffeine and be on my way, maybe catching a nap later.

Not long after I was done, Peter and Charlotte knocked on the door to let me know the truck was fixed and they were going to take off. I tried to give him some money, but he refused. Charlotte patted my shoulder awkwardly and made me promise to be safe. Then they were gone and I was loading up my bags, getting ready to hit the road. I'd be in the same city as my mother before noon. That thought didn't give me any of the comfort it should have. Anxiety spiked through me and I was convinced this plan of mine was completely and utterly insane.

Soda and anxiety kept me awake and alert on the remaining trip. It was uneventful and my truck ran smoother than it ever had. The odds of meeting friends of the Cullens all the way out here on a stretch of highway still didn't sit well with me. However, the odds that I would ever see the family again were slim, so I tried to push them all to the back of my mind. I had to concentrate on the future, it was all I had now. Depending on how things went with my mother, I would either have a home with family or be an orphaned teen on her own. The weight of what was around the corner weighed heavily on my shoulders. What I wouldn't give to have friends or some kind of support through all this. This was uncharted territory and for some idiotic reason, I almost missed the routine I had lived with over the past years with my father. It was safe in a way, and predictable.

The exit signs for Phoenix loomed overhead and I sucked in a deep breath.

Here goes everything.


	11. Chapter 11

Three days.

It took me three days to get up enough courage to walk up to my mother's front door. The first day, I only managed to drive by, my heart beating out of my chest. I almost left the city that day, sure that my idea as idiotic. The next two days I parked down the street from her house and watched for a while, but I never saw her.

Finally realizing that I was stalling, and that I had left everything behind for this opportunity, I resolved that today would be the day I went to her door and faced my demons.

The large rose colored stucco home loomed in front of me. The neighborhood was nice and the families that lived here were certainly well off. The yard was perfectly landscaped and they had a pool in the backyard.

I had been waiting in my truck for any sign of life, and finally around noon a sleek black car pulled into the garage. I waited for whoever had arrived home to get settled before I made my way out of the truck. My legs threatened to give out on me and I debated on whether I should bring my envelope of _proof_ with me now or wait and see if it was needed. I decided to leave it, not wanting to push anything too far with this first meeting. My mouth was dry and my hands were shaking, but I was moving up the sidewalk, then the walkway, and all too soon I stood on her front steps. I heard the yapping of a small dog inside and knew I would have to make my presence known, otherwise someone would come to investigate what was causing it to bark.

With a deep breath I pressed my finger to the doorbell, and the dog became even more frenzied. I heard the approaching footsteps on the other side and desperately tried not to faint, or puke.

The door swung open and there she stood. A stunning brunette with perfectly styled hair looking like she just stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine. Her smile was one I would never forget. She looked at me expectantly, as she reached down to pick up the small, pampered ball of fur. Her manicured hands soothed the yapping beast and I noticed the expensive rings adorning her slender fingers. Hands that used to knead dough with me. Hands that used to soothe me to sleep and wipe away my tears.

"Hi mom." I greeted her with a tight smile and small wave.

Her entire face contorted into one of panic as she recognized me. It was then that I noticed a striking young man in the hallway behind her. He looked towards the door and came up behind her. He belonged next to her, in his perfectly pressed khakis and polo shirt. Slipping an arm around her waist, he gave me a bright smile and leaned into my mother.

"Who is this Renee?" He asked kindly.

My mother was speechless, her eyes wild and her jaw slack as she stared at me.

I replied quietly, never taking my eyes off her. "I'm Renee's daughter, Isabella."

His expression turned dark instantly. "What kind of joke is this? Renee doesn't have any children. Get off our property immediately young lady!"

"I have the papers to prove it. Just ask your wife." I shot back at him, nodding at her.

He turned to look at her. "Renee?"

Her eyes flickered back and forth between me and him, and she seemed to finally shake off her stupor.

"Renee, what is going on?" He demanded.

And just like that, my mother slipped on a cool mask and laid one of her hands tenderly on his forearm. "I have no idea who she is, Phil. We both know I can't have children." She shook her head and kept her eyes trained on him, refusing to acknowledge me. The anger erupted out of me.

"Oh is that what you've told him? Was is that easy to forget all about your daughter that you left with your abusive ex-husband so you could live out your happily ever after? I have the papers in the car. My birth certificate, your marriage certificate, and the divorce papers, _Mom_."

Phil pushed my mother inside the house and closed the door, standing face to face with me on the porch. "I have no idea who you are or what you want, but if you are not off my property within the next five minutes, I will call the police."

I stared at him, my face burning red with fury and my mouth open in shock. My mother, the woman who gave me life, just denied that I existed. All the strength I had left washed out of me, and I felt the tears streaming down my face.

"Mom! Don't do this please. You're all I have left. I forgive you for leaving me, just talk to me. Please, mom. Please!" The sobs left my body as I threw myself at the door, banging on it with my fists and begging her to come back out. I felt his hands as they gripped my arms and forcibly removed me from his porch. He went back to the house and stood in front of the door, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. I had no other option than to leave.

Somehow I made it back to my hotel room in one piece. I threw myself onto the bed and let everything out. All the hurt and pain caused by the two people who were supposed to love me unconditionally coursed out of me in tears and sobs and screams and punches.

I shed tears for the girl who was forced to grow up too fast.

I sobbed for the girl who lost her mother, her only friend.

I screamed for the girl who lived a shell of a life with a man who destroyed her innocence.

I beat the pillows and mattress with my insignificant fists at the unfairness of it all.

When there were no more tears to cry, and the sobs no longer wracked my body, and my throat was hoarse from screaming, and my hands were tender and bruised; I slept.

~~**~~

Three days.

I watched the room lighten and darken as the sun rose and set. I heard the pounding on the door and a murky voice calling through the steel. I remained where I had fallen on the bed three days ago, unsure of my course now.

Then my door opened. I squinted at the bright light invading my prison and made out the vague outline of a woman.

"Isabella?"

My mother.

The door closed behind her and my eyes had to readjust to the darkness.

"You weren't answering your door, so the manager let me in." When I made no move to acknowledge her presence, she came closer to the bed. She wrung her hands and nervously chewed on her bottom lip, a habit I had picked as a child. Her hand shook as she tentatively reached out to move the hair from my face. I flinched away from her touch.

"You look awful. Are you sick?" The rage began to build inside me again, little bubbles, for now at least. I closed my eyes, incredulous at the nerve of this woman. "Do you need a doctor?"

"What do you want?" I forced myself to sit up in the bed and looked her straight in the eye. She looked away.

"I think I owe you an explanation." She let out a nervous chuckle. _Very funny, mom. Let's make jokes while your daughter's world crumbles around her._

"You have to understand that I had no way to take you with me. There was no money, no home, not even a car. I couldn't take you with me to live on the streets. I thought that once I had a job and place to live, I could come back for you."

So she wanted to talk. Ok. I cocked an eyebrow at her, knowing she would understand my unspoken question, and waited.

"It took much longer than I thought to even find a job, considering I had no work history. Charlie knew what he was doing, keeping me cut off from everything. I had no friends, no family, and no way to make it on my own. I did some horrible things, and I'm glad you weren't there to see them."

Like what she _had_ left me to witness was all that great.

Her wide brown eyes, _my eyes_, turned to me expectantly. When I didn't respond, she continued her tale.

"I met Phil and everything changed. I had a place to stay and didn't have to worry about a job. I only had to love him, and I did. He loves me. He worships the ground I walk on. He spoils me and I've never been happier." There was a small smile on her face as she thought of him.

"Phil never wanted children, and I told him I couldn't have kids. It is true, I had _that_ taken care of a long time ago. I didn't want any more children with Charlie." The mask was back and she showed no emotion as she continued the story. She barely even looked at me. "Eventually, we wanted to get married, but I knew I needed to divorce Charlie first. He refused to grant the divorce and I was desperate. Finally, he agreed that he would sign the papers as long as I gave up my rights to you. In the end, we both got what we wanted. I was free to marry Phil, and Charlie had you."

It was hard to find my voice, and when I did it was trembling. "You didn't want me?" I asked her, barely above a whisper.

Her eyes widened in shock. "Of course I did, but there was really no way around it. This way was best for everyone." The way she spoke about me sent chills down my spine. It was like I was merely a possession, not a person, a child.

I snorted. "Best for you maybe. How was it ever best for _me_?"

"Oh please, Isabella, don't act like a spoiled brat. You had everything you needed. Charlie took good care of you."

The rage boiled over. "Excuse me? How would you even know how I was, since you never once called or came to visit?S ince when is starving, whipping and locking a child in a closet 'good care'?"

She gasped. "You really have no idea how good you had it. You should be thankful." She admonished me and I'd had enough.

I rose as calmly as I could from the bed, willing my legs to hold me up, and crossed to the door. "Get out." I spat through gritted teeth.

"Excuse me?" She huffed.

"I said get out of my room. You left me to be abused and neglected by my father. You never came back or even tried to help me. Now he's dead and you were all I had. I was hoping that you could step up and be a mother, but I was sorely mistaken. You could never be a mother. The only person you care about is yourself. Now get out!" I was surprised at how well I was managing to keep it together. My entire body was trembling and I knew it wouldn't be long before I broke down, but I had to stay strong until she was out of my room.

"You're the one who came to find me Isabella. One more thing and then I'll leave. You are to stay away from me and Phil. He is not going to find out about you. Phil is all I have and I refuse to lose him. I came here to give you the explanation I thought you wanted. Charlie did his job and raised you. Now you are free to go and live your life however you want to. For the first time in my life, I am happy, and I will not jeopardize that for anything."

My hand was twitching with the urge to slap her. I opened the door and refused to say another word. After another huff, she finally left the room and I slammed the door behind her. Making sure the door was locked, I turned back to my empty hotel room.

That woman was not my mother.

My mother died when I was twelve.

I took a deep breath and headed to the bathroom for a shower. It was quite refreshing under the circumstances. It was time for a new plan. There was no use in dwelling on the past. There was nothing I could do to change it. Now it was time to live my life and become my own person.

I had one more day left at the hotel and then I would be on my way. The California beaches called to me, so I decided I would head back up that way. It was the one place he never wanted to move to, because there was too much sin in California. There was just something about it that seemed so freeing. I'd find a job and stay in a hotel until I could find a more permanent place to live. Eventually, I would finish high school and go to college. Maybe I would find my own happily ever after.

Pulling out my map of California, I perused the coastline for some place that sounded good. Santa Cruz caught my eye. I was tired of small towns. In bigger cities, I could lose myself among the masses. That's where I would go.

Tomorrow, there was one thing left to do, and then I would leave.

~~**~~

After twenty minutes in the library and forty-five minutes at a copy shop, I had a manila envelope addressed to a Mr. Phil Dwyer. It would go to his personal PO Box, so I knew she wouldn't intercept it.

I was someone. She brought me into this world, and I would not allow her to pretend that I never existed.

He would see that I was no crazy runaway teenager trying to scam my way into someone's life. I was not the monster trying to tear apart their happy marriage. She was the monster for abandoning and denying her own child.

A brief flicker of regret consumed me after I dropped the envelope into the mailbox, but I quickly dismissed it. He deserved to know. I deserved to exist.

I was back in my truck, heading northwest, and ready to face a new life. This was my beginning.


	12. Chapter 12

"Damn it Bella!" I stumbled backwards after almost running headfirst into my fellow waitress, Marie. My tray of drinks ended up all over me instead of her, so that was something positive. I was fairly certain one day my luck would run out and one of the staff here would tear me limb from limb.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I gathered myself up off the floor, sighing at the mess of glass and ice I'd have to clean up. I managed to tick off the busboy in the first week and he refused to clean up after me any longer.

"Christ, B, you look like shit. Stay right here." She was right of course. I was dead on my feet and I looked it. Marie jogged over to Rebecca and then into the back for minute before finding me again. "Come with me. Becca's going to take over your section for a little while." She grabbed my wrist and pulled me off to the bathroom, her purse in hand. Crossing her arms over her chest, she gave me the once over and sighed. "What are we going to do with you Bella? It's been three weeks and you still aren't getting the hang of things. Dan is seriously considering firing you, no matter how hot you look in that outfit."

Dan agreed to hire me as a waitress despite my lack of work history, and I was definitely proving to be a disappointment. Not a day passed where I didn't end up dumping a tray of something on the floor. Marie just confirmed my suspicions that Dan hired whoever he thought would look best in this poor excuse for a uniform, regardless of skill. My father would be turning over in his grave if he saw me in these tiny shorts and too-tight tee, letting the men leer at me. Scooter's and the library were the only two places to even call me back after a week of job hunting. Beggars can't be choosers, and the tips were good, but only because I was prancing around half naked. They certainly weren't tipping me because of my superior waitressing skills.

"How did you manage to make it to eighteen and not learn how to use concealer. You look like you haven't slept in weeks." Marie was digging through her purse and produced her make-up pouch.

"I've never worn make-up and I don't get much sleep." I grumbled.

She eyes me incredulously. "Well, we're going to fix that." Marie was sassy and tough. She was a pro at waitressing and knew how to work the customers, flirting and saying just the right things to bring them back night after night. I don't think I'd ever seen her have an off shift or even complain about being tired. She also held her own if the customers ever got too fresh, being sure to put them in their place with a verbal lashing. Her fingers danced over my face as she expertly applied concealer and makeup, explaining what everything was and how to apply it. She talked quickly and non-stop, and some nights it was enough to give me a headache. We had formed a tentative friendship during working hours. I guess she kind of took me under her wing, showing me the ropes and helping me adjust to life here. She had asked me a few times to go out with her and some friends, but I had declined so far because I never had time to do anything other than work.

Finally, she stood back looking satisfied with her work. "There."

I eyed myself dubiously in the mirror and was surprised that my previous zombie look had morphed into something presentable. "Thanks, Marie. You are miracle worker." I gave her a quick hug. Everyone here hugged, and it was something I quickly got used to the first week I was here.

"Make sure you go by the store to get your own makeup and remember what I did. As far as the miracle worker part, thank me after you take this." She handed me a little pill.

"What's this?" I eyed the pill in my hand like it was the plague. The last thing I needed was to get involved in drugs.

"It's just something to wake you up, like a big dose of caffeine. I take one every day before work. It's perfectly safe, Bella. You do want to keep your job don't you?" She quirked an eyebrow at me. If she took them every day and did as well as she did, then it couldn't be that bad. I was terrified of losing my job, so I took the pill, but I put it in my pocket.

"You work too hard, Bella. It's ok to ask for a little help. You'll see." She winked. Working fourteen hours a day between here and the library left me exhausted. Add in my nightmares on top of that and I barely slept anymore. The only days I had off were Sundays, ironically, and that was when I caught up on sleep.

We emerged from the bathroom and I noticed someone had persuaded John to clean up my mess after all. I would have to thank him for that later. Things were picking up and Rebecca sighed with relief when we made our way back to the floor. It wasn't long before I felt the life draining out of me. For the rest of the night, I could barely shuffle my feet along, let alone keep up with all my orders and requests. Marie kept watching me and shook her head. I just didn't know that I wanted to go that route, though it was tempting.

Dan pulled me aside after we closed. "Swan, I know you can do this. You have one more week to get it together, otherwise I'm going to have to let you go, and neither one of us wants it to come to that." I didn't fail to notice how he eyed my meager cleavage revealed by the low v-neck.

Marie came up behind me on our way out and wrapped her arm around my waist. "I'd hate to see you go Bella. Give it a try tomorrow, you'll see it's not that bad." She whispered in my ear.

Could I do whatever it took to make it? There was nowhere else for me to go, and no one to take care of me. Where would I go if everything here fell through? You don't get many chances to start over. It's amazing what you can justify to yourself when you need to. The changes in my life over the past two months were astounding. What I used to be, versus what I am now makes me shake my head in disbelief. Do we ever truly know how our lives are going to turn out?

It was midnight before I finally threw myself onto the bed in my hotel room. I didn't even have the energy to shower first. The library opened at seven, so I set the alarm for five-thirty. I sent a quick prayer up that I could avoid any nightmares tonight. Three hours was as much sleep as I was going to get. I woke up panting and sweating from yet another nightmare. The dreams had morphed over time and most recently they left me stranded alone in an unfamiliar forest. I tried to follow my father, until the earth swallowed him up. Then I'd follow my mother until she disappeared out of the the forest into a backyard with Phil. I couldn't escape the forest, some invisible force holding me captive within it. So I wandered alone until I simply curled up cold and exhausted in the middle of the forest floor. Snarls and growls erupted around me, and that was usually when I woke up terrified.

I hauled myself out of bed and took a lukewarm shower, hoping the cooler water would wake me up enough. After dressing in something my father and Alice would both approve of, I downed a pot of coffee and made my way to the library for my shift. At least it was calm and quiet there, with a possibility of a quick nap on my break.

Mrs. Brady was waiting for me when I came in. She always had a warm smile and a plate full of some kind of homemade baked goods. Her dark hair was laced with silver strands, and always perfectly styled. She had a large heart and treated all of her employees like they were her own children. I felt safe there, and cared for. When I showed up for the interview, she asked me very few questions and decided almost immediately to hire me. The pay wasn't great, and certainly not enough on it's own to pay for my tiny hotel room, but it was a job I would enjoy.

"Good morning, Isabella!" She called out cheerily, pushing a plate with two cinnamon rolls on it across the counter.

"Morning, Mrs. Brady. Those smell delicious. Thank you so much." She embraced me and I lingered savoring the motherly feel of her soft form. I inhaled deeply because she always smelled like cookies and it reminded me of Edward. She clucked over my exhausted appearance and fussed with my hair a bit, chiding me that a young girl like me shouldn't have to work so hard. She understood why I had to do it, but she didn't approve. I'd heard her on more than one occasion muttering to herself that I needed a mother's loving care, and she was absolutely right. Too bad I didn't have a mother.

I grabbed my plate and headed to the small desk I shared with other employees. The cinnamon rolls melted in my mouth as I pulled up holds for the day, and finished off yet another cup of coffee while my slips were printing out. The silence of the early morning there was enjoyable. There wasn't much to do and I could simply enjoy the calm and the smell of the books.

An exciting day at the library involved dealing with a couple of teenagers who got a little loud. The rest of the time was fairly monotonous, re-shelving books, checking out and checking in. I was finally able to check out whatever I'd like without my father watching over me, and could satisfy my voracious appetite for reading in what little time I had to spare between work and sleep. I spent a lot of time reading the covers and inside flaps of the books, enthralled with all the different types of literature and stories out there. It was a powerful feeling to have all these stories and information at my disposal and I could not wait to sink my teeth in.

Soon enough it was noon and I could head back to the hotel I called home for hopefully another couple hours of sleep. I had to be back at Scooter's by four, and that little pill was taunting me. If I could just keep going until Sunday. Only two more days, and then I would have a day of rest. I knew the next two nights would be the worst. I was nearing the end of my stored up sleep, and on top of that, Friday and Saturday nights were the busiest.

The obnoxious beeping of the alarm ripped me from a rare peaceful sleep. Two hours of uninterrupted slumber was not as refreshing as it should have been. I pulled out one of my uniforms, the black scraps of fabric causing me to shake my head. I still couldn't believe that I wore this every night and paraded my body around for the customers to stare at. Whatever pays the bills right? Marie always arranged her outfit to reveal more, always pulling her shirt down, adjusting her push-up bra, and pulling her shorts up so her rear-end peeked out of the bottom. I, on the other hand, tried to make sure as much skin as possible was covered by the black stretchy fabric and used a sports bra to try to flatten whatever cleavage I did have.

I left the pill on the counter.

Marie looked me over when I arrived, and shook her head in disappointment. I groaned internally when I realized I'd forgotten about makeup. Not that I had any time to go shopping anyway. A few minutes later and she had me by the wrist, pulling me back into the bathroom.

She was telling me about this guy she met last week at the club who was coming in tonight. I wondered how she had the energy to go out to a club after working all night. Marie didn't have to work two jobs though, so she could get as much sleep as she needed. She had a roommate to share rent with, so she saved money there too. Oh, and she had parents who cared and were helping her through school. So, she had the time and energy to meet her man of the week, as I called her dates, since she never seemed to stick to one for more than a week. In the three weeks I'd worked with her, she'd dated four different guys. Apparently this one was coming in with some friends tonight and they were going out again after work. I listened to her go on about how well he kissed and how sweet he was while she made me look presentable. She pulled out a pair of silver hoop earrings before realizing my ears weren't pierced.

"Oh my God, Bella! Your ears aren't pierced?" She exclaimed.

"Nope."

"How?" Her despair over my intact earlobes was amusing.

"My father was an extremely religious man. In fact, if he knew I was wearing this, I'm pretty sure he would come back from the dead just to kill me. Pierced ears were never an option." I had never spoken with Marie about my past. She only knew I was here in town trying to make my way and save for college. I was tired of secrets. It seems like for most of my life I'd been suffocated by secrecy. Honesty was easier and I did not like to lie.

"Oh wow. What about your mom?"

"She left when I was twelve." While I did not mind revealing some of my past, the truth about my mother had been pushed to the dark recesses of my mind and I had no plans to tell anyone of her ultimate betrayal.

"So you don't have any family?"

"Nope. It's just me."

"Well that explains a lot." She mumbled to herself before her whole face lit up. It reminded me of Alice when she got an idea. "You have to come out with us then. You need friends, you can't just be all alone. I'm going out with Dave and his friends tonight and you can come along."

"Marie, I can't. I have to get some sleep before I have to be at the library in the morning."

"Come on, Bella! One night is not going to kill you. Just take that pill I gave you before you go in tomorrow and you'll be fine."

I shook my head and she pulled out the puppy dog eyes and a pout. "Please?"

My resolve was breaking, only because I really wanted to do something other than work and sleep, but I still declined. Her eyes narrowed and she huffed, but I knew it wasn't over. Marie had a plan and I would probably end up going out with them tonight.

~~**~~

"Bella!" Marie called to me in a singsong voice, a huge smile plastered on her face. I paused at the window, waiting for her. "Ok, so Dave and his friends are here and my section was full, so they were just seated at table sixty-four. Be good to them, ok?"

"Sure Marie." I agreed, biting my lip and hoping that I didn't end up spilling a pitcher of water on anyone. It was only an hour until we closed, and I was ready for the night to be over, even though Marie had never stopped begging me to go out with them. I took a deep breath and she patted me on the butt as I walked away towards her friends.

There were four guys in the booth that looked to be in their early twenties. "Hi. I'm Bella. I'll be your server tonight." I gave them my best smile.

The blond on my left stretched out and gave me a sleazy smile. "Hey Bella. Marie was telling us about you earlier." He certainly was not helping to convince me to go out with them by the way his eyes raked over me. "I'm Dave." Of course he was the one Marie liked. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. He was exactly like the last two I had met. He gestured to the two on the other side of the table, both with long dark hair and hazel eyes. "This is Jesse, and his brother Shane." Jesse nodded and Shane gave me a quick wave. Dave jerked his thumb to the guy next to him. "And this is Sean." He gave me a lazy smile as he tucked his brown hair behind his ears. His blue eyes were beautiful beneath his dark lashes. I couldn't help but return the smile and felt my cheeks heat up as I blushed. Ok, well maybe I could go out with them tonight. I wouldn't mind getting to know him a little more.

"It's nice to meet you all." I said, still under the spell of Sean's eyes. I finally looked away when one of the others chuckled, mortified that I was caught staring. "Can I go ahead and get you something to drink?" Quickly snapping back into waitress mode and avoiding looking at Sean.

I took their orders and checked on two of my other tables before rushing back to put it in. Another waitress would have to deliver their pitcher of beer since I wasn't twenty-one. Dave was pretty put off that I asked to see their IDs, but I was not losing my job over something so trivial as that.

The guys seemed to be enjoying themselves. They tried to monopolize my time a bit, and I found myself constantly trying to escape to take care of my other customers. I'm sure Marie could handle the situation perfectly, but for someone was challenged as I was, it had the potential for disaster. It was obvious that the other three had noticed me and Sean exchanging looks. They would egg him on, and he would try to get them to be quiet. He seemed really nice, but an hour of waiting on him and his friends wasn't enough to really know for sure. They invited me to go out with them afterwards, and I was considering it. Marie kept begging and even Rebecca asked me to go so there would be another girl to talk to, knowing Marie would be completely enthralled with Dave the entire time.

When I returned to the guys' table to pick up the signed receipts and tip, Sean was waiting. He seemed pretty shy as he hesitantly asked me to join them.

"The guys wanted me to ask you again to please go out with us tonight. I'd really like it if you did." He spoke quietly, as he glanced up at me briefly, shoving his hands nervously into his pockets as he waited for my answer.

I sighed and gave in. "I'll come for a little bit, but I really can't stay long. I have to get some sleep before work in the morning."

He let out a breath and grinned, a dimple forming in his left cheek. "Great. I'll see you there." I let out a little chuckle and turned my attention to the table, gasping as I saw the thirty dollar tip.

Marie grabbed my waist from behind, causing me to squeal and jump. "I told you they were great tippers." She giggled. "So you're coming then?"

"Yes Marie, but only for a little while."

"You know, Sean's interested." She gave me a sly smile and winked at me.

I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant

"He's really sweet Bella. You two will get along great." She pushed me playfully. "Now hurry up so we can get changed and go out!"

My heart dropped into my stomach. "I didn't bring anything to change into Marie. I can't wear _this_ out!"

"Relax! I'll follow you over to your place and we can change there. No problem"

"Um..." I really didn't want her to see where I was staying. All of the nicer hotels were too expensive, so I had to take what I could get and the place was not very nice. "Sure, I guess."

She gave me a strange look and then shrugged heading off to finish her closing duties. Thirty minutes later we were in our cars on our way to my room.

When we pulled up to the hotel, I could feel the trepidation rolling off Marie. She scanned the parking lot and rushed to my side. I quickly strode to the door to my room, my pepper spray in one hand, key in the other. Once we were inside, she took in the decrepit room and looked at me with pity.

"You can't be comfortable here, Bella."

I shrugged. "It's all I can afford right now really. All the nicer places were too expensive, and a studio apartment is as much as this, only they want two months rent for a deposit. So this is it."

"I'll ask around and see if anyone is looking for a roommate. This place isn't safe for a single girl on her own."

"Thanks Marie, I'd appreciate that."

"Alright, let's get ready then." She set her bag on the bed and went to go check out the bathroom. "Wow, this is a lot cleaner than I expected." I heard her voice echoing off the tile in the tiny room.

"Yeah, I spent some time cleaning." I said as I walked up behind her and pointed to the cleaning supplies on the shelf. "I also wrapped the bed in plastic and bought all my own bedding, and I fumigated the place on my own." I picked up the container of bug killer in the corner.

"Wow, impressive."

I shrugged. "Just because I don't have money doesn't mean I don't like for things to be clean. I actually slept in my truck the first couple of nights because I was afraid of what might venture out into my room at night." I shuddered at the memory of turning on the light for the first time and watching roaches scatter into any crevice they could find.

"Well, the sooner I can find you a roommate, the better. Let's go meet our guys!" She threw on a tight smile and headed back into the bathroom.

Another thirty minutes and we were on our way to the club. I was following Marie this time. We parked on the street and made our way inside, scanning the place for any sign of the people we were supposed to meet. Marie saw them first and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to where they were sitting at the bar. Dave stood up and pulled her in for a deep kiss, and I couldn't help but blush as I turned away to give them privacy.

"Hey Bella." Sean's quiet voice made me turn back around. He had that same shy smile on his face.

"Hey Sean." I greeted him.

"I'm glad you came." His cheeks held a hint of pink as he focused those blue eyes on mine.

Marie interrupted us by clearing her throat and hooking her arm through mine. "Bella, you've already met everyone else, but this is Heather. She's my roommate and Jesse's girlfriend."

Heather briefly glanced over at me and said hi. I gave her a little wave and she went back to plundering Jesse's mouth with her tongue. I noticed Rebecca was cuddled into Shane's side, and realized that everyone had paired up. That left me and Sean. I knew exactly what everyone was expecting and my face grew hot with embarrassment. Marie gave me a knowing smile and looked at Sean pointedly.

"Can I get you something to drink?" He interrupted our silent conversation, raising his voice to be heard over the music and roar of the people.

I held up my wrist with the hot pink bracelet on it. "Just some water would be good." Sean smiled and turned back to the bar, before returning to my side with two bottles of water in his hand. He handed one to me and opened the other for himself.

"So, did you want to dance?" He asked as his eyes scanned the three couples behind us. We were practically yelling at each other.

"Um, I don't really dance."

He grinned even wider, looking relieved, then leaned in to me so he didn't have to shout. "Me neither. This really isn't my scene. I just come to hang out with my friends."

"This is the first time I've been to a place like this." I confessed. "So, it's not really my scene either. It's a little overwhelming."

He nodded and leaned in even closer, his mouth next to my ear. "Normally, I would ask if you wanted to get out of here, but since you don't know me, I'm pretty sure that answer would be no." He pulled back to see my answer and smirked, showing off that dimple. I nodded in agreement. "So, why don't we find a quieter spot here and just talk?"

"That sounds great actually."

He gave a quick nod and then scanned the room for an open table somewhere. I felt his warm hand envelope mine and jumped. He quickly let go and apologized. "Sorry, I was just going to take you over to the table. I didn't want to lose you in the crowd."

I sucked in a deep breath and reached out to take his hand once more, giving it a squeeze. It actually felt pretty nice. "No, it's ok. It just surprised me, that's all." I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. It was a basic instinct for me to avoid physical contact with any member of the opposite sex, and something that I was going to have to overcome. I allowed him to lead me over to a table in the corner of the club. It was marginally quieter there. We scooted our seats close together so we could hear each other as we talked.

"So where are you from?" He asked, our heads nearly touching. He smelled nice. Nothing overpowering, just earthy and masculine.

"I've lived all over, but the last place was in Washington. A tiny town called Forks."

"Why did you move here?"

"Honestly? I picked it off of a map."

He pulled away to give me a strange look. "Seriously?" I nodded. "So is your family still in Forks?"

I shook my head. "My mother left when I was twelve, and my father died recently."

I felt his warm hand grasp mine in sympathy. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." I shrugged and continued to let him hold my hand. "What about you? Have you always lived here?" Turning the attention to him. I had no desire to tell my entire sordid tale to him.

"No. I moved out here about ten years ago. I lived on the East Coast before that. North Carolina."

"I lived in Tennessee, Georgia, and Mississippi."

"Really?"

"Yeah, not for very long, a year or two here and there." I paused, taking a sip of my water. "Your family moved out here then?"

"Just me and my mom. My dad left when I was nine, and my mom wanted a fresh start."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, it's alright. I've had years to get over it, and I know our lives are better without him in it."

"So do you live on your own then?"

"I moved out a couple of years ago. Mom got remarried and I was an adult. I wanted to give her some space with her new family, and really didn't want a step-dad hovering over me." He chuckled. "Me and Dave are roommates."

After a few moments of silence, he moved onto a new topic. "What do you do for fun?" He asked, leaning in closer again so we could hear each other.

"Nothing really. I've never had much time for hobbies, between school and chores."

"I guess without a mom you had to do everything huh?"

"Yes. My father was very religious and old-fashioned. From the time I was a child, my whole life centered on learning to keep house and keeping myself pure."

"That doesn't sound like fun at all. Surely, you had time for something else?"

"Believe me, there was no fun." I laughed darkly. "I do like to read, and I play a little piano. Before I left I was learning more, but it doesn't matter now since I don't have anything to practice on. How about you? Hobbies?"

"I play guitar, and I like to read too. The beach is always fun and I enjoy surfing of course."

"I haven't really had a chance to enjoy the beach yet. I'm really looking forward to it though, if I ever get some free time."

"Do you work a lot? Marie has mentioned a couple times that you couldn't go out with her because of work."

"I have two jobs, and rarely get enough sleep as it is. In the mornings, I work at the library, and then I go into Scooter's for the night. Sundays are my days off and I catch up on sleep then. Otherwise, I only get a couple hours in between jobs."

"Wow. You must be exhausted. So are you saving for college?"

"Not yet. Just trying to make enough to live right now. I do hope to eventually go to school, but it's probably going to be a while." He nodded, scanning the club and locating his friends grinding away on the dance floor. "Are you going to school?"

Sean shook his head, returning his attention to our conversation. "Not really. I'm taking a couple classes here and there, but not a full load. I have to work too."

"Where do you work?"

"At a music store actually." He smirked.

"That sounds like a nice job."

"It has it's moments."

I stifled a yawn and he glanced at his watch.

"Do you need to go?" He asked.

I gave him an apologetic smile and nodded. "If I'm going to be worth anything tomorrow, I have to get some sleep."

He stood up from the table and waited for me to gather my purse, then he placed a hand on my lower back and leaned in close to my ear. "I had a nice time tonight, Bella. I'd really like to get to know you better. Would you like to go out some time, just us? Maybe we could go to the beach on Sunday?"

Sean seemed to be a sweet guy and I did have a nice time tonight, even if it was only getting to know each other a little. Going to the beach would be nice, especially with a companion. "Sure, that sounds nice."

"Great." He rewarded me with a beautiful dimpled smile. "Can I get your number?"

"Oh. Um. I don't have a phone." I frowned, biting my lip.

"Hmm. We could meet at the boardwalk? If something comes up, you could ask Marie to give me or Dave a call."

"Sure, that works. How about we meet at three? I usually sleep in until at least noon."

"Sounds good to me." Then he proceeded to give me directions to where we should meet.

I made my way over to Marie and told her I was leaving. She was three sheets to the wind and Dave wasn't much better. I worried about either one of them driving in that condition, but assumed they could handle it.

"I'll walk you out." Sean murmured into my ear as he followed behind me. When we made it to my truck, he let out a low whistle. "Wow. That is some kind of beast you have there." He ran his hands over the bulbous fender.

"My dad bought it for me a couple months ago. It's my first car. I was surprised he actually let me have one, but the weather in Forks was too rainy and cold for me to walk to school every day. So, it made sense. I like it. It's got character." I turned to smile at him and my breath hitched with the way he was looking at me.

"You're not like other girls, Bella. I like that and I can't wait to get to know you better." He closed the distance between us and grasped my arms with his hands. "I would really like to kiss you right now, but I'm pretty sure I should save that for a later date." I blushed and nodded. I'd never been kissed like that before and I wasn't quite ready after only knowing him for a couple of hours. His lips did look soft though. Sean seemed to break himself out of the moment we were sharing and backed up a little, taking a deep breath. "I'll see you on Sunday then."

"Yes, definitely. Sunday." I climbed in my truck and he watched me pull away.

My eyes barely stayed open long enough for me to lock the door to my room and I passed out the moment my head hit the pillow. I was looking forward to Sunday.


	13. Chapter 13

My old truck rattled into the parking lot at the boardwalk on Sunday, just after three o'clock. I scanned the crowd for Sean, but he found me first, my one-of-a-kind truck sticking out like a beacon on the shore. I smiled as I watched him jog up to my door as I got out. He wore a matching smile, and I couldn't help but zero in on his eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"I'm glad you made it." He greeted me, closing my truck door for me and reaching out to touch my arm hesitantly. I could tell he was holding himself back, like he wanted to hug me, but wasn't sure what my reaction would be. "You look great. Well rested."

"Thanks. I did get to catch up on my sleep last night." Between the nightmares and my nerves, sleep didn't come easy last night. The twelve hours from last night along with a full night's sleep tonight should recharge me enough to make it through yet another grueling week.

"Good, then you're ready for some thrills and excitement, right?" He walked beside me as we approached the mass of rides and buildings on the beach in front of us. I decided to go with comfort and functionality today and hoped jeans and simple top were appropriate enough for a date like this. _My first date._ My heart hammered with excitement and nerves. I'm sure my face would remain some shade of red throughout the entire ordeal.

"Sure. You know I've never done anything like this, so you'll have to help me out." We stopped a little ways off from the ticket booth and he turned to me.

"Like what? Like you've never been to an amusement park? Or you've never been on a date?"

I could feel the heat flooding my face. "Neither." My eyes stayed locked on my feet, noting that I had already scuffed the white toes of my sneakers.

Sean sucked in a breath before his hand cupped my chin and tipped my face up until I was looking into those blue eyes again. "Are you telling me this is your first date, Bella?" I nodded. His jaw flexed and he looked away, cursing under his breath. "I wish I had known. I would have done things right."

This time I reached out for him and took his hand. "Hey." I said, hoping he would look at me again, and he did. "It doesn't matter. We're here to have fun right?"

He nodded, still sullen. "Yeah, but I should have picked you up and gotten you flowers or something. I should have taken you somewhere nicer..."

I cut him off. "None of that matters to me, ok? Honestly, I'd much prefer something like this anyway. I'm not one for fancy dinners, or flowers, or dancing. Now, show me some fun." I pulled him towards the ticket booth, where he purchased two unlimited ride passes.

"So what did you want to ride first?"

"I have no clue, Sean! I've never been to a place like this." The sights and sounds and smells were whirling around me and it hit me hard that I'd missed out on so much in my life.

"Not even a little county fair? You've never even ridden a carousel?" He asked incredulously.

I shook my head. "Nothing. Ever. You're going to have to lead."

He took a deep breath and spent a few moments deep in thought, chewing on his bottom lip, just like I did. His head suddenly shot up and he grinned at me. "Ok, let's go!" He grabbed my hand and led me off into the crowds, weaving expertly through the people.

We stopped in front of a carousel and I watched the horses as they spun around, the typical carousel organ music drowning out everything but the screams of the others on more exciting rides. He pulled me in front of him in the line to get on and leaned down, so I could hear him. "We'll start slow, and build up to the bigger rides. Everyone has to ride on a carousel at some point in their life." I nodded as the adrenaline began to course through my body. I'm sure carousels are as tame as they come, but it was still new to me. This entire experience was new. I was here, with a guy, on a date at an amusement park, and I had no idea what to expect from all these rides, or from Sean for that matter. No one had ever enlightened me on the rules for dating. I was flying blind and it was quite exhilarating.

The carousel stopped and we waited as everyone exited, before they let on the next group. Sean helped me up onto the platform and let me choose whichever horse I'd like. I decided on a white one near the middle because I was slightly afraid of falling off and wanted to avoid the inside and outside edges of the ride. Sean climbed on a brown one by my side and we waiting for it to fill up before it started with a jolt. It took a a couple of rounds before I felt steady enough to be comfortable, and then I was able to enjoy the rather tame ride. I could feel his eyes on me, watching me take it all in, and we exchanged glances and smiles. It felt nice to be out and trying new things. I felt alive. I almost felt normal.

Sean helped me down and kept an arm around my waist since I was a little unsteady. Once we were out of the exit stampede, he pulled me aside. "Did you like that?" I nodded. His grin was addictive. "Ready for more?"

"Yes!" I said, a little too enthusiastically, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me over to a haunted house.

We rode a handful of rides and each one was a little more exciting than the last. Sean watched me and seemed to enjoy my reactions more than the rides themselves. It was getting later and we decided to grab some food and go down to the beach. There were so many different choices for food, and once again I asked Sean to choose for me. His eyes lit up a kid in a candy store and he pulled me from vendor to vendor. First we had corn dogs and fresh squeezed lemonade. The appeal of a hot dog on a stick, deep fried in cornmeal was a bit repugnant, but I was quickly swayed by the joys of deep fried food on a stick. Sean explained how it was a staple at amusement parks and fairs. For desert he insisted we share a funnel cake, yet another deep fried creation, coated in powdered sugar. I was impressed that simple fried dough could taste so good. We laughed together as our faces and fingers and shirts were covered in the white powder by the time we were done. Next he decided I absolutely had to have some cotton candy. He watched me intently as I took my first bite of the pink spun sugar which was as soft as clouds and disappeared into a sticky film the instant I closed my mouth. It tasted like what childhood should be – simple and sweet. He carried the rest of the cotton candy for me and we made our way to the beach, slipping off our shoes so we could feel the sand between our toes.

The sun was getting lower in the sky and we walked down near the water, letting the cool tide wash in and out over our feet as we watched the waves upon the water. It was peaceful, and the sounds of the amusement park and other beach-goers faded into the background.

"It's beautiful." I murmured.

"Yes it is. I wish I had brought a blanket or something so we could sit and talk."

"Come on." I grabbed his hand, more confident this time and pulled him up the beach to drier sand. "I don't mind. It's just sand." I quipped and promptly sat down, earning me another dimpled smile.

"You're something else, Bella." He ran his fingers through his hair and then turned towards me. "So, tell me more about yourself."

"Like what?" I asked, diverting my gaze nervously. I wondered what he wanted to know and if I would be able to answer his questions. Scooping up a handful of sand, I watched the grains slide through my fingers.

"Tell me why you've never been to an amusement park, or tasted cotton candy...." He trailed off.

I blew out a long breath, and continued to play with the sand. "I've led a very sheltered life, Sean. I told you my father was extremely religious, and that's why. He believed we should live as simply and modestly as possible, and as the years passed, the more strict he became. My day literally consisted of cooking, cleaning, school, and prayer. That was it. I was rarely allowed to go anywhere outside of school and home. We moved around a lot, so making friends was hard, especially when I was usually considered an outcast on my first day. We never had sweets, other than the rare piece of fruit, and we didn't eat any animal products. In fact, I'll probably be bouncing around like an idiot as soon as all that sugar hits me." I teased to lighten the mood.

His eyebrows knit together as took in what I had said. "Wow. I don't know what to say, other than it must have been really difficult for you." I nodded. "It was fascinating watching you today. The way your face lit up and your eyes took in every detail. You're not like anyone else I've ever known. Most everyone I know is so jaded. They let the world pass them by, never taking a moment to stop and take in their surroundings. You're like a breath of fresh air, reminding me there's more to life and that I take far too much for granted. It's rather inspiring."

I snorted. "Inspiring?"

He blushed and nodded. "You have no idea." He murmured. looking out over the water with a far away look in his eye.

"Ok, so it's your turn. Tell me something about yourself." I wrapped my arms around my knees and studied his profile. His long hair was blowing the in ocean breeze.

"Like what?" He mimicked with a teasing smile.

"Gosh, I don't know. How did you get into music?"

Sean tossed his hair back and chuckled. "That's an easy one. Dave. In middle school, he wanted to start a band and so we all picked instruments and learned to play. He was my first friend when we moved out here, and then he introduced me to Jesse and Shane. The four of us have been inseparable ever since. We play together mostly for fun, though we've been known to do a party or two for friends. I've written a few songs, but mostly we just cover songs that are already out there."

"That must be nice, having so many close friends. Always knowing someone is there for you. Maybe one day I'll get to hear you play."

He smiled. "I'd like that." Then he sighed. "Things have changed between the four of us, and we're not as close as we used to be, but you can't just forget that kind of friendship." He sounded sad.

"Oh, did something happen?"

"Nothing major. Our lives have just taken different paths. I don't really agree with some of the things Dave does, and he of course has his own opinions of me. Jesse and Shane are more career driven and so we've started growing apart." He shrugged.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not a big deal, just something that happens as you get older."

"So what changed for you?" I pried.

"A lot." He leaned back, resting his weight on his hands and turned his head so he could look at me. "Let's just say that my life was the complete opposite of yours. I was knee deep in everything your father hoped to shelter you from. Once we moved out here and it was just Mom and me, I was pretty much on my own. She had to work, and was left to my own devices. I'm not proud of the way I've lived my life, but I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't gone through all that."

I took a deep breath. "What kinds of things did you do?" My voice was quiet as I tried to keep it from cracking. I wasn't sure if I truly wanted to know these things, but if I knew anything at all about relationships, being open and honest with each other was necessary.

Sean sat up again, fiddling nervously with the hem of his jeans. "Dave and I did quite a lot of partying in high school. Drugs, alcohol, sex...you name it, we did it." He huffed out a breath. "I stayed out till all hours of the night, skipped school, hung out with the types of people I hope you never meet." The emotion swirling in his eyes was intense as he watched my reaction.

"What did your mother do?" I asked tentatively.

He snorted. "She didn't know. She might have had and idea about some of it, but she never let on that she knew anything. We were good at hiding things from each other. We both dealt with things in our own ways."

"Do you do those thing now?"

"No." He shook his head vehemently. "I might have a couple of drinks, but nothing like I used to. I haven't even been on a date in close to a year. One day I just woke up and realized that I wasn't happy with the way my life was going. I used all that as a means of escape. I knew if I ever wanted to move on, then I'd have to face what happened. I couldn't keep running, it was destroying me and I wanted something better."

_I wanted something better._ Those words hit home with me. Here I was trying to make something of my life, and I couldn't help but wonder if things would have been _better_ if I'd stayed in Forks. I had no way to improve my situation other than working myself to the bone and saving all the money I could so that eventually college would be an option. If I'd stayed, I might have had the support I needed to accomplish that. Or, the Weber's might have thrown me out at 18 and not cared what became of me, though it was highly unlikely, knowing that they were good, kind people. I'd been so sure that this was the right path, but now nothing made sense to me. What had I ever done to deserve this? To be abandoned by the people who were supposed to care for me.

"Bella?" Sean's voice startled me, his face mere inches from mine as he tentatively reached up to wipe away the tear I didn't realize had escaped. "What's wrong?"

"Oh. I'm sorry." I rubbed my eyes, willing away the tears. "It's nothing. I'm glad you had a change of heart and wanted something better." He didn't take the bait.

"No, no, no, no. You're not going to change the subject. You're crying for Christ's sake. What's wrong? Did I say something to upset you?"

I laughed humorlessly. "Aren't we supposed to be discussing favorite colors and foods? Seems like we're jumping in pretty deep for a first date."

His face fell and he pulled back. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to pry. I just wanted to put everything out there so you know what you're dealing with. I'd hate for you to find out from someone else and think I was being dishonest with you. You don't have to tell me anything."

I nodded. "It's okay. There's probably some things I should tell you as well, but I'm just not ready to talk about it yet. I haven't really talked to anyone about what's happened to me. I guess I'm kind of running away from everything right now. I'm not ready to face it."

His hand slipped over mine and he gave it a gentle squeeze. "Believe me, I understand. If you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to listen. It must be hard to be so alone."

"Yeah, it is." I bit my lip, hoping tears wouldn't betray me again. Sean let go of my hand and scooted closer to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side. He was warm and comfortable, and the contact felt nice. We watched the people on the beach and waves crashing over the sand. The evening was cooling off as the sun lowered further in the sky.

"Blue."

I looked up at him in confusion. "Huh?"

"My favorite color. Blue." He smiled at me, and I had the compulsion to kiss his dimple, but didn't.

"I like blue too."

"I like pizza."

"Hmm. That's a hard one for me. I think I'm going to have to say chocolate cake though."

He chuckled, his voice was warm and rich, and I felt the vibrations through his chest. Suddenly, he pulled away and stood up, holding out a hand for me. "Come on, there's one more ride I want to go on."

We dusted ourselves off and jogged sluggishly through the sand, back to the boardwalk. Once we slipped on our shoes, he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the ferris wheel. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I realized that he wanted to watch the sunset with me on the ferris wheel. We had to wait for one more turn before we reached the front of the line, and as soon as we were seated, his arm wrapped around my shoulders once again. The sun had just begun to dip below the horizon. As we slowly made our way towards the top, splashes of color were painted across the blue canvas of the sky. Purple, orange, red, and blue all melted together as the orange ball continued it's descent. All of this reflecting in the darkening water.

I was comfortable in Sean's embrace and the romance of the moment was not lost on me. However, I couldn't help but remember another boy in another town who had made me feel the same way – safe, protected, cared for. There was no magnetism or spark with Sean, like there was with Edward, and I wondered what he was doing right now. I missed our late night talks, and the comfort he brought me when I'd awake from my nightmares. His scent alone was enough to calm me. I'd probably never see him, or Alice again. I'm not sure I could ever go back to Forks, and the Cullens had probably already forgotten about me. Suddenly I felt like I had been punched in the gut. There was no one out there thinking of me. I didn't have a mother or father wondering what time I'd be home from a date, or friends waiting to hear the details and wondering when Sean would kiss me. All I had was here and now. Sean, sitting here beside me, was likely the only person who cared for me at this moment. While I was thankful to be here next to him, I couldn't help the weight that settled deep in my soul at the whole picture. Once Sean was gone, there would once again be no one. Sean shifted beside me and pulled me in closer, pulling me back to this moment, almost as if he knew what I was thinking.

Before I realized it, we were standing in front of my truck, getting ready to say goodnight. It had been a wonderful day, and I was happy to have met Sean. I was comfortable around him and it seemed like we both needed someone to talk to. Truthfully, I didn't want the date to end. I didn't want to go back to my lonely room in a seedy hotel and be forced to be alone with my thoughts.

"Bella, I had a great time, and I hope you did too?"

"It was wonderful, Sean. Thank you." I held the stuffed panda he had won for me at one of the carnival games. He insisted it wouldn't be a real date unless he won me something.

"I know you work a lot, but would you want to get together again some time?" He was looking down at our joined hands as he spoke.

"I really would like to see you again, Sean." I replied earnestly, willing him to look up at me, and he did. His whole body relaxed when he heard my answer. "I don't have a lot of free time, but maybe next Sunday?"

He bit his lip, but nodded. "Sounds good. I'll stop by sometime this week and we can make plans."

"Sure."

"Alright, then. I'll see you soon. Drive safely." He stood, contemplating something, before raising my hands to his lips and kissing them reverently.

He made sure I got in and locked the doors and watched as I drove away. I wouldn't have minded a kiss, but I appreciated that he was taking things slow. Everything was so new to me, I wasn't sure what to expect. Today had been perfect, but it reminded me how lonely I was. I couldn't wait to see him again and wished I had a phone so we could talk during the week.

When I made it to the hotel, I sprinted to the door and was inside in less than a minute. I'd gotten that down to a science. There was a creepy looking guy leaning against a car in front of a room a couple doors down. Making sure the door was locked, I placed the desk chair under the handle and hoped no one tried anything tonight. Cursing once more that this crappy hotel didn't have the decency to put phones in the room, I turned on the television. When I came out of the bathroom, I turned it up to drown out the sound of the people in the room next to me who were obviously having a very good time, only to have the occupants on the opposite side bang on the wall to tell me to turn it down. A radio with headphones would be nice, then I wouldn't hear anything. Or maybe I could buy some earplugs – those were cheap.

I was restless and couldn't settle down for sleep, so I pulled out my journal and began writing. It helped to get things out on paper when you don't have anyone to talk to. Tonight, I would have given anything to have Alice there to talk to. I'd see Marie tomorrow night, but she wasn't easy to talk to. I mused briefly about getting some kind of pay-as-you-go cell phone. If I called Alice, would she want to talk to me?

I wrinkled my nose as a nasty odor permeated my room, and I didn't even want to think what it could be. Thankfully, writing about my date and Sean had helped dispel some of my nervous energy and I buried my head in my pillow, hoping for pleasant dreams tonight.

* * *

**A/N: Edward will be back soon. Alice is currently taunting him with visions of Bella & Sean, and his patience is growing thin. He'd like for her to live a happy, human life, but he's a jealous creature at heart. Let him know how much you like the story and he might step in sooner than planned.**


	14. Chapter 14

Two days after my date with Sean, he showed up at the library with a single red rosebud. Mrs. Brady flashed me a knowing smile and left me alone at the counter with him.

"I had a really great time on Sunday, Bella. Since I couldn't call, I thought I'd stop by to see you. I hope you don't mind?" His cheeks held a faint pink blush and he kept his eyes on the counter. I couldn't believe he was nervous around me. I wasn't the type of girl that guys even noticed usually.

"I'm glad you stopped by." I murmured, and his clear blue eyes snapped up to mine, searching for something. I assume he found whatever he was looking for, because my favorite dimple made an appearance when he grinned. "Thank you for the rose. It's beautiful."

His hand twitched on the counter and I slid my own across the cool wood until my fingers rested over his. He looked down at our hands and smiled even wider before quickly grasping mine between his two large, warm ones. As he absently traced circles on the back of my hand with his fingers, he looked back up at me. "I wondered if you would like to go see a movie on Sunday?"

"Sure." I replied brightly. "That sounds great." Leaning in closer to him, I spoke in a hushed voice. "You know I've never been to a movie before either." The look of shock on his face should have embarrassed me, but instead I giggled.

"I think you should make me a list of things you've never done, Bella. I would love to be the one with you for all these new experiences." His hold on my hand tightened slightly, and his gaze was intense.

"That could be fun." I smirked. "I'll have to think about it."

"Please do." He replied. "I should really let you get back to work, I don't want you to get into trouble."

"Oh I'm sure Mrs. Brady doesn't mind. She's probably thrilled to see me meeting new people."

He looked over my shoulder where I'm sure Mrs. Brady was eavesdropping. "She _is_ smiling pretty big."

"I'll see you on Sunday then?" I asked him.

"Definitely. I'll stop by Scooter's later this week to set up the details."

"Sounds great. Thanks again for stopping by...and for the rose." My cheeks burned as I blushed thinking about how sweet he was.

"My pleasure." He lifted my hand to his lips and gently pressed a kiss to the back of it. "See you soon."

Like a schoolgirl with a crush, I sighed as I watched him walk out of the library.

"What a romantic!" The sound of Mrs. Brady's voice right behind me made me jump. Her eyes twinkled and I knew she wanted details.

"He _is_ pretty sweet." I admitted. She quirked an eyebrow at me. "We've only gone out on one date really. His friend is dating a girl I work with and we met at the restaurant. I went with them to a club after work one night and we talked. Then he asked me out and I said yes."

"Where did he take you?"

"We went to the boardwalk, rode some rides, talked on the beach...you know...that kind of thing."

"Well he seems very nice. Let me go put this in water for you." She winked and went to the back with my rose. When I went back to my desk later, it was sitting in a glass vase next to the computer and I couldn't help but smile. Maybe things were looking up.

~~**~~

"Bella! What is up with you tonight? If you don't at least fake a smile, you're not going to get shit for tips tonight." Marie had cornered me when I went back to refill some drinks. I'd had a major headache all day. I attributed it to the disgusting smell that had been permeating my hotel room for the past three days. Thankfully, Wednesdays weren't too busy, but the lights and noise were not helping the pain and Tylenol hadn't touched it.

"I've got the worst headache." I told her.

"Did you take anything for it?"

"Of course." I scoffed. "I've been taking Tylenol all day and it hasn't helped at all."

"Let me guess, you feel nauseous, the lights and noise make it worse, and you just want to crawl into a dark cave and sleep until it goes away?"

I nodded.

"Oh sweetie, you have a migraine. Tylenol won't do shit for that. Have you had any caffeine today?"

"No."

"Ok, I'm going to get you a soda and some Excedrin. I'll be right back." She scurried away and I finished with the refills, taking them back out to the waiting couple. After making sure my three tables had everything they needed, I returned to where Marie was waiting for me. She handed me the pills and soda, and I downed them quickly, hoping they would work fast.

"Only two more hours sweetie and you can go sleep it off. I know how bad those things hurt. You should have taken tonight off." Marie patted me on the back gently and returned to the floor. I followed and hoped that the medicine kicked in quickly.

Thirty minutes later and the throbbing had dulled some. The lights in the restaurant were dimmer now that it was later and it helped a bit. Marie had even convinced Dan to turn the music down a little. While I still wasn't Dan's favorite waitress, I had managed to avoid being fired so far. I had been working hard to keep my job and I guess it's true when they say practice makes perfect. The longer I worked here, the more I got the hang of things. I was even less clumsy than usual, especially in the beginning of the week. By Friday I had to work hard not to trip over my own two feet though.

Even though the hotel was a hovel and the place smelled of rotten eggs, I was glad to get back to my room. I just wanted to burrow myself under the covers in the dark and sleep until this awful headache subsided. Unfortunately, when I pulled up, the creepy guy was standing uncomfortably close to the door to my room. He had been standing out in the parking lot every night since I first noticed him on Sunday, and it was worrisome. He seemed to recognize my truck and he looked up as I killed the engine. The hairs on the back of my neck immediately stood up and I got a chill. Taking several breaths to calm myself, I pulled the pepper spray out of my purse and made sure my finger was on the trigger. In my other hand I held my room key, ready to insert into the lock. In hindsight, I probably should have pulled out and driven around until he left, or maybe found a security guard or manager to assist me. However, my bed was on the other side of that door, and that's all I wanted at the moment. I quickly exited the cab of the truck and kept my head down, but before I could make it past the front fender, he was there. Surprisingly, he looked very clean and well put together. He didn't smell like alcohol or body odor, like any of the other bums I'd run into around here.

He spoke quietly. "Miss, I need to talk to you. Don't be alarmed. I'm not going to hurt you." The, he reached into his coat, and I panicked. Spraying the little canister in the direction of his face, I took off for my door.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, but I didn't hear him trying to follow. A minute later and I had my door shut and locked, with a chair braced in front of it. Then I realized I was shaking uncontrollably. I continued backing away from the door until I found myself in the bathroom, and I locked the door there too. Collapsing on the closed toilet, I tried to catch my breath and calm myself down. There were no phones in the room, so it's not like I could call for help.

I was stuck.

After a good amount of time had passed, I let myself out of the bathroom and listened intently to the noises going on outside my room. I didn't hear anything concerning, so I thought I should try to get some sleep. Making sure I had the pepper spray next to me, and my keys in my hand, I crawled under the covers with my clothes and shoes still on. I must have laid there for hours, straining to hear any hint of a sound that may indicate the guy was outside waiting for me. Miraculously, I finally drifted off to sleep.

The dream started as it usually did, with me searching through the forest. The people who were supposed to be there for me disappeared right before my eyes. Then I found myself inside the house I had shared with my father in Forks. Everything was lit with sunlight filtering in through the windows and I could see every particle of dust floating through the air. It was eerily quiet, and then a loud banging made the walls of the house shake. The pounding didn't stop and I started moving towards the front door, only it was as if I was moving in slow motion and couldn't force myself to go any faster. The next thing I knew, a large noise like an explosion ripped me out of my sleep and I was sailing through the air towards the dresser on the other side of the room. My head smacked into the dresser, and before everything went black, I vaguely recognized the guy from outside laying prone on the floor next to me. Lights were flashing outside of my door, which had been busted in and there was a lot of smoke.

The man took in my surroundings and then scrambled closer to me. "Hold on, Miss. Stay awake." He sat by my side offering me comfort by holding my hand.

I came to in the back of an ambulance, and immediately tried to sit up. When everything tilted and began spinning, I decided I should probably lay back down. It turns out the paramedic next to me thought that was a good idea too.

"I'm fine." I told him. "Just dizzy and my head hurts. I need to go. I have to get my things." I didn't want to think about my belongings sitting in my room exposed for just anyone to take. This wasn't the best part of town and most of my money was in my room.

"You're not going anywhere. Just lay back and try to relax." He continued, asking me questions about my medical history and if I hurt anywhere else. I answered his questions, and insisted that he let me go.

"I have to go to work in the morning, and if I don't get some sleep, I'm not going to be worth anything." I tried to reason.

At that moment, the guy from the parking lot stepped up to the back of the ambulance. He had taken his coat off and I noticed a badge clipped to the pocket of his shirt. I groaned, realizing that I'd sprayed a cop with pepper spray and I was probably about to be arrested.

"Can I talk to her for a minute, please?" He asked the paramedic, who consented and climbed out of the back, making room for the other guy. Once he was sitting next to me, he introduced himself. "I'm sorry we didn't get to meet earlier, I'm Detective Brown."

"Bella Swan." I mumbled.

"Well, Miss Swan, I'm glad that someone has apparently taught you how to take care of yourself." He chuckled. Was he actually laughing at the fact that I inflicted searing pain on him? "I haven't had anyone use pepper spray on me effectively since my days in training."

"Sorry...I thought you were some kind of creep." I couldn't make eye contact. I knew my face was burning with embarrassment.

"No, no. I was undercover, so I guess I should be happy to know I played my part well enough to fool you." He chuckled again. "I just need to ask you a few questions and then they'll take you to the hospital."

I groaned. "I don't want to go to the hospital."

"You've got a nasty bump on your head and you probably need a couple stitches. They'll want to keep you for observation and make sure you're ok. Breathing in those fumes can be dangerous."

"I'm fine. I just really need to get my things from my room."

"Um, there isn't much of a room left, but I promise you that as soon as they give the all clear, I will personally gather up anything salvageable and bring it to you, ok?"

I'm sure the panic was evident on my face. _Anything salvageable?_ What the hell happened? "What the hell happened?" The words slipped out before I could stop them, and I clapped a hand over my mouth in surprise.

"Miss Swan, did you know the people in room next to you?"

"No. I never saw them, even in passing."

"Did you notice anything strange going on next door? Lots of people coming and going? Noises? Smells?"

"Not really. I'm not here a lot, and when I am, I'm usually sleeping. I did notice a horrible smell though. It started on Sunday."

"Do you stay here alone?"

"Yes."

"Where do you work?"

"During the days I work at the library on Portola. In the evenings, I work at Scooter's."

"Do you have a phone number where you can be reached?"

"Um, no. I guess you could call me at work if you needed to. Will you tell me what happened now?"

"We were working on a bust. The people in the room next to you were running a meth lab. That smell you mentioned was from that. I tried to warn you tonight that you should go somewhere else, but..." He chuckled.

"I'm so sorry." I cringed, waiting for him to read me my rights or something.

"Nothing to worry about. I should have tried a different approach. Tonight we were moving in, and I wanted to make sure you were safe. Meth labs can be volatile, as you saw when the place exploded. As soon as the team started to move in, I tried to alert you and get you out of harm's way, but you had that door secured pretty well. I'm sorry I didn't get you out of there sooner."

"Whoa. Wait. So the people next door were making drugs and the place exploded?"

"Yes. I'm sorry I wasn't able to warn you in time. I...I have a daughter your age and I can't imagine her being in a situation like that. I wanted to help, but I couldn't risk blowing the investigation either."

"You were just doing your job." I replied absently. "So my room exploded?"

"Not entirely. The room next to you exploded. Your mattress and bedding protected you from most of the blast. You were very lucky. It could have been much worse."

"All my things are destroyed then?"

"I'm not sure. I won't know until I can get in there and see. Do you have someone I can call for you?"

"My truck! Is my truck ok?"

He eyed me curiously. "Your truck is fine. Is there someone I can call? Your parents maybe?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. As long as my truck was ok, things would work out. "I don't have parents."

His brows knit together in concern. "Oh. I'm sorry. Do you have someplace to go?"

"I'll find someplace." I gave him a tight smile. Why did these things have to happen to me? Just once, couldn't things go my way? My eyelids started feeling heavy and I was suddenly very tired.

"Detective? We really should get her over to the hospital, if you're finished?" The paramedic was back.

"I was just finishing up." He turned back towards me. "Miss Swan, I'll gather anything from your room that might be salvageable and make sure your truck is secure. I'll be by to see you tomorrow. Take care." Detective Brown gave me a warm smile and patted my arm before leaving the ambulance.

I was going to continue to argue that they let me go, but the paramedic insisted I needed stitches, so I gave in and let them take me to the hospital. I hated hospitals.

~~**~~

_Beep...Beep...Beep...Oh for goodness sakes!_

Other than the nurses waking me up every two hours through the night, I actually slept pretty well. There were no nightmares, whether that was because of pain medication or the fact that I didn't get to stay asleep long enough to start dreaming, I wasn't sure. Whatever they gave me for my headache was a heck of a lot better than Tylenol. It was now just a dull ache, and I really didn't want to open my eyes. However, a soft knock at the door forced me to pry my heavy lids open and greet whichever nurse had come to torture me this time. As the door opened, I was shocked to see a familiar blond doctor entering my room.

"Dr. Cullen?"

He gave me a warm smile. "Bella. It's good to see you again, though I wish it was under better circumstances."

"Yeah. We really should stop meeting this way." His presence unnerved me. "How...Why are you here?"

"Detective Brown found my number in your truck. He thought you should have someone by your side in case you needed help."

"Oh no. I'm so sorry. I told him there was no one to call. I never expected him to go looking through my things. Honestly, I'll be fine, you can go back home. I'm sorry you got called into this mess."

During my tirade, he had quickly made his way to the side of the hospital bed. "Bella, calm down. It's not a problem. I told you we'll always be here for you and we will. I'm glad they called me."

Tears of embarrassment slid down my cheeks. _Traitor tears._ If I had to be honest, I was happy to see him. I also wanted to know if anyone else came with him, and I didn't want him to leave. But, darn it, I was supposed to be doing this on my own. _I left._ Knowing that things continued to spiral down for me, made me feel helpless.

"I'm fine. You don't have to stay." I mumbled.

"Shh, Bella." He wiped away my tears with a tissue. "I know you wanted to go out and do all this on your own, and it looks like things didn't turn out as you had hoped. It's ok to ask for help, Bella. There's nothing wrong at all with leaning on those who care for you."

He looked over some papers in his hands before continuing. "You know you're pretty lucky, considering what happened." Dr. Cullen briefly looked over my injuries and the machines I was hooked up to. "It's a nasty bump and you got four stitches, but you should be fine. They think you might have a slight concussion and would like for you to have someone stay with you for the next couple days. Other than that, just a few scratches and minor lung irritation. You should be fine once your head wound heals. You'll be released this afternoon as long as nothing else changes."

"So I can go to work tonight then?"

His topaz eyes widened. "I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Bella. You need to rest and let your body heal."

"Yeah, well it won't matter how healed I am when I don't have a job any longer." This really couldn't be happening to me. Dan would fire me in a heartbeat if I had to take time off.

Dr. Cullen's lips flattened into a thin line. "We need to talk, but there are a bunch of people in the waiting room who want to see you. Are you feeling up to having visitors?"

Visitors? Who would be out there waiting for me? "Um, I guess?"

Not two seconds later a tiny blur of black and white launched herself into the room. "Oh Bella!" She squealed, hugging me tightly. "I'm so glad to see you again!"

"Alice? What are you doing here?" I couldn't help but smile at my hyper little friend from Forks.

"Well they called Dad, and you know I wasn't going to just sit at home and miss out on a chance to see my best friend!"

Movement behind her caught my eye and I saw Marie and Sean enter the room. I couldn't help the disappointment I felt that Edward hadn't come. Sucking it up, I greeted my other two friends with a warm smile and gestured for them to come closer.

"Alice, this is..."

"Oh, we already met in the waiting room." She cut me off.

Marie leaned over the bed and gave me a quick hug. Sean grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it.

"Oh Bella, we were so worried! I saw the news and I knew that was where you were staying. I wasn't sure which room of course, but when I drove by... I just knew. I'm so glad you're ok!" Marie spoke almost as quickly as Alice. Sean was strangely quiet and just held my hand. "I mean, I knew it was a bad part of town, but who would have guessed they would have a meth lab in the room next to yours. It could have been so much worse..."

"I know Marie. It's ok. I'm fine. Anyone who knows me, knows it's just my luck that I'd have the room next to an exploding meth lab. I'm a danger magnet." I tried to lighten the mood. I wanted to see Sean smile, but his eyes were clouded with concern. "Um, can you guys give me a few minutes alone with Sean?" I rearranged my face into a reassuring smile, keeping my eyes on him.

"Sure." Marie winked.

Dr. Cullen looked back and forth between the two of us, his eyes pausing on our joined hands, before he ushered Alice out of the room. Alice was not entirely happy and let me know she would be back in a few minutes.

"Hey." I called to Sean softly when the door shut behind them. "What's wrong, Sean?"

He let out a shaky breath. "God Bella, I had no idea."

"What do you mean?"

"That you were staying in a place like that. If I had known..."

"What Sean? You would have swept me off my feet and taken me to your castle?" He winced, and I knew my words had hurt him. I didn't want to be mean, but it's not like there was anything he could have done for me.

"No, that's not what I meant. It's just that maybe I could have helped you find someplace else, or you could have stayed with me until you found a new place. That hotel...the things that go on there..." Sean looked like he was about to cry. "It's no place for someone like you, Bella."

"I'm sorry, Sean. I didn't have much choice."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just want to protect you." He still hadn't looked me in the eye. I reached up and gently traced the curve of his cheek with my fingers.

"It means a lot to me that you care." I told him earnestly. "I'm not used to that."

"You have a room full of people out there that care for you, Bella. You don't have to be alone." His eyes finally met mine. "They want to be your family. You should let them." He whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"You have no one, Bella. You work constantly with hardly any time to sleep, let alone do anything else. You're wasting away and you deserve so much better. You should go back to Washington with them. They really care for you."

"Sean...it's...it's complicated. They don't want me."

"They rushed down here the second they heard you were in the hospital. How can you say they don't want you?"

"If I go back, I won't be staying with them. I'll have to live with another family. Strangers. I'd rather be on my own."

"Why would you have to live with another family? I don't understand, Bella."

After a deep breath, I decided to come clean. "Sean, I'm only seventeen." He dropped my hand. "When my father died, I found some information about my mother. I thought she had died when I was fifteen, but it turns out that she signed away all her rights to me in exchange for a divorce from my father. The Cullens took care of me for a little while and helped me find my mother. Because I was only seventeen, I would have been placed in foster care. The Cullens already have five teenagers, they didn't want another one. I would have had to go live with strangers. Well, I knew the daughter, but I'd never met the family, and I was scared." I lowered my voice to barely a whisper. "My father abused me, Sean."

Sean grabbed my hand again. "Oh, Bella..." I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about that aspect of my past any more than I had to.

"So, once I knew where my mother was, I left to go find her before they could place me in that other home. Only, my mother didn't want me. She was happily married and pretending I didn't exist. I couldn't go back to the Cullens, because I'd be forced into a foster home. So I picked a town and tried to make it on my own."

We were quiet for a while. I realized I didn't know what Dr. Cullen's intentions were. Would I have to go back to Forks now, or would he let me stay on my own? Where they simply here to make sure I was ok, or was there a deeper motivation?

"I think you should go back, Bella. If the family they place you with is no good, all you have to do is tell someone. Dr. Cullen wouldn't let any harm come to you."

"Sheesh, what did you guys talk about out there?" I joked.

"All I know is that they care a lot about you. Out here on your own is no life for someone with as much potential as you. You deserve a chance at a good life, and I just know you could have that if you went back. Even if you aren't living with the Cullens, they'll still be there for you."

"Thank you, Sean."

He looked surprised. "For what?"

"For being there for me. For looking our for my best interests. You're a wonderful guy, you know that?"

"I am?" He finally gave me a smile.

"Yeah, you are."

"You deserve better, Bella. Let them take care of you." He pleaded once more, and we were interrupted by a nurse. "Well I'd better go and give some other visitors a chance." He leaned over and gently brushed his lips against my cheek. "Feel better soon." With one last quick squeeze of my hand, he let go and left the room.

By the time the nurse finished, my eyelids were heavy again and I drifted off to sleep once more.

At first, when I woke again, I assumed my room was empty. Then I saw him. _Edward._

I blinked rapidly, wondering if I was hallucinating.

There he stood, in all his glorious beauty, leaning casually against the wall near the corner in the shadows. His bronze hair perfectly messy, and his alabaster skin smooth and pale. He was more magnificent than I remembered. Instinctively, I inhaled, hoping to catch a hint of his delicious, comforting scent. He stood perfectly still, yet his eyes were locked on me and I could not make out his expression.

"Bella." He murmured, almost reverently. Hearing his velvet voice speak my name caused my heart to jump, and the embarrassment from hearing the machine picking that up caused me to blush furiously.

"Edward." His name came out barely a whisper, but he heard me. With leonine grace, he pushed off the wall and stalked across the floor to my bed. His eyes flashed with some unreadable emotion as he seemed to drink in the sight of me. As our eyes met, we said everything and nothing at all. The ache of loneliness that had haunted me these past months was soothed. I felt whole. His hands twitched as he held the metal bar on the side of the bed, and I wished he would touch me. I'd missed him.

"Come home?" The subtle pleading tone in his voice made my whole body tingle. _Home._ I didn't have a home, really. Hearing him refer to Forks as home for both of us simply felt right. I was incapable of coherent thought, so I nodded. Slowly, the tension melted from his stance and he tentatively reached out to cup my cheek with his cool hand. I leaned into his palm and felt the familiar tingle of electricity that hummed between us. Brushing my nose gently across the inside of his wrist, I breathed in the very essence of him.

_Home._


	15. Chapter 15

The silence was comfortable between Edward and I as we drove back to Forks. Due to my head injury, he was driving and had not failed to show his disdain for the ancient vehicle that couldn't go over fifty-five miles per hour. There was a strange electricity between the two of us. It just felt right to be with him, like a piece of me that had been missing was finally found. I couldn't be sure of his intentions, other than knowing he did care for me. I'm not sure what possessed me to agree to go home with them. When Edward asked, I just couldn't refuse.

Dr. Cullen and I had a long discussion that day. He had made some arrangements in Forks that convinced me it truly was the best decision to return with them. Using his connections, he and Esme had adopted me officially. I would have my own place to stay and a normal part-time, after-school job. The conditions were that I would return to school and attend therapy. I wasn't sure what I'd done to deserve friends like the Cullen family, but they truly had my best interests at heart. It was hard to accept their charity, but when you have no one else, sometimes it's nice to feel loved. I would be able to finish high school and go to college without working myself to the bone while living in deplorable conditions, concerned for my safety. They were all appalled to find out how I'd been living and had I not agreed to return, I was pretty sure Alice herself would have kidnapped me and taken me back to Forks on her own.

"_I told you to call us if you needed anything. Obviously you needed help and you didn't call!"_ I could still picture her tiny form with hands on her hips and eyes blazing in fury. She was inches shorter than me, but you'd have to be insane to go against Alice. She was a force to be reckoned with.

Dr. Cullen and Edward were similar in their persuasion. Gently coaxing me into submission, though I didn't put up much of a fight. Sean was so supportive, urging me to take them up on their offer. As much as he cared and enjoyed our time together, he wanted more for me.

"_You deserve better, Bella. You could have a good, comfortable life with people who love you instead of being lonely on the streets or holed up in rat-infested motels."_

I would miss Sean. He was truly a great guy and I wished him the best. It was hard to leave, not knowing what could have been between us, but I was thankful for what little time I did have with him. Marie was sad to see me go, but it wouldn't keep her down for long. She had plenty of friends and we hadn't been that close anyway. I thought Dan was going to break out in the Hallelujah chorus when I told him I was quitting. He had given me a chance when no one else would, and I would always be grateful to him for that, but I knew it had been hard for him not to fire me the first, third, or seventh time I dropped a tray full of drinks in the middle of the restaurant. I didn't get to say goodbye in person to Mrs. Brady at the library since she was on vacation. I left her a voice mail, which was just too impersonal. When she returned, I vowed to call her back then so we could speak.

"So, what happened with your mother?" Edward's voice broke the silence abruptly with his question. I merely told Carlisle that I did find her and things didn't work out. I really didn't want to talk about it, but it seemed Edward was determined to pull it out of me. This was the fourth time he'd asked me since I'd left the hospital. The previous three times, I was able to deflect, but since I was trapped in the cab of my truck with him, I knew I'd have to answer.

Just thinking about my mother's words, made the tears well up in my eyes. Even though she hadn't been a part of my life for several years, being told your own mother doesn't want you is a pretty hard pill to swallow. Edward, sensing my distress, reached over and grasped my arm reassuringly, his thumb rubbing small circles on my forearm.

"She didn't want me."

"What do you mean?" He pressed. His brow furrowed as he watched me out of the corner of his eye.

"I showed up at their house and Renee answered. I told her who I was, and Phil came to the door to see who it was. She denied she ever had me and Phil threatened me with the police if I didn't leave. Three days later she came to my hotel room to explain herself. When she left my father, she had nothing. She gave me all kinds of excuses why she couldn't take me with her. When she met Phil, he took care of her, but never wanted children. So she told him she couldn't have children and failed to mention she already had a daughter. When he wanted to marry her, she went to my father with divorce papers. He wouldn't agree unless she gave up her rights to me, so she did. As far as she is concerned, I never existed. She wants nothing to do with me."

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Don't be. I sent Phil copies of all the paperwork. He _will_ know the truth." I smirked. What I wouldn't have given to be a fly on the wall when he opened that envelope and realized everything his precious wife told him was a lie.

He barked out a laugh. "You what?"

"I sent him copies of her marriage certificate, my birth certificate, and the divorce papers that detail how she gave up rights to me in order to marry him."

Edward shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"Yeah, well when you have nothing to lose..." I trailed off.

His lips turned down into a grimace. "You have us." He finally whispered. Our stories were similar. Both of us were orphans. Edward lost his parents in a car accident and the Cullens adopted him. Now this philanthropist doctor and his family had taken me under their wing as well. It was something I would have to get used to. At one point I had wished for a family like the Cullens, and it seemed like someone decided to grant me my wish for once in my life.

I nodded absently as I watched the sunset through the window.

The rumbling of the truck must have lulled me to sleep, because the next thing I knew, the sky was dark and we were in Forks. Edward carried me in his arms as he walked towards the Cullens' house. I never thought I would see that place again. Somehow he had managed to drive all the way back without stopping. I thought for sure we would have stayed in a hotel for the night. It was a long drive and he didn't even look tired. The purple bruises beneath his amber eyes were no darker than I remembered.

"Edward, I can walk." I looked up at his face, illuminated by the moonlight. His beauty never failed to stun me. Half of his mouth lifted in a lopsided grin.

"I know." Edward replied simply, making no move to let me down out of his arms, if anything, he tightened his hold. He took me upstairs to his room and set me down on the golden duvet that covered his bed. "Before you protest, you _are_ going to sleep in here tonight." I opened my mouth to speak, but he pressed his fingers to my lips in a move to hush me. "No arguments."

There was a knock at the open door and then Alice and Esme quickly entered the room. Esme pulled me into an embrace, and I melted into her motherly arms, soaking in the affection I'd been so starved of.

"I'm so glad you're back, Bella." She murmured in my ear. Pulling back she studied my face for a few moments. "You need lots of rest and good food, my dear. We'll take care of you." I gave her the warmest smile I could manage and hugged her tight once more in thanks.

Alice was quick to interrupt, as usual. "I brought you some pajamas, and there are toiletries in Edward's bathroom for you." The bright smile had not left her face since she bounded into my hospital room.

"Thanks, Alice."

"No problem. If you need anything, just let me know!" She turned to leave the room, and Esme went with her.

Edward was leaning against the door frame. "Have a good night, Bella. Sleep well." The intensity in his gaze made me blush. "I'm glad you're back, too." He added, almost as an afterthought. After another awkward moment of staring at each other, he shook his head and closed the door behind him, leaving me alone in his room. I had to admit the idea thrilled me. His bed looked so comfortable, and I couldn't wait to curl up under the covers.

When I entered his bathroom, I was pleasantly surprised. It was immaculate with a huge tub, big enough for two. Marble counters and pewter fixtures gave it an elegant, yet masculine look. I jumped into the glass shower stall instead of indulging in a bath. I was so tired that I'd probably end up falling asleep in the tub and drowning knowing my luck. It didn't take long for the water to heat up, unlike the bathroom in my motel room that took a good fifteen minutes to get warm. I savored the feel of the water running over my tired body, making my flesh bright pink as I turned it as hot as I could stand. The bathroom had quickly filled with steam, but the tiles still felt cool as I rested my forehead against them. I was so comfortable.

A loud knock startled me and I realized I had dozed off while standing in the shower.

"Is everything ok in there, Bella?" Alice's muffled voice shouted through the door.

If I hadn't already been flushed from the heat, my face would have been as red as a tomato from embarrassment. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just getting out now."

"Ok, just wanted to make sure you didn't fall asleep in there. The bed is much more comfortable."

I let out a nervous chuckle. "Thanks, Alice."

I grabbed one of the huge fluffy towels from the shelf and dried off. It was one of those bath sheets and wrapped around me at least twice. Who needs a robe when you have towels like these? Once I was dressed for bed, I finally crawled in between the cool, crisp sheets and found myself surrounded by Edward's comforting scent. It didn't take me long to fall asleep.

Unfortunately, it also didn't take me long to wake up screaming from my latest nightmare that now included the explosion on top of everything else. Light flooded the bedroom from the hallway and before I registered anyone even entering the room, I felt Edward's cool embrace. He began to hum to me as he stroked my hair and I slipped back to sleep quickly.

When I finally emerged from Edward's room in the morning, I found Esme flitting around the kitchen putting together breakfast for me. She slid a plate of pancakes and sausage in front of me, followed by a glass of orange juice. Carlisle joined us and he laid down two pills by my glass, giving me a wink as he went to greet his wife.

"Did you sleep well, Bella?" He asked me, his arms still wrapped around Esme.

I grunted noncommittally and bobbed my head in a slight nod. I did sleep well after Edward joined me. I'd missed him.

"I've got a new supply of vitamins for you since your others were destroyed. I'd also like to do another check up as soon as you are settled. Maybe when we take out those stitches?"

"Sure."

"We also need to discuss finding you a therapist. I have a list of colleagues I would recommend, and you can decide who you might feel more comfortable with."

I couldn't stop the grimace that crossed my face. The idea of therapy did not appeal to me at all. I didn't need to talk to a professional about anything. I was fine. Apparently Dr. Cullen didn't agree, and it was part of our arrangement.

"Eat up, Bella! We're going to see your new place today." Alice chirped as she came in the sliding glass doors at the back of the room. Edward and Jasper were with her. After we all greeted each other, everyone wandered off to their own pursuits, and Edward and I were left alone at the table.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "I already ate. I'm an early riser." It was slightly unnerving to eat as he watched me. I was afraid I would embarrass myself and drip syrup down my chin or something. Everyone else must have gotten up much earlier and eaten breakfast. It made me uncomfortable thinking that Esme whipped up a fresh batch of pancakes just for me, even though I knew she didn't mind. Esme seemed to really enjoy doting on me, especially when it came to food.

When I finished, Edward grabbed my plate before I could make a move to do so on my own. "Why don't you go get your bag? We're going to head over to your apartment as soon as you're ready."

"Ok." I went back upstairs to brush my teeth and gather everything I had brought in. Part of me was excited to see this apartment, which would be my very own. The other part of me felt like a charity case, knowing the Cullens were paying for all of this. Dr. Cullen assured me that I actually had a bit of an inheritance, which made me feel slightly better about everything. I didn't like being a burden on these kind people who weren't family, but they genuinely seemed like they wanted to do this for me. I was afraid I would offend them if I refused.

Alice and Esme were clearly excited. Alice rode in my truck on the way over and couldn't stop gushing over the details. Apparently, Esme was into interior design, and of course Alice had a penchant for shopping. There was no doubt in my mind that my apartment was fully furnished and impeccably decorated. They expertly avoided my questions, being quite vague about how they managed to put together an entire apartment in a matter of days. I just assumed that with their wealth, anything was possible, and I didn't want to even think about how much they had spent to pull this off.

Carlisle and Esme took the Mercedes, and Edward drove over in his Volvo. My truck certainly felt out of place in the lineup and I was embarrassed that they all had to drive slowly so I could keep up. It was no secret that the Cullens enjoyed fast cars and speeding.

We pulled up to a modest apartment building near the center of town. It was close enough to the high school, that I could certainly walk – at least on the days when it wasn't raining. There were only four units in the building and mine was on the top right. That meant I wouldn't have to hear people walking over my ceiling at all hours. I couldn't have been happier when Esme opened the door and I saw how modest the place was. If I was being honest, I was a little worried it would be on the more ostentatious side, but it appeared that they kept my tastes in mind. That meant a lot to me. I'd never had anyone concerned with my comfort before.

The door opened into the living room on the right side, and on the left side was a decent sized kitchen and dining area. The living room had several bookshelves already stocked with books and music. There was a small stereo and a normal sized television with DVD player. The couch and chair were both chocolate brown and were built for comfort. The simple round table and four chairs in the dining area was perfect as well. The kitchen cabinets had been stocked with anything and everything I would ever need. There was a very short hallway with a linen closet at the end, fully stocked of course. On the right side of the hall was the bathroom, and the bedroom was on the left side. The bathroom was a generic apartment bathroom, but Esme and Alice had taken measures to try to spice it up a bit. The plush bathmats on the floor were great, and of course they had stocked the cabinets with first aid supplies along with over the counter medicines I might need and my supplements.

My bedroom was my favorite room. The oak four-poster bed was queen size, which was bigger than any bed I'd had before. The bedding was purple, and there were more pillows than I knew what to do with piled on it. Breezy sheers hung from the canopy and tied to each corner. It looked like a bed fit for a princess and I was excited to try it out. I could only imagine how comfortable the mattress would be to sink into and the sheets were probably ridiculously soft. The rest of the furniture matched. There was a dresser, two nightstands, and a desk. On top of the desk was a wrapped package and my face instantly felt hot when I noticed it. After everything else this family had done for me, they had bought me a present as well. It was too much. I turned to the four Cullens crowding the doorway and started to tell them I couldn't accept it, but of course Alice cut me off.

"Don't say it, Bella!" She held her hand up for me to stop. "Just open it."

I growled at her, which earned me a few chuckles, but I quickly tore the paper from the package and saw they had gotten me a laptop. I turned once more, and this time Carlisle cut me off.

"No arguments. You need it for school. Edward will get it all set up for you. You have internet, and there is a printer and other accessories to go with it."

I huffed, but managed to thank them sincerely for the computer. It was true that I could use it for school, even though I'd never had one before and had managed just fine.

Alice made a beeline for the closet then and threw open the door ceremoniously. Of course she had filled it with clothes, and I knew my dresser would be fully stocked as well.

"Thank you, Alice." I choked out. It was all just so overwhelming, that I found myself sitting on my bed with tears running down my face. It was too much. I couldn't let them do this. Alice and Edward left the room, while Carlisle and Esme sat on either side of me.

"I know this is hard for you to accept, Bella. You've lived such a modest life, often going without things you needed. We've really tried not to go overboard here, but at the same time we wanted you to be comfortable and not want for anything. We care for you and we want to do this for you, so please do not feel like you are imposing. We consider you family." Esme smiled warmly and hugged me gently.

Carlisle handed me an envelope with lots of paperwork inside, along with a checkbook and debit card. "You received a small inheritance from your father and a bank account has been set up in your name. Newton's Outfitters has offered you a part time job three days a week. There is no need for you to work more than that." He gave me a stern look and I nodded in acceptance. "We will also be giving you a monthly allowance that should cover any groceries, household goods, or gas that you will need. Rent and utilities are taken care of. Your job is to go to school and to be a teenager."

"Thank you both so much. I don't know what I've done to deserve your kindness. If there is any way that I can ever repay you, please let me know." These amazing people were more like family to me than my own family had ever been.

Esme stroked my hair lovingly. "You can repay us by following your dreams. Do your best in school and go on to college. We want you to excel and we will always be here to support you in any way we can. We've done the same for you as we've done for each of our children. Please consider us your family, Bella. I know you don't have anyone else."

"We've already gone over the other stipulations, so I believe that is all. We'd like to you to come by the house at least once a week, and I'll be in touch concerning appointments and therapy of course." Carlisle stood up and Esme joined him. They both pulled me into a hug and then I followed them from the room.

Edward handed something to Carlisle and he turned back to me. "This is your cell phone." He handed me a small, silver phone. "It has everyone's numbers programmed into it already and unlimited minutes, so don't worry about using it. You can text too. The bill is taken care of. Please carry it with you always. You have a land line as well, but we usually communicate by cell phone. Your phone numbers are in the binder on the kitchen counter along with a bunch of other pertinent information."

Edward held up a couple wires. "A charger for your truck, and one for the house."

Carlisle looked around quickly and seemed satisfied that everything had been covered. "Alright then. I think that is all. We'll leave you to get settled in. You'll go back to school on Monday, so you have a few days before you have to deal with that."

"Sounds good. Again, thank you all for everything. You'll never know how much I appreciate it." I dug my toe in the carpet, thoroughly humbled by their generosity.

"It was our pleasure, Bella." Esme hugged me again and then left with Carlisle.

After they left, Edward moved closer and tipped my chin up with his finger. I couldn't avoid his gaze. His topaz eyes always sucked me right in. "Are you sure you'll be ok by yourself?" He asked.

"She'll be fine, Edward." Alice interrupted. He shot her a glare and turned back to me.

"Are you sure?" He asked me again. "I could stay if you want me to."

Alice sighed. "I'm heading out. Edward, have Bella bring you home tomorrow."

I looked at Alice, confused about what just happened.

She gave me a mischievous smile. "He's going to try to convince you to let him stay. You really do want him to stay, even though you won't say it. So, I'm going to save us all some time and just go ahead and leave him here." She gave me a quick squeeze, and then she and Edward had some kind of silent conversation which he didn't seem to happy about.

Once we were alone, things were a little awkward between us. I was mortified to think that I had been so obvious about my attraction to Edward that his sister picked up on it, but at the same time secretly thrilled that he actually _wanted_ to stay here with me. Edward seemed upset at his sister's assessment, even though he did seem pleased about staying. I wasn't sure what this was exactly between us, but the chemistry was undeniable. We were enamored with each other even though we had never talked about our relationship or tried to label it. It should have felt all kinds of wrong to sleep in his arms and trust him so implicitly with my safety and chastity, but instead it felt completely right.

My stomach growled and Edward whipped his head around to tease me. "Hungry?" He asked, one eyebrow raised and a half-smile on his face.

"I guess so." I grumbled and headed to the kitchen. "Would you like something?"

"No, I'm not hungry." He replied, before heading over to peruse my bookshelves. Of course he wasn't hungry, I'd never seen him eat a thing. He must be on some kind of special diet, but I certainly didn't want to embarrass him by bringing it up. I knew all too well what it was like to be ridiculed for things like that.

I hummed as I looked through the refrigerator and cabinets, trying to decide what to make for lunch. A sandwich sounded good and was easy enough to put together, so I gathered the ingredients. I was surprised at how thoroughly my kitchen was stocked, and the fact that I wouldn't have to go grocery shopping for a little while pleased me immensely. After I had assembled my sandwich and put everything away, I turned to find him watching me intently.

"What?" I questioned him, wondering what I had done to capture his attention. I ducked my head and went to sit at the table.

He smiled softly at me. "You were singing, and you just seemed so happy."

"Oh." I shrugged. I wasn't aware that my humming had progressed to singing. I must have been much more preoccupied than I realized. He turned back to the stereo and put in the CD he had selected from the bookshelf. Most guys would have gone for the television, but I'd learned quickly that Edward was not like most guys. We suited one another. He knew I'd prefer the music to the television, as did he. Regardless of the short amount of time we'd actually spent together, we just understood each other.

The soft strains of cello music started playing and he sat on the couch with his eyes closed as he listened. I quickly finished my sandwich and washed my plate.

"You know, you have a dishwasher now." He was smirking, though his eyes were still closed.

"Just habit I guess." I finished drying the plate and joined him in the living room, folding my legs underneath me in the over-sized chair. I laid my head back on the chair and let the music relax me.

We sat like that through at least three pieces, before Edward spoke. "Do you like it here?"

"Here as in Forks, or here as in this apartment?"

"Both, I guess."

"Forks is ok. I like the people here. I wouldn't mind more sun, but I like the milder temperatures. Mississippi was sweltering hot and miserable."

"And your apartment?" He prompted.

"It's wonderful. Truly, Edward, I could never thank your family enough."

"We just want you to be happy." I opened my eyes to find him looking at me again.

"I think for the first time in my life, that might actually be possible."

"Me too." He murmured. Sitting forward on the couch, he rested his elbows on his knees and looked like he was warring with himself over whether to say something or not. His mouth opened and closed twice before he finally continued. "Bella, I don't like being away from you." Though his forehead rested on his fisted hands, his face was turned towards me and the intense look on his face took my breath away. It was as if the idea of being away from me actually pained him. The emotions he invoked were overwhelming and my heart thundered in my chest.

"So don't." I whispered, afraid that if I spoke any louder the moment would be shattered as if it were a dream.

"Bella...I..." He looked so conflicted that I just want to comfort him. "I'm not good for you."

"What do you mean? Because we obviously have different definitions of _good_, if you think you aren't good for me. How many times have you stepped in and helped me out of a bad situation now? When have you ever hurt me? Why on earth would you think you weren't good for me?"

"If you really knew me, you would understand."

"So tell me what makes you _not good_."

"I can't."

Now I was exasperated. I stared at him incredulously for a moment before getting up and turning off the music. I grabbed the remote and threw myself back into the chair, flipping through the channels. I wasn't really paying any attention to what was on the television, it was merely a distraction so that I could think. After everything I had confided in him, he didn't trust me enough to tell me something big enough to make him think badly of himself. I hit the mute button.

"Will you tell me eventually?"

He sighed. "I'll have to at some point, unless you figure it out first."

I could live with that, right? I'd spent enough time with him and his family to know it can't be anything to horrible. They're all good people. I'd never seen a hint of anything _bad_ about Edward. He's always been there to help when I've needed it and despite his initial standoffish attitude, I'd never felt like I could trust someone more than him.

"I trust you."

"You shouldn't."

"Edward, if you're going to keep giving me these cryptic, self-depreciating replies, then you're going to have to explain what exactly it is about you that makes you such a bad guy. Otherwise, let me make my own decisions. When no one else in my life has been there for me, not even my own mother or father, _you have_." My words came out more vehemently than I intended and Edward looked properly chastised.

"Alright." He conceded after a long minute.

"So, are we ok now?" I asked tentatively.

He flashed me a lopsided grin. "Yeah, we're good." I could tell there was still a battle waging within him, but there was nothing I could do until he decided to tell me whatever his big secret was. For some reason, Edward thought he was unworthy of my attentions, though it seemed to be something he truly desired. I knew he was different, but there was nothing that made me feel like being around him was unsafe or wrong. I don't think I'd ever heard him even raise his voice, let alone seen him angry about something. There may have been a hint of fire burning beneath the surface, but even I had a temper sometimes. No, I couldn't believe that there was something so horrible about Edward that would cause me to end our friendship. If anything, he was too good for me, but I didn't subscribe to such comparisons. We were simply two people who cared for each other, regardless of how different we may be.

I spent the afternoon watching television while Edward set up my computer and internet access. When it was time for dinner, I wondered if he would eat with me.

"Is there anything in particular you would like for dinner?" I asked him.

"Oh...um...I'm not hungry." He replied sheepishly.

"Ok, Edward. I know you're on some kind of special diet because I never see you eat anything. I haven't said anything before now because I didn't want to pry, but surely you must eat sometime. I'll be happy to fix whatever it is you need, if you'll just tell me."

He blanched and then shook his head. "I'm really not hungry, Bella. I'll eat something later if I do get hungry though. I promise."

I still wasn't satisfied with his answer and he knew it, but I was willing to let it slide for now. I didn't want to push him away. I was just worried about him. "Ok. You'll be staying the night?"

"If you'd like me to."

I grinned. "Of course I want you to." He returned the grin and I found myself caught up in staring at him again. I'd forgotten what I was doing.

Dinner. That's right.

We talked more about my time in Santa Cruz while I cooked some pasta. Edward took it upon himself to wash the dishes while I ate, even though I protested. I told him all about Marie and Dan and Mrs. Brady. When I talked about Sean, his whole body stiffened, so I moved on to other topics. He and Alice had talked with Marie and Sean while they were in the waiting room. Edward surprised me when he told me he thought Sean was a good guy who truly cared about me. So I told him about my first date with Sean at the boardwalk, and if I didn't know better, I would say Edward was jealous. His jaw would clench and at one point I even thought I saw him pout for a second.

After that I encouraged him to tell me about what happened in Forks while I was gone. He told me about his family's camping trips and classes. His table in Biology was still empty and he looked forward to having me back as a partner. Apparently, Angela and Ben were still dating, and Mike and Jessica were together. Nothing else had changed much, and I got the impression that nothing ever really did change in small towns like these. No doubt I would still be the center of attention when I returned on Monday. I wondered about what rumors were going around about me, and Edward assured me that he and Alice had worked to dispel as many as possible. Of course they didn't spread the truth either, which was probably worse than anything their imaginations had come up with. The story was that I'd gone to visit family. There would be lots of questions about my reappearance, and I expected some hostility over the fact that I had been adopted by the Cullens. It was obvious the family had been ostracized by the rest of the student body. It was also quite clear that there was a certain amount of jealousy floating around because of the family's wealth and beauty. I knew my close association with the family, especially Edward, would make me a target as well. Only, since I was clearly the charity case, I expected I would be subject to much ridicule. No female at Forks High had ever managed to capture Edward Cullen's interest before. I could only wonder what they would make of our relationship, whether it was friends or more.

I still couldn't believe this amazing boy was sitting here in my new apartment and willingly staying the night. He knew about my nightmares, and after the explosion, they had gotten worse. I hated that I disrupted his sleep with my problems, but he assured me that he wanted to be there for me. When I started yawning, we moved to my bedroom and he sat on my bed while we continued to talk until my eyelids became too heavy to keep open. He started humming and I was asleep within minutes. Tonight, my dreams were about Edward.


	16. Chapter 16

The smell of breakfast woke me the next morning, and I stumbled out of the bedroom to find Edward making pancakes and bacon in the kitchen. He looked surprisingly unwrinkled while I was sure my cheek was creased from my pillow my hair resembled a haystack. Realizing how utterly horrible I must look, I quickly ducked into the bathroom for a quick shower, hoping Edward hadn't noticed.

He had breakfast on the table when I finally emerged. There was, of course, only one place setting on the table, and I greeted his breathtaking grin with a scowl.

"You cooked, but you won't eat."

He shook his head ruefully.

I devoured the short stack of pancakes while Edward once again cleaned up the kitchen. I would have protested, but there was a slight niggling at the back of my brain that was trying to form into a full fledged concept. If I could have, I'm sure I would have bored holes through the wall I was staring at while I nibbled a piece of bacon.

There was something about the Cullens, but I could not put my finger on it. They certainly looked human. They acted human. But were they human? I'd dubbed them guardian angels at one time. Could they really be angels? Had God sent them to cross my path and look after me Did He want to restore my faith in Him? As pragmatic and skeptical as I might have become, the faith was still there, ingrained in me from the day I was born. It was only more recently that I had buried it all and declared that God did not exist any longer in my world. My rational mind screamed at me that there most certainly was no God, and these could not be His angels. It was the stuff of myths and fairytales. What else could explain these otherworldly beings who seemed so much more than human? They had an uncanny way of knowing everything – both what had been and what would be.

Edward cleared his throat softly and I noticed that he had joined me at the table at some point.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"I noticed." He chuckled. "I'm not sure what the bacon has done to you, but I wish I knew what you were thinking."

"Hmm. If you knew, you'd wish you didn't." I shook my head and dropped my gaze to my empty plate. "Can you imagine if we could hear other people's thoughts? How embarrassing would that be?" Idly, I traced a drip of syrup with my finger and brought it to my lips. Edward was staring at me. Or at my mouth. I immediately dropped my gaze once more, but there was no hiding the blush. Trying to save some shred of dignity, I pushed my chair back and took my plate to the kitchen. Or at least that was the plan. Of course my toe caught in the bump where the carpeted dining area met the linoleum of the kitchen and the ground rushed up to greet me. Only the impact never came. A strong arm gripped my waist and a white hand shot out to catch my plate before it hit the floor.

After he set the plate on the counter and I was steady on my feet, Edward let go of me, but didn't move away. He watched me intently. I don't know what he was looking for, but surely he saw the confusion in my expression. He looked like he was waiting for something, wary of my reaction. What I did know, was that he moved entirely too fast for a normal human.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I breathed. I studied him just as intently. Slowly, I reached out and took his hand in between my two. His skin was always so cold, and though I'd never made it a big deal, it was another piece of the puzzle. I rubbed the smooth skin of his hand with my fingers, exploring the texture and give of his flesh. There were no blemishes, no moles, no hangnails, no dry skin. His hand was perfectly formed and manicured. I ran a finger over the flat face of his fingernail and he suddenly pulled his hand away from mine and shoved it through his unruly bronze locks.

"What are you thinking?" He demanded.

"I'm trying to figure out what you are." I whispered, finally admitting my suspicions.

I heard his breath catch in his throat and he looked like he was ready to bolt out of the apartment.

Finally, he blew out a harsh breath and walked over to the couch to sit down. I followed, hoping this meant he was ready to talk.

"I wish you wouldn't."

"You could just tell me." I offered.

He shook his head. "What are your theories?" The corner of his mouth twitched, but otherwise his face was impassive.

I blushed, not wanting to confess what I'd been considering earlier.

"Tell me just one." He pressed.

I shook my head. "Too embarrassing."

"That is really frustrating, you know." He huffed, throwing himself back against the couch cushions.

"Oh really, I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to know someone is withholding important information from you!"

He grimaced and met my eyes, pleading with me to just let it go. We stared at each for a while and it was obvious he wouldn't give anything away. I decided I'd had enough, and I couldn't stop the next words out of my mouth, as much as I wanted to.

"Just go."

I couldn't look at him, because all would be lost. I needed to stay strong. I trusted him with my life, but if he refused to tell me what was really going on, then I couldn't do _this_, whatever _this _was, any longer. We could retain our friendship, but giving my heart to someone keeping such a huge secret from me was too much to ask. I was sick of secrets. Secrets had dictated my life for far too long, and I'd be damned if I was going to get involved with yet another person keeping something significant from me.

I could already feel the ache in my chest as he stood to leave.

"If that's what you want." He spoke softly. I could feel his eyes on me, imploring me to look up at him, but I refused.

I nodded weakly, unable to trust myself to speak. His sigh was audible and I knew he'd be pinching the bridge of his nose if I looked up. He moved through the apartment gathering a few things and then headed towards the door. I chanced a glance up at his retreating back and his whole body was slumped in defeat. I quickly dropped my eyes, afraid he would look back at any moment. The door clicked shut and I wanted to scream for him to come back, but I knew it was best this way. I had to protect myself, and until he was willing to be up front and honest with me, this was best.

_Simple Gifts_ started playing and it took me a moment to realize it was my cell phone. Someone had already programmed my ring tone to the first song I ever played on Edward's piano. I didn't answer. After another four tries, whoever was calling finally gave up. I figured it was probably Alice. It didn't surprise me to hear a knock on the door ten minutes later either, but I didn't feel like dealing with her.

"Bella, I know you're in there." Her singsong voice called through the door. "Open up. We need to talk."

I stood on my side of the door and rested my hand on the knob. "Are you going to tell me what you are?"

"Bella..."

I cut her off. "If you're not going to tell me, then leave."

"Just answer one question, Bella. Does it matter?"

"Does _what_ matter?"

"Does it matter _what_ we are? Would it change anything? Would you still love him?"

Did it matter? I guess not. I couldn't think of anything that would make me love him less. Edward was good and kind, caring and gentle. He was intelligent and talented and his very presence soothed me. If he were something other than human, none of that would change, but what would it mean for us? Even if there was something keeping us apart, I would always love him.

"No, I guess it doesn't matter, Alice." I admitted through the door. "But I can't live with any more secrets."

"I know." Her voice lowered and she sounded defeated. "We won't bother you again unless you call us. Well, except for Carlisle. You do have an agreement with him."

I slid down to the floor. Why couldn't anything ever be easy for me? Why was my life so complicated? Why didn't _I_ get two parents who loved me, one and half siblings, a dog, and a white picket fence? It seemed like I'd been on one neverending roller coaster ride since I first set foot in Forks, and I really just wanted to get off. Just as things would start to look up, everything would come crashing down. I knew this one was on me though. It was my fault I couldn't deal with the secrets. I'd known for a while now that something was different about Edward and his family. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe I should have given him more time. It just hurt to know that he couldn't trust me. Of course I didn't give him any answers either. Maybe he thinks I don't trust him. Why couldn't I just tell him what I was thinking? Because I was afraid he would laugh in my face and never speak to me again. Maybe he felt the same way. Maybe he thought that if he told me his secret I'd laugh at him or run away screaming. That was a whole lot of maybes, and speculating wasn't going to get me anywhere. I guess we both have some insecurities to deal with before we can move on. I'd either have to man up and tell him mine, or be patient until he felt comfortable enough to tell me his.

This was certainly not how I imagined this morning going. After everything his family had done for me, I felt horribly guilty. Especially after Edward made breakfast for me too. Suddenly the apartment felt too small. I wanted to get out and go somewhere. I didn't know of any parks, but it wasn't raining, so the beach sounded like a good idea. I'd never been to the beach here and I wondered how it would compare to the one I went to with Sean. His calm, supportive presence would be very welcome right about now. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about this. Maybe I should call Alice and ask her...there go the maybes again.

I tossed some snacks, water, the book, and a couple towels into a bag before heading out to my truck. I realized when I cranked the ignition that I hadn't given Edward a ride home and assumed Alice had come to pick him up when she knocked on my door.

About halfway to the beach, the truck's engine started sputtering. It was just my luck that nothing would go my way today. I really did like my truck, but desperately needed something more reliable. Or else I needed to take a few courses in car maintenance and repair. I pulled over to the side of the road where it let out one final wheeze before the engine died. I tried to restart the truck a couple times, but nothing happened. After banging my head against the seat a few times, I realized my brand new cell phone was sitting on the counter in my kitchen and not in my bag. Of course, it was just my luck to forget something like that. So I had two choices. I could either sit here and wait for someone else to come along and hope they could help me, if they don't kidnap me first. Or I could start walking back to town. The idea of being a sitting duck was unappealing, so I decided to walk. It was a nice day by Forks standards, and I could easily walk the distance. I decided to enjoy my little expedition and took in the surrounding forests, humming while I walked. For a few minutes I tried to project my thoughts to Edward and Alice, wondering if I could somehow summon them to come help me. They always seemed to know just when I needed them, so I thought it might be worth a shot, even if I felt completely ridiculous even considering it.

Imagine my surprise, when ten minutes later, a shiny silver Volvo zoomed down the road and pulled over, stopping right in front of me. Edward practically ripped the door off the frame and was moving so quickly, that it only solidified the fact in my mind that he was definitely not human.

"Bella, I know you're upset with me right now, but I need you to get in the car. We have to get out of here." He was only a foot away and reached for my arm, starting to pull me towards the car.

"What's going on Edward?"

"We just have to get out of here, right now. Please!" His jaw was clenched, causing his words to come out harshly. Of course, my first instinct was to fight him, but the panic and tension that was radiating off of him, made me shut my mouth and follow him. I could ask questions later.

I was just about to climb in the car when he stiffened and whirled around, pulling me between the car and his back. Alice and Jasper materialized out of the forest and had placed themselves between the woods and Edward. All three crouched defensively, as if waiting for something dangerous to emerge from the trees.

Edward turned to me, taking me by the shoulders and making eye contact. "Do you trust me, Bella?"

"Edward, what is going on?" I whispered.

"There is something dangerous in the woods, and I need to get you out of here. Do you trust me?" He shook me once with impatience.

"Of course I do."

He picked me up effortlessly and cradled me to his chest. "Close your eyes and do not open them until I tell you to. Do you understand?" I nodded weakly.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I wanted to know exactly what was going on, but I figured from the tense atmosphere that it was better to be quiet and obey. They were obviously protecting me from something. His arms and chest formed a cold steel cage around me and my head was tucked under his chin. I had the sensation that we were moving, though I didn't feel jostled. I could hear vicious snarls and loud crashes in the distance and was terrified that Alice or Jasper would be hurt by whatever was in the woods. Breathing was difficult, and I felt like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs as my entire body was being pushed forcefully into his.

It was minutes later when the pressure started to let up that I heard Edward speak.

"Alice and Jasper had two at the roadside. The third one followed me. He's a tracker and he won't give up without a fight." He gently set me on my feet, but held me as I tried to regain my balance. "You can open your eyes now, Bella."

I opened my eyes, but could barely see straight, as everything around the edges was blacked out. I was gasping for breath and my brain was struggling to make sense of everything. Dr. Cullen and Esme had joined Edward and were having a heated discussion, though I couldn't make out anything they were saying. Dr. Cullen quickly looked me over before nodding at Edward who made some kind of buzzing noise in reply. I was utterly confused as to what was going on. Apparently there was danger, so I was just going to let them take care of whatever needed to be done. It would do no good to interfere. Edward quickly embraced me and I think he pressed his lips to my hair, but I couldn't be sure.

"Esme is going to take you back to the house." _His house? Were we that close to it? "_I promise we'll explain everything later."

Esme's arms quickly encircled my waist to help hold me steady. "Let's go dear." She said softly as she started leading me away from the group. We didn't get very far before she stopped abruptly and I once again found myself cradled in another pair of arms, and that same pressure and sense of motion resumed. This time it was Esme, and I wondered how such a tiny woman could carry me so effortlessly. Yes, I certainly would be demanding explanations later.

Suddenly, there was a moment of intense pain, where I thought my whole body was going to explode, and then I was on the ground. I tried to make sense of the scene in front of me, but all I could make out were two blurred shapes dancing and whirling around each other. This deadly choreography was punctuated with sharp growls and cracks. There was a flash of red hair and Esme's caramel tendrils fanned out behind the shapes as she tried to keep herself between me and the red-head. The ferocity of the two women was terrifying, and I yelped when Esme crashed into a tree. With a small shake, she simply launched herself at the other woman again, seemingly unharmed. However the tree trunk where she hit was almost shattered and it was swaying violently. A string of expletives came to mind, but I couldn't find the breath with which to speak them. My head was spinning and my stomach churning. All of this took no longer than a few minutes, before everything stopped. Esme and the red-haired woman were facing off, but Edward and Dr. Cullen had joined her. The red-head snarled at me, and I made out one sentence before I watched her disappear and everything went black.

"_This isn't over."_

~~**~~

There were cold hands touching me. Then I heard the buzzing of voices.

"Carlisle, it's been too long." Edward's strained voice was so clear to me.

"She'll come around when she's ready. Let her mind protect itself. Bella has had quite a day." Dr. Cullen's voice, he was always so calm and sure. "Maybe next time you'll take it a little slower."

His plaintive reply touched something deep inside me. "I can't lose her, Carlisle. Alice?"

"She'll open her eyes in forty-seven seconds. I don't doubt she can hear us now."

"Did she get away?" Esme asked quietly.

"Yes. She wasn't faster, just more evasive. She had us running in circles."

"But the other two...?"

"Taken care of."

"Do you think she'll be back?"

"Esme, dear, you should hunt and rest. We can talk about this later."

"Oh, I'm fine Carlisle. It's just a few bites. I'll heal."

Finally feeling like I was back in my own body, I managed to move my eyelids. I could feel them fluttering and everyone was quiet, waiting. When I could focus, I saw four pairs of concerned yellow eyes staring back at me warily, gaging my reaction.

"It's ok Bella, you're safe." Edward murmured as he cradled me in his arms. I managed a small smile when his cool fingers brushed a stray lock of hair away from my face. The relief on his face was quite evident.

Esme stood beside Dr. Cullen, his arms wrapped protectively around her, and Alice sat on the end of the bed. Everyone looked horribly disheveled. Their clothes torn and dirty, leaves and debris stuck in their hair. I'd never seen any of them look anything other than picture perfect. I didn't see Rosalie or Emmett, but Jasper hovered in the doorway.

"Is everyone ok?" I blurted out, as I tried to pushed myself up into a sitting position. My concern for these people who fought to protect me overwhelmed everything else. "Esme?" My eyes landed on her and I searched for any visible injuries. There were a couple crescent shaped marks on her arms and it looked like there was a larger wound on her shoulder.

She dropped down to her knees beside me, taking one of my hands into hers. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry you had to see that. She came out of nowhere. We thought we could get you back to the house in time."

I shook my head. "Please, don't apologize for anything. Are you ok?"

She nodded. "It just stings a little, but I'll be fine."

"Is everyone else ok?" I looked up at Edward, hoping there was no bad news.

He rolled his eyes. "_We're_ fine. How are _you?_"

"Confused?"

"That's completely understandable. Once everyone has had a chance to clean up, we'll explain everything." Dr. Cullen moved forward and checked my eyes quickly with a penlight, then deftly ran his fingers over my scalp and neck, gently tilting my head side to side. "Does anything hurt?"

I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. I did ache and had a slight headache, but it was nothing to complain about.

Edward snapped his head up and looked to Jasper for a long moment before turning back to me and narrowing his eyes. "Bella, the truth." He demanded.

I sighed. "I really can't wait for this big explanation because sometimes you are just plain creepy." There were a few light chuckles, but Edward remained completely serious. "I'm just a little sore, Edward, and I have a headache." He looked up at Dr. Cullen.

"The headache shouldn't be anything to be concerned about. If it gets worse or doesn't go away, or if you feel dizzy or have any vision problems, let me know immediately." I nodded. "As far as being sore, would you mind if I had a look?" He gestured towards my shirt. I blushed when I realized what he was asking and looked around at everyone in the room. Alice and Jasper quickly took their leave, and Edward started to go, but I grasped his arm, silently asking him to stay. I hesitantly pulled up the bottom of my shirt until it met the bottom of my bra and Edward hissed before I even had a chance to inspect the damage. When I looked down, I saw the bruises covering my ribs, and I could feel more on my back.

"I'm just going to feel your ribs, Bella, and make sure nothing is broken, ok?"

"Sure."

"This will be cold." He warned me, but I still jumped when I felt his icy fingers tenderly examining my ribs. "Nothing is broken. Just bruises. Do you hurt anywhere else?" He pulled my shirt back down for me.

"I'm pretty sure I have more bruises on my thighs and arms, but that's it."

He nodded. "I'll give you some painkillers and something to help you sleep, just in case you need it."

I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself. Edward had moved away from me after he saw the bruises. I knew they were from when he and Esme had carried me, and I wasn't upset at all about them.

"Edward, it's ok. They'll fade in a couple of days. I'm not upset."

"It's not ok. I hurt you, Bella. How can you say it's ok?" You could see the guilt swimming in his eyes.

"Because you saved me, Edward. I'm not an imbecile. I know you're not human, and whatever those creatures were out there tonight weren't either. I didn't have a chance against them. If your family hadn't been there, I'm pretty sure I'd be dead. Am I right?" I looked to Dr. Cullen for confirmation and he nodded slightly. "If I escaped death, only to have a few bruises, then I'm happy to suffer through a few days until they fade." Edward finally looked me in the eye and his expression softened.

"I don't ever want to hurt you again." He whispered and I just nodded along because I didn't know _what _he was and if that was something he could promise. Accidents happen, especially to me.

Alice arrived back in the room with a sandwich and a soda. "Here you go Bella. Eat this while the rest of us get cleaned up. Once we're done, we'll talk." She gave me a small smile, but her eyes were twinkling with excitement. She was always so full of secrets, but it seemed like this was one mystery she was eager to get out in the open.

Edward took some clothes to his bathroom, and the rest of the family filed out of his room, leaving me alone to eat. While my stomach still felt uneasy, I found myself devouring the sandwich. I must have been hungrier than I thought. The soda didn't last long either.

What a crazy day today had turned out to be. My head was still spinning with from all the danger, excitement, trepidation and anticipation. I knew none of the Cullens would ever hurt me, so whatever they were would not change how I felt about them. However, I couldn't help but feel anxious over the big reveal. I still couldn't wrap my brain around the idea that tiny Esme had been thrown into a tree and walked away unfazed. It seemed the only injuries she did endure were bites from the red-headed creature that had been intent on getting to me. Like a fierce mother bear, Esme defended me with her life. I was not sure if she would ever know how much that meant to me.

~~**~~

"Bella, you should tell them your theory first." Alice began the conversation once we were all assembled around the dining room table. She and Edward exchanged a look. He shook his head slightly and bowed his head remembering our discussion that morning.

I blushed a fierce red and shook my head. "Too embarrassing."

"It would mean a lot to everyone to hear how you perceive them before we tell you the truth." She whispered from her seat to my left.

_How does she do that?_ I narrowed my eyes at her. "Fine." I huffed. The sooner we got this over with, the sooner I'd find out what I wanted to know. I ducked my head, making sure my hair covered my face. "I kind of thought...you guys sort of reminded me of...oh heck...guardian angels." I mumbled it out, hoping they might not have heard me. I expected laughter, but all I heard was silence.

After a few moments, I was brave enough to look up. Edward stared at Dr. Cullen in disbelief. Esme looked like she wanted to cry. Emmett had an amused smile on his face, while Rosalie stared at me wide-eyed. Alice was grinning and Jasper was frowning while he stared at his hands in his lap. Was I right? Why weren't they laughing at my ridiculous assumption?

"Um...so are you? Guardian angels then?" I broke the silence.

Edward answered me, chuckling nervously. "No we're not. More like the bad guys."

I shook my head vehemently. "You mean like demons? There's no way."

Only Dr. Cullen kept his head up, everyone else in the room looked down sheepishly.

"You're demons?" I hedged.

"Most people think so." Edward mumbled, not looking up.

I reached out and laid my hand on his leg under the table. "It doesn't matter."

His head snapped up and he looked at me incredulously. "What do you mean it doesn't matter?"

"It doesn't matter _what_ you are. It won't change how I feel about you." I tried to reassure him, but he shook his head. He was so sure that the truth would send me running. After what I witnessed in the woods, I don't think there was anything he could tell me that would scare me off.

I looked back to Dr. Cullen expectantly. "So...?

He steepled his fingers under his chin and fixed his amber eyes on me. His calm, steady voice filled the room as he began to tell me his story.

"Our story starts with me. I was born in London, in the sixteen-forties." My gasp was audible and he nodded. "My mother died giving birth to me, and my father was an Anglican pastor. He believed strongly in persecuting evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves, and vampires." His eyebrows arched meaningfully. Mythical creatures? None of the three he named fit what I had seen. The pieces of the puzzle were dancing around in my mind, but I couldn't fit them all together yet.

"I was his only son, and as he grew older, he expected me to take his place and lead the raids. They killed a lot of innocent people in those days, while the real creatures they sought were much more difficult to catch. He was quite disappointed in me, when I refused to see demons where there were none. However, I did discover a real coven of vampires."

"Wha.." I sputtered. They were the creatures of nightmares. Truly, he didn't expect me to believe they were real?

He held to fingers to his lips. "Let me finish, dear girl. These vampires stayed hidden in the sewers, only coming out at night to hunt. I organized a mob and we gathered with pitchforks and torches. We waited where I had seen them exit into the streets." He chuckled darkly. "Eventually one emerged. When he caught the scent of the mob, he ran off through the streets and we pursued him. He suddenly stopped and turned, attacking me. The rest of the mob were close behind and the monster turned from me to defend himself. He killed two others and took off with a third one, but left me bleeding in the streets."

I kept very still and very quiet, unsure as to how I should react. Unsure as to what this might mean.

"I knew my father would destroy me – anything infected by these monsters would be burned. So, in order to preserve my own life, I crawled away and stayed buried in a bin of rotting potatoes for three days. Somehow, I managed to stay quiet through the most agonizing pain I've ever felt. When it was over, I knew what I had become."

He stopped there, gaging my reaction. I remained stoic, though I was sure my heartbeat would give me away as it hammered against my ribs. Then, inexplicably, I began to feel more at ease, a calm warmth spreading through me, though my mind was still racing.

"Impossible." I murmured.

"Why do you say that?" Edward stared at me, his face a calm mask.

I shook my head. How could they be vampires? It just didn't add up. "How can you be out during the day?" I blurted out one of the many questions churning through my head.

"Myth." Emmett replied, and his booming laugh made me jump. I don't recall ever hearing him speak before.

"Sunlight doesn't bother you?"

"Well, we're different in the sunlight, which is why we stay indoors on sunny days. But it doesn't hurt us. We don't burst into flames or anything." Edward explained, like it was perfectly reasonable.

"Stakes, garlic, holy water?"

Dr. Cullen shook his head, smirking. "Myths."

"No fangs?"

Edward flashed a toothy smile at me. "Nope."

"Then how can you be vampires?" I almost whined. The two images not lining up in my mind at all.

"Many myths were either made up or perpetrated by our kind in order to keep our true nature secret. The humans believed we were not vampires if we proved we could go out during the day, or endure holy water and garlic." Edward shrugged.

I just stared at him.

"Aren't you concerned with our diet?" Rosalie asked snidely.

"Blood?" I whispered.

She smirked and nodded. Rosalie was intimidating to begin with, but when she wanted to, she could be quite menacing as well. I swallowed loudly and found myself unable to look away from her. She broke away first, her eyes flashing in anger at Dr. Cullen when he cleared his throat.

"There's no reason to try to scare her Rosalie." He chided.

The amazon blond stood, clearly upset. "She should be scared Carlisle. It's not right for her to be here. She shouldn't know." With that, she huffed out of the room and Emmett wasn't far behind her, though he shot me an apologetic smile first.

"Please forgive Rosalie, Bella. She is very protective of her family." Dr. Cullen tried to explain her behavior. I nodded absently. "It is true though, we need blood to survive."

Edward dropped his head, as if he was ashamed. Instinctively, I reached for his hand under the table to comfort him. "I don't _want_ to be a monster, Bella."

"You're not." I assured him, but he shook his head disbelievingly.

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat and I looked back up at the man who was actually a three hundred and sixty year old vampire. It was impossible to reconcile. "None of us want to be monsters. When I knew what I had become, I tried to destroy myself. It is not easily done. I was so repulsed that I refused to feed. I thought I would surely die from starvation. I grew hungry and weak, but it did not destroy me. I stayed far away from any human settlements, avoiding the temptation as my willpower weakened. Once night, a herd of deer passed by and I was so wild with thirst that before I knew what I was doing, I had decimated the herd. But as I grew strong again from the blood of the deer, I realized that there was another way. Just as I had eaten venison in my human life, I could survive off the blood of animals as a vampire."

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and gasped for another. My body trembled with relief. The remaining vampires at the table smiled wryly.

"That doesn't mean the temptation isn't still there." Edward warned me quietly. "We are mostly able to control our more primal instincts, but you are never truly safe in our presence."

"I don't believe that." I whispered back. "I've only ever felt truly safe when I'm with you."

"Well, now you know. You're not." He clipped.

"I'm not afraid of you." I shot back, defiantly.

Anger rippled across Edward's perfect features. "Are you just going to completely ignore what happened this afternoon?" He growled at me.

"So they were vampires too?"

"Yes."

"They wanted to drink _my_ blood?"

"Yes" He ground out.

"And your family stopped them. You protected me."

Edward nodded.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did your family protect me?"

"We are not like the others of our kind. We respect and revere human life. We care for you, Bella."

"Ah, and there it is. How am I not safe with you then?"

Edward stood up suddenly, huffing in exasperation and left the room.

I looked to Dr. Cullen expectantly.

"I believe Edward's point is that it is possible for any one of us to lose control unexpectedly. Like if you were to cut your finger in our presence, it may awaken the blood lust and one of us might..." He trailed off, waving his hand.

"Make me a meal?" I quipped tersely. He nodded.

"But you work in a hospital." I countered.

"I've had over three hundred years to practice my control. I'm practically immune to the scent of human blood now." Dr. Cullen shrugged.

"I've never tasted human blood." Alice chirped. "Neither has Esme or Rosalie, or Carlisle of course."

"Oh. Then Edward has?"

She nodded gravely. "That's his story to tell."

"I'm still not afraid of him." I murmured.

"I know. He won't hurt you. I don't think he could." She replied confidently.

"_How_ do you always seem to know everything?" I asked. I'd always been curious about that.

"Oh, I can see the future." She grinned widely at me and shrugged.

"What?" I exclaimed. "You say that like it's no big deal!"

"Well it's something you just get used to after eighty years." I choked and she laid a cold hand on my back. "I was born in nineteen-oh-one and was turned in the nineteen-twenties."

"Wow." That was all I could manage. How old were the rest of them? 's centuries just seemed unfathomable. Alice being born over a hundred years ago was almost impossible to comprehend, nevermind the concept that she could see the future. How did that work? Did she see me coming back? Is that why she let me leave? She must have seen me leaving too...then as if she knew what I was thinking, she spoke again.

"I don't always see everything." She explained further. "My visions are subjective – based on the decisions others make. They can always change if someone changes their mind."

"Can all of you see the future?"

"No, just Alice. Some vampires have special abilities." Dr. Cullen answered.

"Do the rest of you have any special abilities?"

He nodded. "Edward can read minds. Jasper can sense and manipulate the emotional environment."

My mind went blank and my face flushed immediately upon hearing that Edward could read minds.

His familiar voice spoke from behind me. "Yours is the only mind I can't hear, Bella."

_Relief. _"Is there something wrong with me?" I asked quietly.

Edward let out a harsh laugh. "I hear voices in my mind, and you're worried you're the freak?"

I shrugged. "There must be something wrong with me I'm the only on you can't hear."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Bella." He murmured, resting a hand on my shoulder.

Dr. Cullen pushed himself away from the table. "I believe that is enough for today, Bella. It's been a long day for you, and you should get some rest. There will plenty of time later for any other questions you may have."

"Thank you all...for protecting me, and for trusting me with the truth. It means more than you'll ever know." I told them sincerely.

"You're a part of the family now, Bella. We'll always be there for you." Esme assured me.

After exchanging a few more words and a couple of hugs, Edward and I were left alone in the living room.

"Did you want to stay here tonight or would you prefer your apartment?" He asked.

"If I go home, will you stay with me?"

He regarded me with one of his most serious expressions. "Until we are sure Victoria is no longer a threat, one of us will always be with you."

I felt the blood drain from my face at the realization that one of them was still out there and still wanted me, or my blood. A nod was all I could manage as I shakily headed for the door with Edward. There were probably thousands of questions running through my mind, but right now I wanted a comfortable bed to lie down in, and the soothing presence of my vampire to keep me safe. How anyone could see this amazing creature as a monster was beyond me. Regardless of what I learned tonight, Edward would always be my angel.


	17. Chapter 17

I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel any trepidation in returning to my apartment with Edward. It wasn't that I was afraid of what he was, but I just wasn't sure what this would mean for us. His self-loathing was evident. He _hated_ what he was, and I wondered how he came to be. Would he be willing to share that part of him with me?

Once I was ready for bed, I returned to the living room where he was waiting.

"Did you still want to lay with me?" I asked quietly. He looked up at me incredulously. "I mean, I assume you don't sleep in coffins, so is the bed okay?" I stammered out, my face heated in embarrassment. Now that I knew what he was, I wasn't sure what, if anything, would change. I hoped I wouldn't offend him with any of my naive questions.

His brow furrowed and he looked down at his hands. "I don't sleep."

My jaw dropped, sure he must be kidding. "Ever?"

He shook his head ruefully. "Never."

"Oh." I tried to imagine never sleeping again, and I couldn't imagine. Then another thought hit me. "So. Um. What do you do all night while I sleep? I can't imagine how boring that must be for you." I could feel my cheeks blooming again.

"Actually, you're very interesting to watch. I usually listen to music or read...I also think..._a lot_."

"So all those nights..." I didn't think it was possible for my face to get any redder. Those nights he'd held me, he never slept, just sat there and watched me.

He nodded and gave me lopsided grin. "You talk in your sleep."

I covered my face with my hands. "Please tell me I didn't say anything too embarrassing?"

"Not at all, Bella. I find it endearing."

"Really?" I whispered, peeking out from between my fingers. He nodded.

"You don't think she's going to come back tonight do you?" I asked, changing the topic. I hugged myself a little tighter at the memory of the wild woman from the woods. Seeing her and Esme fighting was terrifying. I knew if she ever got her hands on me, I'd not last more than a few minutes before I was dead. I briefly wondered how it would happen. Would she throw me into a wall or tree? Would she just rip me apart? Would she drink my blood? I could feel the blood drain from my face.

Edward was suddenly standing before me, he hands extended as if he wanted to comfort me, but was unsure of my reaction. I stepped closer to him instead, and pressed myself into his arms, inhaling his comforting scent. His arms wrapped around me, one hand delving into my hair while the other pressed against my lower back as he held me closely. "I don't know, but I won't let her hurt you. Alice hasn't seen anything yet. She'll probably move on and forget all about you."

"She said it wasn't over yet." I pointed out, trembling. I didn't want her to come back for me, but I was even more afraid she might hurt someone else. I'd never be able to forgive myself if anything happened to the Cullens on my account. Esme was already injured because of me.

"Shh, Bella. We'll protect you. How about we get you to bed?" I nodded shakily. After a dizzying moment, I found myself in the bed and Edward was tucking the covers around me.

"You really should give a girl some warning before you do things like that, Edward." I admonished him.

"Did I hurt you?" He asked, suddenly concerned.

"No, it's just...disorienting."

"Oh, ok. I'll try to remember that next time. Now that you know, it's nice to be able to be myself around you."

I smiled and patted the bed next to me, but he looked hesitant.

"You don't want to?"

"You want me to? Knowing what I am? What I'm capable of?"

"Of course I want you to. I'm not afraid of you, Edward. I don't trust you any less." I explained for what must have the twentieth time that day.

He opened his mouth, probably to warn me against him again, but I cut him off. "Just get over here." The mattress sank slightly with the weight of his body as he laid down beside me, on top of the covers, as usual. It occurred to me that I should probably have been worried about being struck down by the hand of God for having a boy laying in my bed. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

"What?" He asked. The corners of his mouth curling up into that ridiculously dazzling grin.

I shook my head. "I was just thinking about how some people might consider this improper – the two of us lying in bed together. I halfway expect a bolt of lightening to strike me down, if not by God, then by my father. Then add to that fact that you're a vampire...and well if I'm going to hell, I might as well do so thoroughly." I laughed lightly and he looked at me like I was crazy. "We both know it's innocent." I shrugged.

"How can you not be concerned about having a vampire in your bed?" He asked me.

"Are you going to kill me?"

His mouth flew open in shock. "Of course not!"

"Then what do I have to be worried about? Besides, if that other vampire comes back for me, I'd much rather have you right by my side than in the living room."

I turned on my side, trying to get comfortable, but I found I wasn't tired.

"Edward, how old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"How long have you been seventeen?"

He seemed to hesitate, and I turned to my other side so I could face him. He blew out a breath. "Aren't you tired?"

"Not yet. Will you tell me _your_ story?"

He turned to his side and propped his head on his hand. "Are you sure you want to hear it?" I nodded. "It's not pretty." He warned me.

"Edward, of course I want to know. The good and the bad. You don't have to hide anything from me."

He nodded, turning to lay on his back, his hands folded behind his head while he stared at the ceiling. "I was born in 1901, in Chicago." He looked sideways at me, judging my reaction. I nodded and motioned for him to continue. I expected that he had been around for some time, but compared to Carlisle's three hundred and sixty years, a mere century was still within the realm of understanding. After all, it was well within the era of recorded history and a period that was still studied in school.

Edward told me what he could remember of his parents, Edward Sr. and Elizabeth Masen. He explained that after the change, and through time, human memories fade. The nights we had spent talking were hard for him because he was struggling to remember things he hadn't thought about since he was turned. Carlisle changed him in 1918, after both his parents had died from the Spanish Influenza. He was dying, and his mother begged Dr. Cullen to save her son with her last breath. Carlisle had been lonely for so long, that he gave in and made Edward his first companion. They'd been together ever since.

"But, if you've always been with Dr. Cullen..." I started. "Alice told me that you didn't always drink from animals."

He groaned and cursed Alice. "I'm not sure you want to hear that part of the story."

"I'm quite sure that I _do_." I replied indignantly and he eyed me warily. "I'm not going to run away screaming, Edward." He pursed his lips giving me a dubious look.

"I went through a rebellious period. I was arrogant and ignorant. I thought I knew better than Carlisle and so I went off on my own to hunt humans." He paused, watching me closely once again. "That doesn't repulse you?"

"No. It seems reasonable." He let out a harsh laugh. "What made you go back to animals then?"

"You see, with my gift, I could seek out the most vile humans, so I knew I was only destroying someone who was a menace to society – rapists and murderers. I thought that if I preyed only on the evil, then I would be able to avoid the guilt that comes with having a conscience. Still, the human lives I took began to have their toll on me, and after a couple of years I returned to Carlisle and Esme, who welcomed me with open arms of course."

I mulled over the information he had just given me and I couldn't find it within myself to be concerned that he had once taken human lives. Considering what he was, it really did seem reasonable that he at least tested out the lifestyle his kind usually lived. He was at least noble about it and didn't just kill with wild abandon.

"What are you thinking?" He murmured apprehensively.

"I'm thinking that you are most definitely not a monster. In those days, I'm sure criminals got away with a lot more than they do now, and you have to admit an awful lot of heinous crimes still go unpunished. They didn't have any of the technology we have now to prove their guilt. Your actions were actually quite noble and I imagine you saved many more lives than you took. One serial killer may have had many victims, and once you removed them from the picture, all the lives he might have taken in the future were saved."

He'd stood up from the bed and was glaring at me. "Bella, I am a murderer." He ground out between clenched teeth.

"I don't see it that way, Edward. Someone had to stop those men from committing those atrocious crimes. Don't you see? They were the monsters. You were the hero."

Edward stalked around the room, obviously angered by my nonchalance over what he considers an unforgivable past. "Make no mistake, I am no hero." He growls.

"Why are you so upset, Edward? You think I don't understand that you have killed people? You think I don't understand that you can be dangerous?"

He stops pacing and stares hard out the window. "I just don't understand how you can still sit here in the same room with me and want me in your bed after what I've done."

"Does the soldier's wife welcome him back into her bed when he returns from war?" I asked softly as he gasped sharply.

A sad smile plays on his lips. "Before Carlisle changed me, I wanted nothing more than to go off to war. Of course my mother was against the idea, but it was all I could think of. I could not wait until my eighteenth birthday."

"If you had remained human and found a girl to love, would she not have welcomed you home with open arms? The whole town would have welcomed you home as a hero for killing others in the name of war. Tell me, would those you might have killed in that war been vile criminals?"

He shook his head slightly. "No, they would most likely have been innocent boys, like myself, fighting for a government they believed in."

"Then do you see how I could overlook your crimes? I care for you Edward, and I don't believe you are a monster. You may have killed, but you have saved many more."

The bed sank with his weight as he finally sat beside me. "Could you really care for someone like me, Bella?"

"Someone like you? Someone who is kind and compassionate? Someone who puts others' safety before his own? Someone who abstains from that which he is created to consume? You may have spent two years hunting down murderers and rapists, but you've spent more than eighty years denying your nature and living a morally acceptable alternative. Of the thousands of vampires, how many choose the high road?"

"We know of twelve. But, Bella, it's not easy. We consider ourselves vegetarians. It would be like humans living on the diet your father forced on you. While the blood of animals sustains us, it never fully satisfies - not like human blood."

"Then do you not see how much more noble that is? To commit yourself to a diet that is unsatisfying because the alternative is morally reprehensible to you? I couldn't even do that for one decade, and you've done it for eight."

I could see this was not an argument that would be won in one night. Edward has obviously loathed himself since he was created, or at least since his time hunting humans. "Let me ask you this, Edward. Should we all dwell on our mistakes and live our lives thinking poorly of ourselves? Or is it better to forgive ourselves for our transgressions and strive to do better?"

His brow furrowed as he contemplated his answer, but I pressed my fingers to his lips.

"Don't answer. Just think about it, and understand that it is possible for someone to view your actions as noble instead of wretched."

I felt the slightest pressure of his lips as he pursed them against my fingers in the gentlest of kisses. He brought one of his hands to cup my cheek and I instinctively leaned into it. "I don't deserve you." He murmured.

"You do. You deserve anything good that comes your way. If you believe I'm part of that good, then you deserve me too."

"You are good, Bella. The purest soul I've ever known. You don't know how much it means to me that you accept me as I am." I was momentarily lost as his amber eyes smoldered with some influx of emotion. One look from him could take my breath away, literally. A crooked grin broke out on his perfect face as he caressed my cheek. "Breathe, Bella." He reminded me and I sucked in a breath and blushed crimson.

"You were doing it again." I whispered, looking down at our joined hands.

"Doing what?"

"Dazzling me."

"I dazzle you?" He slipped a finger under my chin and coaxed me to look at him again.

"Frequently." I breathed, trying to retain my senses in the presence of his breathtaking grin.

He chuckled. "You dazzle me too, you know." I looked away and shook my head. There was no way that a plain, clumsy human could ever dazzle someone as beautiful and perfect as Edward Cullen. He placed his cold hands on either side of my face pulling me towards him as he inhaled deeply. When our faces were inches apart, he stopped. "Frequently." He said sincerely, before closing the distance and pressing his lips against my forehead. Electricity burned through me at the intimate gesture and I missed him as soon as soon as he withdrew. "Sleep now, my Bella." He insisted, patting my pillow.

Once we were settled, he began to hum. It was a beautiful melody that I'd not heard before. "What is that you're humming?" I asked him as sleep slurred my question.

"Just something I've been working on." He murmured. I smiled in response and drifted off to sleep.

As much as Edward's presence comforted me, the nightmares were now relentless. I woke every couple of hours drenched in sweat and trembling. Fiery red hair and crimson rivulets of blood haunted my dreams. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see her watching me – waiting for her chance to steal my life away. Edward fervently whispered promises that she would never get to me. He vowed to always protect me, and the next morning, he didn't hesitate to call Dr. Cullen, begging him to do something to help me sleep.

~~**~~

"Are you sure you're ready?" Edward asked me before we got out of his car.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I replied.

"Just remember we're here for you." Alice laid her hand on my shoulder from the backseat where she sat with Jasper.

Rosalie had offered to work on my truck, but Edward wanted to buy me a new car, citing the truck was a rusted out death trap. We were at an impasse at the moment and so he would be driving me to school until we figured everything out.

The students in the parking lot were already staring. News always circulated quickly through small towns like Forks. The school hadn't changed at all in the time I'd been away. I doubt very much ever changes there. The town was stagnant, so any interesting speck of news was latched onto and spun into wild tales. Gossip was the main source of entertainment in a place like this, and once again, Bella Swan would be the center of it.

I gave Edward what I hoped was a reassuring smile and he quickly exited the car and dashed around it to open my door for me. He took my backpack from me and hefted it to his own shoulder, as I climbed out of the Volvo. The three of them formed a kind of protective entourage around me as we walked up to the school. Without vampire hearing, I couldn't tell if anything was being said, but if I had to rely on Edward's body language, I'd say he certainly didn't like what he was hearing. As we walked, the three of them leveled glares at anyone they deemed a threat and I was stifling a laugh by the time we got to my first class.

Because nothing ever changes, and new students are few and far between, I had the same schedule of classes from before I left. Mr. Mason welcomed me back and I quickly took my seat next to Alice, ever thankful that she had changed her schedule previously. Angela's face lit up when she walked through the door and saw me there. She hurried over and threw her arms around me.

"Bella! I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you." She wasn't usually this exuberant, but I was glad to see there were no hard feelings considering I basically ran out on her family.

"Hey Angela. I missed you too. We should probably talk, if you want to come over one day this week?"

She gave me a genuine smile. "I'd love to. Just let me know when."

Mike had also entered the class and he hovered behind Angela as if he wanted to speak to me, but wasn't sure if he should.

"Hey Mike." I gave him a small wave, and returned it with a smile, before he took his seat.

There wasn't much new about the class. Another novel I'd already read. Another boring lecture. The bright point of the class was when I saw Edward waiting for me in the hall. I couldn't help the smile that took over my face, and he quickly stepped up to take my backpack. I saw him smirk at someone over my shoulder and turned my head slightly to see Mike watching us with a frown.

"He thought he might have another chance with you, even though he's been dating Jessica Stanley since you left." Edward explained as he walked me to my next class. I just shook my head. I'd never understand the fascination the boys of Forks had with me.

As we approached my next class, Lauren and Jessica were standing outside the room and Edward's whole body stiffened. He must have heard something he didn't like.

"What?" I whispered.

"You don't want to know. Watch out for those two." He nodded in their direction. "And try not to listen to anything they say. They're insanely jealous of you." I couldn't help but blush.

"Why on earth would they be jealous of _me_?"

He stopped and turned, backing me up against the wall. He placed one hand above my head and leaned in, making sure he had my full attention. "Silly Bella, you don't see yourself very clearly. Most of the boys here are dying for their chance with you, and the girls are envious. Teenagers can be cruel though, so please don't let anything they say get to you." His eyes had captured me once again and I barely nodded. He gave me a lopsided grin when he noticed I was having a hard time breathing. "Breathe, Bella." He murmured and then brushed his fingers ever so gently across my cheekbone. My cheeks bloomed bright red. Satisfied with my reaction, as well as Jessica and Lauren's, he pushed away from the wall with a smug smile and handed me my bag. "I'll see you after class." The scowl on Lauren's face was priceless.

The rest of the day passed similarly. Edward walked with me between classes, and he took any opportunity he had to send a message to those who wanted to torment me. I sat with the Cullens at lunch, though Angela seemed a little sad about the arrangement. I knew there was no way I could sit at the same table as Lauren. I was not a masochist. Sitting next to Edward in Biology again was the highlight of my day, and though we didn't touch, the current that hummed between us was enough. Everything seemed brighter, easier when he was there. I still dreaded gym, especially because I'd have to share the locker room with Jessica and Lauren, but Alice would be there, and that made me feel better. I knew she wouldn't let them pull anything over on me.

It was a long day, but it was nothing compared to what my days used to be like. As much as I hated to take charity or be a burden, I was glad I came back. Even if I was now twisted up in the world of vampires, I hadn't felt this at home since I was a small child.

Alice and Jasper caught a ride home with Emmett and Rosalie, so Edward could drive me home. He explained how they would be taking shifts watching out for me, making sure I was safe. Edward and Alice volunteered to take on the majority of the shifts as they actually enjoyed my company. I wasn't sure where I stood with the other members of the family, but I guess I would be finding out over the next couple of days...or weeks. Hopefully, this would be over soon. The idea of being such an inconvenience for the family did not sit well with me. As much as I hoped I'd never see that red hair again, I wanted her to come sooner, rather than later. The unknown nature of the situation was unsettling. Whose to say she wouldn't come back until ten years down the line, after the Cullens have already moved on? Who would protect me then?

The idea of the Cullens moving on brought tears to my eyes. They didn't age, and couldn't stay here in Forks any longer than a couple more years. Where would that leave me?

A cold tingling on my cheek, brought me back to reality. Edward had parked in front of my apartment building, and I had no clue how long we'd been sitting there. He had gently wiped a tear from my cheek, and I thought I saw him bring his finger quickly to his lips.

"Bella?" He called to me. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and tried to calm myself down. One day he would be gone from my life – they all would be. Once again I would be alone. I stumbled out of the car and up the stairs before he could stop me. Well, he could have stopped me if he really wanted to, but I think he sensed that I needed some space. I made my way to the bathroom and quickly turned on the shower. A hot shower would give me the solitude I needed and maybe he wouldn't be able to hear my crying over the sound of the water. I knew vampire hearing was acute, but I didn't know to what extent.

The idea of being abandoned when they moved on was heartbreaking. It's not like I could go with them. It hurt to think that just as I'd found the closest thing I'd ever had to a family, they'd soon be ripped away from me. I'm sure I could still visit, but it wouldn't be the same. It was clear that I was just going to have to get used to being on my own. I'd never know the true joys of having a family, unless I started one of my own some day. I'm not sure I'd have anything left to give by then. Just thinking about losing the Cullens drained me. Once the water began to cool, I scrubbed my face and turned off the shower. I ran across the hall quickly in nothing other than my robe, and threw on some comfortable clothes.

Edward was sitting at the table, going over his homework for the day, and he looked up when I entered the kitchen. I grabbed a soda out of the fridge and when I turned around he was standing behind me leaning on the counter. He took the soda from me and set it on the counter, before grasping my arms and pulling me closer to him.

"Tell me what's wrong, Bella." He pleaded.

"I was just thinking about the future."

"What's so awful about the future that it had you sobbing?" His thumbs were rubbing soothing circles on my arms.

"Well, your family is eventually going to move on, and then I'm going to be alone again...and what if _she_ doesn't come back until you're already gone." I bit my lip to keep it from quivering.

"I promise you, Bella, that I will not leave you unprotected as long as Victoria still walks this earth." He sighed, one hand lovingly caressing my cheek before intertwining his long fingers through my hair. He gazed at me adoringly. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." My breath hitched at the intense emotion in his voice. Edward truly cared for me, as I did for him. The revelation caused my pulse to quicken and a strange warmth to bloom through my entire being.

I let his words soak in. Declarations of love had never been a part of my life. I didn't know what to say or how to respond. I'd never had anyone profess their feelings for me in that way. Though I knew I loved him, I didn't know how to tell him. I couldn't remember the last time I'd said those words to anyone.

I ducked my head, and he withdrew. Not wanting him to be hurt by my lack of response, I frantically cast about for something to say to assure him of my feelings.

"You are everything I've been missing in my life. You make me whole." I blurted out.

He shoved his hand through his unruly hair, thinking for a moment. He began to nod. "Yes, that is it exactly. I was incomplete before you. Now I feel whole. Like a piece of me was missing and now it's found. You've brought me to life."

I looked up at him and we wore matching grins. He began to laugh and I couldn't help but join in. It was beautiful. This glorious god-like creature was always so stoic and restrained. To see his head thrown back in a moment of unguarded joy was the greatest gift. His musical laugh was now my favorite sound.

Once the laughter had died down, he grasped my hand and pulled me towards the table. "Let's get our homework done and then maybe I'll show you how to work that Wii that Emmett snuck in here."

Despite all our differences, and all the things that should have kept us from finding each other, we were truly two halves of a whole. We belonged together.


	18. Chapter 18

The thought of losing Edward – losing the Cullens was enough to keep me up at night. Why would they want to risk their lives for a mere human like me? It didn't make sense. The thought that one of them could be hurt, or even destroyed, trying to protect me, haunted my conscience. Esme had already fought with Victoria and been injured. Sure she healed quickly, but what if something worse happened? I couldn't bear it.

I didn't have anyone else to turn to though, and frankly, the idea of leaving and never seeing Edward again hurt too much. I couldn't envision a future without him in it. I'd probably come to rely on him and Alice too much, but for once it was nice to have friends and be able to trust other people. I still had secrets to keep, but I was finally free.

Victoria's face haunted my dreams. Her fiery red hair flashed through my dreams, always in the background, always watching, waiting. I'd find myself lost in the woods after Edward walked away from me, only to see her stalking him, stalking me. She was dangerous and I was scared. Vampires were fast and quiet and strong, and I would never see her coming. When she did come, I hoped it was only me in her path.

Having Edward by my side no longer helped keep the nightmares at bay. Too much had happened since Santa Cruz, and I supposed I had reached some kind of breaking point. My mind seemed fractured, and I felt detached from what was going on around me. Paranoia had taken over, and every bump in the night and rustle of the wind had me on edge. Every time I closed my eyes, she was there. If it wasn't her, it was my father's dead eyes or flames closing in around me. Dr. Cullen had wanted me to start seeing a therapist, but that seemed useless now that the biggest issue I had was a blood thirsty vampire set on revenge. I'm not sure how I could explain that one.

It was a struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I didn't miss the concern etched on Edward's face. There's no telling what he might have overheard as I talked in my sleep. It would be nice not to have to sleep and never feel tired. Nightmares had plagued me for a long time, and the idea of never having to see those images again was definitely something I could go for.

I ignored Edward's disapproving stare as I barely ate any of the breakfast he made for me.

"When did you learn to cook?" I asked him when he surprised me with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I have a lot of time on my hands."

I was touched by the thought that he had learned to cook just for me. "Thank you."

"Is it good?"

I nodded. "I'm just not very hungry."

"It all tastes like dirt to me, so if something doesn't taste right, you have to let me know."

"I will." I promised him. "So what would happened if you ate human food?"

"It just sits in our stomachs and we have to...um...bring it up later. We can't digest it."

I grimaced. "Sounds uncomfortable."

"It is, but sometimes we have to keep up appearances."

I nodded and cleared my plate, scraping the uneaten food into the trash. He frowned and I apologized.

The ride to school was quiet with both Alice and Jasper shooting me worried looks. I knew I looked exhausted, and I really hadn't felt like putting in the effort this morning. We headed to first period, with my arms wrapped around Edward's waist, and his around my shoulder. I didn't want to let go of him. He was my shield. When we got to our classroom I inhaled deeply, letting his scent calm me before I went to take my seat. Alice joined me after a few minutes, taking her usual desk beside me.

I was so far behind, that I really worried if I'd ever completely catch up. I knew my teachers were being nice and letting most assignments slide as long as I took a few extra tests to prove I knew the materials. English class wouldn't be a problem as I'd already read everything for that class at least once before. I'd never struggled a day in my life with English. I was, however, concerned about Trigonometry and Government, but I knew Alice and Edward would do whatever they could to help me make it through.

Lunch came quickly and the four of us escaped to a secluded picnic table outside. Rosalie refused to have anything to do with me, and Edward had explained she felt I was an intruder. She'd had her family as it was for fifty years, and now I was threatening that dynamic. Not to mention the fact that I was human, knew their secrets, and Edward couldn't read my thoughts to know if I had any ulterior motives. Apparently, it had taken her quite a while to warm up to Alice and Jasper when they joined the family. Emmett had nothing against me, but Rosalie was his...wife. It was still hard to think about them in those terms. They were all playing the part of high school students, but in reality they were all born before 1920. These two high school couples had actually been married for decades. It was a lot to consider. They had all experienced so much in their lifetimes.

"Bella, I thought we might go see a movie after school in Port Angeles." Alice gave me one of her sweetest smiles.

"I have homework to do, Alice." I mumbled, pushing my salad around in the bowl. "Maybe this weekend?" My eyes kept flickering back to the forest, expecting to see a flash of red hair in the trees just waiting for me.

Alice blew out a breath. "You'll have time after the movie to work on it. Might as well give in Bella, I already saw you saying yes. You've never been to one before, and it's time you started experiencing all the fun things in life."

I shook my head at my friend's antics. No one could deny Alice once she'd set her mind to something. I don't think she's ever understood the meaning of the word 'no.'

I let out a sigh and nodded. "Sure, Alice, whatever you want, but first you have to tell me your story."

Of course Alice already knew what my stipulation would be and gave me a toothy grin. "I don't really have a story. I just woke up one day, like this." She gestured to herself. "I don't remember anything about my human life."

"Wow." I breathed.

"If I didn't have my visions, I don't know what I would have done. Jasper's face was the first thing I saw, so I set out to find him. When I did, I told him about Carlisle and his way of life and we set off together to find him." A look passed between the three of them, and Alice continued carefully. "Actually, I just became aware of some new information that may help me figure out at least part of my past. One of the nomads knew me...from my human days. Edward saw me in his thoughts." She laughed dryly. "Seems me and you have something in common, Bella."

Edward shot her a warning glare. "Alice..."

"Edward, she's my best friend and she's going to be my sister. There's no reason to keep any of this from her." She turned to me. "Apparently one of the males hunted me as a human, but someone turned me before he could get to me. I was in an asylum."

"Oh," was all I had to offer.

"It gives me another clue." She shrugged. I couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for her to know nothing of who she was. Waking up as a vampire must be hard enough, but to be alone and no memory of anything prior to that moment...the very idea of it was frightening.

I turned to Edward. "How did you pick that out of his head? It all happened so fast. Shouldn't you have been concentrating on fighting and not getting hurt?"

Jasper snickered at my concern. "You don't have to worry about us getting hurt, Bella."

"He was thinking about Alice when he was following us. Our minds are very...complicated. We can concentrate on several things at once and process things much faster than humans." He spoke quietly.

"So how do you become...one of you?" I whispered.

"I don't think we should talk about that...here." Edward said through gritted teeth.

"Don't you mean _ever_, dear brother." Alice sneered.

"Alice!"

"She's going to find out eventually."

"Then it can wait."

"If it was up to you, you'd never tell her."

"She doesn't need to know. It's not going to happen."

Alice narrowed her eyes at Edward and he growled sharply at her.

"Can we not talk about me like I'm not here?" I interrupted. They both glared at each other, but snapped their jaws shut.

Unnatural calm settled over the table and Jasper leaned forward. "You'll have to forgive my brother, Bella. He only wishes to protect you from the less delicate details of our nature. And my dear wife here believes you should be fully informed."

"Well maybe I should be allowed to make my own choices?"

"I agree. It's those two you have to convince."

Alice and Edward were gaping at us and I raised an eyebrow at Edward. "I'm either in this or not, Edward. I don't like secrets and information being kept from me. I'm not a child and it's not up to you to decide what I can and cannot handle. If you can't be completely open with me, then we have no business even trying...whatever _this_ is between us." I gestured between the two of us.

Jasper tucked Alice into his side and they turned their attention to each other, giving us a false sense of privacy.

Edward's jaw clenched, and I reached out to gently caress his cheek. He closed his eyes, his tawny lashes resting on his marble cheek, and pressed his head into my hand. After taking a deep breath, he turned to me, his eyes burning with a new intensity. "We'll talk tonight." He promised.

Then he wrapped my arm around me and pulled me into his side, where I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes. I could have easily fallen asleep right then. Unfortunately, lunch was almost over. Jasper took care of our trays, and I was glad that Edward and I had Biology next, so that I didn't have to completely unwrap myself from his arms. We were watching a film in Biology, which required no active participation, so I was able to think more about Edward, and what the future might mean for us.

Our short discussion at the table at lunch brought up so many questions. Exactly what was going on between us? Edward would never age, and I would. While that might give us a few years together, eventually it would become an issue. I was human, Edward was not. Who knows how many limitations that would mean. Every day, I was falling deeper into whatever this was with him. From the first time I saw him, I felt the inexplicable attraction between us. But if nothing could come of it....

The bell rang and I groaned with the realization that I would have to leave Edward's side and go to gym class. I was tired and thankful that my head injury excused me from whatever torture Coach Clapp had thought up to further prove my proclivity for clumsiness. Edward shouldered my backpack as it was a part of the new routine, and he walked me to class. I kept my distance, though I ached for his touch. When we reached the girl's locker room door, I took my bag from him and turned to go, but his hand shot out and grasped my wrist.

"Bella..." He began, ducking his head in an attempt to make eye contact. When I met his gaze, I saw the conflict and pain there, and I knew this was as hard for him as it was for me, if not more so. I couldn't help but reach up and cup his cheek with my hand. He closed his eyes and pressed his head into my hand, his brow furrowed with emotion. We didn't need words.

"We'll talk tonight." I whispered, before my teeth found my bottom lip again. His hand grasped my chin and he brushed the pad of his thumb across my lips, willing me to stop chewing on them. His eyes lingered on my mouth and I desperately wished he would kiss me, but I knew now wasn't the time for such advances.

"Tonight." He promised, trailing his fingers across my cheek and tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

I was finally pulled out of my Edward-induced haze when Alice bounced up to us. She and Edward had yet another silent conversation, and I quickly turned to enter the locker room. I was already dressed and at my locker when she caught up to me.

"I'm giving my brother a chance to tell you himself. After you two talk tonight, if he's still being difficult, I'll tell you everything you want to know. It's not fair to you for him to pick and choose what he wants you to know."

"Thanks Alice." I gave her a warm smile, and she hugged me quickly.

"I meant it, you know. You are my best friend, and one day you'll be my sister." She tapped her head meaningfully.

Gym wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. Alice managed to dazzle Coach Clapp into letting her walk around the track with me, citing that she wanted to be close in case I had any dizzy spells. Of course, I was healed as far as I was concerned. The stitches would be coming out this week, and I'd had no side effects from the injury, but Dr. Cullen erred on the side of caution and had written a note to excuse me from regular activity for an entire month.

I scanned the treeline warily as we began to walk.

Alice, of course, noticed my apprehension. "You're worried about Victoria."

"Of course I am."

"She's not going to get close enough to even touch you, Bella."

"I know." I replied, though the uncertainty could be heard in my shaky voice.

"Then why are you so frightened?"

"I saw Esme. What if she hurts one of you again? You shouldn't be risking yourselves for me." I shook my head, the panic beginning to bubble up inside me.

Alice quickened her pace and then stopped in front of me so quickly that I almost stumbled right into her. "Bella, stop. You're worrying about the wrong thing here. Our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you."

"But why would you..."

She interrupted me by reaching out and laying her cold hands on my bare arms. "Edward has been alone for almost a century, and now he's found you. You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us wants to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"

A whistle sounded and Alice pulled me along, resuming our walk. I was speechless for the moment. To think that his entire family knew how much I meant to him made me realize how much he really cared. It was one thing for us to share small touches and loving words, but for his family to risk their lives to ensure my safety and his happiness... I gasped at the emotion that threatened to overwhelm me and Alice arched one delicate eyebrow in my direction. There was more love shared among this family of vampires than I'd ever known in my human life.

I wanted that. For eternity.

Alice stopped walking suddenly, and before I could figure out what was wrong, she turned to me with a huge, knowing smile.

"What?" I asked her.

"You're going to be my sister." She linked her arm with mind and we started walked again.

"I thought you already knew that?"

"Well...I did, but it suddenly became clearer." She explained. Though I was still confused, I let it go.

"Why did you let me leave?" This was a rare chance to ask her all the questions that had been milling around in my head since I found out about her visions.

She shrugged. "I saw that you would come back."

"If you saw that I would come back, then why not just make me stay in the first place?"

"It's not my place to manipulate events in order to things to go the way _I_ want them to. You needed to go and figure some things out on your own."

"Did you see everything about me while I was away?"

"No, not everything. I knew your truck would break down..."

"Which is why you wrote the note. Holy crow! They were..." I looked up at Alice and she confirmed it.

"Yes, Peter and Charlotte are good friends of Jasper's. They don't adhere to our diet, but they aren't savages either." She looked at me sideways, gauging my reaction.

I inhaled deeply and nodded. "They were very nice."

"If I thought for one second they would have hurt you, I wouldn't have let you leave the house." She insisted.

"No, it's fine. It's just a lot to take in, you know?"

Alice agreed. "I'm sorry I didn't see the explosion until it was too late. Edward was beside himself with worry. My visions are by no means infallible. I might see something, but it's too late to do anything, or if someone changes their mind, everything else can change too. When Edward realized that I couldn't guarantee your safety one hundred percent, he was determined to have you back where he could protect you." She smiled sheepishly. "We all wanted you to come home anyway."

"Why? I mean, Rosalie _hates_ me. I can't imagine you all _wanted_ a human hanging around."

"He was miserable while you were gone, Bella. It affected us all. Carlisle and Esme see you as one of their own. I already consider you my sister, as do Jasper and Emmett. He _loves_ you..."

I gasped, my head whipped to the side to see her lips pursed in a smug smile. She nodded slowly, holding my gaze with her golden eyes.

We walked in silence for a little while, as I absorbed her revelation. _He loves me?_ This perfect immortal, who could have any woman or vampire in the world that he wanted...and he loves _me_? I could never measure up. Alice, Esme and Rosalie were blindingly gorgeous. Charlotte had been too. Why would he want someone as plain as me, when he could have perfection? I trusted Alice enough to know she wouldn't lie to me. She had been by my side from day one, always pushing me and Edward together. I wondered how long she had known. I wondered what she had seen.

"So...what have you...did you ever see..." Before I could spit out the question I wanted to ask, the whistle sounded again and it class was over.

Alice flashed me a toothy grin and jogged off towards the locker rooms. It took me quite a bit longer to get back, because if I had jogged, I would have fallen and twisted an ankle or something. She was waiting for me when I got back and once I had showered and redressed, we headed out to meet Edward and Jasper for our afternoon excursion. If I was honest, the idea of seeing a movie in the theater was exciting. I was tired and had so much schoolwork to do, but I needed this distraction. Alice was right.

~~**~~

I couldn't hide my excitement as we walked up to the ticket booth at the movie theater. Edward had me tucked under his arm and I snaked one arm around his waist. I read the titles on the marquee, but had no idea what any of them were about.

"What should we see?" I asked Edward quietly.

"Whatever you would like. The movie theater here doesn't have much of a selection. We'll go to Seattle one night and I'll take you to one of the big ones there."

_Like a date?_ My heart raced at the unspoken possibility.

"I don't even know what these movies are about." I murmured, embarrassed.

He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel his icy breath on my neck. "Well you can choose from a sci-fi action movie, or a romantic comedy. Unless you want to see something more suited for children?"

"The romantic comedy?" I asked, turning towards Jasper and Alice to get their input.

"Sounds great!" Alice chirped, before striding up to the window to purchase our tickets. I was almost surprised she waited for me to make a choice, knowing that she already saw what I would pick.

The smell of popcorn assaulted me as we stepped through the doors and I paused for a moment in order to take in everything.

"Why don't you girls go find a seat and we'll get the refreshments." Edward suggested.

I was going to protest that I could get my own popcorn, but Alice was pulling me towards the theater doors before I could say anything.

Ten minutes later Edward and Jasper walked into the theater with their arms full of snacks. I looked at them incredulously. "You know there's no way I can eat all that."

"I didn't know what you liked, and we do have keep up appearances after all." Edward shrugged.

All that food must have cost a fortune. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw they wanted four dollars for a small soda. I decided to be polite and thanked him, before accepting one of the sodas and some popcorn.

"This was a good idea." I admitted, knowing my cheeks were red. I kept my head straight ahead so I would have to see Alice's _"I told you so"_ expression.

It wasn't long before the lights dimmed and the big screen flickered to life. All three vampires peered at me as my heart sped up with excitement, causing me to blush. Edward chuckled, wrapping his arm around me as if we were a real couple. The previews were exciting to me, and I saw a couple of films I'd like to see when they come out. Finally the movie started and I relaxed into Edward's side. Every so often his honeyed laugh would ring out and it was a glorious sound. It was easy to forget we were vampire and human for a moment, and having this wonderful boy by my side made watching the movie much more enjoyable. There was only one other couple in the entire place, so it was almost like we were having our own private showing. The movie was cute, nothing too serious – the perfect distraction. By the time it was over, we were both so comfortable and cozy that neither one of us wanted to move. Jasper volunteered to drive so Edward and I could sit together in the back. We weren't even halfway home before I gave in and fell asleep. I was just so comfortable, curled up next to him.

"Bella..." I heard his voice calling to me through the fog. "Wake up. We're home." His icy hands on my face helped pull me from my slumber. I jumped, momentarily confused as to where I was. Then I remembered – Port Angeles...the movie...the car ride home. "Come on, or else I'll carry you up." He threatened.

I grunted in annoyance and stumbled out of the car. After rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I noticed Carlisle standing next to his Mercedes. "Oh...hi...Dr. Cullen." I yawned as the words left my mouth. No one had told me he'd be stopping by and I wondered why he was here.

"Hi Bella. How many times do I have to tell you, it's Carlisle." He smiled warmly.

"Let's go upstairs, love." Edward pressed his hand against the small of my back and my whole body warmed at his touch.

Once we were settled inside, Alice escaped to my closet with the intention of matching up another week's worth of outfits and making sure I had everything I needed, knowing I would never ask for anything. Apparently, Alice rarely let anyone in their household wear the same outfit more than once. I had put up a huge fight on the issue because it was just a waste of time and money. She explained that they always donated their used clothes to shelters and other such places that could put them to good use, and that softened the blow a bit. I still didn't condone the way she spent money on clothes, particularly those in my closet. I was fine with generic mix and match pieces from the local box store, but somehow I knew none of the clothes in my room were anything but designer labels.

I took a seat on the couch and Carlisle sat in the chair next to it. "Edward needs to hunt tonight. He's going to go with Alice and Jasper, and I'm going to stay with you."

I looked up at Edward, who was hovering behind Carlisle. He cleared his throat. "Carlisle, Bella and I actually needed to talk about something tonight."

"I'm sure it can wait. This is about Bella's safety. Victoria isn't the only threat..."

"Carlisle!" Edward growled. "I would never..."

I quickly stood up, closing the distance between us and peered into his eyes. They were much darker than usual, and I wondered how I had missed that today. "Are you...thirsty...Edward?" I asked. He swallowed thickly and flicked his eyes away from me. "Edward?"

He nodded ever so slightly, his face awash with shame.

"Hey." I called to him softly, and he reluctantly looked at me. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. You need to take care of yourself too." I pressed my palm to his cheek and he tipped his nose towards my wrist, inhaling deeply.

He gave me a crooked grin and nodded again, more decisively this time. "It gets easier all the time." He murmured. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He promised.

"I'll be fine." I assured him. "We'll talk tomorrow." A frown flashed across his face briefly and then his expression was impassive.

"Tomorrow." He promised. Then he pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed the top of my head. "Sleep well."

"I'll try." I gave him a weak smile. We both knew that was unlikely, especially without him there. A throat cleared and we emerged from our private bubble. Alice's face was split by the widest grin I'd ever seen and even Jasper was smiling knowingly. My cheeks flushed, knowing he could feel whatever emotions that were passing between Edward and I. Carlisle kept his gaze averted respectfully, though I was sure he had been the one to break us up.

Edward turned to leave, and Alice gave me a quick squeeze as she followed him out. Jasper paused by my side and leaned in closer than he's ever been before. He spoke quietly for my benefit. "There's no reason to be embarrassed, Bella. You can't possibly understand how happy we are to see you two together. You've brought him to life and filled him with joy. Thank you."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Alice peeked back in the door and called for Jasper to hurry up. He squeezed my shoulder gently before exiting the apartment, leaving Carlisle and me alone.

I turned to Carlisle, who was standing in the living room smiling. "Do you need anything?" I asked. Of course I couldn't offer him anything to eat or drink, unless he was rethinking his stance after almost three hundred and sixty years, but I had to be polite.

He chuckled. "I'm fine, Bella. Why don't you come and sit down for a moment. I know you have things to do, but I'd like a moment to talk with you first."

"Sure." I agreed and sat back down on the couch. Carlisle returned to the chair he was occupying before. He leaned back, crossing his legs and clasping his hands over his abdomen.

"How is school going?" He asked conversationally.

I shrugged. "Fine, I guess. I missed a lot, but the teachers are being very accommodating. I don't have to worry about all the assignments that I missed. They're going to test me, and as long as I know the information, then they'll consider me caught up."

He nodded. "Good. I'm sure you'll have no problems, and you know we're always here if you need any extra help. As many times as they have been through high school, Edward and Alice should be able to answer any of your questions."

I felt my eyes grow wide. "How many times?" I asked.

"I think this the sixth time for Edward. Did you know he holds two medical degrees as well?" I shook my head, painfully aware that my mouth was hanging open. I'd never considered that aspect of their lives. Of course, with all the time in the world, they would have to find something to occupy themselves, and Being a teenager for eternity came with a lot more limitations that I had considered.

"And you?" I could spend weeks listening to Carlisle talk about his life. It was all so fascinating to me to think of what he's experienced over almost four centuries.

"It was easier in the past to set up somewhere new. These days I have to be more thorough. Every so often, I do go back to medical school to keep everything up to date. We usually can stay five years in one place before people start to question my age, or lack thereof."

I hugged a throw pillow to me, hoping he would continue, but he leaned forward, set on changing the subject.

"I was going to see if you could come by the hospital tomorrow, but since I'm here, I figured we could just take care of everything now?"

"Um, sure, I guess." I shrugged. It would be nice not to have to set foot in that place. The smell alone made me dizzy.

Carlisle went to fetch a bag that was sitting just inside the front door. I hadn't noticed it before. It was a black leather satchel, exactly what you would expect a doctor's bag to look like. He set it on the kitchen table and motioned for me to join him. I took a seat in one of the chairs and watched as he laid out supplies on the table.

He began to work with quick efficiency, plucking the stitches from my forehead. His hands were cold and steady, his concentration never wavering.

"Do you regret what you are?" I blurted out and he paused, leaning back a bit and looking me in the eye.

"No, I do not. Of course I have wondered what might have been if I had remained human. I would have taken a wife and had children, most likely. I would have liked that. Grandchildren would have been a blessing." He returned to his work. "But I can't regret this life. It brought me Edward and Esme, Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper...you. I've spent my time learning all I can and devoted myself to saving lives."

"I still can't believe you work at a hospital." I murmured.

He chuckled lightly. "Years and years of practice."

"Why though? So many years of struggle and self-denial to get where you are today. Why did you do it?"

He pursed his lips together and I felt another tug as he pulled the last stitch out.

"I enjoy my work. Sometimes, my enhanced abilities enable me to save someone's life who would have otherwise died. It's nice to know that because I exist, some people's lives are better."

Carlisle cleaned the area with some kind of solution and then disposed of the trash. "You'll have a small scar." He gave me a sad smile and I waved him off.

"I've got plenty, what's one more?" He frowned at my attempt at humor and began unwrapping more supplies.

"I'm going to just go ahead and take your blood here. The scent won't linger long once I've left with it."

I swallowed nervously and nodded. "So why do you do it?" I asked, enjoying our conversation. Carlisle was so open and compassionate that I couldn't help but feel completely at ease in his presence.

"I thought I already answered that." He regarded me carefully.

"No...I mean, why resist at all?"

His eyes widened in understanding and he sat back for a moment. "I didn't ask for this life, but it wasn't something I could change. So, I had to decide what to do with what I was given." He smiled then. "Much like you, my father was a clergy man, and I didn't agree with his particular brand of faith. But, never, in the nearly four hundred years I've walked this Earth, have I seen anything to make me doubt that God exists in some form or another. Not even the reflection in the mirror."

I played with the hem of my shirt, not realizing that my questions would turn the conversation to one of religion. It was the last thing I expected to talk about with a vampire of all creatures. His words resonated with me. After all he had seen, after all these years...he still believed in God...and in a mere fifteen years, I had dismissed any possibility of the idea that He could really exist.

Carlisle interrupted my train of thought. "I have to believe that there is still a point to this life. We exist for a reason. I have to hope...maybe foolishly...that we'll get some measure of credit for trying."

"I don't think that's foolish." I mumbled, thrown once again into my own existential crisis. Surely, any deity would be impressed with Carlisle, with any of them who have lived so long in self-denial to do what was right – to go against their very nature and revere human life. Any God who would damn someone like Carlisle, was not one I could believe in.

Then I realized the difference between Carlisle and Edward.

Carlisle still viewed himself as another of God's creatures, subject to judgment by a higher power.

Edward already considered himself damned, a demon with no chance of salvation.

"You're the very first one to agree with me." He continued, turning back to his supplies and tying the tourniquet around my bicep.

"The rest of them don't feel the same?" I asked, surprised.

"Edward is with me up to a point." He swabbed the inside of my elbow with cold alcohol and located a vein. "God and heaven exist...and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind. You see, he thinks we've lost our souls."

I gasped at that bit of information and Carlisle took advantage of the moment to slide the needle under my skin. I scowled at him and his eyes twinkled. He knew how to distract me from what I hated.

"That's impossible." I protested.

He spoke slowly. "I look at my..._son_. His strength, the goodness, the brightness that shines out of him – and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more than ever. How could there _not_ be more for one such as Edward?"

I nodded in fervent agreement.

"You and I have a lot in common." Carlisle continued after he pulled the syringe from my arm and wiped the bit of blood away. He applied a band-aid and pressed my hand to my arm telling me silently to keep pressure on it for a bit. "You'll have to be patient with him. The future won't be easy for you two and you're both going to have to make some difficult decisions." He looked at me carefully, trying to convey how important our conversation tonight had been. "Have faith, Bella, and share that with him."

He patted my shoulder before he cleaned up again and then took the trash out, not wanting any trace of my blood lingering in the apartment.

When he came back in, he gave me a stern look. "You are still underweight. You haven't been eating much lately, have you?"

My face flamed red and shook my head. "I haven't been hungry."

His lips pursed in disapproval. "Bella, you have to make sure you eat, even if you don't feel like it."

"I know." I whispered.

"You also aren't sleeping, and Edward tells me the nightmares are worse. Now, I can understand _why_ you are experiencing these things, and it's to be expected. Honestly, I'd be worried if you _weren't_ affected by the events that occurred this past weekend."

"Just knowing she's out there...that she hurt Esme...that she could hurt one of you again..." I shook my head, trying to dispel the tears that were trying to escape. I didn't want to cry in front of Carlisle.

"You _really_ don't need to worry about us getting hurt, sweet girl." His voice was calm and full of tenderness. This was the father I'd never had, but desperately needed. "I'm not sure what we can say to convince you of that fact. I don't think you can be convinced. You're going to worry about us no matter what. It's just your nature." He mused almost more to himself than to me.

"You're right." I smiled wryly through my tears. "I've already lost so much. I just couldn't bear it if something happened to one of you because of me..."

I didn't see him move, but I felt his cold marble arms embracing me. "Shh. Nothing is going to happen to us. I promise." He handed me a kitchen cloth to dry my face with and gave me a warm smile. "Now, fix yourself something to eat first, and then I'm guessing you have plenty of schoolwork to keep you occupied?"

I nodded and cleaned up my face, sniffling away the last of my tears. Peeking in the refrigerator, I decided on a quick sandwich for dinner. As I was putting it together, Carlisle leaned over the counter.

"I can prescribe you something to help you sleep, if you'd like." He offered. "There are also things that might help with the anxiety...you know...just until you feel safer."

Carlisle approached the matter carefully, quite aware that I had been raised to not trust doctors. It's not that I agreed with my father on the issue, I just didn't like the idea of needing pharmaceuticals to help me function. I should be able to overcome these things on my own. I should be able to sleep through the night peacefully. "Thank you, Carlisle. I'll keep that in mind, but I'm sure I'll be fine. It will just take some time for my brain to work everything out." I gave him a reassuring smile and bit into my sandwich.

He nodded, having received the answer he expected and then disappeared into the living room. I finished my sandwich and gulped down a glass of milk, before heading to my room to work on schoolwork. I decided I should save the Trig for when Edward was here. I'm sure Carlisle could have helped me if I needed it, but I felt weird asking him for some reason. I still had two papers to write in English on novels they read while I was away, so I figured that would be the easiest place to start. I picked up my copy of _Wuthering Heights_ and made myself comfortable on the bed with my notebook beside me. The book was a favorite, and I'd read it at least three times already. I knew I'd write about social class and how that affected the characters, but I needed to find quotes and passages to support my argument.

_Heathcliff and Catherine were in the midst of a heated exchange when Victoria flew into the room, ripping them to shreds and painting the room in blood. She turned to find me cowering behind a chair and as her ruby red eyes locked on mine, a blur of copper and alabaster intercepted her. I watched the boy I loved fight this wild haired demon and cried out in horror as I realized she had the upper hand. Her arms encircled him like a cage and her teeth were at his neck._

"_No!" I screamed, running out from behind the chair. I threw myself at them. "It's me you want! Don't hurt him!"_

_Victoria snapped her teeth shut in a ferocious grin and then she ripped through Edward's granite flesh, right before my eyes. _

"_No! No! No!"_

_I screamed and tried to go to him_, but two marble arms were locked around me. I knew she had come for me. My time was up and Edward was gone. There was no one left to protect me. I continued to scream and fight her...

"Bella! Please! You have to calm down. You're going to hurt yourself." The voice was male. _Not Victoria._

"Let me go!" I yelled.

His arms loosened and I jumped up from the bed, stumbling backwards as my legs were shaking. Carlisle flashed to my side and caught me before I could fall into the window behind me.

"Carlisle..." I gasped out between breaths.

"It's me. You're safe. Please, sit down. Take deep breaths." He coached me, still holding onto me as I sat on the edge of the bed. He began to rub my back and slowly I regained my composure, though my heart was still racing.

"Thank you." I whispered. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Are you ok? Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine." I brushed him off, just wanting to crawl back under the covers and hide.

"You most certainly are not fine. Was your nightmare about Victoria?"

"Yes."

His jaw clenched and he looked determined. "She will not be haunting you for much longer, Bella. I promise you that." I nodded, wanting to believe him. Of course I wanted her to come back, the sooner the better, but I was terrified of what might happen when she did.

Carlisle made sure I was comfortable and then returned to the living room. I tossed and turned for two hours before light spilled in from the hall and his form filled the doorway. I sat up and he rushed to my side.

"Bella." He breathed, wrapping his arms around me.

"Edward." I sighed, inhaling deeply. I could already feel my eyes growing heavy, his presence calmed me immediately. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. Sleep now, Bella." He crooned, laying us down on the bed. He began to hum as his fingers lightly caressed my hair. I was finally able to drift back to sleep, cradled in his protective arms. I knew he would keep me safe, but who would protect him?


	19. Chapter 19

"Bella, please, just try them tonight?" Edward pleaded with me, a little brown pill bottle clenched in his fist.

"I've already told you, Carlisle, and Alice, no."

"You're barely able to sleep at night, and Mr. Jefferson caught you napping in class today!"

"I will be fine." I ground out through gritted teeth.

He glared at me and ran those long fingers through his hair before storming off into the bathroom. I heard him growl before the unmistakable sound of the sleeping pills scattering on the tile.

Not a half an hour later he found me on the couch, his mood subdued. "I'm sorry." He whispered, before pulling me into his side.

"It's ok." I forgave him.

"I'm just trying to look out for you. We all are worried."

"I know, Edward, and I appreciate it. I do not want to take any pills, even if Carlisle says they are safe. Why don't you just get Jasper to try his voodoo on me if you're so worried?"

"He's tried. It doesn't work."

"Oh. Were you going to tell me about this?" I asked, a little upset that he'd tried to manipulate me without my permission.

Edward shrugged and held me closer, trying to head off any outburst that may be coming. "Since it didn't work, I didn't see the point in bringing it up. I would have told you if it did work, so you could decide for yourself if you wanted the help."

"Ok...just...ask first next time." I gave him my most disapproving look and he looked properly chagrined.

"Bella, why don't you want to at least try them?" He asked hesitantly.

I growled, tired of the topic already. His body shook with a chuckle. "I just don't, Edward. I should be able to deal with these things on my own and I don't like the idea of relying on drugs to make me sleep. I don't want to get addicted or have any of the other side effects. I've never tried a cigarette, or drugs, or alcohol, and I don't want to start now. Other than some Tylenol, the strongest thing I've ever had is when I broke my arm when I was twelve."

"Alright, Bella. I won't ask again. If you change your mind..."

"Yeah, yeah." I waved him off dismissively. "I know where to find you." I couldn't hide my smirk and neither could he. Edward could be quite exasperating at times, but it was difficult to stay upset with him for long. Most often it turned into playful banter and all hostility between us dissolved.

I finished reading the chapters I needed to for my Government class. Mr. Jefferson was going to give me a test tomorrow on some of the sections I'd missed, so I wanted to be ready.

Once I laid my book on the table, I turned to Edward, eager to have this discussion we'd been dancing around since yesterday. He knew it was coming and settled himself against the opposite arm of the couch, one eyebrow cocked, ready for my questions.

I just wasn't sure where to start. I wanted to know what all of this meant for _us, _but I was hesitant to bring _us_ up in any context, afraid it was nothing more than a fragile pipe dream that would dissipate like smoke as soon as the words were spoken aloud. Everything I had touched in my life seemed to go sour. What right did I have to hope that there was even a future for _us._ He was a beautiful immortal, capable of having any woman he desired, human or vampire. I was a rather plain human girl of average intelligence with no special powers or gifts. What interest could I possibly hold for someone who had walked the earth for nearly a century and seen all that those years had encompassed? Ordinary and extraordinary did not often mix well. But I needed to know. I couldn't continue on without knowing the limits of his affection for me. He was the first boy I'd ever been interested in and he seemed to entirely consume me. I assumed that meant it couldn't be healthy, but could it possibly be love? Love at first sight even? From the first time I saw him, there was an inexplicable connection there, and the current that ran between us was undeniable.

"Bella." He urged gently, sensing my inner turmoil. Edward _knew_ me without having to read my mind. "Tell me what you're thinking."

With a deep breath and a sigh, I decided the words would have to be said. "What is this between us?"

His eyebrows shot up nearly to his hairline at my directness, but he quickly recovered, furrowing his brow and turning the question on me. "What do you want it to be?" He asked carefully, causing me to huff at the circles we sometimes danced around each other.

"I know there are never guarantees in life, but I just need to know what direction we're headed here." I looked down to where my hands were twisting the edge of my shirt. I needed to know, but was scared of the answer. "Am I merely a distraction? Will you move on as soon as your time here is up and never look back?" I whispered as my heart lodged in my throat.

His icy touch on my heated cheeks made me look up to see his perfect face only inches from me. "Silly, Bella." He breathed. "On the contrary, there is nothing, _nothing_, that could ever distract me from _you_. I'm not going anywhere. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here. There has never been anyone for me before you, and there never will be again." His eyes were full of conviction as he spoke and I started to believe he might actually mean it.

"What about..." I gestured between us.

He cocked his head to the side, trying to discern my meaning. "What?"

"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships, but it just seems logical...a man and woman have to be _equal_..."

Edward sat back, uncertain realization dawning on him. "You mean...will I..." He gestured at himself and swallowed thickly. Neither one of us seemed to be able to speak the words. His hair waved about as he shook his head vehemently. "I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you."

I suddenly felt ice cold as I fit the pieces of his answer together. "Oh." The rejection washed over me and I tried to rub some feeling back into my fingers. He didn't want me enough for forever. I was indeed quite silly to even think that could be a possibility.

"You don't know what you're asking." He continued.

I nodded numbly. "Then there's really no future for us, is there?" My voice broke as I tried not to break down in tears.

He stood up, hands shoving through his wild locks roughly. "Of course there is! I _will_ stay with you – isn't that enough?"

"And when I'm thirty?"

He dropped back onto the couch. "I'll still be there."

I snorted. "I highly doubt that, Edward. You'll forever be seventeen and I grow older every day. Eventually I'll be too old for you." I pictured me with graying hair and wrinkles while the perfect, unchanging Adonis that was Edward stood by my side, helping me cross the street.

"What about what you, Bella? Your life is just beginning. I can't take your future away from you."

"What would I be missing, Edward? Life is fleeting, transient. I have nothing, but your family. I'll be sick, injured...I could die in a car accident next year..."

"That's what's supposed to happen. You are supposed to grow old and experience life...have children...grandchildren." He argued. "I shouldn't exist."

"But you do." I insisted. "Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?"

"No, I don't wish that." He paused, before continuing. "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up."

"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."

"I feel the same way." He confessed.

"Then why would you not want to guarantee that I would always be by your side?"

His face twisted in pain. "Bella..." He groaned.

"Please. Would you want me for forever if you could have me?"

"What I want is irrelevant. I won't end your life. I won't damn your soul." He seemed angry now, warring with himself.

"I know you believe you have no soul, but you truly don't see yourself clearly, Edward. I look at you, and then I look at someone like my father or my mother, and it's impossible to believe that you don't have a soul. There is too much good in you."

He clenched his fists against his thighs.

"I don't believe you are damned, Edward. You are here for a reason. God would never damn someone for a choice they didn't make." I argued.

His eyes flew open and the molten amber danced with unnamed emotion. He was quiet for a while and I allowed myself to hope that I'd somehow manage to convince him to believe. "I chose to murder those men."

"For a noble cause."

Edward shook his head. "Thou shalt not kill." He pointed out.

"The Bible was written by man."

He cracked a smile. "Are you seriously trying to persuade me to believe that my immortal soul still has a chance to enter Heaven, and you don't even believe in God yourself?"

I shrugged. "No, I don't believe the Bible is the word of God, but I can still believe there is something..._more_...out there. The same morals and ideals have been present throughout history. The Old Testament only dates back to the twelfth century B.C. It can't possibly be the only one to get it right. What about Hammurabi's Code? It's easily five, six centuries older than the Old Testament. Three centuries before that you have the Code of Ur-Nammu. Every civilization had some form of moral code. The Bible is just another form."

"Murder has always been murder."

"There's murder, and then there is justice. You did not kill just to murder. You stopped other murderers and rapists from continuing with their crimes. It's no different than a judge, jury, or executioner. Are they all damned as well?"

"But I had no right." He argued, still staring at me. I believed he wanted me to convince him. Had no one ever argued these points with him? Surely in the decades he'd spent with Carlisle they'd discussed these topics repeatedly.

"What right do any of the others have? At least you had the ability to know without a doubt how guilty your criminals were. Judges and juries have no insight into their thoughts and can be easily deceived or bribed. Did you ever think for one moment, that perhaps you were given your gift for a reason? That your immortal life and abilities may have a purpose? Imagine if you were a judge and perfectly capable of passing a sentence without a single doubt of the defendant's innocence or guilt."

His eyes grew wider as he mulled over my argument. "I have no right to judge others though."

"Someone has to. Would you rather it be a greedy man who was paid off to let a rapist go free? Or should we have no judges at all? Judges are often elected by man, and man is quite fallible, easily persuaded. So we allow men to pass judgment on other men, based on an unoriginal code of morals written, once again, by man."

I could see the maelstrom of emotion as he allowed himself to consider that he might not be the monster he'd always believed himself to be. I could almost hear him asking himself if it was possible that he did still possess a soul and have a purpose.

Then he laughed. I wasn't sure if it was because he thought I was absurd, or because he was finally climbing out of that dark hole of self-loathing he'd been hiding in.

"You are impossible to argue with, Isabella. I've never met anyone like you. How can you be real?" He looked at me with incredulously. "You never say what I expect you to. I would give anything to be able to hear your thoughts as your mind is simply fascinating to me."

I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or insulted.

As if he sensed the direction of my thoughts, he spoke again. "I've been around a long time. I've learned from and debated with all sorts of educated or enlightened men and women. Never have I met someone like you. Your arguments are so rational. Everything you say makes perfect sense, yet is hard to reconcile with my beliefs."

"And I understand that, Edward, I do. I don't want you to stop believing. Just because I may have lost my faith in my father's God, does _not_ mean you should. I suppose I can understand that you consider turning me into one of you as murder. You would be risking your soul to take something for selfish reasons. I can't ask you to abandon your beliefs."

He nodded, seemingly relieved that I understood his position.

"What about Carlisle?" I hedged.

Edward's shoulders slumped in defeat. "You won't give up, will you?" He huffed. "What about _your_ soul, Bella? I can't ask you to give that up for me."

"No, you can't. It's mine, and it's mine to do with as I please. Just as I respect your beliefs, I would hope you could respect mine. I don't believe that simply changing my physical anatomy damns my eternal soul. If Carlisle is willing to make me a part of your family, then your conscience should be free and clear."

"You would do that? Give up your humanity for me?" He looked so vulnerable that I couldn't help but close the distance between us. Placing my hands on his chest, I was acutely aware of the absent heartbeat. He took in a deep breath as he closed his eyes, perhaps as afraid to hear my answers as I had been to hear his.

"Look at me, Edward." I murmured. My heart stuttered when he opened his eyes again. "I love you." I watched as his golden eyes widened, then flickered over my features, searching to find the truth of my words. The words that had fallen from my lips much easier than I had anticipated. I hadn't planned to tell him, but then again, I hadn't planned to fall in love with him either.

He pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you." His voice was rough with emotion and his words filled me with a feeling I had missing for most of my life. To be loved is divine. Tears pricked at my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. The words he had spoken were the most beautiful words to ever fall upon my ears. To think that this beautiful man could love someone like me.

"Does that mean you'll agree?" I asked hopefully, earning me a groan and a smirk.

"Give me some time, Bella." He pleaded. _He didn't say no._

I nodded enthusiastically. "Just not too long, Edward. I don't want to be thirty." He let out a short bark of a laugh before his eyes zeroed in on my lips and his expression grew serious. We were so close, our breath ghosting over each others' flesh.

I moved slowly, not wanting to push our unspoken boundaries, but I needed to touch him. Throwing one leg over his, I straddled his lap, wanting to be as close as possible. He stiffened at first, but when I caressed his cheek as he had mine several times already, he closed his eyes and relaxed. I traced the smooth expanse of his forehead and the faint purple shadows under his eyes. His skin was soft as silk, but as firm as marble. The current was there, magnified by our contact and my body hummed in response to him. Feelings this intense just weren't normal. This wasn't a simple high school crush. Carefully, I moved to trace his flawless lips, and they parted under my touch. I could feel his cool breath on my fingertips and I wanted to lean in and capture his lips with my own. I wanted to know how they would feel against my own. I needed him to kiss me.

My attention had been focused so closely on his lips that I didn't realize he had opened his eyes and was watching me. His gaze startled me as it was full of hunger, the black filling his irises, leaving only a narrow ring of amber around the edge. I wasn't afraid of this kind of hunger. The way he was looking at me made the muscles in the pit of my stomach tighten in anticipation. My pulse raced, and I knew he could hear it.

"Edward?" I whispered.

He moved one hand to tentatively brush the hair away from my face, his other grasping my hip. "You have no idea how incredible that feels."

"Tell me."

"I don't think I can. I've told you about the hunger, the thirst, that sometimes consumes me. But this...this kind of hunger is completely foreign to me." His fingers touched my lips, causing me to shiver. "Are you cold?" He pulled back slightly, but I shook my head, anxious for him to touch me again. My breath was coming in short pants as I waited for him to do something, even if it was only to push me away.

"I want to try something." He murmured as he leaned in closer. Edward hesitated, either to prolong the moment or to test himself, to make sure this was safe.

Then his cold, marble lips pressed ever so gently against mine. The fire that ignited within me was instantaneous, and my hands fisted in his hair, clutching him to me. I gasped at the sensation as his lips brushed against mine for the second time and my lips parted. That was when I felt him turn to stone beneath me and his hands pressed firmly against my hips, willing me to stop. I pulled back slowly, unsure of the proper protocol for when you push your vampire boyfriend too far.

His expression was guarded and his nostrils flared with each harsh breath. "I'm sorry." I whispered and started to move away, but his hands remained on my hips, stilling my movements.

"Just wait a moment, please." He asked, his voice perfectly controlled though his jaw was clenched in restraint. When the anxiety in his expression faded, he allowed himself a small grin. "There." He said.

Now that he was relaxed, I settled back down onto his lap, and I felt it at the same time he groaned. There was an unmistakeable bulge in his pants, and I understood that his current situation had nothing to do with my blood tempting him. The thought made me giddy and a giggle escaped.

He looked away from me then, as if he were ashamed of his reaction. I panicked at the rejection, desperate for him to not pull away.

"Hey...It's nice to know I...that I can...elicit this kind of response." I hedged, trying to remain as still as possible.

Edward blew out a sharp breath. "You have no idea.

"That was my first kiss." I felt the heat bloom in my cheeks. "I'm glad it was you."

The grin that spread across his face was breathtaking. "Me too." He murmured. "What?" He asked when he saw my incredulous expression. "When I told you that there has never been anyone before you, I meant it."

My entire body was flooded with warmth at his admission. It was hard to believe I had been Edward Cullen's first kiss and it had been amazing. I couldn't wait to try it again. His icy fingers dipped under my chin and tilted my face back up. When he saw my smile, he returned it. He began to trace the curve of my cheek, letting his fingertips rest over the apples of my cheeks where my blush usually concentrated. This caused them just to redden further and he followed the bloom as it traveled down my neck and disappeared under the neckline of my shirt. His eyes lingered hungrily there and I watched him swallow thickly. I shifted slightly, and he jerked his head up, giving me a sheepish smile. If he had been human, I imagine his cheeks would have been tinged pink as well.

"Kiss me again?" I asked brazenly, simultaneously wondering where this side of me was coming from.

He gave me a lopsided grin before warning me to stay still. His hands slid up to my sides, moving slowly and gently up and down. His long fingers wrapped around my torso, making me feel small and delicate in his grasp. Tilting his head slightly to the side, he leaned in again and I had to will myself not to attack him. I wanted to devour him – to kiss and lick every last inch of him. These feelings he was awakening in me were new and all consuming.

Once again his lips were pressed against mine and they moved gently, hesitantly, exploring this new connection between us. I kept my hands fisted at my sides and it was torture. They twitched, desperate to find purchase in his silky hair. My lips formed to his unyielding ones and the sensation was indescribable. I snaked my tongue out to taste him and his arms immediately tightened around me as he growled. In an instant, I found myself laying back on the couch as he hovered over me, his hands tangling in my hair as his lips remained fused to my own. Sensing my need for air, he began kissing down my jaw hungrily, his tongue tasting my skin. When he made it to my neck, his mouth lingered over my pulse point in a final kiss before he groaned and buried his face in the juncture between my shoulder and neck. We were both gasping for breath, our chests heaving and pressing against each other with each inhale. My hands were on his shoulders now, and I gently began to rub his back, hoping to offer him some kind of comfort or reassurance. I could feel him relax under my ministrations and eventually we both calmed down.

He pulled back, looking deeply into my eyes. He felt it too, the all consuming need to devour each other, and it was not related to my blood, though there would always be some small part of him that thirsted for it. Edward held my face between his palms, his thumbs stroking my cheeks adoringly.

"I'm sorry." His words shocked me.

"For what?" I asked.

"For attacking you like that. It wasn't very gentlemanly. I'll try to control myself better in the future."

"Don't. It was amazing, Edward. Please, don't apologize. Any time you want to attack me like that..." I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face, but he didn't return it.

His expression turned serious. "I can't lose control with you, Bella. Not even for a second. You don't understand how fragile you are to me. If I squeeze too tightly, or if you get too close to my teeth..." He stopped suddenly, but I had already caught his slip. His expression confirmed that he had said more than he wanted to already, and of course I wasn't going to let him get away with it.

"What about your teeth, Edward?"

He sat up, resuming his place at the end of the couch. I straightened out my shirt as I sat up as well.

"You asked before about our fangs?" I nodded. "Well we don't need them. Our teeth are razor sharp and could slice through your flesh effortlessly. I believe the phrase is, _like a hot knife through butter._" He chuckled humorlessly.

"And..." There was more he wasn't telling me. His reaction was too much for something that simple.

"We don't have blood running through our systems. We have venom. Our teeth are coated in venom. It paralyzes our prey and makes it easier for us to feed."

"So, it would be dangerous for me to get too close to your teeth, because one little nick and I'd be paralyzed? Would it kill me or is there something you can do to counteract the venom?" I was beginning to understand how much Edward had to deal with just to be around me. It must be terribly difficult for him to have to exhibit such restraint.

Edward's mouth pressed into a firm line and I knew we were at the heart of the matter. He didn't want to tell me what would happen, and that gave me all the answers I needed.

"That's how the change happens, isn't it?" I asked quietly. "One bite, and your venom would spread through my body, turning me into one of you."

He nodded curtly.

"Ok." I sensed his need for me to change the subject. This evening had proven to be quite intense and I was sure we could both use a break from such serious subjects. As if on cue, my stomach rumbled with hunger and I realized I hadn't eaten anything since my salad at lunch.

"Hungry?" He asked with a smirk, and I hummed in response before making my way to the kitchen.

We kept the conversation light as I made a quick dinner while Edward watched. Then he cleaned up the dishes as I ate, ignoring my protests. He impressed me with his vampire speed and had everything done in a couple minutes.

When it was time for bed I wondered if I could coax another kiss from him. I sat on the edge of the bed, gnawing on my bottom lip, desperately needing to feel that connection again, but not wanting to push him too far. He entered the bedroom then after making his rounds and changing into some flannel pajama pants and a shirt that Alice had given him, citing it was uncomfortable to be in bed with jeans on.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he took in my nervousness.

"Can I have a goodnight kiss?" I asked, blushing furiously.

My favorite crooked grin appeared and he sauntered over to where I was sitting. He took my hands in his and gently pulled me to stand up. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me closer. When his lips touched mine, everything felt right in the world. I was deliriously happy, though a nagging voice in the back of my head reminded me nothing this good could last. It was Victoria's appearance in my dreams later that night that only solidified the reality we were facing. We may have discussed important issues for us tonight, but neither of us conceded. We were at an impasse. Only time would tell us how to resolve our differences. I wouldn't be giving up though. For once I had a grasp on happiness and I wasn't about to let it go.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I just like to play around with Stephenie's work.**

**_A/N: So sorry for the delay. The holidays, a wedding, and visitors caught up with me. I have too many words and four more stories swirling around in my head and it's been hard to focus. I do apologize for the delay and hope to get the rest of the chapters out quicker. As always, thank you for reading and reviewing. _**

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"So I guess you saw me coming?" I asked Alice. It was another dreary day in Forks, but there was no rain, so we were spending our lunch hour outside. I, of course, was the only one actually eating. Alice had once again _anticipated_ our needs and brought a blanket for us to sit on since the picnic tables were full. The weather was warmer now, and even without the sun shining, the students wanted to be outside.

Alice shook her head gently. "Not really." She began and looked sideways at Edward, no doubt engaging in some form of silent communication. "Things weren't very clear until I got to know you better. My family members are very clear to me because I've known them for so long, but our other friends are hazier. I knew our lives were about to change, especially Edward's, but I couldn't pinpoint what was going to trigger that change."

"Oh. Is that why it took two days for you to find me?" I asked quietly, not wanting to dredge up unpleasant memories.

She dropped her gaze to her lap and Jasper hugged her to him with one arm. "Maybe. I'm so sorry, Bella. If I had been able to see what was happening, we would have stopped it sooner. I knew something was going on, but whenever I tried to look, things were pretty fuzzy."

"You can't imagine how frustrating it was to find ourselves so blind when it came to you." Edward jumped in. "It's our duty to keep an eye on things for the family. I can tell if anyone is starting to become suspicious, and Alice can see if anything, or anyone, is going to expose us. It's not one hundred percent foolproof of course, she's not omniscient and I can't hear everyone's thoughts all the time, but it's served us well in the past." He paused and took my hand, tracing circles on my palm with his thumb. "However, when you arrived, we were thrown into a bit of a panic, not knowing whether we should err on the safe side and take action, or if we were overreacting. Alice decided to befriend you, and we're all very glad she took that initiative."

I hadn't ever considered that Edward's family would consider me a threat. I was a human, what could I have possibly done to cause them to worry? It's not like anyone would have believed me in the first place. I would have been placed in a padded cell if I tried to tell anyone that a family of vampires attended the local high school. "What would you have done if you decided I was a danger to your family?"

The three of them exchanged a look between them. Edward answered hesitantly. "We considered moving."

I let out a uncomfortable bark of a laugh. "I can't believe that _me_, a mere human, would have caused your family enough worry that you would have moved away. I mean you all have school and Carlisle has his work...it would have been easier just to just...oh..." Words failed me as realization sank in. It would have been easier for them to just kill me, and from the looks on their faces, it had probably come up in discussion. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Knowing that your life was possibly considered forfeit because of some strange brain chemistry that kept a psychic and mind reader out of my head was more than a little unsettling. I couldn't find it in me to believe that sweet Alice would have ever considered something like that, but some of the others I was less certain about, including the one sitting beside me and holding my hand with a desperate look on his face.

"Bella..." He began, hoping to do some form of damage control before I possibly freaked out in the middle of the school's lawn.

"No, it's okay. I get it." I cut him off, but didn't fail to notice the pained look he gave Alice.

"We have rules, Bella. We can't risk exposure." Jasper tried to explain.

"There are rules?" I asked, surprised.

"Just one really. We have to keep our existence a secret."

"But _I_ know. Are the vampire police going to swoop in and take me away?" My attempt at lightening the mood fell flat. They all looked very uncomfortable now and I was getting upset that there was obviously something to worry about. "Wait a second. Someone better tell me the truth right now! Other than Victoria, do I need to be worried about some vampire mafia coming after me because I know?"

Their lips buzzed furiously as they discussed whatever it was they felt they needed to discuss in a speed and volume incomprehensible to my mere human ears. Knowing that once again they were keeping something from me hurt. I was about to get up and head to class early, but Edward's hand shot out and grasped my wrist before I could get up.

He shot me a pleading look. "Please don't go. I want to tell you everything, but this just isn't the right place to have these discussions. Alice doesn't see any danger from the Volturi, but there is always the possibility that they might find out."

"Who are the Volturi?" My question was more of a hiss.

"They are like vampire royalty. They are the ones who make and enforce our rules. There are three leaders and then their guard."

Even though I was sure I knew the answer, I had to ask anyway. "And what would they do if they found out?"

He hesitated before dipping his head closer to me. "I don't know. They would consider you a liability, but our family would protect you. Carlisle spent time with them in Italy and has a amicable relationship with the leaders."

Swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I merely nodded. Sensing my anxiety, Edward pulled me into his comforting embrace and pressed his face into my hair. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

The warning bell interrupted and we quickly packed everything up before heading to class. All through Biology, I could feel Edward's eyes on me, and I knew he was worried about my reaction. There was just so much to process, that I felt quite overwhelmed. From the moment I arrived in Forks, my life had been irrevocably altered. Within a matter of months, I was embroiled in a world I once considered to be fantasy, and found a place with a family of mythological creatures who cared more for me than my own parents had. As happy as I was, I couldn't ignore the danger and secrets that seemed to threaten me at every turn. It seemed that every day brought something else to the table. This only solidified my resolve that in order to survive this new world I had stumbled into, I would have to join my adopted family in immortality. No matter how badly Edward preferred that I remain human, it simply wasn't an option. There were too many outside forces working against us. I wasn't ready to die, as I had only just begun to really live. Either I had to sever all ties to the Cullens and disappear, or I had to become one of them.

~~**~~

Alice sang along with the radio as she drove us towards the Cullen's house later that afternoon. It was her turn to keep watch over me while Edward went for a quick hunt. After watching me brood over our lunchtime discussion for most of the day, Alice became exasperated and called Carlisle to request a family meeting. Apparently she could _see_ that this discussion would eventually happen and the sooner it did, the better.

I needed to find out the facts that Edward wanted to so desperately protect me from. I hoped that Carlisle, or someone in the family, would be willing to be open with me without sugarcoating it. Of course Edward's concern for me was endearing, but it was also frustrating. I didn't like secrets.

It was nice to spend time with Alice away from Edward's prying ears and mind, so I decided to take advantage of it. I knew she would be honest with me. She actually seemed quite anxious for me to join her family, and I had half a mind to ask her to change me.

"Do you think he really wants me for eternity?" I asked anxiously.

"Of course, it's what he wants, but he feels selfish wanting it. Then there's that whole matter of your soul..." She trailed off.

"What do you think, Alice? Are you damned?"

"I have no memories of participating in any religion, of course, so my opinions and impressions were made as a vampire. While I can see why he feels we are abominations, I don't agree. I've spent enough time around humans to know that we aren't that much different when it comes to our conscience or emotions. Things are much more intense for us, as our senses are heightened, but I still understand right from wrong. Humans do some pretty disgusting things, and they can't blame it on being immortal demons. Every living thing has a dark side and it's up to each individual whether they embrace that side of them or not. Plenty of husbands fly into rages and beat or murder their wives and children. Many others are addicted to alcohol and drugs and do some pretty heinous things while under the influence. I don't see that as being much different than learning to control our blood lust. It may be unnatural to lust for or drink human blood, but what about lions, tigers, alligators and other beasts in the wild that make humans their prey? We aren't the only carnivores out there."

I nodded in understanding. We had similar viewpoints and that was comforting.

"However, we don't have a beating heart, or blood running through our veins. We don't have to breathe and we don't have a digestion system. We can be killed, but only by another vampire or similar creature. That does set us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom and makes us quite unnatural, but it doesn't make us inherently evil. We all make choices in our lives that place us along a sliding scale of good and evil. There is no proof that there is any higher power playing judge and jury with our souls. It is only by pure faith that people believe there is something more after our physical bodies give out, and there are thousands of opinions on what that something more may be. Who's to say which way is the right way, or if any of them are?"

"Your outlook is so different than Edward's." I mumbled.

"It's easier for me, I think, since I woke up in this life a blank slate. The others still remember their human lives to some extent, along with the conservative viewpoints of the time in which they were turned. While I was turned around the same time as most of them, I've always found myself at the forefront of modern thought. Since I had no preconceived notions or prejudices, I have always been eager to accept new concepts and ideas. Rather than lament the human life I no longer had, I've embraced this life and tried to make the best of what I was given. For some reason, I was gifted with clairvoyance, and there's a good chance that was at least part of the reason I was put into an asylum as a human. In those days, it was thought that people like me were possessed by the devil. Now I'm a psychic vampire and I know for certain that no demon has any hold over my mind or body. Sometimes it feels like my visions are a blessing and sometimes they are a curse, but I try to take it in stride. Of all the things I have seen, the most reprehensible acts have been perpetrated by humans. So no, I do not believe we are damned simply because we are vampires. Should there be some kind of judgment awaiting us, I have faith that we will be judged by what we have _done_, and not because of what we _are_."

Alice finished speaking just as we pulled up to the house. Talk about perfect timing. Jasper suddenly appeared at her door and opened it for her. A moment later I jumped as my door opened and Edward held out his hand for me. His face was a blank mask, though I could detect the slight tightness around his bright golden eyes that gave away his anxiety. At least he was well fed, otherwise I feared the discussion might get out of hand. It was no secret that his mood was decidedly more irritable the darker his eyes were.

He pulled me into an embrace. "I really wish you wouldn't do this." He murmured. "You have enough nightmares as it is."

"I know." I turned my head to press my lips to his jaw.

"They're waiting." Edward pulled away abruptly and led me into the house. Rosalie was sitting next to Emmett at the dining room table drumming her nails against the wood. Esme hurried over to give me a quick hug and an understanding smile.

I took a seat at the table, across from Rosalie and fought to suppress a shudder as she leveled her piercing gaze on me. Carlisle breezed in a moment later with a kind smile on his face. As always, his presence was calming.

"Thank you for agreeing to talk to me." I began, formally. Rosalie looked away as if she was already bored with the conversation that hadn't even started. "I'd like to know the truth, no matter how frightening it might be. I know Edward only wants to protect me, but I honestly think it's better if I know as much as possible about what I'm getting myself into." I paused, wondering if Rosalie was even listening to me. "Part of me knows I should run the other way and never look back, but I just can't do that. It wouldn't change the fact that I know you exist, and I could never forget any of you. So that brings me to the Volturi. Tell me what the repercussions are. What am I...what are _we_ dealing with?"

Edward leaned against the wall stoically, and Esme hovered in the doorway twisting a dishtowel.

Carlisle looked at Edward warily before taking an unnecessary breath. "They aren't cruel, Bella. It's their job to enforce the rules, and the one rule we have is to keep our existence a secret. We've broken this rule by exposing ourselves to you when we stopped those others from hunting you." He paused and Rosalie leaned forward and looked me in the eye.

"If they find out that you know our secret, they could kill us all."

Esme started to admonish her, but I stopped her. "Esme, it's okay. I need to hear the truth."

"But Bella, they very rarely leave their home in Italy and there would be no reason for them to ever find out. They have their own human employees who know their secret and they let them live. It's very, very unlikely that they'll ever show up here, let alone kill us all. Alice would see something like that and we could stop them." Carlisle continued to try to quell my fears.

"It is still a possibility though. It's the worst that could happen and there are no guarantees that it won't. I can't have that on my conscience. I cannot put your family in any more danger. We already have Victoria threatening us, isn't that enough?"

"You should never have come back." Rosalie interjected, and Edward's growl filled the room. She glared at him, before rising gracefully and disappearing into the kitchen. In a flash, she returned with a cast iron pan in her hands. Before I could really comprehend what was happening, the pan disappeared with a horribly metallic wrenching sound and she extended a dainty fist. As she opened it, black dust poured out of her hand onto the table. "If Edward, or any one of us lost control for even a moment, we could accidentally kill you with the flick of a wrist. It would be over before you even knew what was happening. Your life is in peril every moment you are with one of us, no matter how controlled you think we are."

"She's right." Edward murmured more to himself than anyone else.

"Then why have you continued with this ridiculous charade? She's _human_, Edward. There is no future for you two!" Rosalie turned to Carlisle. "And I cannot believe _you_ have allowed this to go on. You should have stopped Alice and Edward from ever involving themselves in her life. You most definitely should never have brought her back here. Now we're all in danger because of her!"

Emmett rested his hand on her arm. "Rose, that's enough."

"No! She needs to know. If anything were to happen to her, our family would be suspect. Not only could she expose us, she could get us killed. We should have let them have her!"

"Rosalie!" Carlisle rose from the table, and his expression frightened me. I'd never seen him look so much like the vampire he was. His eyes were black and his hands splintered the wood of the table where he grasped it. "I will not tolerate that kind of talk in this house. We've discussed this! Every life is precious."

Esme appeared at Carlisle's side, attempting to bring calm to the situation. "Would you deny Edward his mate, Rosalie?"

_His mate._ The words resonated with something deep inside me. They fit.

"She's human!" The blonde vampire screeched. Edward and Alice had crouched protectively around me at some point, ready to defend me at a moment's notice. My heart was beating out of my chest as the ferocity of their argument, and I looked to Jasper, wondering why he wasn't calming everyone down. As if he could read my mind, or maybe just my mood, a calm haze warmed me, but I noticed no one else was affected.

"Emmett was human." Esme responded in a calm yet cold voice that sent shivers down my spine. I'd never heard a harsh word come out of her mouth before.

Rosalie turned her eyes on her husband and her expression softened for a moment. "That was different." Her face hardened again as she turned her glare on Edward. There was buzzing and snarling as the argument continued, but I couldn't make out anything they said. Suddenly, Rosalie gave me a scathing look, then turned on her heel and headed up the stairs.

Emmett watched her retreating back for a moment before turning back to me and offering a sad smile. "She'll come around." Then he disappeared after her. I don't think anyone believed him.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and both Alice and Edward relaxed now that they felt the threat was over.

Carlisle pulled Esme into his arms and kissed the top of her head. His eyes were distant as he turned his head in my direction, though he wasn't looking at me. "You'll have to forgive Rosalie. Even though this life is not what she would have chosen for herself, she is very protective of her family. _That_ will not happen again though, and I apologize for subjecting you to such a spectacle."

I waved him off, unable to find words to respond with. I never wanted to put this family in harm's way, and I certainly didn't want to turn them against each other. While it hurt to think of never seeing Edward, or Alice, again, maybe it would have been best if I never came back. I'd obviously caused the Cullens a lot of trouble. Rosalie was right, they should have let the others have me. At least then they wouldn't be fighting over me, and they wouldn't be in danger. The only problem was that I had no clue how to make it right again. It's not like I could change the past or erase my memories. I briefly wondered if there was a vampire out there with that ability. Maybe Carlisle would know and then I could go on my way, leaving this family in peace. The corner of my mouth twitched up in a wry smile despite the tears slowly trickling down my cheeks. It was then that I realized the room was quiet and when I looked up, all eyes were on me.

Edward regarded me cautiously, his eyes wide and pleading. "Bella, don't listen to her..."

"She's right, Edward." I whispered.

"No she's not! She's selfish and petty and don't you dare believe a word she says. I don't regret anything." He had crouched in front of me and grasped my hands in his. "You are everything to me."

"But she's right." I replied vehemently, my voice still quiet. "I've put your family in danger, and you're fighting amongst yourselves. If anything happened to one of you I'd never forgive myself. I'm just a plain human girl and I'm destroying everything your family has worked hard to protect."

"You're wrong, Bella." Jasper's smooth voice surprised me. Out of everyone in the room, his voice was the last one I expected to hear. He was always so quiet and distant around me. I looked at him questioningly. "You have brought so much to this family. Rosalie is the only one who refuses to see it. I've never seen my brother so alive. You have given my wife the sister she never had. Carlisle and Esme are thrilled to have another _child_ to care for, and even Emmett looks forward to seeing you. It has been so difficult for Edward, being alone for so long in a house with three happily mated couples. He's never complained once about anything, but we all knew he was suffering. It's been hard on me too – feeling everything he is feeling. Experiencing the helplessness and worry of the rest of the family, not knowing what to do for him. Then you came along. Such a _plain human girl_." He smirked. "You have no idea what you have done for this family, Bella...what you have done for my brother. What we have tried to do for decades, you've accomplished in a matter of months. Never have I seen him so happy. It's been contagious. The mood of the entire family has been lighter, more joyous. Your presence effects all of us, and we would do anything to keep you safe, because you are precious to us, Isabella. Never think you aren't worthy of my family's love. You are, and you are worth any sacrifice we must make."

Of course his words reached me, but his gift gave them more credence. It was the longest speech I'd ever heard from him. Even though I'd listened to Alice's passionate pleading, Edward's careful reassurances, and Carlisle's calm confirmations, none of those compared to Jasper's confident admissions. It was easy to mask emotions. People did it every day. But, Jasper had first row seats to the true emotional climate in the house.

All of this added up to a sum that I was more inclined to believe. I allowed myself to hold onto a tiny sliver of hope that what he said was true. Perhaps I _had_ brought something to this family, or at least to Edward. He seemed happier than when I first met him. I didn't allow that hope to bloom any larger though. I'd learned far too young that my hopes and dreams would always rest on that top shelf, just out of my reach. It would take time to convince me I was anything more than a bother. I'd never once been considered anything more than that to anyone else in my life, including my own parents. A nagging voice in the back of my head told me that wasn't true. That my father really did care for me, and maybe I had brought something to his life. Maybe that was why he fought for me when my mother left. If you could call it a fight. He could have given up on me just as easily as she did, but he didn't. He _wanted_ to keep me. He wanted it enough that he made my mother give up her rights. Maybe, beneath all of his misguided religious beliefs, he truly thought he was doing what was best for me. Maybe he did love me in the only way he knew how.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been lost in my own musings, but a movement caught my eye and I shook my head gently before looking around to see what was going on. Alice had been leading Jasper towards the back door. Carlisle and Esme were heading towards the kitchen, leaving me alone with Edward. A moment later my stomach growled and Esme gave me a warm smile, already flitting around the kitchen fixing something for me to eat.

It was one of those light bulb moments. Tears were trailing down my cheeks as the emotions crashed to the surface. I'd realized that Charlie did the things he did _because_ he loved me. In his warped mind he was trying to keep me safe from what he thought were the evils of the world. Just like this family, who did everything in their power to take care of me and protect me. Esme was the mother I'd longed for since my own traded me for a new husband. Carlisle was the opposite of Charlie, and every bit the ideal father figure. I had a sister I was close to and one that hated me. Two big brothers to look after me. Throughout my entire life, no one had accepted me as I was, that is until I met the Cullens.

I had a family. And I had Edward. And he loved me.

A sob escaped me, and Edward crouched before me, his eyes frantic with the need to know what was wrong so he could fix it. "Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"

My heart broke for the parents I'd never really known, but it had been stitched back together by the man in front of me and his motley family. It was then I realized I could forgive my father, and the wounds healed a little more. _Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do._

Esme was watching me with concern, a plate of food for me nestled in her hands. I realized exactly how long I had lived without the kind of affection and caring a young girl needed. It had been six years since anyone had thought of _my_ needs. It wasn't the first time Esme had done something like this, but it was the first time I realized what it meant. The simple gesture of fixing me something to eat, anticipating my needs, combined with the look of concern on her face...

I knew I was a blubbering mess and I couldn't put it into words just yet. Brushing Edward aside, I flew to Esme, taking the plate from her and setting it on the table. Her bewildered expression was replaced with one of understanding when I threw my arms around her stony shoulders. Her arms immediately encircled me and she rocked me gently shushing me as if I were truly her child.

"_Mom."_ I barely whispered the word, but knew she had heard me. Her arms tightened and I felt her head nodding against me.

Once I had calmed down, she pulled back, though her two hands cradled my face between them as her thumbs wiped away my tears. Her eyes shimmered, but no tears fell, and a grin stretched across her face. "Always, sweet girl."

I sniffled and gave her a watery smile, before she released me. I turned around and Edward was there, as always, to pull me into his tender embrace. "Bella?"

"I had an epiphany." I told him as I tried to wipe away the evidence of my break down with the back of my hand.

"Would you like to share?"

I grinned and nodded. "You love me." His glorious chuckle rang out and he shook his head at me.

"Truly, I do." Our lips crashed together then, and our hands found their way into each others' hair. We kissed for what seemed like hours until I had to pull away in order to breathe. Even then, he continued to press his lips, ever so gently, to my eyes and cheeks and chin and wherever else he could reach.

"Truly, I do." He whispered against the apple of my cheek, and I believed him.


	21. Chapter 21

The days continued to fly by, and some kind of routine was established. There was school and studying, the Cullens, and Edward. Esme was thrilled to have someone to dote on and insisted on honing her culinary skills by putting together elaborate meals for me twice a week. The rest of the family was far from impressed with her new hobby, as their noses wrinkled in disgust on those nights and they spent most of their time outside. Emmett and Rose were expectantly absent on dinner nights, but the rest of the family indulged her, and me. Thankfully, they didn't insist on watching me eat, which would have only served to have made me even more uncomfortable. Edward sat with me of course, and let me know how happy I'd made Esme. Apparently vampires, even teenage ones, didn't need much looking after and the mothering instinct was strong within the matriarch of the family. Which, given her past, was understandable. She'd shared her story one night as we cooked together. Esme had lost her infant son before she really even had a chance to be a mother, and it devastated her. In her grief, she leapt from a cliff intending to end her life. By some twist of fate she was found and taken directly to the morgue, presumed dead. It just so happened that Carlisle was there and heard her faint heartbeat. He gave her a new life, and she was thankful to the good doctor for another chance, but would never forget her tragic loss. She tried to fill the void with the house full of vampires, but apparently it wasn't the same as having a human child to look after. That was where I came in.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the attention and affection. Esme reminded me of everything I'd been missing since my own mother abandoned me. There was just something so primal about needing a mother's care. After years of just sort of existing, I finally felt like I was home. Carlisle and Esme jumped at any chance to fill the parental roles in my life, and it was wonderful to feel so cared for, even if it was difficult to let them do the things I was used to doing for myself. It was hard at first to stand back and let Esme cook and serve me dinner. I felt like I was being lazy. It was when I realized how much she enjoyed caring for me, that I was able to finally relax and enjoy it.

Alice had taken to kicking Edward out of my apartment on a regular basis so that we could have some much needed "girl time." She insisted he and Jasper go do their own bonding, and though we hated being apart, it was nice for us to have other friends to spend time with. I'd never been into the typical girl things, as my father insisted those kinds of things only encouraged vanity and promiscuity. A woman should never flaunt her beauty. A man should choose a wife based on modesty and purity of heart and mind. As much as I'd resented some of his teachings, I did agree with him to a certain extent, as did Edward. There was no need for anyone to dress as provocatively as Jessica and Lauren did. We both found their behavior quite appalling. So, while I continued to dress more modestly than most of the other girls at school, Alice was able to bring out a bit more of my feminine side. My clothes were more fashionable and flattering now, and I learned a bit of mascara and lip gloss wasn't a sin. I'd balked at visiting the salon, but Alice can be quite insistent. I discovered how relaxing a nice massage and manicure could be. Again, it was hard to let someone else take care of me, but once I let go of that control, I found I enjoyed the experience much more than I thought I would. I found there wasn't anything inherently wrong with being pampered every now and then, and Alice was thrilled that she'd been the one to share another one of my _first_ experiences. She was already planning our next trip.

It felt good to be able to act like more of a normal teenager. It was nice to give up a little bit of independence and let others care for me as well.

On Friday, Edward was waiting for me after gym. I couldn't help but return the face-splitting grin he was giving me, but part of me was wary. "Ready?" He asked, as he grasped my hand and pulled me quickly down the hall.

"I guess." I replied with a chuckle. He was certainly excited about whatever he had planned. When Alice shot me a knowing grin and let Jasper guide her over to Emmett's jeep, I knew Edward had something up his sleeve.

Before I could think too much, he had pressed me up against the side of his car for a searing kiss. It was a moment before I could return it. What had gotten into him? I'd never seen him so excited and he'd certainly never kissed me like that in public. He pulled away with a chuckle and opened my door for me. Still reeling from the kiss, I smiled dazedly at him as I slid into the passenger seat. He practically skipped around the car to the driver's side.

I finally gathered my wits about me once we were on the road. "So, not that I'm complaining or anything, but what was _that_ about?"

"Can't I just be happy to see you? It's the weekend, no school for two days. Two days that I get to spend with you, without anyone else interfering."

"Sure, I guess I'm just not used to you being..._like this._" I replied. He shrugged.

"Are we going to your house?" I asked, when we passed my apartment.

"No, I want to show you something." He looked so carefree when he grinned like that. Not to mention what it did to my insides.

"I have to study, Edward. There's only two weeks of school left, and I can't fail." I reminded him softly. I couldn't help but resent vampire eidetic memory, knowing that they didn't even have to pay attention in class and they could recall the teacher's lecture perfectly, word for word. I'd been working so hard to catch up, as well as learn the current material, that my brain felt like mush. I only hoped I could retain enough of what I'd learned to pass my final exams.

"You aren't going to fail, Bella. You've been working too hard and it's time you took a break, otherwise you're going to overwhelm yourself. Tonight is just about us. I've been horribly remiss. I haven't even taken you on a proper date."

I couldn't help the snort that escaped, and I didn't miss the frown that flashed across his face. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. "Sorry. So, we're going on a date?" I didn't object entirely to the idea, but the relationship I had with Edward was anything but traditional. Staying home and lounging on the couch together was a perfectly acceptable way for us to spend our time. I didn't need flowers or dinners out, and I didn't want him to make himself uncomfortable in order to give me those things.

His frown deepened. "Well not a date, exactly. I wanted to show you something, and I thought we could talk."

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

Edward shook his head and smirked. "It's a surprise." My sigh didn't escape his notice. "I know you don't like surprises, but I have it on good authority you'll like this one."

"Oh, so now you're going to Alice to find out if it's okay to surprise me or not?" My tone was a little more clipped than I intended. It was hard to accept that my fate could be manipulated so easily. I knew it was never Alice's intention, but with her gift, it was unavoidable. Edward knew I didn't like surprises. I wanted to know where we were going so I could be prepared for whatever I was going to be facing. As horrible as Sundays were with my father, it was never a surprise. I always knew what was coming. There was some strange sense of comfort in the routine we had. I knew what to expect. Since that day, I'd felt like I was flying blindly through life without a solid plan.

But with Alice in the picture, Edward somehow felt he could disregard my feelings, as long as she said I'd end up liking the surprise in the end. It was all just a bit too much. I felt like they were planning my life for me, against my wishes. Taking the control out of my hands once again.

Edward suddenly pulled the car off to the side of the road and stopped, his hands falling into his lap. "Do you want to go home?" He asked. I couldn't stand the sound of defeat in his voice.

I slid my hand under his and intertwined our fingers. He still wouldn't look at me, but he gently squeezed my hand. "No, it's fine. Let's go. I want to see what you have to show me."

He looked up at me then and studied my face for a moment. Apparently satisfied that I was telling the truth, he started the car and pulled back out onto the road, holding my hand the entire way, except for when he needed to shift.

Before long, he pulled onto a gravel road that wound through the forest for a while before coming to a dead end. I looked around trying to figure out what we were doing here. Anticipating my question, Edward spoke before I could even draw in the breath to voice my query.

"We'll have to walk from here. It's not far and I won't let you fall."

I swallowed nervously. Months ago he'd warned me of the dangers of the woods, and more recently I learned what exactly be lurking in those woods thick with trees and moss and fog.

"Sure you haven't just decided that I'm more trouble than I'm worth?" I asked playfully.

His expression changed in an instant, his voice was a mere whisper. "I thought you trusted me."

I'd never seen him so vulnerable and regretted my joke immediately. "I'm sorry. I was just kidding. I do trust you, Edward, with my life. You know that."

He swallowed thickly and nodded. "I would never hurt you, but you have every right to be afraid of me. I wouldn't blame you if..."

I cut him off before he could continue his self-loathing. "I'm not afraid of you. There's nothing you can say that would scare me away, Edward. I love you. I'm yours."

His golden eyes burned with so much emotion. An instant later, his lips were pressed firmly against my own as his hands wove through my hair. His kiss was so full of hunger, as if he wanted to devour me. And I wanted him to.

He pulled away and sat back in his seat with a satisfied smile. "Let's go." My door opened before his even clicked closed, a pale, cold hand extended for me to take. His long fingers wrapped around my hand and I marveled in how right everything was with him by my side, despite his mercurial moods today. His car alarm chirped as we set off into the trees.

After the third time I tripped over some hidden root or tangle of moss, he suddenly scooped me up and tossed me onto his back like a backpack. The unexpected movement threw me off and my anxiety spiked as I braced myself for whatever was to come. Tightening my grip around his neck, I wrapped my legs tightly around his hips and squeezed my eyes shut. "Relax, Bella. It's just easier this way. Hold on." He chuckled, grinning at me over his shoulder, before taking off at a run. It wasn't the frenzied pace he'd taken last time. I didn't feel like I was going to pass out or lose my lunch.

I felt his body shake with laughter. "Open your eyes. I'm not going that fast." I reluctantly obeyed and immediately flinched when a branch appeared just a little too close for my comfort. However, I quickly learned that his sight and reflexes allowed us to pass through completely unscathed. Just as I became comfortable with his pace and the blurring of the trees as we ran by, he slowed. There was an opening up ahead, and as he stepped out of the treeline, I sucked in a breath at the beautiful meadow that stretched before us. It was a perfect circle, and wildflowers flourished among the tall grass that swayed in the late afternoon breeze. Edward peeled my legs from around his waist and I slid to the ground slowly. My knees wobbled a bit, but he steadied me as he always did, in more ways than one. He was my rock.

"It's beautiful." I told him earnestly. It was a true gem of nature tucked away in the dark, damp forests.

"I like to come here when the weather is nice." I smiled broadly knowing he was sharing a private part of himself with me. "Come." He held his hand out to me and I took it, letting him lead me towards the center of the meadow. We made ourselves comfortable in the lush grass and I followed his lead as he laid back, his eyes trained on the clouds above.

"Honesty is very important to you." He started. I nodded and looked at him out of the corner of my eye. In a lightening fast move, he was suddenly on his side, his head propped on his hand as he watched me intently. "I want to tell you everything. It's just hard sometimes because I also want to protect you. I worry each day that today will be the day you learn something that proves to be too much and sends you running. I couldn't bear to lose you again."

"Edward..."

He gently pressed his fingers to my lips. "Let me finish." He replaced his fingers with his lips and my heart stuttered in my chest leaving me breathless. Edward chuckled and caressed my face as he pulled back. "I thought we could enjoy the afternoon here and talk. I'll tell you anything you want to know. I don't want anymore secrets between us."

I nodded, at a loss for words. Now that he was willing to tell me anything, I couldn't think of what to ask. Glancing around at the meadow, I noticed how dense and dark the trees were. While I knew I was safe with Edward, I couldn't help but remember those others who came out of the forests and tensed suddenly.

I turned back to Edward quickly and his brow was furrowed, already wondering what was wrong.

"Are we safe here?" I spoke lowly, even though I knew if there were others out here they could hear me from quite a distance. My heartbeat would be a beacon to them out here.

"I won't let anything hurt you, Bella."

"I know, but what if there are more...of _them_...out there. What if _she_ is out there?"

"Alice would have seen it, I'm sure. But you do know, I am capable of protecting you, right?"

I nodded, not entirely convinced. "Unless there's more than one." I whispered. He reached out and wrapped his arm around my waist, his thumb rubbing my side gently.

"Relax, we'll be fine." He assured me, golden eyes blazing into mine.

"Are there many of your kind out there?"

"That depends on what you mean by many." He raked his hand through his hair and looked off into the trees, gathering his thoughts. "Our family is unique. Most vampires are nomads, traveling through this world alone. They take a victim or two, and then move on. They can't risk suspicion, you understand." I nodded, inwardly grimacing at his implication. Of course a vampire in one city long enough would rouse suspicion when too many people went missing.

"We're much closer to animals than humans, especially when we stick with our intended diet. It makes us territorial, not unlike the lions of the Serengeti. Just as they defend their territory, and their food supply by extension, vampires also defend their territory. It's unusual for human drinking vampires to co-exist with others. The exception would be the Volturi, but they have their own ways, so it doesn't really apply to them."

"Because of our diet, and the abundance of prey animals in the vast area of land we have access too, we don't have these same territorial instincts. Carlisle believes our choice to abstain helps us hold on to some parts of our humanity, and we're able to form bonds of affection with each other beyond the typical mate relationship. There is one other family that lives as we do, and they are in Alaska. We view them as cousins, if you will. We are the only two families in the world that lives the way we do. Those three vampires that we encountered were passing through, hunting as they traveled. They took a few lives in the area and then were moving on. You happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you do smell much better than most humans." He said with a wry smile, ducking his head and waiting for my reaction. I wrinkled my nose at the thought, and wondered why I wasn't more freaked out about all of this than I was. It was as if we were having a normal, everyday conversation, not one about supernatural creatures and their feeding habits.

I snorted, earning a curious look from Edward. I shook my head dismissively.

"It's so hard not knowing what you're thinking." He murmured with a smile.

"Now you know what it's like to be the rest of us."

He tilted his head with a nod of concession. "My point is that you are safe here. There are no other vampires in the area right now. Even Victoria has disappeared for now." His chest rumbled with a growl. "Forks has had far more than their share of the supernatural lately. We're usually not this concentrated in one area. You might have one or two in a city at any given time, for instance. It's very unlikely that a human will ever encounter even one of our kind in a lifetime...except for you apparently." He smiled wryly.

"Yes, I'm up to twelve now, I believe?"

"I'm sorry." He breathed, the mood turning somber quickly.

"For what, Edward?"

"If it weren't for me...my family..."

"Don't even say it! I probably wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for your family. I could have died in that closet if it wasn't for you. I am so thankful that someone cared enough about me to worry. I'd been alone for so long, and I'd pushed everyone away. You'll never know how much it means to me that someone out there cares about what happens to me." I blinked quickly against the stinging of tears that had begun to well up in my eyes.

Edward's face twisted into a grimace and he pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. His voice was rough and desperate. "I can never apologize enough for not stepping in sooner. We've always kept our distance from humans, never allowing ourselves to get to comfortable or forge relationships with them. With familiarity comes too many questions, as you know. I tried, so hard, to stay away. I tried to ignore you, but you were always there like a star shooting across the sky. If I hadn't tried so hard, maybe I could have figured it out sooner. You should never have had to go through that. You'll think me more of the monster I already am, but if he wasn't already dead, Bella, it would be very difficult for me not to kill him myself. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially not a child." He fumed. His outrage over my treatment was touching.

"So you didn't then..." I mused.

His brow furrowed for a moment, and then shock and hurt were evident on his marble face. "Dear God, no! Bella! Did you really think..."

I silenced him with a kiss, relieved to have heard him say it, even though I'd never seriously believed they would have done something like that. "It crossed my mind once or twice." I admitted quietly.

"It's just as Carlisle told you. Your father died of natural causes. Alice didn't _see_ it at all. She never had a reason to look for him. She did try to _look_ for you, but everything was fuzzy." He swallowed thickly. "I...um...I convinced her to wait when you didn't show up for school on Monday. I'm so sorry, Bella. I just thought that you might be sick or something and there was no reason for us to come barging into your life. Please, forgive me."

"Edward." I called to him gently, but he refused to look up at me. "Edward!" I stated more firmly. "Look at me!." He didn't relent until I curled my fingers under his chin and tugged. "I'm just glad you came for me at all. Don't blame yourself, or Alice. You couldn't have known, even with your _extra_ abilities. The fact is that you did come, and you're here now."

He nodded, and we spent a few minutes in silence, his arms wrapped around me from behind and his chin resting on my shoulder. It was beautiful there and the sounds of the birds chirping and wind rustling were quite soothing.

"Did you want to talk about what happened to you?" Edward murmured in my ear.

I stiffened. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Carlisle wants you to see a therapist, but that got put on hold once you learned what we are. He wasn't sure if you'd be able to handle it, and of course we had to worry about you spilling everything to one of his colleagues. Not that you would, but we have to be very careful. Psychologists are nosy and can have you talking about things before you even realize it. That's their job of course." I nodded, even though I was a little hurt that they didn't trust me. "I thought maybe talking about it would help. I already know the gist of it. I heard you that day in Carlisle's office." He admitted.

I felt the blush immediately flooding my face.

"Bella." He cooed. "I can hear the highway from here, and even if my hearing wasn't so sensitive, I would have seen it in his thoughts at some point. It's not something I can turn off. I'm sorry if you feel like your privacy was violated. That was never my intent."

I sucked in a breath. "No, it's okay. I know you can't help it. I _didn't_ know at the time, of course, but what's done is done. There's not much more to tell. He had his beliefs, and as time went on, he became more extreme, especially after my mother left. He thought he was being punished by God, so he ate less, slept less, prayed more. His sessions of self-mortification became more intense. He thought all of this would bring him closer to God and that he would be forgiven. That my mother would come back one day. When he realized she wasn't coming back, he continued because he believed he deserved the punishment. What kind of man was he, if he couldn't keep his wife? As far as I was concerned, he just wanted to instil Christian values in me and make sure I never strayed from the path of righteousness. You know, _train up a child the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it._" I shrugged.

"How can you be so blasé about this, Bella? Your father abused you. He neglected your health and well being. Surely you have some kind of feelings about how he treated you."

"He didn't abuse me, Edward. At least not in the sense you mean it. He never flew into rages or beat me just to inflict pain. It was only on Sundays, and I knew what to expect. Some parents ground their children, or even spank them. Mine just used a whip." He looked at me incredulously. "I have to try to understand his side of things. I owe him that much. It's not any less than what I'd do for you." I continued in a whisper. "He was never able to forgive himself for whatever sins he thought he committed. I have no choice but to forgive him, Edward. He was only trying to do his best in raising me. At least _he_ didn't give me up when things got hard." The bitterness crept in again and I wondered at my ability to forgive one parent, but not the other.

Edward seemed to be thinking along the same lines. "You can't forgive your mother?"

"No." I hissed.

"Why are you able to forgive him, but not her? He's the one who hurt you." He asked gently. As much as I didn't want to talk about it, I knew I owed him something. After all, I was asking him to be honest with me and tell me things he'd rather not. I had to give something too.

"It's just different." I insisted. "I mean, my mother knew exactly what I was living with and she could have stopped it. She could have gone to the cops, or a shelter...we could have gone away. At any point, she could have come back for me, but she didn't. She cared more about her own happiness than her own daughter's well being. My mother did what was best for her. With Charlie, even with his warped and misguided beliefs, he still was trying to do what was best for me. He cared enough about me to make sure I was provided for, and even if we didn't have much, it was enough. He cared enough about my eternal soul to try to shape me into a pure and virtuous woman. What my father did, he did out of love. What she did was nothing but pure selfishness. She knew I could have had a better life away from my father, but she did nothing about it. She abandoned me, and I'm just not ready to forgive her. She was supposed to protect me."

"So was he."

I huffed in frustration that had nothing to do with Edward's reply. It just wasn't as easy as that. Some part of my father was sick. He grasped onto his faith with both hands and refused to let go. It was fanatical and it was delusional. It was a disease. He let go of any rationality and immersed himself in his faith. Any other man might have turned to alcohol, drugs, or any other number of vices. My father turned to religion. He was addicted. There was no doubt he got some kind of euphoric high when he'd whip himself into such a frenzy that he believed he heard the voice of God speaking to him. In the end, he went too far, as many others have with their vices, and it destroyed him. I could only hope he'd finally found the peace he sought. He wasn't a cruel man. He didn't do things in order to cause me pain. He did them because he believed they would keep me pure. It was his own warped version of a father's love.

I think my ability to forgive had a lot to do with time. I'd had years to come to terms with my father's rules, yet I'd only recently learned of my mother's abandonment. I'd thought she was dead. Perhaps, with time, I would be able to forgive her as well. But now, the wound was too fresh, the pain too raw. Seeing her living a life of luxury while I'd suffered, hearing her deny my existence, was just too much. What mother could ever just forget they'd had a child?

"I don't want to talk about them anymore." I murmured. The bitterness I felt was tainting the beauty of the meadow.

Edward's icy lips pressed against my neck quickly in acceptance. "Did you have anymore questions for me?"

"I have probably a million questions for you, but I don't even know where to begin."

He laid back down and pulled me with him so my head was resting on his chest. One arm rested across my stomach and his other hand was playing with my hair. "Why don't we start at the beginning?"

"Okay." I blew out a breath. "You already told me what you remembered from your human life and how Carlisle changed you. What was it like, being turned into a vampire?"

I felt him stiffen beneath me and assumed he wasn't going to tell me. He finally spoke in a hushed tone. "Painful. The worst pain you've ever felt. It was like being burned alive and I wished for death every second of the three days it lasted."

"Oh," was all I could offer.

"The pain finally started receding, concentrating in my heart instead. It felt like it was going to burst out of my chest, and then it just stopped. My first unnecessary breath was overwhelming, and when you added in all the other senses, plus being able to hear thoughts...it was just completely overwhelming and disorienting. I had no idea what I had become. The voices in my head drowned out everything else and I thought I was surely in hell. It was only when Carlisle realized I was answering questions he had not spoken aloud that we figured out what was happening. We immediately left the city and headed someplace more rural where I couldn't hear anyone. Over the years I learned to tune out some of it, or ignore it, but it's always there in the background. Except for when I'm with you." His thumb had been rubbing gently along my ribs and lightly brushed against the side of my breast as he tightened his arm around me.

"So, is it quiet for you now?"

"Yes. There isn't anyone in a two mile radius right now. That's one of the reasons I like to come here. Sometimes there are hikers, but it's not hard to ignore them. Being here with you is like my own personal heaven."

"I could lay here with you forever." I stated, though I'm not sure he understood how serious my offer was.

His fingers intertwined with mine over my belly. "What else would you like to know?"

"Well...did you and Rosalie ever...?"

"Ever what?"

"You know...were you ever together?" I mean she was the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid my eyes on. I couldn't blame him if he'd been attracted to her. Edward hadn't told me the details of everyone's history, claiming they were their stories to tell, but I did know that he and Rosalie were two single vampires in the same coven and I wasn't completely naïve that they both had needs.

His chest rumbled with laughter and he held me tighter so I didn't bounce around too much. "No." He choked out. "There was _never_ anything between me and Rose but animosity." I let out a sigh of relief and waited for him to calm down. "Um, I think Carlisle had hoped that I might find what he had with Esme, with Rosalie, but no, there was never a chance that anything like _that_ would develop between us."

I couldn't help the smug smile that spread across my face.

"There's only ever been you, Bella. If you don't believe me, you can ask any member of my family. I've never even been attracted to anyone, until you."

I flipped over as quickly as I could and pressed my lips quickly to his before laying back down. It was hard to believe as wonderful and handsome as Edward was, that he had never entertained another woman. The idea that I was the first and only made me giddy.

In a movement too fast for me to see, Edward was suddenly hovering over me. "You must have been made just for me, Isabella. All these years, I've been waiting for you." He murmured as his golden eyes blazed. He stroked my cheek lovingly, eyes darting around my face as if memorizing every millimeter. His expression was frantic, though he dipped his head carefully, claiming my lips delicately, then kissing me passionately. A moan escaped as his lips traveled to my throat and I arched my back, wanting to feel every inch of his body against mine. It was a need so primal, I had no control over it. Edward's arms curled around me and we rolled until I was on top. My legs parted and I was forced to straddle him. I gasped at the feeling of him hard beneath me, the bulge in his pants unmistakable. The feel of it sent tremors through my body and I felt myself clenching in want for him. He let out a groan and threw his head back, his face was screwed up in an expression of both pain and pleasure. I waited, placing soft kisses along the strong column of his neck, but holding very still otherwise, not wanting to overwhelm him.

Edward's hands finally left my hips and found their way into my hair as he pulled my lips down to his once more. We kissed for minutes or hours, whimpers and moans escaping from our desperate embrace. I shifted my hips in order to get a better angle and he cried out, grabbing them once more to still them. His kisses became less frantic and slower, until he pressed his face into my hair, panting.

"We have to stop. I want you too much." He whispered furiously.

"I know." I gulped, trying to calm my racing heart.

We broke apart and lay on our backs, side by side, fingers intertwined once more. It was hard not to feel rejected, but I knew neither one of us was ready for more. Our attraction to each other was undeniable, and I was elated that I was able to elicit such an erotic response from him. Everything, every feeling, was so new and intense. I knew he was right. I was made just for him. There would only ever be Edward.

He sat up suddenly, his brow furrowed.

"What is it?" I asked, alarmed.

He held up one slender finger and gave me a smirk. Then he was gone. I whipped my head around frantically trying to see where he might have disappeared to, but there was no sign of him. My heart started to pound and my fingers grew cold with anxiety that there was something out there, some kind of threat that he needed to save me from. My mind was running through scenarios and I was trying to figure out how to get out of there, how to get help. All of this happened in less than half a minute, before Edward suddenly appeared in front of me, like an apparition forming from the mist. A gust of air was all that alerted me to the fact that he had been moving, for he was kneeling in front of me, still as a statue, with a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand.

When I finally recovered from the shock, I accepted the offering and inhaled the scent of the flowers deeply. He waited until I was looking back up at him before he spoke.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you do me the honor of going on a date with me?"

I almost rolled my eyes, but knew that his feelings would be hurt. My vampire was from a different time, and though his actions may sometimes be antiquated, I wouldn't change him for the world. "Of course I will." I replied, and his answering smile warmed my heart.

Just then the clouds parted and the meadow was filled with light from the seldom seen sun. My first instinct was to look at the sky, and then I realized Edward was sitting in front of me, completely exposed. I gasped and jumped up as I looked around for something to protect him, but as soon as I laid eyes on him, I was enthralled. His skin sparkled like a million tiny diamonds were imbedded in his flesh. Rainbows danced over the meadow as the sun was refracted. I'd accused him of being dazzling before, but the sight in front of me left me speechless. He truly looked like an angel. A beautiful creature carved from marble and shimmering in the sun like a precious gem.

He stood, his features twisting in pain. His hand shook as he reached towards me, his fingers delicately wiping away tears that I did not know had fallen.

"You're beautiful." I whispered.

"Beautiful?" His voice cracked. "I'm a predator. All of this?" He gestured to himself disgustingly. "It's to attract our prey. My looks, my voice, even my smell is supposed to draw you in...make the kill easier..."

I grasped his face between my palms. "Enough! I've had enough of this self-loathing, Edward. I know _what_ you are. I know _who_ you are, and I will not stand here and listen to you say these things about yourself. You may be a vampire. You may be a predator, created to kill humans. You can't change _what_ you are, but you have overcome so much. You are a good man. You are beautiful, and I have chosen you. I will always choose you. Nothing you can say will ever send me running. _I know you_. And even if you think I shouldn't, I love you!"

"God help me, I love you too. I know I shouldn't. I don't deserve you. Just please don't leave me, Bella? I couldn't bear to be apart from you again. Please..." The emotion swirling in his eyes made my heart race. He grasped my hands in his, his expression pleading. "I want you to be mine forever. Marry me?"

I gasped at his words. "Forever?"

"For eternity." He nodded, his expression deadly serious.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. I don't think I even grasped the question he was asking. All I heard was _forever_. Edward wanted me _forever_. Could it be that I had finally gotten through to him? Was he really and truly offering me eternity?

"Bella?"

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "What?"

"Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"Marry me?"


	22. Chapter 22

_Marry me?_ I still wasn't sure I was hearing him correctly. The idea had honestly never crossed my mind before. I mean, my whole life I was told I should save myself for marriage, but then I was never allowed to form any sort of friendship with someone of the male gender. I'd never considered marriage to be a part of my future. It was such a foreign concept to me. My parents were married, but we know how that ended....

"Isn't it a bit soon?" I asked, chewing on my lip. _Stalling._ His expression was pleading and panicked, devoted and frightened all in one. He always kept such a calm mask on his face, but his eyes gave everything away. His eyes were always so intense, so full of emotion. Any girl would feel blessed to have a boy look at her the way Edward looked at me.

He snorted. Or maybe it was a scoff. It was not a sound I'd heard from him before. His lips twisted and his brow furrowed, and an instant later I found myself in his arms, my head tipped back and his lips at my throat. "If I offered to change you, right now, right this very minute. What would you say?"

I didn't have to think about it. "Yes. I...I'm yours." I stammered. The delicious sensation of his lips on me clouded my mind with lust.

He let out a harsh breath and I felt his open mouth, mere centimeters from the delicate flesh of my neck. His breath was cold as he panted. My heart was pounding, wondering if he would actually do it.

"You're ready now?" I nodded and heard him swallow audibly. I knew the venom was flooding his mouth. His sweet scent was stronger than usual and coherent thought was almost lost to me.

Against, his lips pressed against the skin directly over my pulse point and I steeled myself for the feel of his teeth, but it never came. He kissed the flesh there languidly, sucking gently, and I grew dizzy, the edges of my vision blackening.

Then he was gone. Only his hands remained at my waist to steady me as he chuckled darkly. "Breath, Bella." I sucked in a deep breath and my senses came flooding back to me. The day seemed brighter, the colors so vivid they hurt my eyes. I could hear so much more, even over the sound of my pulse pounding in my head. Once he was sure I was steady, he let go and looked me in the eye.

"You are so ready to give up your life this instant in order to spend eternity with me. Yet you're offended by the idea of marriage? Marriage is nothing in the grand scheme of things. But this..." He gestured to himself. "There's no coming back from this. This is permanent."

"I know." I whispered. "I just think we're too young?"

Edward threw his head back and laughed. It would have been a beautiful sight if I hadn't been so confused. He was right, I was willing to give up my human life in order to spend eternity with him. There was no hesitation in that decision. What was it about marriage that was making me pause?

"_You _ may be young, but Bella. There is nothing I want more than to call you my wife. That much I am sure of. What we have is so much more, but this is important to me. I'll give you what you want. I'll give you eternity, but I need to have your hand. I need to know you're mine, before God and everyone." He stepped back quickly as if something had just occurred to him, and his voice was laden with nerves as he asked his next question. "I mean, you do want _me_ for eternity, right? It's not just the immortality is it?" His throat contracted as he swallowed nervously. He pulled his phone out, glancing at the screen with frustration, before pressing a button and shoving it back into his pocket.

"Alice." He said simply as he looked back up at me. "I don't want to know how this ends. I don't want any outside forces influencing either one of us. This is the crux of everything, Bella. This is just between me and you. I can't imagine eternity without you by my side. I can't go back to that unending night that was my life before you lit up my world. I promise to love you forever...every day of forever. Please tell me you want that too."

My entire body was vibrating. Emotions coursed through me and I felt that if I spoke, everything would come crashing down. Of course I wanted that, with him, and I think a part of me still didn't believe he could possibly share the same desires. His words had flooded my mind and woven their way through me, finally soaking in and inflaming my heart with so much love I thought it would burst.

"I do." The words left my lips as a mere whisper, and my legs finally gave out as I crumbled to the floor of the meadow. He didn't catch me. Edward was as still as a statue, a look of disbelief on his perfect features. "Yes." I sobbed. "Yes." I smiled through my tears, sure that my face was a mess. I thought fleetingly of how nice it must be to not have to deal with things like tears and snot as a vampire.

In the time it took to wipe my eyes, Edward was on his knees in front of me. His hands grasped my arms a fraction too tight, his expression desperate. "What did you say?" He demanded in a harsh whisper.

I nodded frantically. "Yes."

A breathtaking smile erupted on his face. "Yes? You mean it? You'll be my wife?"

"Yes, Edward, yes. A thousand times, yes." Later I would blush in embarrassment when I realized I'd quoted _Pride and Prejudice_. The words just came to me, with no thought of their origin.

He held me to him as he stood, his arms embracing me tightly as he laughed and sobbed, the smile never leaving his face. We kissed and we touched, sharing this most important moment completely immersed in each other. Our fingers traced each others' features, memorizing every millimeter for the millionth time. The knowledge that I'd made this wonderful man this blissfully happy only multiplied my own joy at being loved so dearly by him. We had both given ourselves to each other completely. With perfect love and perfect trust, we belonged to one another.

The sky had begun to darken before we reluctantly pulled ourselves out of our little bubble and decided we should head back to the car. I was wrapped around Edward as he loped through the woods when my stomach growled loudly, even to my ears. His torso shook with laughter. "We still have a date tonight. You need to eat!" He called over his shoulder to me. I simply pressed my face into his neck and nodded.

We refused to stop touching. We held hands across the console the entire way to Port Angeles, as Edward insisted there was no place suitable in Forks for a first date. His arm wrapped possessively around my shoulders as the hostess greeted us. Edward was completely oblivious to her advances as she tried to catch his attention. He only had eyes for me. When the waitress came to take our order, I went with the first thing I saw on the menu – mushroom ravioli. Edward's lips and whispers against my skin distracted me too much to be able to concentrate on something as mundane as food. I couldn't tell you how the food tasted or what Edward had ordered. He fed me little bites from both our plates, but the only thing I was interested in tasting was him. It was a good thing he'd thought to ask for a more private table.

Next he took me to a little confectioners shop and I was literally like a kid in a candy store. They had every kind of candy imaginable and Edward smiled as he watched me. He insisted on buying me more sugar laden sweets than I knew what to do with. Every time I commented on how delicious something sounded, he got it. I learned quickly to keep my mouth shut, but we still ended up leaving the store with several pounds of candy. I indulged in a piece of peanut butter fudge as we walked to the car and stifled a moan as the chocolate melted on my tongue.

Both of us felt so carefree, it was as if nothing could bring us down.

We retreated back to my apartment, and of course Alice was there waiting for us. She was practically vibrating with excitement.

"Alice." Edward warned her, before she could launch herself at me. I smirked up at him and stepped forward, opening my arms. She was my best friend and I knew how much her brother's happiness meant to her. I could stand to let her shower us with congratulations – for a little while at least.

Sure enough, she blurred across the room into my arms and bounced on her toes as she hugged me. The squeal she let out left my ears ringing. Then she quickly moved on to her brother. He rolled his eyes as he hugged her, but I knew he was probably feeling as excited as she was, only he hid it better.

"Can we keep it just between us for now, Alice?" He asked her.

"Of course! I'm just so happy for you both. Of course I've seen this coming, just not this soon. For a little while there, it looked like you were going to say no, and that would have crushed him, Bella. But then you said just the right words to her...and oh my goodness, there's so much to plan!"

"Alice!" Edward and I both yelled at the same time, effectively shutting her up.

She stared at us with wide eyes before erupting into giggles. "Sorry! You just have no idea how long I've been waiting for this. To see you both so happy..." She gave us a watery smile. "I took the liberty of moving some more of your clothes and other things over here. You already practically live here, and I know now you're not going to want to leave her side unless absolutely necessary. You two have a good weekend, and I'll see you at school on Monday." Alice patted Edward on the cheek and looked at us both with a happy sigh, a look of pride shining in her eyes.

"See you Monday, Alice." Edward chuckled. I gave her another hug and then she left us in peace, the soft click of the door closing was the only sound.

When we finally made eye contact, I couldn't help but smile and hold out my hand for him to take. He quickly secured the door and then his hand was in mine as I led him back to the bedroom. We each took our turns in the bathroom changing and getting ready for bed. Then I was home as I snuggled into his chest with the covers cocooned softly around me, guarding me from his frigid body temperature. I longed for the day when that would no longer be an issue.

We laid in silence for a while, my hand resting on his chest as it rose and fell evenly with unnecessary breaths.

"Promise you won't ever leave me again, Bella." He murmured into my hair. I lifted my head in order to look at him, surprised by his sudden vulnerability.

"Never." I vowed.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, letting you go. I wanted you to have a chance at a normal human life and I knew if you stayed, that would never happen. It was one of the worst mistakes of my life." He told me with utmost sincerity. "You don't know how happy I am that you came back. I couldn't bear it if you left again."

"I'm afraid you're stuck with me now, Edward...for eternity." We both smiled at the thought.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

~~**~~

Monday morning came too quickly, and Edward and I were loathe to pull ourselves away from our hideaway in order to face the purgatory that was high school. I truly didn't understand how the Cullen "children" could subject themselves to this kind of torture on a regular basis when they didn't have to. Surely there were a million other things beautiful, wealthy immortals could do with their lives. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful they did, because otherwise I wouldn't have them in my life. However, when the day came that I joined the family in eternity, Edward and I would be having a serious discussion about how we could better spend our endless years.

Edward and I were still flying high from our whirlwind engagement. It was so much more than that, and yet I couldn't find words to describe it. It was almost as if we fully recognized each other as mates. There was an acceptance there now, with no doubt, no fears, just complete contentment and acceptance that we belonged to each other.

I still didn't sleep well, my mind plagued with nightmares of both the human and supernatural kind. Of course I felt safer in Edward's arms, but the danger we were all in weighed heavily on my mind, and I couldn't expect to completely overcome what I had lived through in such a short time. Years of emotional trauma could not be wiped out in months, even if I had finally found my place in life and the love of my existence.

The students still stared at the _freak_ who had been absorbed into the untouchable Cullen clan, wondering what mousy little me had that they didn't. Sneers and whispers followed us, and I was glad, for once, that I did not possess my vampire's sensitive hearing or ability to read minds. I'd happily stay unaware of what was actually being said, though I knew the gist of it. It was only when we passed Lauren Mallory that I felt Edward's body vibrate from a growl too low to be heard by human ears. However, she did seem to pale a bit when she saw the murderous glare directed at her. Once we had passed her, he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Stay away from Lauren. If she tries to get you alone, you scream. Do you understand me?"

I rolled my eyes and nodded. Did he not realize I had a vindictive vampire hunting me? A mere human teenage girl wasn't exactly instilling fear in me. Lauren had it out for me from day one, and she'd done nothing. As far as I was concerned, she was all bark and no bite. Other than being the alpha female of the junior class, there wasn't anything she could do to me that I couldn't handle. Her snide comments were nothing more than words.

Classes continued as they always had, certain subjects capturing my attention more than others. I could see that I was mostly caught up and no longer stressed about passing for the year. My brain was fried, but I could do two more weeks. The summer loomed like a welcome oasis in a hot desert. Other than finally starting my job at Newton's, there would be nothing else to detract from my time with Edward, and the rest of the family. It would be nice to finally earn a paycheck. I hated feeling like I was taking advantage of my adoptive family, even if they assured me they had more money, and time, than they knew what to do with. It made them happy to care for me and make sure I could concentrate on my education. They ensured there would be plenty of time for work later in my life, if I so chose. With more than a century's worth of savings and investments, along with Alice's ability to predict trends in the stock market, they had enough money to support a small country for several years, if not more. While I understood all of this on a rational level, there was just a part of me that would always have problems with accepting money and gifts. It was just one of the ideals my father instilled in me from birth – chastity, charity, and humility – three of the seven virtues. Edward and I were still at an impasse over my car situation. I wanted my truck fixed and he insisted I needed a new vehicle. Not that I even needed a car. Edward simply drove me wherever I needed to go. He just wanted to spoil me. Maybe one day I would let him.

The weather was hot and muggy, the majority of students opting to remain indoors for lunch. The four of us didn't let it deter us from our usual picnic outside. After all, it's not like it would bother the three of them, they couldn't sweat, and Edward was my own personal air conditioning. Alice informed us there would be thunder storms tonight and that tomorrow would be sunny. Which meant I would be at school by myself.

"You could always stay home with me." Edward murmured suggestively in my ear. Though I'm sure he wouldn't mind the extra time with me, I knew the need to protect me was the main reason he brought it up.

"I can't miss any more school, Edward, you know that. Two more weeks and we'll have plenty of time together." I assured him.

"Not if you're working with Newton every day." He sneered. I bit back a chuckle at Edward's jealousy over Mike Newton. Apparently the boy had less than pure thoughts about me, but to my face he'd been nothing but kind. I was sure he and Jessica were perfectly happy and whatever thoughts Edward might have heard were merely the fleeting fantasies of a hormonal teenage boy.

"You know Carlisle will only let me work three days a week. There will be plenty of time for us."

"I know." He agreed reluctantly. Sometimes the intense need we had for each other could be suffocating. Not that I would change anything of course, but the depth of his feelings for me often took my breath away. With one smoldering glance I was rendered speechless. I'd seen similar exchanges between Alice and Jasper and assumed this was the norm between mated pairs. It was such a strong, intimate connection that no words could really describe it. Edward was so terrified something was going to take me away from him, and honestly I think it was that thought that convinced him I should eventually be changed. Naturally, I would be more durable in vampire form.

We hadn't told anyone about our engagement, and I wasn't sure when we would. There was no ring, and I didn't really care. We had pledged ourselves to each other and if we never had a real ceremony, it wouldn't make a difference in how I felt. We had discussed some details over the weekend. Edward wanted to marry as soon as possible, but the idea of being a married high school senior was hard to swallow. I thought the summer after our senior year would be a better time, and he eventually agreed. Alice had been not so subtle about leaving a stack of wedding magazines in my bedroom. They ended up under my bed. It just wasn't something I was ready to immerse myself in considering all the other things going on in my life at the moment.

The rest of the day passed quickly, though the last period of the day, gym, seemed to drag on forever. I ended up on the floor no less than three times and had elbowed one of my classmates in the eye. Coach Clapp should have learned by now that involving me in any team sports was not a good idea.

I walked out of the locker room with Alice to find Edward scowling at someone down the hall. It was Lauren. She must be having some really vile thoughts in order to get him so riled up. I never would understand it. How someone could be so mean to another person without any provocation was beyond me. Apparently, my presence was enough to cheer him up because he gave me a beautiful smile and greeted me with a searing kiss before taking my bag and escorting me out to his car. Alice and Jasper rode with Emmett regularly now since Edward basically lived with me.

"I'm going to cook dinner for you tonight." Edward informed me as I settled down at the kitchen table with my homework.

"You don't have to do that."

"I know, but I want to." He kissed me quickly on the side of my head before taking the seat across from me. We'd learned quickly that if we sat next to one another, very little studying got done.

My little apartment felt more like a home than any place I'd lived with my father. The atmosphere was warm and having someone there, who cared for me as Edward did, made all the difference. I'd always dreamed that one day I would have a happy life, and I was finally beginning to think that might just be a possibility. Maybe dreams really could come true, and I'd have my happily ever after.


	23. Chapter 23

"Stay home with me." Edward murmured in my ear as I ate the breakfast of eggs and french toast he'd prepared for me.

"Edwaaaaard. Stop." I swatted him away, exasperated with his pleading. The way he was acting you'd think I wasn't capable of surviving eight hours without him by my side. It was one day at school alone. It's not like Victoria was going to waltz into a school full of students and teachers, on a sunny day at that, and attack me or drag me away.

"Okay." He huffed in concession. "Just please be safe."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "And what did Alice see?" I asked in an attempt to reassure him.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." He mumbled dejectedly.

"See? I'll be fine. Would you please stop worrying?"

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and nuzzled his face in to my neck. "Never. I'll never stop worrying about you. I love you too much. Now hurry up and eat or you'll be late!"

I grinned as I shoveled my eggs in my mouth. If he hadn't been so whiny, I would have been done by now!

Edward wouldn't stop kissing me as I was trying to make my way out of the apartment with the keys to his Volvo gripped tightly in my hand.

"Edward, enough!" I giggled as I pushed him away and stepped out the door where I knew he couldn't follow.

"Okay, okay. I love you. Drive safely, and if you need anything at all..."

"I know, I know." I flashed him my cell phone. "I will call if I need you, but everything will be fine. Enjoy your day off. Love you!" I skipped away, carefully, as I blew him a kiss.

If I had to be honest, I was nervous about driving Edward's car. Besides it being so shiny new and spotless, he seemed to be very protective about it. The only cars I'd driven had always been used and dented and dinged. I'd never had an accident, but I just knew it would be my luck to have my first one in Edward's car. Stupid shiny Volvo.

It drove like a dream.

I arrived at Fork's High safe and the Volvo unscathed. Mentally breathing a sigh of relief, I then steeled myself to face the masses without my usual entourage of deadly vampires. Seriously, what harm could really come to me in a high school?

No one was bothering to whisper today. Whether they were truly speaking louder on purpose or it was just my imagination, I did not know. I did know that every eye was on me, and there were more people than usual interested in what I was doing.

Of course I had to run into Jessica as she was wrapped around Mike outside our English class. Her eyes looked around as if to make sure there truly were no Cullens present before she smirked and opened her mouth.

"So I guess you're not as important as you thought, since the Cullens left you behind like the unwanted family pet."

"Jess..." Mike chastised her.

"It's okay, Mike. You don't have to defend me. She doesn't know what she's talking about. It doesn't bother me, though I would be embarrassed if _my_ girlfriend was so jealous of me being with Edward that she had to resort to lies and spreading rumors in order to make herself feel better." I whispered conspiratorially, just loud enough for her to hear.

The shocked look on both of their faces was enough to mollify me and I headed into class with Angela on my heels. "That was great." She whispered as we took our seats.

I shrugged. "It's not like anyone here knows the truth. All they have are rumors and speculations. They're just words and I'm not going to allow them to bring me down. I know what Edward and I have is real. I'm the one who eats dinner at the Cullen house. When everyone else abandoned me, the Cullens were there. What these kids think means nothing to me. They know nothing of the real world. Let them vent their petty jealousies, I'm the one in Edward's arms at the end of the day."

Angela grinned. "It's good to see you so happy and confident. I don't know what happened while you were gone, but I like the new Bella."

"Let's just say I learned the world is more than high school drama. Hopefully most of the students here won't ever have to go through what I have, and their worst dilemma will be what to wear to the frat party on Friday. As far as Edward goes, it's not my fault he was never attracted to anyone else. For some reason the guy loves me, and I'm not going to argue."

My friend's cheeks were bright red. "You're so lucky. It's obvious Edward adores you."

"It's obvious Ben adores you." I gave her a pointed look and she ducked her head with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm pretty crazy about him too."

"I can tell. Both of you are good people and I'm glad you found each other."

Mr. Mason brought the class to order then and we gave him our full attention. Well, mostly. I was realizing how much I'd missed Angela and wondered how I could keep her in my life without her figuring out there was much more to the Cullens than she realized. There was no way Edward would let me go off with her unattended by one of them, not while Victoria was still out there. And I had to consider Angela's safety as well. She didn't need to be brought into this dangerous world any more than she was already. No, my friendship with Angela would have to remain at school only. I couldn't risk her safety, or that of the Cullens. I was used to isolation, however, so the idea wasn't completely depressing. I still had an entire family, however dysfunctional it might be. I'd never be lonely again.

Thankfully, Jessica kept her mouth shut in the other two classes I shared with her. It was time for lunch before I knew it, and I briefly considered eating in the library. Instead, I ventured outside where the entire student population had congregated due to the weather. I found a warm, grassy spot to sit and began unpacking the lunch Edward had made me. Of course he'd written a note for me and I blushed when I saw the rather juvenile heart with my name in it on the folded piece of paper.

_I love you, forever and always. _

_I miss you more than you know. _

_Hurry home to me._

_Love,_

_Edward_

My grin was involuntary. Yes, the girls of Forks High definitely had something to be jealous about. I doubt any of these hormonal teenage boys were as romantic as my vampire.

A shadow fell over me and I jumped at the sudden intrusion. When I looked up, I saw Angela and Ben, hand in hand.

"Can we join you?" She asked.

"Of course!" I patted the ground. "At least it's dry today. The sun feels so nice."

"These kinds of days are few and far between. I think the Cullens have the right idea." Ben smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, why didn't you go with them, Bella?" Angela asked.

"I've missed too much school already, and in case you haven't noticed, I trip over flat surfaces. Hiking through the woods, camping, fishing...none of that would bode well for me." It was nothing but the truth.

"True." Angela smirked. "I am kinda glad I'm not in your gym class."

I smacked her lighted and pretended to be offended.

"You'd think Coach would get the hint already and just let me walk laps for something. Why he insists on making me participate, I'll never know." I shook my head.

"Any fun plans for the summer?" Angela asked.

"Other than working with Newton, not really. Alice and Edward have a few things planned, but nothing big. You?"

"My family always goes to this church retreat at the beach. It's two weeks and the boys really have a blast." Angela's twin brothers were half her age, but she loved them unconditionally. You'd expect a teenager to be annoyed by younger siblings, but you could tell how much she cared when she talked about them. I still felt badly for running out on them.

"Sounds like a blast. I do miss the beach. Ben?" I asked.

"Oh, um...my brother and I will probably go camping at some point." He shrugged.

We ate and chatted about nothing in particular for the rest of the period. Ben gathered up our trash and took it to the trash can for us.

"He's great." I whispered.

"Yeah, I know." You could see the love shining in her eyes.

"I'm really sorry I left." I admitted. "I hope you know it was nothing personal. I would have loved to live with your family."

"Oh please, don't apologize, Bella. I know you had to do this on your own. I'd have wanted to find my mother too if I was in the same position. I admit, I would have loved to have had you as a sister, but we're still friends, right?"

"Right." I gave her a one-armed hug. "I just hope I didn't cause any problems for your parents."

"No, they're fine. They knew the Cullens wanted to keep you, but because they already had so many adopted teens, social services wouldn't have let you stay. They wanted to be there for you and let you stay in Forks, since you already had friends here. They understand. I promise."

"Thanks Angela."

"No problem, Bella. That's what friends are for. Ready for Biology?" She asked as we stood up. Ben appeared behind her and gently took her hand.

"Ugh, I guess. One class closer to gym." I stuck out my tongue.

"One class closer to seeing Edward." She bumped my shoulder as we walked to class.

"True." I grinned, the blush heating my cheeks. Today hadn't been so bad, but I still missed having him around. I was grateful I'd gotten to spend some time with Angela. It was nice to have another friend, especially a human one. Even if I couldn't tell her anything, there was something to be said for being of the same species. We were equal, neither one of us more powerful than the other. If I bled in front of her, she might pass out, but she wouldn't eat me. As much as I'd longed for normalcy, I'd never give up my life as it was, because then I wouldn't have Edward, or his family.

I felt a pang of sadness when I took in Edward's empty seat at our lab table. _It's just one class. _ I chastised myself for being so weak. Rolling my eyes, I turned my full attention to Mr. Banner and took detailed notes in order to keep my mind occupied.

Before I knew it, it was time for gym, and I was seriously considering skipping. The entire locker room grew quiet when I entered. Lauren, with her groupies, glared at me as I made my way to my locker. The other girls tried to look anywhere but in my direction. The tension was thick and I had an odd sense of foreboding. Quickly grabbing my gym clothes, I hurried to the bathroom and changed into the regular gym uniform, no longer needing to wear the more modest version my father had insisted upon. I stuffed my regular clothes back into my bag and shoved the bag in my locker. Lauren was still sitting there watching me, so I hightailed it into the gym where there were more witnesses. I wasn't necessarily _afraid_ of what she might do to me, but I wasn't a masochist and had no desire to be hurt or taunted any more than usual.

Gym was brutal. I never realized how much of a difference Alice's presence made. With her absence, Lauren's group made me the target. I was knocked down and hit with the basketball more times than I could count, and I was starting to get pissed, especially when Coach Clapp seemed to completely ignore the fact that they were doing it on purpose.

Finally, class was over and I was eager to get the hell out of there. I rushed to my locker and grabbed my bag before locking myself back in the bathroom stall and stripping off that horrible sweaty uniform. As soon as my clothes hit the floor, a hand reached under the door and snatched them away. I growled. I didn't have time for these immature games.

"Give those back!" I yelled at whoever it was. There was no answer, just some laughter from the main locker room. I yanked open my bag to grab my regular clothes, only to find they were missing as well.

Shit.

I leaned back against the wall of the stall and banged my head into it. Clad in only a bra and panties, I had no choice but to leave the sanctity of the bathroom stall in order to go out and find my clothes. I'd have to face them all, nearly naked, and beg them for my clothes back. If they refused, I had no idea what I'd do. Maybe I could find some clothes in another locker or the lost and found. At least Alice stocked my drawers with nice undergarments.

Mustering all the courage I could find, I unlocked the door and headed into the locker room. Lauren was standing there with my gym clothes in her hand, smirking at me. Jessica and a few other girls were still loitering, no doubt waiting around to watch my humiliation.

"What's wrong Bella? Are you too good to change with the rest of us?" Lauren sneered, her gaze traveling over my body.

"Oh my god, look at her back!" Jessica squealed from behind me. The whole group began circling like hyenas.

"Is _that_ why Edward likes you? He likes it rough and you let him do whatever he wants? What kind of sick bitch are you?" Lauren clucked her tongue in mock disapproval.

"You have no idea what you're talking about Lauren. Not everyone has a perfect life like you. Why do you even care? You have everything already. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Bella, Bella, Bella. You don't understand. You tried to embarrass me in front of my friends. No one talks to me like that and gets away with it. Your little bodyguard isn't here today to protect you, so it's time you learned your lesson. A sick, little freak like you doesn't belong here in Forks, and you most definitely don't belong with someone like Edward. You should have stayed away. What makes you so special that Daddy Cullen takes you under his wing?"

"Lauren, seriously, enough is enough. What goes on in my life is none of your business. Whatever happens between the me and Edward or me and the Cullens is not your concern. You can say whatever you like, your words don't hurt me. You have no idea what I've been through. You saw the scars. If you think your petty little jealous vendetta is going to make me break down, you have another thing coming. I've faced far more dangerous adversaries. You don't scare me. I actually feel sorry for you. I mean, what is wrong with you that you focus all your energy on trying to bring me down? If I'm not worth anything, if I don't belong here, then why are you wasting your time even talking to me. Just ignore me, it's not that hard to do." I shrugged, hoping the nervousness in my voice didn't give me away. I knew tomorrow the entire school would know about my back, and even more ridiculous assumptions would be made about me _and _the Cullens. Thankfully, I knew my hospital records had pictures of my injuries as proof that the abuse occurred before I came to live with the Cullens, so they were safe from prying social workers.

I could tell I'd pissed her off, her face was beet red and she was huffing and puffing like the big, bad wolf. "You bitch! What right do you have to talk to _me_ like that!" She squealed indignantly. Then she growled, her fists clenched tightly and I wondered if she would take a swing at me. Apparently some of the other girls noticed as well and proceeded to slink away, not wanting to be involved in any kind of physical altercation.

"Just give me my clothes and walk away Lauren. I don't want a fight, but I can't guarantee my family will feel the same way. They're all very protective of me." I hoped the threat would be enough, though I knew nothing would stop them from exacting their revenge even if I asked them not to.

She scoffed. "Like they'd ever defend you. You're just a charity case. They pity you. As soon as you're eighteen, they'll drop you like the freak you are. Seriously, you don't even compare to them. Jess, throw these away." She tossed my gym clothes to Jessica who looked startled for a minute.

"Lauren, let's just give them back and get out of here. I have better things to do with my time than to taunt such a loser. She's right, she's a waste of time."

"Do you want me to tell Mike you went down on Tyler at his party?" Lauren threatened.

Jessica looked outraged for a minute before ducking her head with a defeated look on her face. "No." She mumbled before walking over to the trash can and shoving my clothes inside.

Lauren gave me a nasty smile and I just returned it before heading over to the trash to retrieve my clothes. Dirty clothes were better than none. I'd be home in ten minutes and could change then. I didn't get more than five steps before I found myself flailing as I pitched forward towards the floor. I caught a flash of Lauren's foot out of the corner of my eye and realized she had tripped me, and then a sharp blow to the side of my head made everything go fuzzy. When I could focus, I noticed the metal bleacher I must have hit on the way down, and then Jessica's face above me frozen in a look of horror. My ears were ringing and my vision began to blacken at the edges.

"Oh my God, Lauren! There's so much blood! We have to call 911!" Jessica's voice was tinny beneath the roar in my head.

"Absolutely not! Do you know how much trouble we'll be in? Now help me!"

I felt someone grab my wrists, but I was too weak to protest. I couldn't make my limbs or voice work. Everything just faded away then. My last conscious thought was of Edward, knowing how right he'd been and how much I loved him. Happily ever afters just weren't meant for people like me.


	24. Chapter 24

I wasn't dead.

I was back in the closet. Or at least I thought I was. Had everything been a dream?

My head throbbed and I felt the sticky evidence of blood on my skin.

There were no lashes on my back, but there was a gash on my head still oozing blood.

I blinked rapidly trying to piece together what might have happened. Every time I thought I was close to grasping something, it slipped away.

The floor was hard and cold, definitely not the carpeted front hall closet of our Forks home. Had we even moved to Forks? Seriously, who would name a town that?

It must have been a dream.

The house we had in Mississippi had hard floors.

No, this room was too big to be that closet, and the pain was in my head, not my back.

Charlie was dead. Wasn't he?

I was cold.

My clothes. Where were my clothes?

Why was I laying in a cold, dark room with only my underwear on?

Edward.

Was he real? Vampires aren't real.

It must have been a dream.

A sliver of light registered in my hazy brain. That must be the door.

I inched my way across the floor to bring myself closer to it. There was no knob, that I could find.

My stomach rolled at the smell of so much blood. I felt like I was covered in it, and I probably was.

I needed to get out of here.

_So tired._ I slid my fingers under the opening in the door and closed my eyes. If this was my reality, I wanted to go back to my dreams.

Back to Edward.

At some point my small prison was flooded with light. It was so bright I could barely make out the fuzzy shapes in front of me.

A flash of red hair caught my eye.

_Victoria._

I was still dreaming, and this was a nightmare. Maybe I'd wake up in my bed in Edward's arms. He always saved me from my nightmares.

She was coming closer. My pulse immediately quickened, adrenaline pumped sluggishly through my veins. But it was enough.

I scrabbled away from the door as quickly as I could, making myself as small as possible in the corner of the room. I knew there was no escape, but I wrapped my arms around my knees and closed my eyes, waiting for this harbinger of death to take me. Either that, or I would wake up soon. I always woke up before I died in my dreams.

Someone was screaming.

I felt her hand on my arm and lashed out instinctively, knowing it wouldn't help.

She was gone.

Was I awake now?

I squinted at the open door, but didn't see anyone outside of it. There was blood all over the floor. So much blood. My head spun.

Maybe I _was_ dead.

A figure appeared in the door, but their features were in shadow, The light illuminating them from behind was too bright. I blinked and tried to focus, but they were no more than a blur.

"Bella?"

The voice seemed so far away. The figure was mere inches from me now. It was definitely a man.

I jerked away at his cold touch, but there was nowhere else to go.

He reached for me and I fought against his embrace. He let me go.

I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave Edward.

This time when he reached towards me, I felt a warm haze spread through me. I could no longer fight. My body wouldn't respond. When he picked me up to carry me away, I said a final goodbye to Edward and let my eyes close for the last time.


	25. Chapter 25

The voices. That's what I noticed first. Soft, whispering sounds floating through the room. The words were impossible for me to understand, but I knew it was whispering. There were others here with me, wherever that may be.

_..._

Or was it hissing? Was my father's hell real and I was damned to eternity in a pit of snakes?

…

"Bella, please come back to me. I _need_ you...so much, love. _Please..._" The voice pleaded with me. It's rich tenor reminded me of someone.

…

_Edward._ Was his the hand holding my own?

…

My head was throbbing. I didn't expect pain like this _after_ death.

…

"...traumatic brain injury. She will be disoriented and confused when she does wake up, and it's possible that she will not even remember what happened. Some amnesia is common with these kinds of injuries...."

…

My hand was freezing cold, but I was warm. I tried to move my hand closer to my body, maybe under the blankets.

Blankets! I was in a bed. I wasn't dead. Focusing all my energy on my one hand, I tried again.

"Bella?" _Bella?_ That was my name. Someone was speaking to _me_. "Can you move your hand again?"

I tried.

"That's okay. I know you're in there. I know you need time to heal, but please...please come back to me."

…

"...just change her already. You know it's going to happen eventually, so what's the use of putting everyone through all this."

"She's going to be _fine_. Alice saw..."

…

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, I was alive, though I wasn't sure of the extent of my current injuries. Second, Edward Cullen was real, and he was undeniably in love with me. And third, vampires didn't exist.

…

I wanted to see him. It had been too long since I'd seen his face and I couldn't trust my memory any longer. I tried to open my eyes for the first time and was rewarded with blinding light that hurt, so I shut them. A whimper escaped and I felt the air move around me.

"Bella?" He lightly stroked my cheek.

"Turn the lights off and she'll open her eyes." A bell-like voice whispered.

"The lights are off, Bella. Can you open your eyes for me?" A third voice joined in.

A sliver of blue appeared as I managed to open my eyes slightly. It still hurt. I blinked slowly a few times, each time opening my eyes a bit more. My vision was fuzzy and it ached to look around. Two figures hovered expectantly over me and it was Edward that I recognized first. I was immediately drawn to his burning amber eyes which held so much pain and worry. I had to reassure him I was fine, because I knew he was blaming himself.

"Eh..." I tried to push sound through my throat, but it was so dry, it hurt. My tiny raven-haired friend pushed her way to my bed with a cup of water and held the straw to my lips. As I greedily sucked down a few sips, I felt my throat relax and cleared it.

"Edward." I whispered, and he smiled nodding at me. His grasp on my hand tightened slightly as he leaned down to kiss me softly on the forehead.

"We've got to stop meeting like this." He murmured and I almost laughed. At least that part of my memory was intact. This was the third time I'd woken up in the hospital to find him by my side.

"What happened?" I asked.

"What do you remember?" The other figure asked me. My focus was drawn to the familiar blond headed doctor. _Carlisle._

"Dr. Cullen." That earned me another tight smile and nod.

"What do you remember?" He repeated.

"I.." I paused. My brain still hadn't sorted out what was real and what wasn't. "I'm not sure..."

He nodded and gave a meaningful look to Edward before turning his attention back to me. "Can you tell me your name?"

I frowned at his question. "Bella." Of course I know my own name.

"I need you state your full name." Okay, I guess Dr. Cullen was in full doctor mode.

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"Thank you." A small smile. He must know how ridiculous this seems. "Do you know what day it is?"

He stumped me there. I struggled to recall the last real memory I had. Going to school without Edward. It was sunny. "Tuesday?" I whispered.

He tilted his head. "Today is actually Wednesday, but you've been unconscious since yesterday, so I didn't expect you to know that."

"What happened?" I asked.

"I'll tell you after we run through a few more tests."

Anger flashed through me. "Tell me now!" I demanded. I was laid up in the hospital, unconscious, and I couldn't remember a thing. I wanted answers.

"Please calm down, Bella. You fell and hit your head pretty hard. I need to make sure there's nothing else we need to worry about before we discuss what happened." His calm doctor's voice did nothing to quell the irritation I felt. Edward was even glaring at him.

Dr. Cullen sighed. "Please follow the light with your eyes." The bright penlight made the ache in my eyes worse, but I did his stupid test even though the damn light seemed to be moving faster than I could keep up with. "Lift your arms, please." I did it. "Wiggle your fingers." I rolled my eyes. "Now your toes. Good." He continued with a full body assessment and suddenly all I wanted to do was sleep. The constant ringing in my ears was making my head hurt and I just wanted to get away from everyone.

"Does your head hurt?"

I looked at him incredulously. He just told me I hit my head, and he's asking if my head hurt? "Of course it does." I nearly growled. Edward's eyes widened in surprise at my tone.

The questions continued and I really wanted to hit someone. Slipping back into that blissful unawareness was so tempting. "Are you done?" I finally asked tersely.

"For now. It's best if you get some rest. You'll heal faster."

"What the fuck happened to me?" I demanded again. A shocked silence fell over the room for a moment before Dr. Cullen spoke.

"You hit your head when you fell. You had to have stitches, and the blow caused a mild brain injury. It's likely you'll have headaches and dizziness. Your vision may be blurry. You're agitated right now, which is to be expected. You may experience nausea, vomiting, ringing in the ears....among other things. It's important that you rest. We'll need to monitor you closely for any complications, especially considering you had a similar injury not too long ago. You must tell me if anything changes, or if you have any new symptoms."

"That's great and all, but where did I fall? Why did I fall? What parts are real and which aren't? How did I get here?"

"Bella, Bella, slow down. I know you have a hundred questions and I can't give you any answers. I wasn't there. I have a vague idea of what happened, but I can't say anything until you speak with the police. So, when you are ready, I will let them know."

His words didn't really register as I remembered the red hair. _Victoria._ The heart monitor blared as my heart began to race.

"Victoria! Is she real? She can't be real. Vampires don't exist. Who was the person with red hair? Is she going to hurt me? She was there...she tried to get me...."

Dr. Cullen pulled a syringe out of his pocket, silencing me immediately. "Bella you need to calm down, or else I'll have to give you something to help you do so. Now, I don't want to do that, but you cannot get this worked up. All your questions will be answered in time. Can you stay calm for me?"

I nodded and forced myself to breathe slowly, trying to calm down on my own. He put the syringe back in his pocket and I relaxed a bit more.

"Bella, you really need to speak with the police first, before we can answer any questions. Though I would suggest you avoid mentioning vampires unless you want to end up in the psych ward." Edward spoke to me softly, as if anything louder would cause me to fall apart.

"Sure, bring them in." Why the hell shouldn't we get this over with already?

"Are you sure?" Dr. Cullen asked me.

"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't." I snapped.

"Alright. I'll go get them."

Dr. Cullen left the room, and Edward brought my hand to his lips. "I was so afraid I'd lost you."

"Looks like you're pretty stuck with me. I'm hard to take out, apparently." I smirked up at him.

He didn't find that funny. "You scared me. I love you so much, Bella."

"I'm going to be fine, you heard him." A sudden realization hit me. Shit. Could he really hear thoughts, or was that too a part of my imagination? I opened my mouth to ask him, but the door opened admitting Dr. Cullen and two police officers.

"Bella, this is Officer Smith and Eastman. They're here to take your statement." Dr. Cullen explained. They seemed vaguely familiar.

"Hello, Bella. I won't say it's good to see you again, especially under these circumstances." He gave me a wry smile. "We just have a few questions and then we'll be out of your hair. Okay?" Officer Smith spoke to me as if I were a child. I wondered if it was being in a hospital that made people behave that way.

"Sure, but why are the police involved?" I asked warily.

"We just have some questions first, and then we'll explain." Officer Eastman offered.

I huffed in response. "Let's get it over with then."

"Do you know what happened to you?" Smith asked, writing in his little notepad.

"No, though I'd love it if someone would tell me."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"Going to school."

"What day was it?"

"Tuesday. It was sunny."

"Is there anyone who would want to hurt you?" I raised my eyebrows in response and felt Edward stiffen. _Well sir, you see there's a vampire out there who is hellbent on revenge __because my boyfriend here killed her mate...._ Yeah, I didn't think that would go over well.

"Not that I know of. I know some of the girls at school don't like me, but I don't think they'd ever try to hurt me."

"Can you give me the names of these girls?"

"Well, Lauren Mallory has had it out for me since day one. Then there's Jessica Stanley..." _Do you want me to tell Mike you went down on Tyler at his party? _"...but I think she just does it to try to stay on Lauren's good side."

The two cops exchanged a look and Smith wrote something else down.

"Can you tell me what this about? Are you saying someone did this to me?" I hoped they'd give me an answer. This was becoming insanely frustrating.

"Have you ever had a confrontation with Miss Mallory?" Eastman asked.

"Um, not really. We've exchanged words a few times, but that was it. She doesn't seem like the violent type."

"When was the last time you spoke to her?"

"I don't know. It's been a while...I think..." I responded quietly. It seemed like there was something there, trying to break through to the surface, but not quite making it. I kept trying to go over every encounter I'd had with Lauren in my head, but I was getting confused again. Not sure what was real and what wasn't. We really didn't speak much, so there wasn't much to remember. Still...there was something...

"Is there anything else you can tell us? About Miss Mallory or what happened to you?" Eastman asked.

I started to shake my head, but then I thought of something. "Was I locked in a closet?" I asked.

They looked at each other. "Yes. Is there anything else you remember?"

"Blood..." I whispered.

He nodded. "You were found in a supply closet in the girl's locker room at your school." He paused, watching me to see if the information sparked any memories. "A Mrs. Cope received an anonymous phone call shortly after school ended. When she went to investigate, you were in a state of undress and covered in blood." He looked up from his notepad with a grimace.

"Go on." I urged him, flashes of memory connecting in my mind as I listened.

_Mrs. Cope. Red hair._

"When she came near you, you appeared frightened and confused. You tried to get away from her and then you fought against her when she tried to help you. Mrs. Cope stated you were rocking and trembling, screaming and talking to yourself...that it sounded like you were praying..." He stopped again, checking with Dr. Cullen this time. He nodded. "She then called Dr. Cullen here, who is also your guardian. He reports that he found you in a similar state, and when you tried to fight against him, he sedated you and brought you to the hospital."

I nodded numbly. It was weird to have someone tell you what happened to you. I was there, I should have had the memories. There were flashes, but none of them felt real to me.

"Do you remember anything else?" Smith asked.

I shook my head. I couldn't remember what happened _before_ the closet, and it kind of frightened me. An involuntary shudder ran through me. I had so many questions, but decided they should wait until I was alone with Edward. I trusted him more than anyone.

"Alright, then. If anything else comes to mind, please give us a call." He said, patting my leg gently. The gesture sparked another memory and I gasped. They were the officers who questioned me when Charlie died. So that part _was_ real.

Everyone was staring at me. "It's nothing. Just thinking about my father." I explained with a shrug.

The two officers nodded sympathetically. "Take care of yourself, Bella. Next time I see you, I hope it's not in a hospital." Eastman gave me another small smile, before they both left the room.

It felt like the entire room sighed from relief.

I studied the girl-woman at the end of my bed. "Alice." I murmured. A smile lit up her face.

"I knew you'd remember."

"You know everything." I rolled my eyes. But there was truth in that statement, and it gave me pause.

"Not here, Bella." Alice warned, and I nodded as she confirmed my suspicions. She was the clairvoyant. Edward was the mind-reader. But they couldn't really be vampires. That had to be a part of whatever hallucinations I suffered from my injury. _Then who, or what was Victoria?_

"This is going to drive me mad, you know that." I told her.

She nodded tightly. "I'm sorry for that." There was such sadness in her eyes. "Carlisle's going to let you go home tomorrow and we'll talk then." She assured me.

I groaned. "It's the soonest I could let you go after this kind of injury, Bella. You'll need another CT scan tomorrow and then you're free to go." Dr. Cullen explained. "We all know Edward's not going to leave your side, and Alice assures us you'll be fine. As severe as this injury could have been, you're actually quite lucky."

I wasn't sure I agreed with his assessment. He didn't know of the maelstrom whirling through my head. "Home." I murmured, dreaming of a soft bed in a tidy apartment with Edward at my side. I hoped that part was real. "So, Charlie really is dead?"

Edward's brow furrowed and he glanced quickly at Dr. Cullen. "Yes, he is. You've been on your own since February. You do remember everything else...up until yesterday that is...right?" He asked carefully.

I chewed on my lip. I thought I remembered, but I couldn't be sure all of my memories were real. "I think so." I whispered. "I'm just confused as to what is real and what is not." He nodded, staring at our hands that were clasped together.

"That's normal, Bella. Everything will clear up for you, it just takes a bit of time. You've been through a traumatic experience and it will take some time for your brain to work things out." Dr. Cullen assured me.

Edward's thumb traced over my ring finger and I immediately understood what he was concerned about. I turned to Dr. Cullen. "Can you give us a moment?" I asked. Alice was already heading towards the door, ever cognizant of what was to come.

"Sure, just let me know if you need anything, and try to get some rest." He patted my shoulder affectionately.

"I will." I assured him.

As soon as the door clicked shut, I turned to Edward, who was looking at the wall across the room. I tugged on his hand to get his attention. "I remember." I murmured, knowing it was still possible for Dr. Cullen to hear us. "Yes. Always, yes." I gave him a meaningful look, and he visibly relaxed, his lips curving into a small smile.

"Thank God." He breathed. His lips found mind quickly and we shared a searingly chaste kiss.

"You were the one constant. I'll admit I questioned if you were real a some point, but I couldn't ignore the overwhelming love I felt for you. I clung to that, knowing I had to find my way back to you. I love you, Edward. Always and forever."

"Forever." He smiled sweetly and sat in the chair next to my bed. "I love you, Bella. Now rest." He commanded gently as he began to hum and stroke my hair.

I knew we'd get through this together, but the detachment from reality I was experiencing worried me. I hope Dr. Cullen and Alice were right – that my brain would sort all this out with a little bit of time. My life might not have been all rainbows and unicorns, but it was mine and I didn't want to lose what made me who I was.


	26. Chapter 26

"God, it's good to be back in my own bed." I wrapped myself up in the comforter as I laid sprawled out on the bed. "The beds in the hospital are so uncomfortable and the sheets are so scratchy. Then you take the fact that they're plastic and just trap all that body heat, it just takes an already bad experience and makes it miserable. You end up sweating and then your back gets itchy, and there's just no relief, because you have to keep laying in that bed. I swear they should install some kind of air flow in the mattresses so you can try to cool yourself off at least." I rolled over on my belly so I could see Edward better. "But this! This bed is heaven. It's soft and breathable, and the sheets...I'll have to thank Alice for the sheets. She's the one who bought them, right?"

His brow furrowed. "I think so. Either Alice or Esme." He replied slowly.

I grabbed my phone, unsatisfied with his answer. Of course she picked up before it even rang once. "Bella?"

"Hey Alice! I was just telling Edward how awesome these sheets are, and I wanted to know if you were the one who bought them, because I need to know what kind they are. I'm never going to sleep on scratchy sheets again. So did you?"

She let out a little laugh. "Yes, Bella, I bought the sheets, and I'll order you more. I'm glad you like them."

"They're the best. I love you, Alice. Have I ever told you that? I don't think I have, but I do. You've always been there for me, even when I was acting like a bitch. I'm so sorry for everything I did to push you away. I hope you know that, since you know, you know everything. But I needed to say it. I also need to thank you for everything. You're the best friend and sister a girl could ever have."

"I feel the same way, Bella. I've never had someone like you in my life."

Her words warmed my heart. "So when are we going to the spa again? I could really use a massage and I'm in desperate need of a pedicure. Maybe we can even go shopping afterward because I think I need a few more summer clothes."

"Of course, Bella!" I could hear the smile in her voice. "I've already booked us a day at the spa on Friday. Oh, this will be so much fun. I already have most of your summer wardrobe picked out, but you can never have too many clothes."

"Oh! Can we get ice cream too? I haven't been to a real ice cream parlor, in like...ever..." I paused, trying to remember ever going out for ice cream. "Nope, never. What's your favorite flavor, Alice? I've only had it a few times, and it was always something boring..."

"I don't eat ice cream, Bella." Her voice had lost it's usual exuberance.

"Huh. Okay, can we still go? I really want to go."

"Sure. Anything you want."

"Great! Okay, well...Edward is looking at me funny, so I should probably get off the phone. After three days, he's probably wanting a little alone time with me, if you know what I mean." I giggled and blew Edward a kiss.

"See you soon, Bella."

"Bye!" I ended the call and tossed the phone on my nightstand. Peeling the covers off me, I motioned for Edward to join me on the bed. "You're too far away." I pouted.

He seemed to be warring with himself and his hesitation pissed me off. I cleared my throat, and he shook his head a little. "You need to take it easy."

"Edward, get over here!" I demanded. Tired of merely holding hands and chaste kisses. I needed him, all of him.

He approached the bed, and me, warily. When he finally situated himself against the headboard, I curled up against him. My hands eagerly explored his torso, needing to touch every inch of him and ensure he was real. No one had yet guessed at my confusion or insecurity. My mind was slowly piecing things together again and it was so hard to be sure of anything. Through it all, Edward was my anchor.

My lips were tempted by the scent that purely_ him_, and I tilted my head back so I could place kisses along the strong column of his throat and the sharp angle of his jaw. His eyelids fluttered close and a soft rumbled reverberated through his chest where my ear was still pressed.

"Bella." He warned me. Screw that. Giddy with desire, I straddled him, gripping his hair in my hands and melding my lips with his. It took a moment before he responded. His kisses were tentative at first, but as I pressed my body against his, they became desperate. Fingers tangled in tresses, lips clashed and sucked, teeth nibbled – at least mine did. My heart was racing and a delicious heat was burning within me. Hooking my fingers in my shirt, I sat up and yanked it off, leaving me bare to him since I hadn't bothered with a bra at the hospital.

He inhaled sharply and seemed to freeze beneath me. Unwilling to let him reject me, I pressed myself against him once more, disappointed that there still remained a layer of clothing between us. I wanted to feel him, flesh to flesh. I slid my hands under his shirt, and tried to pull it up.

"Bella, stop!" He grabbed my shoulders roughly and pushed me away. I held back the traitorous tears that would give away how much his rejection hurt and channeled the new found anger that always seemed just below the surface.

I brazenly pressed my hand against his obvious erection. "Don't even try to pretend that you don't want this." I spat.

He moved incredibly fast to the other side of the room, disorienting me. "Of course I do, but not now, not like this. You just got out of the hospital, Bella! You have a very serious head injury. This is not the time to do _this_!" Maybe he was right, considering I was apparently still having issues with my vision, but I wasn't about to back down.

"Just get out, Edward. I'll take of myself." I stood up and began to strip off the rest of my clothes.

"Bella." His strangled cry made me pause. "This isn't you." He whispered.

"It most certainly is. You can't expect to get me all worked up time and time again only to stop. Some of us need a release. I'm sure you get yours in the shower, or is there someone else, Edward? Is that the reason you won't touch me? Are you fucking someone else?" I advanced on him, not bothering to be ashamed of my nakedness. "I know I'm not as beautiful as Rosalie, or as perfect as Alice. So who is it?"

"Bella, there's no one. There's never been anyone else. You _know_ that!" He pleaded with me.

"Do I? It's not like I'm a mind reader, you could be lying to me." Pain and fury flashed through his eyes, and I wanted to throw myself at him and apologize, but I couldn't stop. "Just get out Edward. Go find your whore. I was stupid to think you'd ever want someone like me."

He flinched at my vulgar language, but stood his ground. "I'm not leaving you. Not now, not ever. You are mine. I love you."

My hand flew out before I realized it and I shrieked in pain as it came into contact with his face. He grabbed me then, one hand around the wrist of my injured hand, the other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close as I crumbled into hysterical sobs.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know you would never..." The guilt of my accusation was crushing. "I just..." A frustrated growl escaped me. "Nothing makes sense! Why me? What did I do to deserve any of this? Why do all the bad things have to happen to me? Is this my punishment for not believing in God? Am I being punished? I can't do this!"

Edward continued to hold me and began to hum in an effort to console me. At some point Alice and Dr. Cullen arrived. Dr. Cullen peeled me out of Edward's arms and laid me back in the bed, before examining my hand. "Looks like it's just bruised. Try to take it easy and put ice on it every so often to help the swelling. Would you like something for the pain?"

I nodded. "Please." I hoped it would knock me out and provide me with a few hours of blessed nothingness. Even though I'd never been one for drugs, I just didn't care any more. I needed the escape. The pill was bitter as it went down.

"You know how hard-headed Edward is. You shouldn't have tried to hit him." Alice chastised me. Leave it up to me to hurt my hand trying to slap someone. More guilt. I couldn't believe I actually did that..._to Edward_.

He must have sensed the turn of my mood. "Hey, it's okay." He gently tilted my head back with his finger under my chin and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I'm just sorry you got hurt because of me."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. Everything is just so out of control. I have no idea what's going on. This will pass, right?" I asked Dr. Cullen.

"Things should clear up for you with time, Bella, but there may be long term effects. We won't know until it becomes apparent those symptoms aren't going away." I felt my veins turn to ice at the thought of 'long term effects.' I wasn't sure I could handle it if I had to deal with feeling like this for the rest of my life. "I'm going to leave some medication with Edward. If you feel yourself panicking or if things get to be too much, it will help calm you down. Okay?"

"Sure." Valium actually didn't sound so bad now. "So, what happened? Can you tell me now that I've talked to the cops?"

"Sure." Alice chirped as she made herself comfortable at the foot of my bed. "First, you have to understand that Lauren didn't mean to hurt you. She decided to trip you at the last minute, and it was just unfortunate that you were too close to the bench, which is what you hit your head on. Those metal benches are just dangerous to anyone." She shook her head in disapproval. "Jessica freaked out and wanted to call someone, but Lauren didn't want to get in trouble. So, they panicked and decided to drag you into the closet and leave you there." A growl erupted from Edward. I gently rubbed his hand in an effort to calm him. "Jessica called the school after she and Lauren parted ways and told Mrs. Cope where to find you. Lauren was blackmailing her, but she said she just couldn't leave you there, even if she loses Mike over it." She rolled her eyes at the end. Jessica was a vapid twit if ever there was one.

I sucked in a breath to steady myself. I wasn't angry that she had tripped me. I believed Alice when she said she didn't plan to hurt me. But I was mad that they left me nearly naked and bleeding with a head injury in a closet. Thank goodness Jessica had the presence of mind to call someone or who knows if I'd even be alive.

"Didn't you _see_, Alice?" I asked quietly, hoping this was a real memory. "I mean you did tell Edward I'd be fine."

Hurt and remorse flashed across her face. "Not until it was too late. She didn't decide to hurt you, it really was an accident. There's no excuse of course for her dragging you off to that closet, knowing you were injured, and on Monday she's going to get a piece of my mind if I don't knock her sorry ass into the wall first."

"Alice." Dr. Cullen said reproachfully.

She crossed her arms defiantly. "She deserves it." Edward chuckled and Dr. Cullen turned to face him.

"That goes for you too, Edward. Neither one of you will seek retribution for Bella's injuries. Do you understand me?"

They both nodded curtly, but I knew they wouldn't just let it go.

"So you do see the future." I stated.

Alice smiled softly. "And Edward reads minds."

"Except for mine."

"Right."

"Okay." I shook my head, wondering if they were the delusional ones. Superpowers like those were for movies and comic books. "What about Victoria?"

"You don't have anything to worry about. Mrs. Cope was the woman with red hair that you saw." Edward reassured me. "She's mostly harmless." He smirked.

I still didn't have my own memories of the event, but I supposed knowing what happened was good enough for now.

"You need to eat and then get some rest." Dr. Cullen said as he prepared to leave.

"I'm not tired and I'm sick of laying in a bed all day. I'm sure I have plenty of homework to catch up on."

I heaved myself out of the bed using my one good hand and headed for the bathroom to freshen up after my embarrassing emotional outburst. After washing my face and brushing my hair, I exited the bathroom to find I was alone with Edward once again. He was in the kitchen putting dinner together. I took a good look around my apartment and was relieved to find that it was as I remembered, only it needed a good cleaning. A light layer of dust had settled over everything, so I decided to start there. Edward was making spaghetti and my stomach growled at the scent of the sauce warming on the stove. It was a simple meal, but after hospital food, I knew it would be delicious. I ran my hand over his back as I passed him to get to the cabinet under the sink where the dusting cloths were.

"Bella, you really should be taking it easy." Edward stood over me with a disapproving frown.

"Well I feel fine and I need something to do until dinner is ready." I shrugged and headed back to the living room to start dusting. I moved everything off the surfaces and sprayed them down before wiping vigorously, being sure to remove every speck of dust. Then I went over each picture or knick-knack before placing them back where they belonged. I realized I'd need to remove all the books and cds in order to do a more thorough job, but I wouldn't have enough time at the moment. Dinner was ready and Edward would get cranky if I didn't go eat. I wished he'd realize I didn't need him looking after me as if I was a child. I ran the entire household for years without any help from anyone.

After I'd put the cleaning supplies away and washed my hands, I sat down to eat. It really did smell good, and I dove right in.

"Why aren't you eating?" I asked through a mouthful of pasta. He looked confused and the furrow in his brow deepened as he contemplated something.

"I'm not hungry." He finally answered, watching me cautiously.

I just shrugged and returned happily to my food. There were too many things that needed to be done. I hadn't realized how much I had been slacking on taking care of my apartment. My father would have been appalled at the state of it. Then there was homework. Edward and Dr. Cullen wanted me to stay home the rest of the year and just take my finals and be done with it. However, I refused to be coddled and insisted on going back to school. They made me promise to wait until Monday. So now I'd have three days of work to catch up. I just couldn't catch a break, always running behind. It seemed like there was never enough time, so I would have to make sure there was enough from here on out.

They only wanted me to work three days a week this summer, but I decided we would be discussing that. There was no reason I couldn't work at least five, which would still give me the weekends for fun. There wasn't any point in being idle more than necessary. It's not like I had any kind of hobby that would take up so much of my time that I wouldn't be able to work. I'd just be sitting around here doing nothing, and I spent more than enough time doing that over the past decade. Once the house was clean and the meals cooked, there wasn't anything to do for entertainment except read one of the books from the short list approved by my father. I would do my best to keep myself occupied. Maybe I could take up running or some other kind of sport. Though I may be clumsy, physical activity was a big part of being healthy and something I should definitely be doing. I knew I'd be excused from gym class for the rest of the year, and as a senior I wouldn't have to take it. I'd need to explore and find out what kinds of things I might be able to participate in without causing myself too much damage.

I felt strong hands close over mine and still them. When I looked up, Edward was standing behind me at the sink. "You've been washing that same plate for ten minutes, Bella." He removed the dish from my hands and handed me a towel before stepping in front of the sink to finish. I honestly didn't even remember getting up to wash the dishes.

I had been growing more tired throughout dinner, and I knew it was due to the pain killers Dr. Cullen had given me a little while ago. There was studying to be done though. If I could finish the homework from Tuesday, then I wouldn't be as far behind. I let Edward know I was going to my room to study and he nodded reluctantly. His jaw was twitching and I knew he wanted me to tell me to rest, but I'm sure he was treading carefully, not wanting to be the target of my next emotional outburst.

Sitting down at my desk, I spread out my Government homework and got to work.

The room was flooded with light and I was cocooned in something soft and warm, though my cheek and injured hand were resting on something cold and hard. Fingers ran through my hair and with a groan I opened my eyes.

"Good morning, love." Edward smiled down at me.

I mumbled a good morning and pushed myself into a sitting position, wondering how I ended up in the bed. I didn't remember going to bed at all.

Edward must have sensed my confusion. "You fell asleep at the desk doing homework." He pointed to the desk where my papers and books were still spread out. Then I looked down and noticed I was wearing my pajamas. I looked back up at Edward and lifted an eyebrow in question. He simply offered me a shrug and a sheepish smile. I returned the smile and shook my head lightly. I didn't care if he saw me undressed. We were engaged and he'd be seeing all of me soon enough.

Eager to clear the fog from my head, I stumbled to the bathroom and went through my morning routine. By the time I had finished, Edward was setting my breakfast down on the table. I was a lucky girl to have this beautiful man serving me so willingly. It was every girls' dream to have someone like him, I'm sure.

"Thank you, Edward." I gave him a peck on the cheek before sitting down to eat. There was more homework to be done. Alice had dropped off everything I missed on Wednesday and Thursday. Which meant today was Friday. Yet another day I'd have to make up. I sighed to myself as I eyed the intimidating pile of work on the table.

As soon as I finished, he whisked my dishes away before I could even protect. I thanked him again and went to survey the living room. I would finish in there, then take a break and do some schoolwork before moving on to the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked as I started removing the books from the second shelf and depositing them into piles on the floor.

"Cleaning. What does it look like?" I huffed.

"Why don't you let me do that and you can work on your homework?"

I turned down his proposal. "Nah, it's okay. I have a plan."

He frowned disapprovingly, but I just continued on with my work.

I wondered what school would be like on Monday. I mean, I was already the freak, and that was before I was brought into the Cullen fold. Lauren had most likely been suspended, if not expelled, and considering she was the Queen Bee of the school, I'd definitely be the prime target of everyone. Next time Edward asked me to stay home with him, I would. Not that I liked being so weak, but I wasn't going to deny the sense in the old adage _'safety in numbers'. _There was a very specific reason the Cullen family wasn't in school on Tuesday, but I just couldn't remember what it was. I remembered Edward begging me to stay home with him, but Alice had reassured us both that everything would be fine. I guess that should have been my answer as to whether she was psychic or not. Two weeks...just ten days more of the purgatory that was Forks High. Well, at least until next year. Maybe things could be different senior year. Maybe over the summer there would be some other scandal to distract the students. Maybe something else would take their focus off of me.

I was pulled out of my musings by strong arms wrapping around my waist. I jumped, startled for a moment, but once I knew it was Edward, I melted into his embrace. He pressed his face into my hair and inhaled deeply. I just hoped I didn't smell too badly after working up a sweat as I cleaned.

"Why don't you let me put all these books back?" He asked. I surveyed the room. I'd cleaned every surface and accessory. All that was left was to return the books to their shelves. I guessed he could handle that. I decided I'd get the vacuum and start on that. The carpet was probably caked with dust by now.

"Sure." He pressed a kiss to my cheek and swatted my behind as I moved out of his way to go get the vacuum. I opened the hall closet where it was kept and my mind was suddenly flooded with memories.

_He made us watch as he installed a lock on the closet. I had no idea what it meant at the time. Why would we need to lock a closet? Maybe he planned on putting something important in there. _

_It was early in the morning. Much earlier than he had ever woken me up before. There was a brightness to his expression that I hadn't seen before. Mom sat next to me, staring blankly at the wall. I figured she was just tired. _

_Once the lock was installed, he turned back to the table where he kept our Bible. He lit the candles and then placed a stool in the middle of the room._

"_Isabella, come here." I looked at him, confused. Was today a special day? I looked to my Mom for reassurance and found none. Tears coursed silently down her cheek._

"_Now, Isabella." Father's tone indicated there would be no disobedience. Not that I ever disobeyed. I walked towards him and he gestured at the stool. "Sit down." I did as he asked._

"_Do you know what a sin is?" He asked me. Of course I did. I nodded._

"_Good. Confess your sins to God, Isabella." Again I was confused._

_He was getting impatient with me. "I haven't sinned, Father. I promise." Now I was afraid I was in trouble for something, and I didn't know what it might be._

"_Did you get your period?" I gasped and spun my head around to look at my Mom. She promised she wouldn't tell him. My face flamed red with embarrassment. I dropped my eyes to the floor and nodded._

"_Then you are a sinner. You are born a sinner and having your menses is just one more sign of how unclean you are. You have to atone for your sins, ask God to forgive you. Do you understand?"_

_I didn't. "Yes, Father." Mom had explained that my period was natural. That every girl got it at some point. That would mean that every female was unclean. Is that truly what God thought? He made us this way. Why would he make us unclean?_

"_Now confess your sins!" He demanded._

_I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked to Mom for help, only to find none there. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I was jealous that Sarah had a Twinkie in her lunch. I let Bobby tag me at recess. I...I got my period and am unclean." I finished hurriedly and looked up to see if I had pleased him._

"_Is there anything else?" His intense stare was scaring me. I wasn't used to this kind of interrogation. I shook my head and tried not to cry._

"_Very well. Take off your nightgown and kneel over the stool." My eyes flew open in shock. Modesty was so important to my father. Undressing in front of him terrified me. I was afraid I'd be punished even further. "Now, Isabella! This has nothing to do with modesty. God knows your body." His face was turning red, a sure sign of his frustration with me. I complied quickly. As soon as I had knelt over the stool, he began to tie my arms and legs to it. I became frantic and begged him to stop. I couldn't stop the tears. Why wasn't Mom stopping him? This wasn't right!_

"_Mom, please tell him to stop! Stop!" A stinging slap across the face shut me up._

"_You will do as I say and take your punishment and be absolved of your sins." He growled at me. I didn't know this man. He was not my father._

_I stopped fighting him and let him tie me to the stool. Then he began to pray over me. _

"_Almighty and most merciful Father,_

_we have wandered and strayed from your ways like lost sheep._

_We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts._

_We have offended against your holy laws._

_We have left undone those things that we ought to have done; and we have done_

_those things that we ought not to have done; and there is no health in us._

_But you, O Lord, have mercy upon us sinners._

_Spare those who confess their faults._

_Restore those who are penitent, _

_according to your promises declared to mankind in Christ Jesus our Lord._

_And grant, O most merciful Father, for his sake, that we may live a disciplined, _

_righteous and godly life, to the glory of your holy name. _

_Amen."_

_I prayed for myself, afraid of whatever was about to happen to me. He'd never tied me up before. I didn't understand what I had done wrong. Why did I need to be punished?_

_Then I felt the sharp burning, stinging of something biting into my flesh. I let loose a bloodcurdling scream._

"_Stop! Daddy, please stop!" I sobbed. All I wanted him to do is stop. "Mommy!!! Please! I'll be good. Stop! Stop!"_

_By the third lash, I stopped begging._

_By the fifth, I could barely breath. My back felt as if it was on fire, and I felt the sticky wetness that could only be blood. Black dots swam in my eyes. I hated blood._

_I didn't remember how many lashes he gave me. All I know is that no one stopped him. I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't know why I deserved to be whipped. _

_I did notice that the ropes had been untied, but I couldn't move. My father picked me up and then I understood why he put the lock on the closet. After he deposited me on the floor of the empty closet, he instructed me to repent and ask God to absolve me of my sins. To ask him to lead me in the path of righteousness. Then he shut the door and I heard him latch the lock._

_I didn't have the energy to scream or beat on the door. I knew deep down it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Neither one of them would have come to my rescue. If my own father could whip me while my mother watched silently, then there was no hope. Apparently, I had stepped into a living nightmare, and there was no escape. I had no idea what the future held. Would they ever let me out of the closet, or was I to be kept here indefinitely? I was terrified._

_What did I do to deserve this? Didn't they love me anymore?_

"I'm here, Bella. It's okay. You're okay. I love you. Alice loves you. Carlisle and Esme love you. You have a family now." The soft murmuring voice broke through the haze of the moment. Then I realized I was on the floor in front of the closet and Edward was holding me in his lap, rocking and trying to soothe me.

I looked up to find him watching me worriedly. His amber eyes, full of concern, were searching my own. He relaxed a bit when I met his gaze. "There you are." He cooed. "Where did you go, Bella?" Edward asked softly.

"Just remembering..." I trailed off as I scrubbed my hands across my face to find it wet with tears, and snot no doubt. My cheeks grew warm, knowing poor Edward had been witness to yet another emotional breakdown. "Sorry." I whispered, pulling away.

His arms tightened around me, and he lifted my chin so he could see my face. "You have nothing to apologize for. I keep telling you that you need to take it easy. You sustained a very serious injury. All of this is to be expected. It's not your fault that everything is off balance for you right now."

"I know...I...I just want to be my normal self again. I never know what to expect and it's like I have no control over my own emotions. I don't know why, after all these years, my brain decided to relive, in full detail, the first time my father whipped me."

Edward sucked in a sharp breath and pressed kisses to the top of my head. He held me cradled against me, as if he could protect me from my own memories. The gesture was sweet, and very welcome. Though he was very hard and cold. I couldn't help the shiver that ran down my spine.

"You're going to be okay, Bella. He can't hurt you any longer. No one will ever hurt you again. I promise." He made his vow, making sure to look me in the eye. His face was a fierce mask of determination. "I promise."

He then sealed his promise with a kiss. It was slow and sweet and lingering. Even his breath was cold, and another niggling in the back of my mind was born.

"Why don't I go draw you a warm bath? You need to relax, and then you can have a picnic lunch in bed. Don't worry about the house, I'll take care of it. You just focus on resting and any schoolwork you feel like doing. Okay?"

I nodded and he released me to go get a drink of water while he went to the bathroom to fill the tub. When he finally emerged, he took me by the hand and led me to the tub. The room was dark and damp, and there were candles giving off enough soft light to see by. Strains of classical piano music played from his iPod, the volume just loud enough to be heard. Edward began to undress me then, sweetly. He didn't gawk or grope. His touch was gentle and his gaze was reverent. When I was bare before him, his eyes glowed like a tiger's and he let out a deep sigh. "You are so beautiful." He mouthed, not wanting to ruin the moment with sound. The next thing I knew, I was in his arms and he deposited me into a hot bath scented with lavender and vanilla. His lips ghosted over mine and then he left the room. It was all very relaxing, and I closed my eyes, shutting the door on any unpleasant memories or thoughts. I daydreamed about living with the Cullen family. I imagined the fun we'd have this summer, swimming together in the ocean and playing in the sand. I fantasized about how I'd spend my time with Edward, laying out under the night sky stargazing or laying with him as husband and wife. I envisioned graduation with Edward and Alice by my side, the rest of the Cullen family watching proudly from the audience.

Edward was right. I had a family that loved me, and a man who adored me. It was time to close the door on my past. My father couldn't hurt me any longer. My mother would never bother me. No matter what they may have done to me through the years, I was loved now, and that's all that mattered. No matter what obstacles I may have to face in the future, I would always have their love and support. I had faith that everything would work out, and I let go of the fears of my past, and the frustration of my current injury. There was nothing I could do to change any of it. I just had to take it one day at a time.

_Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; _

_courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference._

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_**A/N****: First - thank you for reading. Second - I just wanted to clarify a few things in case anyone had questions. Bella's emotional state is very turbulent right now, due to the brain injury. She's easily irritated, overly emotional, and finds herself in an almost manic state sometimes. At this point she does not believe the Cullens are vampires. It's weird, I know, but weird things happen with head injuries. It's just another way her mind is trying to protect itself. Thanks again! ~S**_  
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